Love: Today, I told the guy I have been sort of dating that I want...

Just to clear the air: 1.I'm not a slut, obviously, since I didn't sleep with the creep 2.I did not know about the girl 3.Sort of dating means: going on dates, kissing, holding hands, but not boyfriend/girlfriend (aka that weird stage when your facebook relationship status goes blank or to it's complicated) 4.Trust me, I ran very fast, and there were no obvious warning signs 5.Thanks for reading.

Love

Leave us alone

Vulture

Judge not lest ye be judged

02/12/2014 07:52

Today, while my boyfriend and I were talking with his sister-in-law about a TV show, his 6-year-old nephew walked up just in time to hear how Santa killed the protagonist's parents. I've never seen such a heartbroken face in my life, and now he won't stop asking if Santa kills people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 736

You deserved it 4 585

12/06/2009 15:05

Today, I signed up for an online dating service, a couple of days after my divorce. I got my first batch of matches, and number one was a smiling picture of the woman who had just divorced my ass after 20+ years together. Her profile shows she has to have been active there for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 712

You deserved it 4 357

05/07/2013 21:59

Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 437

You deserved it 5 195

14/01/2011 02:38

Today, while snow plowing I accidentally ran over my kid's basketball. I told him what had happened and he responded by spilling his ant farm into my underwear drawer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 862

You deserved it 7 850

28/03/2013 23:58

Today, I was on a girls' trip in Las Vegas. I met a cute guy at a bar and we were going back to his hotel room together. On the way up, he asked me how much it would cost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 949

You deserved it 20 514

21/09/2012 16:22

Today, I asked my college chemistry teacher for some much-needed help. Instead of explaining anything to me, she scoffed that if I don't understand something, I should "just Google it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 960

You deserved it 2 005

Yappy neighborhood

By Anonymous - 14/04/2020 14:00

Today, I don't think my neighbours realize that, by getting that dog they have been wanting, they ruined the peace and quiet of the entire neighbourhood, consisting of ten houses. I'm the person underneath whose window that dog barks every day - mostly when I'm either trying to fall asleep or wanting to sleep in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 609

You deserved it 340

Ed Shitren

By tommy - 20/12/2011 22:41

Today, after spending months learning how to play the guitar and memorizing the music to my girlfriend's all-time favorite song, I performed it for her. Her response? "Well, you kind of ruined that song for me now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 923

You deserved it 5 567

16/03/2011 13:01

Today, I emailed my potential boss a copy of my résumé. However, I didn't realize until too late that it was my fake resume, created for an English class project. Some of my former jobs included being a certified gangster, as well as the former president of Canada. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 332

You deserved it 52 130

29/12/2008 10:56

Today, I was baby-sitting four rather noisy and rowdy kids. After a two hour struggle, I finally manage to get them into bed. I then ask them what they want before going to sleep, and the eldest replies: "Can you tell us a story where you die at the end?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 336

You deserved it 3 085

02/09/2013 05:14

Today, I received an email from my professor asking me not to jump ahead on assignments as it makes the other students look bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 118

You deserved it 7 461

My electric toothbrush

By Anonymous - 27/11/2019 18:00

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 529

You deserved it 279

16/06/2017 16:00

Today, my mum rejected my friend request on Facebook, again. Even my high school friends are friends with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 330

You deserved it 557

30/04/2019 14:00

Today, my husband and I were having sex for the first time since I had our son. As I was riding him in a heated passion, he grabbed my breasts. Milk literally shot out onto his face. Mood totally ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 373

You deserved it 460

22/08/2015 06:58

Today, I showed up to my new job early, hoping to impress my new boss. When he arrived, he walked by me and muttered "Fucking tryhard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 726

You deserved it 3 396

09/12/2018 14:00

Today, someone broke the flush on the toilet in the only female bathroom in the office, and didn’t leave either a note or out of order sign. The broken flush became very apparent, however, after I was unable to flush the vile smelling deposit I’d left in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 461

You deserved it 385

12/09/2012 07:00

Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 460

You deserved it 4 532

23/07/2011 23:52

Today, I was doing swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your girlfriend's problems! Swim, bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 677

You deserved it 6 130

26/05/2019 20:30

Today, my mom dropped me off at a friend's house. Upon leaving, my friend's mom said how much I looked like my mother. My mother then replied, "That's funny, she was adopted." This was the first I'd heard of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 291

