Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML

by blondetergent / 06/20/2011 at 4:12am / Singapore / Love

Today, I found out my wife isn't cheating. She says she's just getting older and sex isn't important anymore. She's 27. FML

by wtf / 06/20/2011 at 3:43am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Doortje's comment : Wow, you're screwed.

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Today, while a very cute girl was explaining the apartment's laundry machines to me, I blurted out, "It's okay, my pants are used to handling huge loads". FML

by NewTenant / 06/20/2011 at 3:37am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

mcxhunni's comment : maybe she thought you might have been referring to your dick... not dumping on yourself...

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Today, my boyfriend told me he's been having doubts, but he still wants to stay with me. I asked him why he had been so nervous about us and he replied, "I don't know, just thinking about a future with you makes me feel nauseous". We've been together over 2 years now. FML

by MissNoFuture / 06/20/2011 at 3:13am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I opened my Father's Day present from my mother-in-law. It was a glamor shot of her. FML

by firethorn / 06/20/2011 at 1:57am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband bought me a bouquet of roses. They caused me to sneeze seven times in a row. That was the closest he's ever got me to an orgasm. FML

by Anonymous / 06/20/2011 at 1:45am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I received the only love letter I've ever gotten. Too bad it's from the guy who's been stalking me. FML

by Hello / 06/20/2011 at 1:21am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I had to go to a birthday party for 10 year old triplets. They've all been dead for more than 9 years. FML

by Anonymous / 06/20/2011 at 12:03am / United States / Miscellaneous

NeverLetGo13's comment : you should be more respectful than that obviously they haven't moved on and this is the only day they can truly embrace them again

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Today, I spent 2 hours making the perfect card for my dad for Father's Day. When I handed it to him, he smiled and said "Thank you" and then killed a fly with it. I found it in the trash a couple of hours later. FML

by Heartbroken / 06/19/2011 at 10:17pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I purchased an app to track my period. When my mother asked me why I got it, I told her I was going to use it so I knew when to not go on a date because I don't want to be uncomfortable during a long movie. She slapped me in the face and called me a dirty prostitute and a liar. FML

by stillAvirgin:( / 06/19/2011 at 9:46pm / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. His reason was because he's moving away for college. That won't be for another year. FML

by youngblood / 06/19/2011 at 9:20pm / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, my back hurt really badly, so I decided to stay in bed. After a while, I sat up to shut the door. When I leaned over to reach it, I fell off my bed and face-planted the floor. After picking myself up and getting comfortable in my bed again, I realized the door was still open. FML

by no one / 06/19/2011 at 2:46pm / United States (Mississippi) / Health

Today, I went camping with my girlfriend and best friend. They are now having blood-curdling sex in our tent. My friend is also my ride home. FML

by Username / 06/19/2011 at 2:08pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy