Transportation: Today, I stood for half an hour in the rain waiting for my bus.... - FML

By soaked - United States

Today, I stood for half an hour in the rain waiting for my bus. As I started to go inside, my bus turned around the corner and splashed water all over me. The bus driver wouldn't let me on the bus because I was soaking wet and I would "mess up the seats". FML

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Dementia or hate? You decide

Motormouth

Thanks Felicia

By Anonymous - 6/7/2020 02:02

Best foot forward

Today, after a month of things going wrong in my life and finally getting better, I woke up refreshed and ready to face the day. Then, I fell down the stairs. FML

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By nean83 - United States - Inglewood

Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML

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By lene - United States

Today, the 9th grade dean called me into his office to talk. He asked me if I was new because it seemed like I was having trouble making friends. I've been going to the same school, with the same people, since kindergarten. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, at work, after a visit to the bathroom, the lock broke in my hand and the door was jammed. I called the janitor on my cellphone and told him about the situation. He told me to fill out a complaint and leave it in his post box. He then hung up. FML

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By davetherave1983 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, after carefully, and might I say, expertly removing all the hair from my girlfriend's genitals, she decided to try and "Nair" my balls. 24 hours later and I still can't walk properly and my balls look like they were involved in a severe kitchen incident. FML

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By Whoopsie - United States

Today, I was sitting on the bus and as I'm quite short my legs were dangling. Some guy, who wasn't looking where he was going, tripped over my foot and went flying. He and everyone else on the bus glared at me like it was deliberate. The man next to me even changed seats in disgust. FML

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By Cold feet - Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, I found out that my roommate was responsible for stealing my socks. When I confronted him about it, he told me that he did it because he likes looking at my bare feet and jerking off into my socks. We’re both guys. FML

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By Joe - United States

Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML

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By caughttt - United States

Never cross the streams

Today, I drove my ex-boyfriend home from dropping his car at the garage for new tires. On the way, I drove past my house where my boyfriend was sitting in the driveway ready to surprise me. My boyfriend watched us drive by. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my drunk sister threw up on me while I was sleeping. FML

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By MyLife

Today, my best friend broke up with her partner. In retaliation, he got drunk and stole my car, then crashed it into a neighbour's house. Then after dealing with the police who didn't arrest him, he and my best friend made up and went to bed. FML

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By Greenpuppy416 - 4/7/2020 05:02

Bad date #3764

Today, I had a date at a formal restaurant I'm well known at. My date showed up two and a half hours late with a jogging suit on, and then got mad at me for ordering, eating, and paying without him. FML

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By ohtheirony

Today, the man who hit on me in a store and asked for my number showed up on my doorstep to inquire about my couch for sale. With his wife. FML

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By missunlucky - Czech Republic

Today, I was at a club with my friends and my friend got really drunk. Later on he came up to me and said he really needed to pee but he was too drunk to work the zipper, and asked if I could help. When I finally unzipped him, he was so desperate to go he pissed in my face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML

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By Maleficia

Today, the government froze my bank account for not paying college debt, and now I can't access my 0.30 cents. FML

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By sprocket - Hong Kong

Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend of one year - "why is someone as smart, funny and as handsome as you with someone like me?" he replied - "opposites attract." FML

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By that violates the Geneva conventions - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my boss ordered me to read the Twilight series in order to determine if they are "appropriate" for his daughter to read. I'm a 25-year-old bank teller, and I definitely don't remember this in my job description. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a job interview. I have a nervous tendency to rub my foot against the bar under the table. After the interview I noticed I had been rubbing my foot against the interviewer's leg. FML

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By Anonymous

And now, on Judge Judy

Today, I found out my roommates spent my rent money and told the landlord I never paid. I've paid my rent and theirs the past 6 months. My name's on the lease. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Rock Hill

Today, we learned that our dog can run and urinate simultaneously. The entire house smells like piss. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out the friend I signed a lease with is actually a wanted drug dealer. I only found this out after the police kicked in the door at 5am and raided our house. FML

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By ameremanapparently - United States - Carlisle

