Transportation: Today, I saw a poor helpless cat in the middle of the road while... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 88

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 1 209

01/09/2009 04:00

Today, I saw a poor helpless cat in the middle of the road while driving. I pulled over and scooped it in my arms to bring it to safety. Not only did I get mauled and scratched by the cat, my car also wasn't put in park and rolled away hitting a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 238

You deserved it 38 725

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Taking stock

Stealth attack

Maybe he's into that...

By pissypants - 25/11/2017 19:00

Today, at the movies on a date, I drank all my soda and waited too long. I couldn't take it anymore and quickly got up, knocking my dates popcorn on the floor, and ran to the bathroom. I didn’t make it and went home in shame. It’s better he thinks I stood him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 076

You deserved it 3 322

02/02/2010 16:00

Today, I got another email from Amazon asking me how I like my new Kindle. I don't have a Kindle. It's the one I bought my ex for Christmas, right before she left me while I was deployed overseas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 808

You deserved it 2 743

18/02/2011 13:06

Today, my friend came over with brownies as a treat before work. She works in a bakery so I thought it was lovely. After starting work, I became stoned. She thought it was a great prank. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 429

You deserved it 4 327

14/05/2011 13:32

Today, I found there was a 4 year old boy behind me on my flight. When I looked at him, he screamed playfully and hid. I decided to play tiger with him. While I was grinning like a tiger and trying to scratch him, he smashed a water bottle across my face. I now have a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 070

You deserved it 37 727

26/01/2011 17:40

Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 457

You deserved it 3 727

Healthcare for all

By Broken - 07/01/2021 11:01

Today, thanks to America's opiate epidemic, I can no receive the pain management I require for broken ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 83

03/08/2009 01:29

Today, as my son carried the cage with live food for his pet lizards up the stairs, I heard the sound of 2,500 baby crickets escaping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 256

You deserved it 6 519

20/12/2012 19:50

Today, I was woken up by my dog scratching at my door. After a while of this, I finally got up to let her in. When I opened the door, she looked at me, threw up, and scurried away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 935

You deserved it 9 646

28/05/2013 07:11

Today, while working at Walmart, I was walking the sales floor and passed the end of an aisle. I saw a customer coming at me from the corner of my eye, so I jumped backwards. I hit a display case, and watched it topple over before turning to apologize to the customer. It was a ladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 035

You deserved it 9 977

07/01/2013 15:40

Today, I woke up after sleeping with my boyfriend for the first time. I rolled over and smiled at him, and the first thing he said was, "You farted. A lot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 663

You deserved it 6 696

03/03/2010 19:11

Today, I'm a 15 year old boy who is bald. Why am I bald? My little brother thought it would be funny to put glue in my hair gel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 689

You deserved it 4 836

14/04/2011 22:12

Today, I gave myself a bloody nose while trying to show my brother how to use a yo-yo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 298

You deserved it 25 488

18/02/2010 20:08

Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 856

You deserved it 3 990

12/02/2010 07:51

Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 049

You deserved it 2 715

Bad Luck Brian

By Hayley - 24/02/2018 19:00

Today, my doctor told me that my lungs are as bad as a 60-year-old heavy smoker's. I'm 19 and I've never touched a cigarette in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 026

You deserved it 222

21/08/2014 21:24

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to lose our virginity. When he saw blood, he panicked and started crying, convinced that he was bleeding out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 647

You deserved it 6 690

28/04/2013 09:09

Today, I missed multiple calls from the company I applied to. That was the supervisor calling, wanting to hire me. I then remembered my idiotic voicemail I made months ago where I pretended to answer and say stupid stuff for 5 minutes. I don't think I'm going to get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 982

You deserved it 55 073

20/10/2016 11:12

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by getting his mum to message me on Facebook. I got the message while I was packing for an overseas trip to visit him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 814

You deserved it 666

30/05/2013 09:41

Today, I found shit on my windshield. I'm not sure if it is human or animal, but it was conveniently smeared all over and even more was placed under my wipers just in case I used them to clean it up. This isn't the first time, and I have no idea who I could have pissed off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 136

You deserved it 4 391

14/05/2019 04:00

Today, I had to use anti-perspirant deodorant under my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 552

You deserved it 293

25/01/2014 01:29

Spicy

Today, I'm a 34 year old male who just got given the sex talk on my Facebook timeline by my senile mother. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 52 458

You deserved it 5 738

16/06/2015 12:05

Spicy

Today, my coworker decided to give me "the talk". I'm 21 and not a virgin, yet most of what she said was new to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 085

You deserved it 5 669

26/05/2011 03:19

Today, I finally got the wedding dress I've been waiting months to see. It turns out that my mom ordered the dress 2 sizes smaller than my size, this way it will be "an incentive to lose weight". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 456

You deserved it 6 133

27/02/2011 01:56

Today, I made plans with an old friend that I haven't seen in years. We agreed to meet at a diner and I told him I'd be standing outside. I watched him pull up, look right at me, then do something with his phone. Seconds later, I got a text saying "Sorry, but I'm busy today and can't make it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 166

You deserved it 3 504

06/05/2009 06:04

Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 265

You deserved it 21 957

30/09/2013 23:54

Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my daughter trying to cut her wrist with a plastic spoon. When I asked her why, she said her friend Lucy did that so her parents would buy her pretty things. My daughter and Lucy are both four years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 068

You deserved it 3 741

Change it!

