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Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML

#9181669
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14198) - you deserved it (33387)

On 03/18/2010 at 6:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, the love of my life sent me a text saying "touch my pork". Somehow I don't think my feelings are mutual. FML

#9181615
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20378) - you deserved it (3847)

On 03/18/2010 at 6:24am - intimacy - by burgeee - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML

#9180721
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10648) - you deserved it (44862)

On 03/18/2010 at 4:21am - intimacy - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-wrestling on the couch. I got thirsty, so I got up and grabbed a metal water bottle and drank out of it. He tried to playfully touch it and spill water on me, but instead hit it hard enough to where it slammed my mouth, chipped my tooth, and cut open my lip. FML

#9179900
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29876) - you deserved it (4015)

On 03/18/2010 at 3:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was working, ripping siding off a house. I pulled off a sheet that was over my head. I got rained with what I thought was woodchips that was behind the siding. Turns out they were dead grasshoppers. Guess what I found in my bra after work. FML

#9178637
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28793) - you deserved it (3274)

On 03/18/2010 at 1:45am - work - by xUnluckyx - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I finally realized that the only time my mother talks to me is when she needs money. FML

#9177889
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29822) - you deserved it (2946)

On 03/18/2010 at 1:18am - money - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom sent me beautiful candlesticks along with some half burned candles. I thanked her. She told me the candlesticks were a wedding gift to my grandmother 85 years ago. Then she said the candles were used at my grandma's wedding. I had already lit them. FML

#9177145
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21304) - you deserved it (7347)

On 03/18/2010 at 12:46am - misc - by knews - United States (Missouri)

Today, the girl I have been dating for the past couple months broke it off with me. She said she's tired of waiting around for me and being ignored in the mean time. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so greedy as to finish my 2 degrees and work 2 jobs to pay for my school. How selfish of me. FML

#9175819
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33586) - you deserved it (17794)

On 03/18/2010 at 12:02am - love - by Lonely (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I applied for my job, while working at my job. I hope they hire me. FML

#9171908
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21637) - you deserved it (5411)

On 03/17/2010 at 10:12pm - work - by TheSuregeon (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I came back to my room and sat down at my desk to find pile short, curly hairs on it. Neither me or my roommate have curly hair, and it isn't mine. I think he trimmed his pubes over my desk and forgot to clean it up. FML

#9171257
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24173) - you deserved it (2498)

On 03/17/2010 at 9:55pm - intimacy - by pubes (man) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, my mom walked me to school to make sure I don't cut class. I'm 20 years old. FML

#9169720
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26131) - you deserved it (11345)

On 03/17/2010 at 9:10pm - misc - by My mom - Sent from mobile version

Today, while at work as a lifeguard, an older gentleman who comes in almost every morning wearing a very tight swimming suit, came up to me and said, "I don't want you having any erotic fantasies of me." After a long pause he added, "Actually, I wouldn't mind it if you do." FML

#9161234
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33399) - you deserved it (3672)

On 03/17/2010 at 3:32pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I discovered that when my parents offered to help me pay for college, what they really meant is they would get the forms for me to apply for student loans. FML

#9160744
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26481) - you deserved it (4476)

On 03/17/2010 at 3:03pm - money - by thanxguys (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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