Today, I went to the park to read “The Book Thief”. I fell asleep...

By Anonymous - 18/4/2018 11:00 - United States - Twin Falls

Today, I went to the park to read “The Book Thief”. I fell asleep and when I woke up, my book was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4233

You deserved it

954

Favorite

Money

Geek

Work name

Delayed proposal

Abuse

By p-man - 27/8/2009 07:34 - United States

Today, my friend and I went boating. In the middle of the lake, we decided to jump in. We put our valuables in the boat and jumped in. When I tried to get back in the boat, it flipped over, and our cellphones, along with my car keys, are at the bottom of the lake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16068

You deserved it

57070

Favorite

By purplepixie23 - 22/9/2018 14:00

Today, it's -5°C outside and snowing and it's only September. If that wasn’t bad enough, we aren't allowed to have the heat on at work due to a menopausal monster who loses her shit and throws things if we turn it on. I can't feel my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3126

You deserved it

206

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/1/2011 17:18 - Philippines

Today, I wanted to do something special for my upcoming second anniversary with my girlfriend, so I decided to make a short animation of our lives together since we were preschoolers. In the middle of working on the storyboard, she called and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37578

You deserved it

3186

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/9/2012 01:34 - Canada

Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27828

You deserved it

2829

Favorite

By sharkgirl4 - 25/8/2014 16:17 - United States - Rialto

Today, I was trying to fix a broken desk fan. I'd taken the guard off and was trying to unscrew the blades, when my roommate decided it'd be funny to plug it in. The blades sliced into my thumb. I need stitches, and he still thinks it's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43939

You deserved it

4361

Favorite

By Scarred4Life - 1/1/2012 06:18 - United States

Today, the last few seconds of my 2011 was spent staring at my drunk, naked uncle pouring olive oil over himself and rubbing it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32660

You deserved it

3483

Favorite

By facepalm - 27/2/2012 11:06 - United States

Today, I had to ask my boyfriend to stop measuring his penis during our conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30973

You deserved it

4312

Favorite

By JSeth - 4/7/2009 16:52 - Canada

Today, my mom found a book of dirty stories I'd written in grade 10. She then told me that I wrote about things she'd never even thought about, and she's been having sex for years. If that wasn't bad enough, she's taken them in to work to show people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51529

You deserved it

10092

Favorite

By Nogood - 10/3/2013 09:09 - Australia - Wahroonga

Today, my girlfriend decided to get a new haircut. Now, she hates the haircut and blames me for, in her words, "turning me into something I'm not". FML

I agree, your life sucks

34038

You deserved it

2991

Favorite

By Bro - 25/3/2019 12:00

Today, I found out that my wife of five years is also my half-sister. She has no idea, I don't know how to tell her, and I've never been more turned on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2400

You deserved it

730

Favorite

By whymanwhy - 13/4/2015 10:43 - Czech Republic

Today, I went on a date with a cute guy I met at a bookstore. He stood up and said he was leaving when I said that I didn't like 50 Shades of Grey, because he, "doesn't want to be near a bitch who doesn't know her place". He then told me to give him a ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38027

You deserved it

3322

Favorite

By Angelofkarma - 25/5/2009 18:05 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

313787

You deserved it

172800

Favorite

By thatguy - 28/10/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, I learned that girls don't like it when you pass out from carrying them to the bed. What they DO like, is telling all their friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33107

You deserved it

9145

Favorite

By Kelleee - 30/9/2017 20:00

Today, I paid £200 for a car service to make sure everything was running okay. I got the all clear that everything was perfect and all necessary fluids topped up. I then wrote the car off 20 minutes later in an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3051

You deserved it

425

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/2/2014 07:02

Today, I was let go from work because they need "younger people". I'm 19 and I work at a flower market. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44458

You deserved it

3306

Favorite

By noname - 7/11/2010 04:04 - Canada

Today, I was mad at my mother. Why? We went to parent-teacher interviews, and she told my math teacher that she should allow bathroom breaks because I have a "very heavy menstrual flow." My teacher suggested I eat more red meat. They got into a seven-minute argument about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35997