By man down! man down... - 01/12/2019 03:00

Spicy

Today, I had sex with a friend. It was really good too! Until she kicked me in my right nut while changing positions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 045

You deserved it 357

30/08/2013 20:31

Today, I woke up to a warm bed, the morning sunlight bathing my face, and my boyfriend sneaking my credit card out of my purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 972

You deserved it 4 055

Business school of business school

By Anonymous - 29/11/2020 13:58

Today, I found out my husband hasn't paid the mortgage in 3 months. We have a joint account, but it has always been his job to pay the bills. We are in the process of selling our house, and when I asked him about it he said, "Why are you stressing? We're selling anyways." FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 114

12/05/2014 00:14

Today, a guy asked for my number at the grocery store, but I politely told him I wasn't interested. He followed me home and took a shit on my doorstep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 727

You deserved it 7 797

19/12/2008 16:05

Spicy

Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 166

You deserved it 7 011

30/10/2010 05:03

Spicy

Today, my gynecologist was having trouble with my exam due to me being "too tight." I'm 24. After the explanation of having been pretty inactive in over a year, she exclaimed, "Damn, girl, we really need to find you a boyfriend!" Yeah, tell me about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 343

You deserved it 4 706

25/04/2016 05:07

Today, I woke up to the sound of my boyfriend chuckling to himself. Turns out he had just clogged the toilet. When he called maintenance, halfway through explaining the problem he started hysterically giggling and had to hang up mid-sentence. This has been a reoccurring theme. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 159

You deserved it 1 509

I need it

By Anonymous - 07/07/2020 02:02

Spicy

Today, I wore crotchless panties to bed and my boyfriend didn't notice. It's been 10 months since we've had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 920

You deserved it 336

06/05/2019 08:00

Today, my freshman students got in a fist fight over a chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 573

You deserved it 127

19/05/2011 04:27

Today, I offered to drive my girlfriend's grandpa to the doctor. I thus learned my girlfriend's grandfather has a colostomy bag when it burst all over the inside of my truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 596

You deserved it 3 233

15/06/2011 02:38

Today, my boyfriend wouldn't kiss me because there was a picture of Superman on my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 627

You deserved it 10 165

13/06/2013 07:05

Today, after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I woke up from a much needed nap realizing I should take my pain medication. My mother then told me she had thrown them out so I wouldn't get addicted and become a drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 279

You deserved it 3 603

04/12/2011 13:01

Spicy

Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 011

You deserved it 11 176

20/07/2011 04:40

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend has checked every girl he has ever slept with for 'vagina teeth'. I'm apparently no exception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 275

You deserved it 5 794

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Top comments

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 12:33

That one could go either way. FYL for getting scratched but YDI for not parking the car.

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 12:15

DAMN! lol bad things happen to good people! :P

Comments

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 12:14

Second! No, wait

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 14:55

you get a thumbs up for making me chuckle just a little this early in the A.M.

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 18:27

Woah I realized its morning, and its September alrad?? Woah! oh an op, you just of just sped up, and put it out of it's misery

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 8:24

a little? He/she made me laugh my ass off! and its 1:23 AM here

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 9:24

Sucked in for putting hitting a parked car, dumb-arse. Thumbs up for trying to save the cat though. Go kitty! Scratch the crap out of idiots ^^

celticwoman04 0

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Sunday 6 September 2009 4:03

Go f*ck yourself. That is so mean to suggest running over it on purpose, not to mention illegal to follow through on. The cat most likely only needed cleaned up, patched up, and put in a good home.

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 12:15

DAMN! lol bad things happen to good people! :P

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 0:44

Good people? how would you feel if you were sitting in your window and you saw someone stop in the middle of the road and start trying to grab your cat? OP fucking deserves it

Katarzyna93cr 0

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 4:24

yeah and for being naive enough to think that a starving stray cat is gonna be nice to a total stranger that comes and picks it up

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 7:41

Aww, I think it's nice that she tried to rescue the cat, but yeah.....bit naive indeed for assuming that it would respond well to a stranger picking it up. Points to you OP for trying to save the kitty, but seriously, next time you bail out of your car to save a woodland creature, put your car in park, lol. How does that even happen?

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Tuesday 13 December 2011 15:21

-79 nice arguement but plz try again when u know how to read

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 12:16

3rd'wjdjebjdnajdkdjje yes!!!! Yes!!!!!! Faggot!!!!!

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 12:18

Aww, man. FYL. .. That sucks. :(

allmidnighteyes 10

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 12:20

YDI FOR DRIVING MANUAL Naw, just kidding, stick is the way to go :D FYL though. Cats can be cruel, especially to strangers =/

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 15:25

He was driving an Automatic, Manual doesn't have a parking gear

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 15:43

Deserved it for driving automatic and being too lazy to use a real car

allmidnighteyes 10

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 21:36

Whoops, I read it wrong. I read it as her forgetting to put on the parking brake, instead of forgetting to put it into park. My bad.

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Wednesday 2 September 2009 1:27

He deserves it for not realizing that he jumped out of a moving car. Even when he hits the brakes, as soon as he takes his foot off the brake... The car will slowly start to move again.. lol.

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 12:21

oooh bad luck

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Wednesday 17 July 2013 7:55

he should have poked it with a stick or pushed it across the road, anything than be within scratching reach.

noshitsherlock 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 12:24

Totally deserve it! Learn how to drive, genius.

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 12:31

Well at least the cats fine. No good deed goes unpunished.

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 12:33

That one could go either way. FYL for getting scratched but YDI for not parking the car.

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 18:31

Yupp, exactly how i saw it, I voted each of them

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 12:37

what's the cat's idea?