Miscellaneous: Today, I logged on to MSN for the first time in a month. In under... - FML

By Jake - Australia

Today, I logged on to MSN for the first time in a month. In under 10 minutes, I found out that my little sister had changed my screen name to Jake the Weiner, told my friend that he should "suck my d***" and sent an email to all my contacts declaring my love for my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50859

You deserved it

6481

Tweet

Share

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Season finale

Creepy

By CockroachCluster

Today, I turned on my A/C for the first time in a couple of months. A family of ginormous cockroaches climbed out of the air vent and a few clumps of dead cockroaches fell to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4001

You deserved it

457

Tweet

Share

By friendlessatwork - United States - Storrs Mansfield

Today, I got a coworker at my new job in trouble, because he kept harassing me and asking me out, even after I clearly told him I wasn't interested. Turns out he's very popular around here, and everyone now hates me for being a trouble-maker and not "taking a compliment." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27626

You deserved it

3686

Tweet

Share

By spinster - United States - Lubbock

Today, as I was creeping on social media, I realized that literally everyone I've ever dated is either happily married, engaged, or in a relationship. My last date was at the beginning of the summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22262

You deserved it

3878

Tweet

Share

By cheat - United States

Today, I cheated at card games to let my boyfriend win. I did it because I don't like him to throw the cards at me when I win. Now he just thinks I'm 'so slow a turtle could kick my ass' and that he has 'a cute little bubbly spud-brained girlfriend.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

19051

You deserved it

37096

Tweet

Share

By lrgenesis - United States

Today, my mom friended all my friends on Facebook then thought it'd be a good idea to try and act like a teen so she'd be considered 'cool'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30079

You deserved it

2812

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Philippines - Philippine

Today, while entering in my college building, I noticed that my right shoelace was untied and I tied it. I didn't realize that just in front of me was a metal beam until I hit my head hard on it and a loud, reverberating sound was produced. Many people saw what happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19550

You deserved it

2779

Tweet

Share

By thecathater - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out that I'd been wrong to constantly accuse next door's cat of peeing on my car every night. It was actually my 16-year-old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51717

You deserved it

7079

Tweet

Share

By jessica071509 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my new dog unburied my old dog and chewed on his bones. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50214

You deserved it

3672

Tweet

Share

By Backstabber<3

Today, as I was about to finally tell my boyfriend of nearly a year that I love him, he revealed that he cheated on me, his side chick is pregnant, and he has the clap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6089

You deserved it

468

Tweet

Share

By ijustwannaplaymymusic - United States - Jackson

Today, I was practicing the piano. My brother told me that if I loved him, I would stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12089

You deserved it

1578

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I woke up at 2:30 AM. Thinking I was going to be late for my 3:30 AM flight, I rushed into the bathroom to shower. As I came out of the shower, I slipped and broke my arm. I then realized my flight is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33741

You deserved it

8840

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I've been yawning every few minutes. Which would be fine, except every couple of yawns my jaw dislocates, and I have to put it back in place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4100

You deserved it

322

Tweet

Share

By Druggie - United States - Culver City

Today, after a week of being tired and depressed, I realized my bottles for anti-depressants and muscle relaxants had gotten switched around. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6583

You deserved it

1452

Tweet

Share

By turnedoff - United States

Today, I kindly asked my boyfriend to shave his pubic hair to make oral sex more enjoyable for me. He declined, saying, "Think of it as flossing your teeth. I'm doing you a much needed favor." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34411

You deserved it

5822

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Barbados - Bridgetown

Today, my nineteen year old daughter handed me a book on raising children and said "Maybe you'll do better next time." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51279

You deserved it

16431

Tweet

Share

By 00sasori - Canada - Vancouver

Baseless accusation

Today, I was on a bumpy bus ride and had to write a note, so I held my notebook against the bus window to steady my hand. An elderly woman then yelled at me, accusing me of drawing graffiti on the window. The bus driver kicked me off and I had to wait an hour in the rain for the next bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38060

You deserved it

2984

Tweet

Share

By oooops - United States

Today, was my first day at a new job. I was really pleased with how much positive attention I was getting in a mainly male office. Guess whose shirt was see-through. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13704

You deserved it

36193

Tweet

Share

By jennyygrace - United States

Today, I was walking through airport security when a guard began making lewd gestures at his crotch, while looking at me. I was outraged until I realized he was trying to tell me that my fly was down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12578