You deserved it

2776

Favorite

By Jeff make - 1/4/2012 14:03 - United States - Malvern

Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20338

You deserved it

34368

Favorite

By sickofthesmelltoo - 28/2/2013 10:56 - Australia - Fitzroy

Today, my friends confronted me and told me that they no longer want to visit my house because my dog smells really disgusting. I didn't have the heart to tell them that the smell is actually my parents, who have been trying to "save water" by only showering once a fortnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36280

You deserved it

3057

Favorite

By booger - 18/7/2013 07:41 - United States - Plano

Today, while lying in bed, my boyfriend began to stroke my nose. "You can pick your girlfriend, but you can't pick your girlfriend's nose," I said playfully. In response, he shouted "Yes, I can!" before painfully jamming his pinky up my left nostril. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43631

You deserved it

14948

Favorite

By addie - 3/3/2013 08:27 - United States

Today, my fiancé called me as I was clocking out. I thought he was going to tell me that he was waiting outside. Instead, he told me that he's getting arrested and needs me to call his mom for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32096

You deserved it

3050

Favorite

By blonde - 29/9/2010 07:08 - Australia

Today, I saw a crash on the highway. The police weren't yet there, so I pulled over to help because I know CPR. No one needed CPR, but I had locked myself out of my car. My roadside assist won't come to highways, so I had to get towed away in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27818

You deserved it

6521

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/1/2014 20:24 - France - Paris

Today, after a big argument, my girlfriend looked me dead in the eyes and said "I can go the rest of my life without sex, you know." 5ML

I agree, your life sucks

52211

You deserved it

13225

Favorite

By wordmalfunction - 25/5/2009 21:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I was preparing a dinner for some business associates, in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion. I emailed them with the menu, in case there were any allergies. Hours later, I checked the email again to find that instead of serving the Roast Duck I would be serving the Roast Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23065

You deserved it

44662

Favorite

By nnnaaazzz - 24/10/2009 12:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to pay a suprise visit to my boyfriend's house. I let myself in, walked up to his bedroom and found him dancing around. In the dress I had left the other weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39184

You deserved it

6179

Favorite

By dollabill009 - 6/6/2013 08:49 - United States

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while. I was doing upper body workouts and decided to ask a very large man to spot me while I did bench presses. As he stood over me, I saw two beads of sweat roll off his nose. One hit me on the cheek. The other landed in my open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50156

You deserved it

8510

Favorite

By Crashburn - 16/1/2012 11:09 - United Kingdom

Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40727

You deserved it

15353

Favorite

By StopMe - 20/5/2019 12:00

What are you doing?

Today, I went to a hobby lobby with the director of the play my daughter is in. He leaned in to grab a bottle of blue paint, and I mistook it for a hug. When he looked perplexed, I hugged him again, this time jumping in celebration of finding the blue paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1379

You deserved it

483

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/7/2017 21:30

Today, the manager that hired me and worked for years to inspire and connect her staff was laid to rest. Hours before the funeral, her replacement told me he wanted my 2 weeks notice on his desk tonight. I've been a model employee, he just doesn't like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5435

You deserved it

256

Favorite

By bumpyroad - 17/4/2011 14:29 - Australia

Today, my husband and I were diagnosed with herpes. We've been together for five years and were both virgins before. Even the doctor couldn't give any other explanation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55287

You deserved it

7609

Favorite

By itsjustwill - 17/1/2013 00:35 - United States - Puyallup

Today, our company's owner's son took over. The first thing he did? Fire me. Why? He said my sales are down. I work in Public Relations. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35990

You deserved it

2136

Favorite

By iamnotfat - 6/2/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's work to surprise him. When I got there, I called him on his phone to tell him to turn around. I saw him look at his phone. His co-worker next to him asked who that was. He replied, "Just this fat chick I know". FML

