Work: Today, I came home from work to realize I had a massive rip in...

By thefoolwhorippedhispants

Today, I came home from work to realize I had a massive rip in my shorts from my crotch to my crack. I have to lean over constantly in front of dozens of people at my job. Not one person said anything, but now I know why they were chuckling. FML

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Work

Taking stock

Like riding a bike

Extreme late fees

By jackzz - Vietnam - Hanoi

Today, at the restaurant I work at, my own mom refused to give a tip and complained to my boss. FML

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34846

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By abigiggles

Today, a spider came down from its web in front of my face. This would have been fine and I could have killed it easily if I wasn't in my car. Driving on the highway. I cried. FML

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2329

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By aero00 - United States

Today, I was fooling around on the trampoline with this guy, when a bounce caused us to bang our heads together, knocking me out cold. FML

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28442

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By rnw - Australia - Sydney

Today, I thought my knee hurt because of over exercising in the gym. Then I remembered it was because I smacked it against my chair so hard I crumbled down and couldn't move for 5 minutes. And how I remembered? I did it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12026

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By vomitingnow - United States

Today, I had a fight with my little sister. Later she apologized and made me dinner to make up for it. I thought it was pretty good until I found out that instead of using Parmesan cheese in the recipe, she used foot shavings from her Ped Egg. FML

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By HatedbyBras - Netherlands

Today, I tried to take off my girlfriend's bra. When I finally unhooked it, it snapped back and hit me in the eye. FML

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50225

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By ari - United States

Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML

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35819

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By vacationless - United States - Parkersburg

Today, I finished booking the non-refundable cruise for my wife and I to the Bahamas. I did this after confirming once again that my mother could take care of our son while we're away. An hour after I paid, she called back saying she mistook the dates and can't do it anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34052

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By BirthdayBoy - United States

Today, I invited over my girlfriend of two years to spend my birthday night with her. Instead of a conventional wrapped birthday present, she gave me the news that she has taken a vow of chastity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39843

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By Dgama - United States - Baltimore

Today, I went to see my new boyfriend play in a band. I found out that groupies don't like even bass players having girlfriends. I was attacked by one because he smiled at me from the stage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2557

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By Anonymous - Canada - London

Today, my mom wouldn't let me go to the YMCA pool with the rest of the family. She said that the sound my thighs make when they rub together is "embarrassing". FML

I agree, your life sucks

39781

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By Ferniferousfern

Today, I went to the dentist for a tooth extraction. Not only were they not able to extract all of it, but after 7 injections, I was still screaming. The best part? Their referral to someone else fell through, so I head back tomorrow to finish the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3826

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310

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By dontbuysamsung - United Kingdom - London

Today, my mobile phone wouldn't turn on. I took it in to the phone store, but they won't fix or replace it because the account is in my dad's name, not mine. He's abroad for the next month, and the only way to get a hold of him is on a number I only stored on my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26065

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5731

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By FrustratedTutor - United States - Andover

Today, the kid I was tutoring told me that "pirates were a myth. Like the Greeks and Romans." He's 16. FML

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36693

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2810

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By swervelol

Today, the mosquito infestation is so bad that multiple mosquitoes sucked the blood out of the steak I was grilling and promptly died on top of it. FML

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4319

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316

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By samantha - 23/6/2020 02:02

Humblebrag in disguise

Today, while buying drinks, the cashier immediately refused me and said, “Don’t even bother showing me your ID, you’re obviously 12." I’m 31. FML

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1551

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129

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By bigcityfail - United States

Today, I learned that my apartment building has two new tenants: my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé, the guy she cheated on me with. FML

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43716

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By ThreeWeeksWithoutSex - United States - San Francisco

Today, my daughter fell asleep early, so my husband and I decided to get frisky. He passed out mid blow job. FML

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24197

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By itachi desu

Not so wise, eh?

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. While under the influence of the drugs, I tried to speak Japanese. Later, my Japanese roommate informed me that I was saying "I am a weasel" over and over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3325

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526

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By RatQuiRit

Today, I arrived at the station at 7:30pm sharp for the train... which was cancelled. FML

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57682

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By awesome - United States

Today, I ran over my neighbors' cat. I didn't want it to look like I killed it, so I put it under my other neighbor's car so it would look like they ran over it. The cat's owners were watching me. FML

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9306

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By TaintedL0v3 - United Kingdom - London

Heavy session last night?

