Miscellaneous: Today, I logged on to MSN for the first time in a month. In under... - FML

By Jake - 01/07/2009 12:28 - Australia

Today, I logged on to MSN for the first time in a month. In under 10 minutes, I found out that my little sister had changed my screen name to Jake the Weiner, told my friend that he should "suck my d***" and sent an email to all my contacts declaring my love for my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 877

You deserved it 6 485

Age difference

Good kid

Drunk

By Olive14 - 15/12/2010 06:15

Today, I was caring for a bird that had flown into my window. I thought the poor thing wouldn't make it, when it shit in my hand, flew into my neck, then around my living room for ages before I could manage to get it out of the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 019

You deserved it 7 319

By Fingkids - 25/09/2012 01:51 - United States

Today, I fell asleep at work and woke up with penis sharpied on my face. I'm a kindergarten teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 270

You deserved it 33 777

By ramble ramble - 30/01/2014 20:55 - United States - Monroe

Today, I was taking a leisurely stroll through the woods in the nice cool weather, when a mountain biker came out of nowhere and tore past, barely missing me. As I counted my luck, another biker followed the first and crashed right into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 729

You deserved it 4 400

By Maggie123 - 14/09/2009 05:07 - Canada

Today, I was taking my morning pills. There had been a lot of fruit flies in my house lately. I grabbed a cup of water beside to sink to wash the pills down. As soon as I tasted the drink, I realized it was vinegar and dish soap used to trap the flies. I washed my pills down with dead flies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 222

You deserved it 27 852

Memento

By annie - 31/12/2020 02:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, at the age of 24, the only way I can remember anything at all is if I repeat it over and over again like a mantra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 76

By anonymous - 23/04/2013 05:25 - United States

Today, I had a note to skip P.E. that my grandpa had written because my mom was busy. His handwriting is terrible, so they didn't believe that he'd written it. I'd twisted my ankle and I got to run another mile for "lying". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 896

You deserved it 4 181

By Anonymous - 03/06/2014 09:46 - United Kingdom - Preston

Spicy

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my tits. He ignored it and instead sent a picture of his dog "looking blazed". FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 142

You deserved it 17 637

By probably single - 29/05/2015 18:28 - Denmark - Gram

Today, my girlfriend bought two tickets for a cruise to the Bahamas. Too bad the second ticket isn't for me. I guess her ex-boyfriend will have a wonderful time with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 925

You deserved it 2 389

Themed

By Anonymous - 18/11/2020 05:03 - United States - Burlington

Today, I blew Christmas out of my nose. Out of one nostril came thick green mucus, and out of the other, thick red blood. Let the holiday season begin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 123

By Anonymous - 05/10/2018 12:00

Today, the girl of my dreams, the one person I've met in my life that I could see myself spending the rest of it with, told me she loves me. She then specifically added "...but not in that way, so we could never be together." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 879

You deserved it 251

By Anonymous - 24/12/2013 17:19 - United States - Lake Ariel

Today, I got my period, and had to rush to my parents' bathroom for some pads. They'd put all our wrapped presents in their bathroom. As I was looking, my dad thought I was opening presents and barged in, only to see me with my pants around my ankles. Now he won't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 019

You deserved it 4 026

By LittleRed79 - 03/11/2016 04:49 - Canada

Today, it's difficult being a single woman in my city: The female/male ratio is 3:1, and the last 3 dates I've been on were with a guy who kept asking for nudes, an aggressive raging alcoholic, and what turned out to be a married man. I'm seriously considering adopting several more cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 826

You deserved it 1 015

By BroadwayBaby1997 - 17/09/2016 15:26 - United States - Mission

Today, I've had more crushes on fictional characters than actual people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 344

You deserved it 2 555

By broken - 28/07/2009 17:12 - Saudi Arabia

Today, my family and I were just about to leave the house for the vacation that I had been saving up for 3 years. I was coming down the stairs with a heavy suitcase and I tripped and fell breaking my leg, now my family's gone without me while I'm in hospital. I paid for the vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 530