I agree, your life sucks

52585

You deserved it

4464

Favorite

By kingpig - 2/2/2012 18:00 - Sweden

Today, I was on a date with a guy I've been crushing on. In the middle of the dinner, he said he had to go get something from his car. When I asked what it was, he smiled and said it was a surprise. I waited for my surprise for half an hour. Then I decided to pay the bill and go home and cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59464

You deserved it

3720

Favorite

By pignose - 5/9/2019 02:01

Nose job

Today, I was babysitting for a new family. The youngest said, "Wow! You have huge nostrils!" She noticed my offended look and pushed her nose up like a pig's, saying, "It’s okay! Now I do too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1411

You deserved it

176

Favorite

By whyme - 7/2/2012 06:38 - United States

Today, I walked into the house only to be greeted by the strongest smell of dung. I asked my mom about it, and it turns out she's been airing these strange herbs throughout the house, most of which are in my bedroom. She won't let me open the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23634

You deserved it

2098

Favorite

By rained - 2/2/2009 05:44 - Hong Kong

Today, I drove an hour in a rainstorm to go see my boyfriend. Thirty minutes and a blow job later, he tells me he's going to meet some friends for dinner in half an hour then kicks me out of his house. It's still raining. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51266

You deserved it

7644

Favorite

By loveloves154 - 30/3/2018 15:00

Today, our toilet overflowed during the night. Over 50 gallons worth leaked through the floor and the ceiling to the room below. I am now covered in poop water. What a way to start the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3852

You deserved it

242

Favorite

By nadette - 25/5/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She told me that her father didn't approve of me and forced her out of the relationship. Her father died 2 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72538

You deserved it

3953

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/3/2010 20:26 - United States

Today, while waiting at the bus stop, the guy standing near me started peeing on the sidewalk and on my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27026

You deserved it

2468

Favorite

By squishyboy - 26/5/2009 08:23 - New Zealand

Today, I weighed myself for the first time in a while and confirmed that I have put on a few pounds. I was feeling a bit down about it. I went to work and on arriving a workmate I hadn't seen in a while gave me a hug. She said, 'I love hugging you, you're so nice and squishy.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

49551

You deserved it

7812

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/5/2020 14:00

Mr Whiskers

Today, one of my friends was playing with a laser pointer. When he pointed it in my direction, I swatted at it away like it was a bug. Apparently, I'm part cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

957

You deserved it

294

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Miss_Whipped | 42

#7624481 - Wednesday 18 April 2018 19:05

I would say you deserve it just for the sheer irony of the situation. :^)

By Zekfen | 17

#7624483 - Wednesday 18 April 2018 19:10

Maybe if you finish reading the book you’ll find out who did it!

COMMENTS

By Miss_Whipped | 42

#7624481 - Wednesday 18 April 2018 19:05

I would say you deserve it just for the sheer irony of the situation. :^)

By Zekfen | 17

#7624483 - Wednesday 18 April 2018 19:10

Maybe if you finish reading the book you’ll find out who did it!

By RipperoniPizza | 19

#7624485 - Wednesday 18 April 2018 19:18

"Ironic"

By manb91uk | 22

#7624492 - Wednesday 18 April 2018 19:24

You didn't just read it - you lived it!!

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7624516 - Wednesday 18 April 2018 20:06

Good thing you weren't reading "Fahrenheit 451." The book would have been on fire!

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7624522 - Wednesday 18 April 2018 20:10

What kind of piece of shit steals a worthless book?

By jkjorn | 14

#7624523 - Wednesday 18 April 2018 20:15

Now this is the kind of stuff Alanis Morissette should've put in the song!

By DragonMaiden7 | 15

#7624525 - Wednesday 18 April 2018 20:16

To be fair, it is a great book

By Donut_Wizard | 23

#7624530 - Wednesday 18 April 2018 20:27

Why did you fall asleep in public in the first place. You might as well have worn a sign that said “Hey, come steal from me!”

By Cubanloverllera | 12

#7624569 - Wednesday 18 April 2018 21:46

hilariously ironic