Today, when my son woke up from his nap, he sleepily reached up. I picked him up and gave him a big hug, and he immediately pushed me away. He wasn't reaching for me, he was reaching for the bag of chips on the table next to me. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I finally got my fussy newborn back to sleep after the creaking of my chair woke her. I then crept two rooms over and opened a pack of chips, the crinkle of which woke her again. FML
Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML
Today, my six year old son came up to me with his arms spread and said, "I feel like a hug." I got really excited and hopeful because he is very anti-social and hates physical contact. As soon as I stood up to hug him he said "Feeling's gone" and walked away. FML
Today, my son took a nap quietly for the first time ever. As I went to wake him up, I realized why. A previously poop-filled diaper came flying at me when I opened the door. FML
Today, my boyfriend was reaching over to give me a hug for no reason. I said "Aww, You're sweet! I love you too!" He looked confused and said, "That's great, but I was reaching for the remote." FML
Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML
Today, I made a sandwich. When I went to grab chips, my wife snatched it. I made a second sandwich. My son came in and stole the plate when I was grabbing a seltzer. I went to make a third sandwich. No more cold cuts. FML
Today, when I called my 2-year-old son over for a hug, he giggled and squealed as he ran over to me. He then stopped in front of me, punched me in the bollocks, and walked away quite happily whilst I was doubled over in pain. FML
Today, while eating with my kids at McDonalds, my son put his hand up and wanted me to give him a "high five." I went to give him a five, but he moved his hand at the last second and I ended up slapping him in the face. Now everyone there thinks I'm a child-beater. FML
Today, I leaned down to pick up my infant son from his highchair. He reached up and grabbed the first thing available to him: my nipple. I got purple-nurpled by my baby. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!
Top comments
allmidnighteyes 10
Om nom nom chips > Women fo real
thewonkits 0
I saw a British guy eating Pringles on youtube once. That is my argument.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (97)
allmidnighteyes 10
Om nom nom chips > Women fo real
emilysanftwsom 0
I agree. But my view chips > men
no1askdu 5
chips
Tamuz 0
YDI for being loving, lol jk
plexico 3
Women + Sex > Food Women - Sex < Food 0 Woman = 0 Cry (Marley's Theorem).
Ryanfmlfiend 0
fag
karch 0
get your priorities in order early. damnstraight
Fernmelder 0
I am sorry. He will grow up though and understand that you always just wanted the best for him
depechemode 0
In the mean time, it must suck to be Cartman's mother though.
unfortunate_13 5
haha true, this could've come straight out of a south park episode
spencethebest 0
hes gonna grow up a fatass
enlitenbank 0
People are gonna rip me a new one but; Ohh Americans! :D hehehe
thewonkits 0
I saw a British guy eating Pringles on youtube once. That is my argument.
EMR_fml 0
If your going to rip on Americans at least have the stones to tell us where you're from in your profile so we can zing you back
thewonkits 0
Besides, culturally speaking, America shouldn't be counted as one country, it should be counted as 50. Each state has it's own laws, culture, etc. etc. And each state is about the size of the average European country... So if you're going to generalize, at least do it by state when talking about the U.S.
enlitenbank 0
Calm. Watch the heart guys.
derschadenfreude 5
nope, that's perfectly valid, 3, we americans are inveterate fatasses
N7Nitrogen 0
Totally just destroyed the entire pledge of alligence right there, does the UNITED states of America mean anything to you?
Mousie1097 5
Oh Europeans. ****** up teeth, crazy government, anything else I should add?
13thQueen 0
Awww, but he still sounds cute!
darren824 0
hes got the munchies
Snazaza 0
hey, one i voted for actually made it in. :D yeah noone cares..blah blah
cyooty 0
I care :)
ilg4evr 0
well...i care about the possible disses. like...i mean if you knew no one would care, why post it? and even if we cared, how do we know anything about you in order to praise who you are? lol i'm sorry...it's just like when people are like "I MODDED THIS ONE"....ehhh oh well, it's cool that you did it
Ritika 0
ha ha that sucks
24788 6
Don't disturb a man when he's hungry. He wants to eat.
plexico 3
Why did he wake up and you didn't have his sammich ready? That's your job, bitch, your raison d'etre, if you will.
CyberPunkTink 0
If you think a man is bad you should see me. If I don't get food I will kill people.-.- and yet I somehow remain skinny as hell.:P
kayceesaysfyl 0
HAHA seriously nobody needs a big hug when they wake up from a nap. but they might wanna munch on some chips.
EMR_fml 0
If your son is young enough for you to pick him up he's too young for junk food. Keep him away from the chips.
unfortunate_13 5
exactly! he shouldn't be eating chips in the first place
time4coffee 3
Get over it, he'll do worse as he gets older, like telling you not to talk to him in fromt of people. Hugging? forget it.
candy4567 3
uh yah
hiscrazygirl2014 7
why do people feel the need to tell others how to parent? it didn't say she Fed him the chips.....and anything in the wrong amounts is "bad" including fruit and veggies! Can't teach em to young what moderation is.... but future reference NO BODY wants parenting advice from strangers and very rarely from family unless solicited..... there is no manual on parenting but since you seem to know the perfect way you could publish it and hand it to new mom's.
caancoha 0
What kind of chips? This is a vital factor in the YLS/YTDI spectrum. If they were doritos or bugles, YTDI.