All the FMLs

My first ever thing published on FML! I was actually really surprised when I submitted this that no one else had made the joke yet!

Hey, OP here. I thought I'd leave a comment just to give a tiny bit more clarity. After we went to the museum and took her for food, we asked why she said that. Turns out, she'd heard us talking about it and heard that there was a mummy there. So #1 was spot on! The next day in fact she went on to repeat what I read out at the mummy exhibit so there is nothing wrong with this girl's memory.

OP here. I was actually a 1099 'contractor' so there's very little recourse, HR wise. My boss had recently restructured pay to where I was making way less money...so I was suggesting other ways for me to go about my job so it was more efficient/profitable. He got pissy, I didn't back down, he said ' Whatever, I'm down with this, good luck to you' and I was offered another job that's $5/hr more, like, 30 min later.

Lol! OP here, can't believe this got posted. I've always been the mother hen of my friends, and I really don't mind taking care of them. I'm not a big drinker anyways. But, all my friends had fun and my bf who hasn't been drunk in FOREVER had a great time, so that made it all worth it. Watching drunk people is pretty fun sometimes. :)

OP here. So I went in cause of the asthma attack and due to the treatments they gave me my heart rate was up to 130 to 150 and would not go down. The Doctor ordered an EKG and a blood and urine test to see if it showed anything. All that cameback w as that I had a UTI. I hadnt even started showing signs of a UTI so go figure right. Feeling much better and my heart rate was down this morning. Thanks for all the laughs made my day.

OP here. I made an account just to give everyone more details. This girl and I were friends a loooong tine ago and stopped being friends for many reasons. Well, when she was dating my boyfriend she cheated on him and he left her. Over a year later, I started dating him after she gave me her blessing and told me about her new fiancé and kid on the way and about how happy she was. A year later I find the fake account under a different name filled with posts about me, my love life and about how awful we did her. One post blatantly said that my mother called her all the time mocking me and giving her my personal info so she can stalk me even more. I also found many comments where my mom asked her to text her or call her and many comments from my friend, who is someone I've known for four years but talk to every now and then, talking about me as well. Apparently both of them pretended to be on my side while they helped her stalk me, my boyfriend and roommate. This girl found out who I was living with, where I was living and even knew everything about my love life because of my mother. I've deleted all my social media, including my Facebook just to get this girl off my back. My mother denied everything, didn't apologize and hasn't attempted to speak to me since. I last spoke to her about a month ago, more or less.