You deserved it 135

21/03/2011 17:32

TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 561

You deserved it 34 166

12/06/2012 10:43

Today, I got really bored at work. I decided to spin myself around and around in my chair until I got really dizzy. Apparently my boss decided to start watching me do this while I was in mid-spin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 292

You deserved it 30 049

27/04/2011 04:21

Today, after shopping alone at a grocery store, I was taking my groceries back to my car when a kid grabbed one of my bags and ran. Deciding not to risk leaving the rest of my groceries stranded, I didn't chase him. Later, I realized that was the bag my credit card was in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 579

You deserved it 17 297

29/08/2019 04:00

Today, after a lifelong struggle with suicidal depression and heroin abuse, I've been clean for six months. This is the healthiest I've been in ages, and naturally, I've gained weight. My whole family constantly talks about how I’ve let myself go, and how I should go back on heroin to be thin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 211

You deserved it 225

16/12/2011 00:37

Today, I was riding the subway, reading a book, when a woman suddenly shoved a flyer over my book. Aghast by her rude gesture, I declined to take the paper. I looked over and noticed it was a flyer for a missing girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 518

You deserved it 13 433

08/08/2017 13:00

Today, my boyfriend forgot to pick me up from work. We work at the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 021

You deserved it 381

30/07/2009 17:50

Today, I was at the doctors getting a pap smear and she asked if it was alright if a doctor in training could come in to observe. I was already laying on the table with my feet in the stirups so everything was in plain sight. When the man came in to observe I looked up to see my brother in law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 567

You deserved it 2 870

15/01/2011 07:09

Today, I came to the conclusion that you should always tell the truth. While I was busy reassuring her that the condom didn't break, she was telling me how it was okay because she was on the pill. According to the pregnancy test, we both lied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 722

You deserved it 53 392

Everyday is like Sunday

By Anonymous - 04/09/2021 12:02

Today, I got turned down from a job I really wanted. Six hours later, the guy called me again and delivered the same news, not realizing he had already called this morning. Thanks for rubbing it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 046

You deserved it 2 770

17/02/2010 07:39

Today, it's my 18th birthday. Last month was my best friend's 18th birthday. She spent the night with me, and the next morning, my mom and brother gathered in my room and sang "Happy Birthday" as they handed her pancakes with a candle on top. Today, I was woken up by screams to take the trash out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 169

You deserved it 2 587

08/06/2011 16:10

Today, after being laid off for over a year, I got turned down for an unpaid internship. I can't even get people to let me work for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 243

You deserved it 3 504

06/11/2009 06:52

Today, my mom texted me in the middle of my end of term math exam, saying it was extremely urgent and needed me to come home ASAP. While skipping my exam, I finally got home to find out my mom forgot what the emergency was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 678

You deserved it 6 134

13/11/2012 23:17

Today, I found a wounded turkey in our backyard. I brought it inside, put it in a cage, and tended to its wounds. I then left. When I got back home, I smelled the wonderful aroma of my mother's cooking. She had prepared a turkey, the one I'd rescued. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 735

You deserved it 5 616

03/03/2011 11:20

Today, the dog went nuts at 3am. I searched the yard with a spotlight and machete. Nothing. He may actually just be an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 199

You deserved it 6 266

03/05/2015 05:58

Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 374

You deserved it 5 029

02/12/2014 03:14

Today, after putting in so much effort to forgive my husband for his affair, we had sex. Not even 2 minutes into it, he called me by the other woman's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 303

You deserved it 12 308

05/07/2013 05:43

Today, during a firework show, my dog gave me her opinion about them by practically eating half my bedroom door then defecating on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 595

You deserved it 7 812

Eternally romantic

By singledumbfuck - 22/03/2020 03:30

Today, my boyfriend proposed via text, after telling me that he'd slept with his step-sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 340

You deserved it 156

24/08/2010 04:21

Today, while I was on a date, I noticed my ex-boyfriend in the restaurant, and he looked sad. So I walked over to see him and jokingly said, "You look like your mom died or something!" She had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 759

You deserved it 52 061

21/03/2017 14:00

Today, I went on my third date with a great guy. We finally got round to talking about his tattoos. All 57 are related to his best friend. All of them. The best friend he never stops talking about. Somehow I don't think this will work out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 388

You deserved it 355

05/12/2010 00:08

Today, I had an important job interview. The interviewer really seemed to like me. Instead of hiring me, he asked me out on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 716

You deserved it 3 467

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Top comments

mensuck 0

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Thursday 3 September 2009 22:07

mehwhateverr 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 8:53

What a whore. Him, not you.