Today, someone told my girlfriend that I cheated on her. I've never cheated in my life. Instead of talking to me about it, she made a big post on Facebook about what a dick I am. Pretty much all the comments went along the lines of "What a bastard." and "Ugh, men are pigs." FML

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By AnonThoughts

Fighting fit

Today, my body is so messed up that I pulled a muscle in my side while farting. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Royersford

Today, I got locked out of my house. After trying unsuccessfully to jimmy the lock, I managed to climb in through the kitchen window. I soon found out I had an effect on the door after all; it won't open at all any more, even with the right key. FML

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By desertpunk75 - United States

Today, my friends thought it'd be funny to hold lighters under the smoke alarms while I was sleeping. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss at my new job described a client as "retarded". I corrected him with "mentally disabled". He smirked and replied "Whatever. Just explain things to her real slow. After all, she's 'mentally disabled'. And a woman." I need this job so bad that I'll have to just put up with this asshole. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I confirmed that my neighbors burn their garbage in their backyard. How? My dog just threw up a nice smelly consistency of spaghetti, plastic and cigarette butts on my carpet. FML

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By Desperate_measures - Greece

Today, I got a text from my crush. In my clumsy attempt to quickly grab the phone, I knocked it off the kitchen counter and cracked the screen. After driving to my friends house so I could put my sim card in her phone, I saw that the text said "who's this? stop texting me." FML

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By workerbee - United States

Today, I was on a conference call in my office with the door closed. I let out some loud farts and felt liberated. Forgot my phone was NOT on mute. There were only 3 people on the conference call - including me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got in line for my flight to visit a friend in England. My mom was there to see me off, and decided to shout "No sex!" while waving, in front of at least a hundred people who will very likely be sharing the transatlantic flight with me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my grown up, unemployed boyfriend stole 70 dollars from my wallet and tried to hide it in two different places in case he needed to ditch me and go out by himself. He got angry when I confronted him and stormed out. He feels perfectly entitled. I work, pay rent and buy food. FML

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By ouchbrow - United Kingdom

Today, I went to get my hair done. The hairdresser managed to catch my eyebrow piercing in his comb and almost rip it out. I now look like I have a gunshot wound on the upper right hand side of my face. I'm getting married in a matter of hours, and I still had to pay £100 for the hair cut. FML

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By Anonymous - Japan - Ageo

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/3/2021 19:59 - United States - San Jose

The Teaching Life

Today, being incredibly ill after my second COVID shot, I called in sick for maybe the third time in 10 years (I teach). That didn’t stop parents from calling and messaging to scream at me because they weren’t happy. I had to drag myself out of bed and do work in between throwing up. I feel even worse now. FML

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By lopsided - United States

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to buy a bra. A woman sized me and then gave me a bra to try on in the fitting room. To my pleasure, it seemed to fit well. The woman who had sized me came in to check on me and replied, "Yeah, it happens. Not everyone can be symmetrical." FML

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By GreatAim - United States

Today, I was at my friends house for the first time in months. I saw her newest chihuahua dog, Mickey, and he was excited that new people were over. I picked him up and slightly bounced him in the air. Because of the bounce and his excitement, he peed a little bit, straight into my eye. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Charleston

Today, I woke up to several dead snails and worms all over my bed. I guess that's what my little sister meant yesterday when she said I'd be sorry for not letting her play on my phone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss told me when I transfer to a Target in Orlando I should work in the clothing department. He said it would be a good way for me to meet chicks. I told him all the girls who work in clothing in that store are ugly as hell. Apparently his daughters work there. I never knew that. FML

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By ouch - United States - Lutz

Today, I was cashiering, and a customer's change came to $5.51. She looked pretty stinking rich, so I just gave her $5.50. She demanded the extra penny, and I asked if she really needed it. She said, "No, but they do, asshole," and dropped her $5.51 in the charity donation box. FML

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Top comments

By LauraAurora | 0

#529304 - Monday 31 August 2009 16:04

That guy's a jerk.

By gigi37 | 0

#529305 - Monday 31 August 2009 16:05

That's bullshit; it was obviously raining and other people had to wait in the rain too, I'm sure. Although they probably weren't as drenched as you...

