Today, I came home from work to realize I had a massive rip in...

By thefoolwhorippedhispants - 20/4/2018 01:30

Today, I came home from work to realize I had a massive rip in my shorts from my crotch to my crack. I have to lean over constantly in front of dozens of people at my job. Not one person said anything, but now I know why they were chuckling. FML

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Work

Race against the clock

Recycling helps

TMI

By Queen_Dread - 4/5/2012 07:19 - United States - Ocean Park

Today, my fiancé and I appeared in the paper for obtaining our marriage license. In the same column half way down his parents appeared for filing their marriage dissolution petition. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/2/2010 07:39 - United States

Today, it's my 18th birthday. Last month was my best friend's 18th birthday. She spent the night with me, and the next morning, my mom and brother gathered in my room and sang "Happy Birthday" as they handed her pancakes with a candle on top. Today, I was woken up by screams to take the trash out. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2014 00:59

Today, I opened my window due to the good weather. I was lucky enough to listen to the sounds of someone violently throwing up for over an hour. The window got stuck open. FML

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By tessamarque - 5/4/2012 15:07 - United States - Bartlesville

Today, I watched my cat walk to her litter box, look at it, then walk across the room to pee on a backpack. FML

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By zoearcu - 17/4/2011 18:32 - United States

Today, my dad decided to wake me up by opening the shades and having the sun shine on my face. When he pulled them up, the metal holder on top broke off and fell on me. FML

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By you're just creepy. - 11/12/2012 08:39 - Canada - Whitehorse

Today, I smiled at a new kid and started a conversation with him, just to be nice. He later sent me 24 messages describing how strong his love for me is. I'm scared to go to school tomorrow. FML

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By ohh jeez. - 21/2/2009 02:49 - United States

Today, I handed in an assignment in health class that had to calculate my BMI. Embarassed by my weight I put it 15 pounds less. I got the assignment back and lost credit for something. Circled in red pen on the top was you must put your "EXACT" weight. FML

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By overly nationalistic redneck - 19/10/2013 19:37 - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, after recently complaining that the reality show "The Great Norway Adventure" portrays us as a country of nationalistic rednecks, I saw my drunk dad chasing my uncle on a tractor while bellowing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. FML

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By mizzleshizzle - 9/3/2010 18:42 - Canada

Today, I dropped my physics class because I thought I bombed the 50% second midterm test. I got my results an hour after dropping online. I finished with an 83. I can't get back into the course. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2010 04:19 - United States

Today, I fell asleep on the couch and must have rolled off. When I woke up, I noticed my braces were stuck to the rug. After frantically pulling, my mom finally sawed me off the rug with scissors. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2017 22:00

Today, while I was doing my job as a groundskeeper, a couple of kids wearing MAGA hats threw garbage and rocks at me, then told me to "go back where you came from". I'm American, but I guess my beard makes me look like an immigrant or something, as this isn't the first time this has happened. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2009 01:39 - United States

Today, my grandparents are in town for the weekend and are staying in our guest bedroom. This morning I went upstairs to get a drink of water only to see my 75 year old grandfather standing stark naked with the fridge door open. He then asks me if we have any coffee creamer. FML

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By pumboc - 24/6/2013 05:38 - Australia - Glen Waverley

Today, I thought I was home alone. Likewise, my visiting grandfather thought he was alone. You can imagine the mutual surprise when I caught him stealing money from my sister's bedroom. FML

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By regstl - 1/6/2013 06:21 - United States - Beaverton

Today, as I was getting out of my car, an old and obese lady walked up to me and called me an "inconsiderate heartless bitch" for using the last handicap parking spot. I guess she didn't see my wheelchair. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 16:54 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I was babysitting. As I went to leave the bathroom, someone grabbed the knob and pulled the door shut. I figured it was one of the kids and told them to knock it off. A second later, the grip let off. There was no one there and the kids were still asleep. I don't know what to think. FML

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By Bailyboo - 26/1/2012 23:50 - United States

Today, I admitted my fear of small spaces to my boyfriend. His response was to immediately lock me in the hall closet. FML

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By Damn - 6/5/2012 13:53 - Australia

Today, I noticed my nephew has blue eyes, freckles and dimples which don't run in my family or my sister's husband's family, but they do run in my husband's family. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2014 16:13 - United States - Rockville Centre

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get blood taken. The nurse mentioned how pronounced and easy to see my veins are. I guess that explains why she missed five times in a row. I'm surprised my arm doesn't look like a heroin addict's right now. FML

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By Hit-and-Run - 13/12/2012 08:01 - Mexico - Ju?rez

Today, after an extensive talk with a relationship counselor, we concluded that I'm more likely to get run over by a car than be in a stable relationship. FML

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By I hate my job - 23/12/2014 08:14 - Canada - Delta

Today, I went to my retail job to buy some clothing. As soon as I walked through the doors, my manager yelled at me for not being in appropriate work clothes. I tried to explain that I was off the clock but he was having none of it. I got written up. FML

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By Thatgirl112 - 8/9/2016 03:59 - United States - Medina

Today, I went on a blind date. Things got hot and heavy, but when he pulled off my pants and saw the Pittsburgh Penguins logo on my thong he stopped and told me to get dressed and that he refused to sleep with the enemy. He was a die-hard Flyers fan. FML

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By hudd357mag - 6/2/2012 05:35 - United States

Today, the girl I have a crush on texted me to go out tonight. When I got to her house, she peered at me quizzically and asked, "What do you want? Did I text you?" FML

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By SpanishInFrenchClass - 6/12/2012 05:35 - United States

Today, I had a presentation in French class. I was so nervous, the first thing I said when I got up there was, "Hola." FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2010 09:16 - Canada

Today, I realised that every morning my girlfriend gets me to help her put on a locket her ex-boyfriend bought her on Valentine's Day. FML

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By soldnone - 18/11/2012 10:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had a booth at a very expensive craft show. My grandma came to show her support. While there, she managed to knock over my display, get in the way of potential buyers and take down a rather old lady when she supposedly stumbled. This all happened in the first five minutes she was there. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/4/2009 06:53 - United States

Today, I went out to dinner. The waiter was pretty cute. He greets us, "Hi my name is... (long pause) Jordan." Thinking he was flirting, I quickly smart back, "Are you confused?" He says, "No actually, I have a stutter." FML

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By Anonymous - 19/2/2015 13:34

Today, I tried to stage an intervention for a friend who abuses drugs. I ended up with my hair on fire. FML

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By mommydearist - 19/10/2011 05:01 - United States

Today, my car broke down in the middle of the street. Lucky for me, two guys helped me push my car to the side of the road. Right when I was about to thank them, they stole my purse. FML

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By lawman - 15/8/2013 13:34 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my dad, under threats of disowning me, insisted that I offer my sister a job in my company. I run my own law firm, she is a hairdresser. FML

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By poorclubgoer - 14/11/2009 10:11 - United States

Today, I decided to go to a club with my friends. I was flattered when an attractive guy started dancing with me. Later, I went to grab my money to pay for my dinner and realized while dancing, the very sneaky man pulled my forty dollars out of my pocket. FML

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By rykelmb - 27/5/2016 23:40 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I dropped my father-in-law's friend off at the airport, and I got in trouble because he ended up missing his flight. He only missed it because he forgot to check in. FML

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By sleepy - 23/12/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, I was trying to read a book for school, but kept falling asleep. Following some advice from a friend I tried reading on the uncomfortable floor. Two hours later my dog woke me up by peeing on my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2016 00:28

Today, after the last few months of my sister living with me while she finds her feet, I asked if she could help me out by doing the washing up. Half an hour later, I walked into knee high dish soap foam in the kitchen. My sister was right in the middle, trying to sculpt dicks. She's 20. FML

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By Non-active - 25/9/2009 18:22 - United States

Today, we got our progress reports. My physics teacher wrote that I don't participate in class. My mom got mad and grounded me before I could tell her that I raise my hand in class all the time but my teacher won't call on me cause he can't pronounce my name. FML

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By innocent - 19/4/2017 00:00

Today my best friend called me at 6 a.m., ranting and accusing me of sleeping with her husband. I live two hours away and haven't seen him in person in over six months. FML

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By girlthatstoofat - 29/10/2009 17:28 - United States

Today, I recieved a message on MySpace from a cute guy I've been talking to for a while. It read, "I saw a girl in Old Navy at the mall last night that looked a lot like you, but she was much fatter." I was in Old Navy at the mall last night. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2014 02:34 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I went to the restroom to pee. A loud fart exploded out of my ass and echoed in the toilet bowl. I could practically feel my face on fire when I saw the horrified look on a little girl's face as I walked out. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2012 02:07 - United States - Lincolnton

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd never made a girl orgasm. I didn't think much of it until he decided to go down on me. Every time he got me close to orgasm, he'd stop and ask, "Are you about to come?" or "Does that feel good?" Now I can see why he's never made a girl orgasm. FML

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By bookworm - 19/11/2014 20:56 - United States - Victoria

Today, my supervisor was watching a video of his son. I heard a voice in the background and asked if it was Elmo. It was his wife. FML

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By ninjapup - 2/1/2010 04:40 - Canada

Today, I was at a party, chatting up this guy while we were petting my friends dog. The dog had just been outside and was kinda wet, I assumed it was raining out. Just then someone came up and said "Um, that dog's covered in pee." Apparently someone peed off the deck onto the dog as it walked by. FML

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Top comments

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7625076 - Friday 20 April 2018 1:48

Are you a plumber? If so, showing your ass crack is mandatory.

By Allie614032 | 34

#7625077 - Friday 20 April 2018 1:51

I hope your underwear wasn't too embarrassing.

COMMENTS

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7625076 - Friday 20 April 2018 1:48

Are you a plumber? If so, showing your ass crack is mandatory.

By Allie614032 | 34

#7625077 - Friday 20 April 2018 1:51

I hope your underwear wasn't too embarrassing.

ohsnapword | 21

#7625084 - Friday 20 April 2018 2:35

He got them from K-Mart.

LittleRed79 | 39

#7625093 - Friday 20 April 2018 4:35

Better embarrassing underwear than no underwear at all

By RichardPencil | 28

#7625082 - Friday 20 April 2018 2:04

You didn’t feel the breeze on your balls?

By devi_916 | 39

#7625083 - Friday 20 April 2018 2:06

Keep doing it over and over until it isn't funny anymore, then sing a song about it.

By Donut_Wizard | 23

#7625086 - Friday 20 April 2018 3:01

Rip pants? RIP dignity.

By saidoh | 14

#7625092 - Friday 20 April 2018 4:25

Lmao @ the username

By CrazyTrainWreck | 19

#7625096 - Friday 20 April 2018 5:08

and that's why I wear gym shorts underneath. my line of work I rip my jeans like that fairly often.

tonyfan00 | 38

#7625103 - Friday 20 April 2018 5:31

What job is that?

Donut_Wizard | 23

#7625162 - Friday 20 April 2018 9:56

Stripper?

By tonyfan00 | 38

#7625102 - Friday 20 April 2018 5:30

Please, PLEASE tell me you were wearing underwear!!

By sunshine1421 | 14

#7625111 - Friday 20 April 2018 6:11

you didn't feel that breeze all day

By Chazzster | 20

#7625301 - Friday 20 April 2018 17:35

OP - I’m sorry but my first thought was “Drunk, high, or stupid? How could you not have noticed?”