Today, I woke up with Chocolate Buttons superglued to my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1130

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195

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By mkonda - India

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me via a Whatsapp group. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11895

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By E - United States

Today, while driving my kids to school, my son said, "Why don't you find another place to live, so we can just live with daddy?" Then my daughter added, "Yeah, 'cause we LOVE Daddy." FML

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83215

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By scaredypants123 - United States

Today, I was in bed staring at two red lights coming from my DVD player. They reminded me of the terminator movies, and I had to unplug it. I'm 23 years old and scared of The Terminator. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38338

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Montrose

Today, I got my car cleaned. As I drove home, the passenger of the van in front of me vomited out the window. The vomit sailed back and splattered all over the front of my car. A waste of £10 and a mental image that will never go away. FML

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41140

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By Insomniac - United States

Today, I finally got my stubborn toddler to take an afternoon nap after an hour and a half of wrestling with her. Ten minutes later, a UPS package arrived at my door. The UPS man decided it would be a good idea to ring my doorbell repeatedly in rapid-fire sequence as he was walking away. FML

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30082

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By Nanabanana1 - United States

Today, I was dumped. My boyfriend was too afraid to break up with me, so he sent the girl he cheated on me with. FML

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39933

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By Anonymous

He's still got it

Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

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1614

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By uselessdad - Singapore

Today, I came home to my wife crying. She had mixed up our newborn twin girls and couldn't tell which was which. I looked at the girls. Neither could I. FML

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58918

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By fmlalways - United Kingdom

Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML

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56589

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By Rob - United States - Neoga

Today, after having sex with my girlfriend, I jokingly held the condom above my mouth. Somehow, the condom busted, and everything went over my face. Worse still, we're now wondering just how safe this condom really was. FML

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16706

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By Anonymous

Today, my husband came home from the hospital after having 6 gangrenous toes amputated because he hasn't been treating his diabetes properly. Not half an hour after he got home, I caught him sneaking sweets from a hiding place in his toolbox. He's already lost the bag with his medication in it. Again. FML

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3392

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By na - United States

Today, my inebriated boyfriend and I were having sex. He rolls off of me without finishing, and says, "I'm bored." FML

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46817

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By Anonymous

Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML

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33854

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By Anonymous - Germany - Hagen

Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML

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12393

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, we had an extremely rude customer who started cussing at us, and my coworker started cussing back. I jumped on the register to quickly bring down the line, and apologized to everyone for the scene. A secret shopper was in the line and claimed that I was rude. I got written up. FML

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By lunarclips - Canada - Brandon

Today, is the day I graduate. Today is the day I have explosive diarrhea and I haven't moved far from the toilet since I woke up this morning. FML

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12009

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1220

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By ScreweD- - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got a writing assignment back. After meeting with my professor specially after class and meticulously combing through every word of that paper, I got a low D. Turns out, he graded me down on every suggestion of his that I took. FML

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25038

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By MaeMoss - United States

Today, I used a man's shirt as a pillowcase and sprayed it with cologne so I wouldn't feel alone in the night. FML

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25947

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Top comments

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7625076 - Friday 20 April 2018 1:48

Are you a plumber? If so, showing your ass crack is mandatory.

By Allie614032 | 34

#7625077 - Friday 20 April 2018 1:51

I hope your underwear wasn't too embarrassing.

COMMENTS

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7625076 - Friday 20 April 2018 1:48

Are you a plumber? If so, showing your ass crack is mandatory.

By Allie614032 | 34

#7625077 - Friday 20 April 2018 1:51

I hope your underwear wasn't too embarrassing.

ohsnapword | 21

#7625084 - Friday 20 April 2018 2:35

He got them from K-Mart.

LittleRed79 | 39

#7625093 - Friday 20 April 2018 4:35

Better embarrassing underwear than no underwear at all

By RichardPencil | 30

#7625082 - Friday 20 April 2018 2:04

You didn’t feel the breeze on your balls?

By devi_916 | 39

#7625083 - Friday 20 April 2018 2:06

Keep doing it over and over until it isn't funny anymore, then sing a song about it.

By Donut_Wizard | 23

#7625086 - Friday 20 April 2018 3:01

Rip pants? RIP dignity.

By saidoh | 14

#7625092 - Friday 20 April 2018 4:25

Lmao @ the username

By CrazyTrainWreck | 19

#7625096 - Friday 20 April 2018 5:08

and that's why I wear gym shorts underneath. my line of work I rip my jeans like that fairly often.

tonyfan00 | 38

#7625103 - Friday 20 April 2018 5:31

What job is that?

Donut_Wizard | 23

#7625162 - Friday 20 April 2018 9:56

Stripper?

By tonyfan00 | 38

#7625102 - Friday 20 April 2018 5:30

Please, PLEASE tell me you were wearing underwear!!

By sunshine1421 | 14

#7625111 - Friday 20 April 2018 6:11

you didn't feel that breeze all day

By Chazzster | 20

#7625301 - Friday 20 April 2018 17:35

OP - I’m sorry but my first thought was “Drunk, high, or stupid? How could you not have noticed?”