I hope you weren't going anywhere important..

COMMENTS

By mariusea | 0

#529302 - Monday 31 August 2009 16:04

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

ninaaftermath | 0

#529467 - Monday 31 August 2009 17:36

Are you black?

Reply

allie2590 | 30

#529497 - Monday 31 August 2009 17:50

Are you white?

Reply

junaho | 0

#529554 - Monday 31 August 2009 18:32

But, if
Youre thinkin
About my baby
It dont matter if youre
Black or white

Reply

thealliance | 0

#529712 - Monday 31 August 2009 20:19

YDI FOR uSING PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION! Now go make me a sandwich

Reply

BadOwner | 0

#530349 - Tuesday 1 September 2009 0:17

#1 WHAT THE FUCK! you can say "are you white" but not "are you black" the mods can hop DESE NUTS YO!

Reply

bigcrazymike | 6

#533507 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 5:42

OMG! That's just what I was gonna ask!

By LauraAurora | 0

#529304 - Monday 31 August 2009 16:04

That guy's a jerk.

Reply

ISellHerbs | 0

#529967 - Monday 31 August 2009 22:14

Or its just a fake FML. It didn't rain in Missouri today or yesterday. That or at least it didn't happen "today"

Reply

dabronc7 | 0

#530225 - Monday 31 August 2009 23:34

yeah it did dumbass, it rained both friday and saturday. Get your facts straight troll.

Reply

mister_moops | 0

#530270 - Monday 31 August 2009 23:50

wowwww are you half retarded?

he said yesterday and today and you say friday and saturday.

Reply

slasher29 | 0

#537706 - Friday 4 September 2009 2:13

guys, you kinda have to say today. and you should've gotton water on him somehow. then call him a hypocrite

By gigi37 | 0

#529305 - Monday 31 August 2009 16:05

That's bullshit; it was obviously raining and other people had to wait in the rain too, I'm sure. Although they probably weren't as drenched as you...

I hope you weren't going anywhere important..

Reply

DeadxManxWalking | 27

#2493819 - Wednesday 11 May 2011 16:04

bus to school?

Reply

psychocunt | 20

#6608606 - Wednesday 18 May 2016 7:34

who would wait an hour and a half for a school bus?

By paix14 | 0

#529307 - Monday 31 August 2009 16:05

Ouch. Thats fucked up; I woulda cursed him out. AND WHO THE FUCK CARES IF UR FIRST U DOUCHE BAG. Get a fucking life if it makes u feel special

Reply

No_Heart | 0

#529375 - Monday 31 August 2009 16:40

I hate people who use the get a life insult on the interwebs.

Reply

Flamersplamer | 0

#529454 - Monday 31 August 2009 17:30

get a death.

Reply

genius_man16 | 0

#531263 - Tuesday 1 September 2009 7:53

Personally I love it, #22. The irony makes for wonderful lulz.

Reply

V4ZQU3Z | 0

#1117502 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 4:10

knock knock
whose there?
i eat mop
i eat mop who?
gross you eat your poo? lololololololo

By caligal14 | 0

#529309 - Monday 31 August 2009 16:05

Aww that sucks! He's a jerk. I'm pretty sure bus drivers where I live wouldn't be able to care less haha

By viral_fml | 0

#529310 - Monday 31 August 2009 16:05

Just wow. Fail.

By turnedoffTVgrey | 0

#529316 - Monday 31 August 2009 16:07

Do the buses where you live have leather seats? He should've been glad that you were just soaked with water instead of getting on the bus and pissing on it like a lot of people do.

By orchids_torturer | 0

#529320 - Monday 31 August 2009 16:07

YDI for not being waterproof... like me.

the orchids' torturer has spoken.

lols jk that sucks balls.

By wubbie6723 | 0

#529325 - Monday 31 August 2009 16:09

ppl have serious problems, ppl meaning that bus driver. u should have yelled at him thats what i would do

By DJ_Chutfield | 4

#529326 - Monday 31 August 2009 16:10

You could've promised to stand up. Then get the bus number and report his ass. That sucks though, FYL.