You deserved it

41526

Tweet

Share

By thewallrules - United States

Today, I woke up to a stranger in my dorm room. He was naked and was peeing into my water bottle. He kept asking for Chris. I have no idea who Chris is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36863

You deserved it

3440

Tweet

Share

By [email protected] - Canada

Today, I forgot my work clothes at home so my boss gave me a jacket with a name patch that said "Mike". Still wearing my work clothes I ran into my ex-girlfriend on my way home. We were together for five years until she dumped me for a guy name Mike. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45095

You deserved it

4339

Tweet

Share

By WhyTheFNot - United States

Today, I came home from work and had to pee so badly that I ran to the bathroom and ripped my pants down. My touch screen phone dropped from my pocket and started calling my boyfriend. Since I couldn't quite reach the phone, I left a message of me peeing on his cell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41372

You deserved it

9272

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my mother why she had me in the first place, as we never get along. She replied because my father wanted me. So, I called my father to ask him the same question, he said he only wanted to have me to keep my mother around, and that didn't work, so I was a waste. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47240

You deserved it

4488

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Winter Park

Today, I started at a new school. It's a pretty great school, but there's only one problem: Everybody thinks I'm a teacher. I'm only a freshman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37961

You deserved it

3391

Tweet

Share

By anon... - United States - Washington

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 4 months. He was always worried I would cheat on him, so he cheated on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15318

You deserved it

1040

Tweet

Share

By Gary

Today, after countless failed rejections and derision from women, I've realized that the only time I experience any sort of happiness is when I'm eating. They say there's someone out there for all of us, but maybe that's not true. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1550

You deserved it

242

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I received 5 missed calls from a florist stating that they were having problems delivering a bouquet from my ex. I was thrilled at the idea of a reconciliation. Turns out however that he just got mine and his new girlfriend's phone numbers confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42174

You deserved it

3697

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I refused to share a toothbrush with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38714

You deserved it

6257

Tweet

Share

By kaydebug

Today, while doing self-checkout at Walmart, the cap of my laundry detergent came off as I scanned it and dumped all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1852

You deserved it

190

Tweet

Share

By the bleeder

Today, I met with a student in office hours to discuss an assignment when my nose started bleeding. I didn't know at first, so I blew my nose and an inhuman amount of blood sprayed out the side of the tissue all over my desk, the wall, and the student's paper. It looked like a murder scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15191

You deserved it

1426

Tweet

Share

By Carmen VanDiest - 24/4/2020 02:00

Legit logic

Today, I asked my husband why his socks are always inside-out in the laundry basket. He replied, "So the insides get clean." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1050

You deserved it

478

Tweet

Share

By thanks Toby dumbfuck - 13/7/2020 14:02

Good job

Today, my roommate read an article about unplugging appliances to save on electricity. Too bad the fucking moron also unplugged the fridge. We came home to a corpse-like stench and a fridge full of moldy food. We were gone for two weeks while the sludge marinated in the California heat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2050

You deserved it

185

Tweet

Share

By mom2010 - United States

Today, my fiancé told me that he doesn't think cheating is a big deal because everybody does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41781

You deserved it

3895

Tweet

Share

By anon

Smells like Toddler Spirit

Today, a toddler threw up on my backpack mid-flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5521

You deserved it

364

Tweet

Share

By LaurenLehmmman - United States

Today, I was singing while lying upside down chewing gum. My dad was trying to focus on the current football game and hushed me. I yelled, "No!" resulting in my gum becoming lodged in my windpipe. I shut up after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7263

You deserved it

52071

Tweet

Share

By #201 - United States

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52391

You deserved it

16484

Tweet

Share

By uglynerd - United States - Streamwood

Today, my parents told me they're glad I'm an "ugly nerd" because they don't have to worry about me getting into trouble or having a teen pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52685

You deserved it

4586

Tweet

Share

By night_fox88 - United States - Camden

Go out please!

