Today, I logged on to MSN for the first time in a month. In under... - FML

By Jake - 1/7/2009 12:28 - Australia

Today, I logged on to MSN for the first time in a month. In under 10 minutes, I found out that my little sister had changed my screen name to Jake the Weiner, told my friend that he should "suck my d***" and sent an email to all my contacts declaring my love for my best friend. FML

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Serious times

Messed up

TMI

By Troy - 10/9/2019 22:00

Mom knows best

Today, my mom offered me a reward if I went out and mowed our lawn. After 45 mins of pushing a lawnmower in 95-degree heat and getting stung by a bee, I go inside and ask my mom for my reward. She comes up to me, gives me a 'loving hug' and says, "Thank you." FML

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By MrCanoe - 1/3/2009 21:58 - Canada

Today, my mom had my girlfriend and me over. Out of the blue, she pulled out my grandmother's wedding ring and gave it to me saying I can now propose. My girlfriend started screaming and said yes. I have been seeing someone else for 3 months and was going to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

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By Hopslammer - 17/6/2011 01:39 - United States

Today, as I was smoking a cigarette I realized that it's time to quit. This realization came to me after a particularly violent coughing bout forced not tar out of my lungs, but rather poo out of my bum. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/3/2014 20:28 - United States - Galesburg

Today, my clingy girlfriend refused to leave me alone long enough for me to read an article about dealing with clingy girlfriends. FML

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By my dumb bro - 17/4/2013 16:13 - United States - Gillham

Today, I woke up to my brother chopping all my bangs off. When I yelled at him, he could only shout back, "You can see clearly now, the bangs are gone!" FML

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By Time to study again - 8/11/2017 15:00

Today, I was taking the SAT and feeling really confident in my answers. When we were close to finishing, some idiot pulled the fire alarm. All of us have to retake it. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/5/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML

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By Ella - 21/1/2009 17:56 - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom and didn't realize my skirt was tucked in my ugliest underwear until I reached the elevator. Thanks for not telling me girl-in-the-yellow-shirt. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2012 00:25 - United States - Newark

Fashionista

Today, it's my birthday. All I wanted was birthday sex, but all my boyfriend could talk about was how great the new purse he got me was. I think he might like it more than me. FML

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By redlips - 9/11/2010 18:06 - Japan

Today, I asked my fiancé what he liked most about being in a relationship with me. His answer? "I can watch your boobs without being called a perv." FML

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By vickyxanne - 13/6/2009 00:10 - United States

Today, I was cleaning out my fiancé's room while he was away so we could move into our new home. Not only did I find a few gay nudie mags, but also some interesting love letters from a nice man named Pablo. Apparently I need to do a lot more than cleaning his room to excite him. Like grow a penis. FML

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By thechimpchapter - 31/12/2011 06:48 - United States

Today, I found out that the neighbor I'd given a bottle of wine to for Christmas is a recovering alcoholic. FML

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By theleague - 9/10/2010 04:15 - United States

Today, when I arrived at the airport for my international flight there was no record of my ticket in the system. Turns out the flight was yesterday. FML

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By Emily - 21/8/2011 04:54 - United States

Today, I finally lost my virginity. In my boyfriend's racecar bed. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/7/2009 13:49 - United States

Today, after not seeing my boyfriend for 9 months, he came to meet me at the airport. I was so excited when I first saw him that I broke into a sprint to greet him. Apparently, running through the airport looks suspicious, because a security guard tackled me. Now I have a broken nose. FML

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By deranged - 25/5/2017 19:00 - Ukraine - Pirogov

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the bank to get her new ATM card. As the bank teller gave her the card, he said that the PIN remained the same. Indignant, she cried out, "How do you possibly know my PIN code?" She's 27. FML

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By StarWarsGeek - 21/11/2013 06:00 - United States

Today, I met a fellow Star Wars fan. We began enthusiastically talking about how almost no one our age knows the good old classics anymore. I was referring to the original trilogy; she was talking about the ones with Jar Jar Binks. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/1/2015 16:20 - Canada - Milton

Today, I woke up at 4am needing a piss, only to walk in on my fuckstick brother combing his pubes with our mom's toothbrush. FML