Comments

mEeLa_fml 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 8:53

ouch!

fred1rav 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 8:53

damn i wanted to be first :S

hkguy 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 9:24

Good for you for speaking up - and at least he was honest about what he wants. Now you can walk away with only a little hurt, not a big one!

brutallyhonest24 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 9:32

well, when it comes to guys, basically its: handsome, mentaly stable, and single, except you can only pick 2

sexymessy 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 10:18

Lol. #32 is right. But damn I'm surprised he was that honest about it.

UncleverName_FYL 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 17:58

#32 Well then what about a guy who is handsome, mentally stable and not single? Then he goes and dumps his girlfriend, isn’t he now all 3? Basically I think a guy can be either, funny, handsome, nice guy or mentally stable. A girl can pick at most 3/4 of these qualities, the last quality he’ll have will always be the exact opposite of the one she didn’t pick.

TreeHustler 0

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Thursday 13 January 2011 6:18

Yes, I concur, on over 3 billion people on our globe. This is the same for everyone one of them. Nice generalization, dumbfuck.

22cute 17

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Saturday 9 June 2012 22:31

That's true till they reach their 50s then they're all ugly, the nice ones are still married, and you have to choose between funny men or mentally stable ones. Lol

MarianaDskotek 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 8:53

Wow.

22cute 17

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Saturday 9 June 2012 22:24

Good thing you found out, rite?

mehwhateverr 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 8:53

What a whore. Him, not you.

Rajdeep0_o 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 8:54

ouch. that sucks hella.

RaidenXS 0

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Sunday 20 December 2009 6:09

sucks hella or hella suck?

RaidenXS 0

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Sunday 20 December 2009 6:09

sucks hella or hella suck?

ireply_w_lyrics 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 8:55

"...Well, she was precious like a flower She grew wild, wild but innocent A perfect prayer in a desperate hour She was everything beautiful and different Stupid boy, you can't fence that in Stupid boy, it's like holding back the wind she laid her heart and soul right in your hands And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans She never even knew she had a choice and that's what happens When the only voice she hears is telling her she can't Stupid boy, stupid boy Oh..."

ireply_w_lyrics 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 9:16

actually, it not trollin. im tryin to reply to FMLs with lyrics from a song that will relate to the FML. the only tough part is tryin to figure it out before everyone else replies and you are at the bottom. and "stupid Boy" by keith urban

SuperMeme 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 14:03

Wow dude(tte), you're so awesome! The way you reply to someone's problems with songs you didn't even write is totally not douchey! Seriously! How did you think of such awesomeness?

CFR 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 14:24

hmm no #53, no one could detect the sarcasm there! OP: I hope you slapped him before you walked away. And people wonder why I don't trust men. Ha ha ha.

YDIBITCHES 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 21:43

You're fucking stupid

YDIBITCHES 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 21:48

That was for #21

bittersweet_by_n 0

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Sunday 18 April 2010 0:06

I KNOW THT SONG! ...that is all

Phyre24 17

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Tuesday 22 November 2011 6:11

#82 why is 21 stupid?

californiareader 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 8:55

well that really just sucks a lot.....

Tzer1414 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 8:56

You've been sorta dating him? So... either you have slept with him, and you arn't dating him, which i would call you a slut... or... You havn't done anything with him, then i would say, big deal?

wazdog 4

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 9:34

Agreed. OP hasn't hasn't felt an emotional connection and hasn't had sex with the guy. By "sort of dating" she probably meant only she thought they were dating.

Puolukka 4

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 9:37

no...not "either"...just OR...because she specifically said in the FML that they didn't have sex yet. She wanted to establish an emotional connection BEFORE sleeping with him.

hahaiwin 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 8:58

Tenth

100lol 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 8:58

Ouch.....

ImaBmyLonurTees 0

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Tuesday 1 September 2009 9:00

That's classy.