Today, I woke up to my overly religious grandmother trying to shove salt down my throat yelling "DEMON BE GONE!". Why? I didn't wear the cross neckless she bought me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2026

You deserved it

206

Tweet

Share

By Zero_TAlent_ - United States - Gettysburg

Today, the drummer from my band stole the $200 deposit for our rental practice space and used it for a trip down to Maryland with his girlfriend. A few hours ago, my brother and I found him passed out in his cousin's house, very hungover. His first words to us were, "Can I borrow 20 bucks?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

18294

You deserved it

1596

Tweet

Share

By Thank you, exactly what I wanted Sergeant

Today, my drill sergeant found out it's my birthday. I spent the rest of the day scrubbing large, filthy pots for the entire base of 2000+ and scrubbing grime off of bathroom walls. Happy birthday to me! FML

I agree, your life sucks

16433

You deserved it

1550

Tweet

Share

By capcha - United States

Today, I was holding a yard sale. A man came up to me and asked if he could buy a pair of red and white sneakers that I'd found in my attic and had never worn. Five bucks later, he was walking away with what I now realize was the pair of shoes signed by Michael Jordan given to me by my uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15033

You deserved it

78438

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By xFenix81x | 0

#358304 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:40

That is when you embarass the hell out of her. I am sure she has something juicy that she doesnt want people to know about.
Do some digging!

Get her back tenfold, bro.

By unholyfury | 0

#358298 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:39

soo.. are you two together now? lol

COMMENTS

By thrawg | 0

#358296 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:38

lol

Reply

Xero3g | 5

#358440 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 20:16

Did your friend agree to the offer?

Reply

TheLetterZero | 7

#359075 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 23:43

Moron, use the reply system to reply to someone directly, not get your comment higher up on the page.

Reply

hi5534 | 3

#360373 - Thursday 2 July 2009 7:00

lol

Reply

Xero3g | 5

#363371 - Friday 3 July 2009 9:26

Why? Besides, it's just so easy. It takes me right to the box.

Reply

toch040 | 0

#1048635 - Tuesday 29 June 2010 12:31

you don't do it coz it's spamming u chucklefucker

Reply

sheehan35 | 2

#1742561 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 4:05

i agree with 26. it saves time

Reply

thenewgirl29 | 20

#5398078 - Saturday 9 March 2013 11:01

Hahahaha

By unholyfury | 0

#358298 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:39

soo.. are you two together now? lol

Reply

randomguy1millon_fml | 0

#2535726 - Thursday 19 May 2011 23:19

he should admit his gayness and come out with it

By xFenix81x | 0

#358304 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:40

That is when you embarass the hell out of her. I am sure she has something juicy that she doesnt want people to know about.
Do some digging!

Get her back tenfold, bro.

Reply

toastyumm | 1

#4056098 - Sunday 19 February 2012 18:51

That's how it's done.

By KumoFF7 | 3

#358310 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:41

[email protected]

By rc024 | 0

#358323 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:43

Holy shit what a little bitch lol jk but no really you should get her back 10xs worse now that would be funny

By ImaEachJoo | 0

#358324 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:44

i would kill my sister if she did that

Reply

doctorbob | 0

#360163 - Thursday 2 July 2009 5:14

ya same here thats just cruel

Reply

padfoot_fml | 0

#360995 - Thursday 2 July 2009 15:12

I would seriously kill her

Reply

RoxRoidz | 0

#2283725 - Sunday 3 April 2011 2:58

No, that's times five. Your supposed to be going for ten.

Reply

clairesucks | 37

#6347400 - Saturday 11 July 2015 14:11

Bro's, take a joke and get her back. Violence is never the answer

By xHaniffax | 0

#358337 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:48

Your sister is a twat
I too know what it's like to have a younger brother/sister
don't worry, there are many of us out there
I wish I was an only child
FML
FYL
Feveryonewhohasalittlebro/sis'Ls

Reply

milgalo | 0

#358456 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 20:22

I'm a little sister, but I'd never do anything that bitchy to my brother. O_o That's just fucking crazy.

Reply

xHaniffax | 0

#358577 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 21:00

I don't know how old you are, but I'm pretty sure when you were young, you ruined your older brother's life, but you just didn't realise it. or you did.

Reply

nightDREAMERms | 6

#359591 - Thursday 2 July 2009 2:12

@#7

Here, Here!

By IFUCKINLOVETEA | 0

#358339 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:48

hate that.

By coldplaylive2003 | 0

#358343 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:49

My little brother did basically the same things to me over text when he stole my phone

By sonicfury | 0

#358348 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:51

that sucks my brother did that but I caught him and stopped it fyl