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By fail - 18/8/2013 04:41 - United States

Today, I found out yet another of my guy friends liked me. I posted that I just wanted a guy friend that had absolutely no romantic feelings for me. My crush volunteered. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2015 08:04 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I had my daughter babysit her 2-year-old brother while I went out with my husband. I told her not to let him out of her sight. She certainly did as I said; when I tuned into our internet-enabled baby monitor, I heard her and some guy having sex in the room. FML

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By daybyday - 22/11/2011 08:08 - Australia

Today, I found out that what I thought could be a life-threatening issue causing me chest pains was only because I over-obsessed about it. Now not only do I have social anxiety, but I get so anxious I can create fake illnesses. FML

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By indecentcameraexposure - 5/9/2009 21:14 - Canada

Today, I was using a Kodak Picture Maker in Walmart. I needed help using the machine so the lady that works there came over and tried to load my pictures. I heard some snickering behind me from the people in line. Turns out the pictures loaded. Even the nude ones I forgot about. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/8/2009 01:29 - United States

Today, I planned a surprise birthday party for my boyfriend. I invited all his friend and made all his favorite food. He was running very late, so I called to ask what was taking so long. His response? He said he was at his house, with the very friends I was standing next to. FML

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By SeeMeInTheDark - 7/12/2009 08:54 - United States

Today, I was doing homework in my room when my roommate started meowing all of a sudden. Not only was he meowing, he started to make loud cat noises that resembled a cat being run over by a car. He's gonna be my roommate for the rest of the year. FML

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By bananna - 29/5/2014 15:18 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found out our newborn snores worse than his father. FML

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By sasd32 - 6/3/2009 19:51 - United States

Today, I called a potential employer. I left a message asking him to return my call. When he did, my drunk friend answered my phone with "I make a sexy-time with my mother in-law." I called him back twice immediately to explain. No answer. That was my last hope for a decent job. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/6/2009 22:16 - United States

Today, in the bathroom during the ACTs, my hair got stuck in the electric hand dryer. I had to rip my hair out. For future reference, hair + hand dryer = dreadlocks. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/1/2018 15:00

Today, my husband has had a low sex drive for a while now. I've been trying all sorts of things to pique his desire. Turns out that a conversation about Neil deGrasse Tyson was all I ever needed. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/9/2013 04:13 - United States - Woburn

Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML

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By stupidbullcrêpe - 20/8/2012 22:06 - Brazil - Santos

Today, my pregnant wife broke down in tears over the fact that since moving to Brazil for my job, we don't have regular access to macaroni and cheese. FML

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By ideserveit - 28/5/2016 22:10 - Finland

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend after a fight. I told him the reason I was so irritable is because I'm on my period. He yelped in disgust and nearly fell out of bed. Good to know I'm dating a man-child. FML

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By atleese - 31/12/2011 15:37 - United States

Today, I was having 'goodbye' sex with my boyfriend. Now for the next four months he's going to remember our last time as the one where I farted and couldn't stop laughing. FML

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By Liz - 8/7/2019 00:00

Today, I woke up, and I could see perfectly. Somehow, during the night, my eyes magically became 20/20. I was overjoyed, until I realized I'd fallen asleep with my glasses on. My eyes are still trash, and I want to cry. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, while working in my pharmacy, a patient told me that he sometimes wants to jump the counter and skin me alive. He has no more refills, and his doctor is out of town for the week. FML

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By GOLLUM! - 18/5/2017 00:00

Today, after being without my car keys for two days, I finally got a locksmith to unlock my car on the off chance I'd left my keys in there. $170 later, the car was open, but I didn't find my keys. Frustrated, I threw the paperwork in the garbage... where I spotted my keys. FML

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By Walking in a Winter Wonderland - 12/9/2016 10:51 - United States - Jupiter

Today, my dandruff got so bad that when I sneezed on the bus, it created a "blizzard" of dandruff, covering me, and two others in it. I'm now known as "Winter Wonderland". FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2009 03:16 - Canada

Today, for my two month anniversary, my boyfriend surprised me with a "present". He then lifted his pant leg. He had carved my initials into his leg with a knife. FML

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By tjcl - 28/11/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were gazing into each others' eyes in the moonlight after not having seen each other for a week. I thought he was going to say "I love you" and pull me in for a kiss. Instead, he said, "Since you can’t drive, we should get one of those two seater bicycles." FML

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By thatsjustlovely - 1/1/2010 08:16 - United States

Today, it is New Year's Day. While all of my friends are out partying, I stayed home and mastered level 34 on FarmVille. FML

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By satanworshipper - 18/10/2012 04:58 - United States - Hollywood

Today, I received another death threat for teaching evolution in college. I'm a geology teacher. FML

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Top comments

By xFenix81x | 0

#358304 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:40

That is when you embarass the hell out of her. I am sure she has something juicy that she doesnt want people to know about.
Do some digging!

Get her back tenfold, bro.

By unholyfury | 0

#358298 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:39

soo.. are you two together now? lol

COMMENTS

By thrawg | 0

#358296 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:38

lol

Reply

Xero3g | 5

#358440 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 20:16

Did your friend agree to the offer?

Reply

TheLetterZero | 7

#359075 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 23:43

Moron, use the reply system to reply to someone directly, not get your comment higher up on the page.

Reply

hi5534 | 3

#360373 - Thursday 2 July 2009 7:00

lol

Reply

Xero3g | 5

#363371 - Friday 3 July 2009 9:26

Why? Besides, it's just so easy. It takes me right to the box.

Reply

toch040 | 0

#1048635 - Tuesday 29 June 2010 12:31

you don't do it coz it's spamming u chucklefucker

Reply

sheehan35 | 2

#1742561 - Wednesday 24 November 2010 4:05

i agree with 26. it saves time

Reply

thenewgirl29 | 20

#5398078 - Saturday 9 March 2013 11:01

Hahahaha

By unholyfury | 0

#358298 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:39

soo.. are you two together now? lol

Reply

randomguy1millon_fml | 0

#2535726 - Thursday 19 May 2011 23:19

he should admit his gayness and come out with it

By xFenix81x | 0

#358304 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:40

That is when you embarass the hell out of her. I am sure she has something juicy that she doesnt want people to know about.
Do some digging!

Get her back tenfold, bro.

Reply

toastyumm | 1

#4056098 - Sunday 19 February 2012 18:51

That's how it's done.

By KumoFF7 | 3

#358310 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:41

[email protected]

By rc024 | 0

#358323 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:43

Holy shit what a little bitch lol jk but no really you should get her back 10xs worse now that would be funny

By ImaEachJoo | 0

#358324 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:44

i would kill my sister if she did that

Reply

doctorbob | 0

#360163 - Thursday 2 July 2009 5:14

ya same here thats just cruel

Reply

padfoot_fml | 0

#360995 - Thursday 2 July 2009 15:12

I would seriously kill her

Reply

RoxRoidz | 0

#2283725 - Sunday 3 April 2011 2:58

No, that's times five. Your supposed to be going for ten.

Reply

clairesucks | 37

#6347400 - Saturday 11 July 2015 14:11

Bro's, take a joke and get her back. Violence is never the answer

By xHaniffax | 0

#358337 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:48

Your sister is a twat
I too know what it's like to have a younger brother/sister
don't worry, there are many of us out there
I wish I was an only child
FML
FYL
Feveryonewhohasalittlebro/sis'Ls

Reply

milgalo | 0

#358456 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 20:22

I'm a little sister, but I'd never do anything that bitchy to my brother. O_o That's just fucking crazy.

Reply

xHaniffax | 0

#358577 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 21:00

I don't know how old you are, but I'm pretty sure when you were young, you ruined your older brother's life, but you just didn't realise it. or you did.

Reply

nightDREAMERms | 6

#359591 - Thursday 2 July 2009 2:12

@#7

Here, Here!

By IFUCKINLOVETEA | 0

#358339 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:48

hate that.

By coldplaylive2003 | 0

#358343 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:49

My little brother did basically the same things to me over text when he stole my phone

By sonicfury | 0

#358348 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:51

that sucks my brother did that but I caught him and stopped it fyl