You deserved it 3 815

By Anonymous - 03/12/2009 08:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked into my apartment to find my boyfriend of two years screwing my lifelong best friend. I immediately burst into tears. He looked at me and told me I was being too dramatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 491

You deserved it 2 711

By xero_art - 26/06/2009 09:51 - United States

Today, it's my birthday and I received a signed vintage Beatles' album from my wife. Awesome right? It's the same album some jerk way over-bidded me for on eBay. That jerk was my wife, using my credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 750

You deserved it 7 719

By Joseph N - 19/06/2012 16:08 - United States

Today, a police officer came to talk to the kids at my workplace. He asked what they wanted to hear about first. A group of them shouted, "The donuts, tells us about the donuts." Apparently these idiots are the future of my country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 898

You deserved it 5 091

Covert failure

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 20:01

Today, I failed school and ghosted all my teachers. Nobody knows, but I'm planning on telling my parents in a week. I'm fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 252

You deserved it 1 077

By leftbehind - 10/06/2011 11:40 - Colombia

Today, I was the only passenger on a completely booked flight to have all their luggage left behind in another country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 800

You deserved it 3 248

By Oh No... - 05/07/2019 16:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend filmed a video about violence in sexual relationships for a class. I expected a monologue kind of thing. She then told me it was an example video of an encounter with a male classmate. She showed me. It’s pretty much porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 268

You deserved it 207

By fattypatty - 20/02/2017 13:00 - United States

Today, it seems I do, in fact, have an addiction to food. My employer has put on a weight loss challenge with a 1000$ prize, and on day 5 of 100 I'm already lying to the calorie counting app I installed on my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 956

You deserved it 2 263

Quickie

By Anonymous - 18/04/2020 23:00

Spicy

Today, I realised that unless I masturbate about an hour before sex, sex lasts less than 20 seconds, but even after masturbating I’m still lucky to last a single minute. I don’t know how to stop disappointing her, and she’s my first serious girlfriend. I’m pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 749

You deserved it 458

By kel - 10/02/2010 17:34 - United States

Today, in between the passing times at school, one of my classmates opened the door to my next class, so I turned to tell him thank you. Apparently, he was opening it for the teacher who was leaving. I collided with her and her very hot cup of coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 622

You deserved it 4 839

By chocochoco - 24/03/2014 03:40 - United States - Auburn

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 914

You deserved it 17 868

By Anonymous - 08/05/2009 14:53 - Canada

Spicy

Today, while working as a makeup artist in the mall, I was approached by a man who wanted to try lipstick (not unusual we do a lot of drag). While I'm applying it he starts to make gross noises and after a quick glance I realize he has a massive erection. He then whispers mmmm don't stop now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 466

You deserved it 4 491

There is a light that sometimes goes out

By Hannah - 15/08/2021 06:01 - New Zealand - Tauranga

Today, I saw a light switch on in the hallway at school, so I tried turning it off. That was the light switch for the entire second floor. So many people saw, I turned it back on and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 271

You deserved it 771

By karmaquestionmark - 20/11/2012 02:04 - United States - Silverton

Today, my mom sold my Magic box at a garage sale because I "never use it." Locked inside it was my fake ID, a couple of hundred bucks, and a bag of weed. She can't remember who she sold it to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 077

You deserved it 36 774

Quality family time

By Anonymous - 18/10/2021 02:00 - United States - Verona

Today, I made a nice dinner for my relatives, as we share the same quarters for lockdown. For an hour, I had to hear the same old complaints about other relatives for the last ten years that I have been hearing about every day since lockdown. I wanted to scream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 76

By catgiraffegirl - 23/09/2014 18:30 - United States

Today, I had to inform my roommate that dry shampoo, deodorant, and perfume are not the same as a shower. It's been two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 874

You deserved it 2 928

By Username - 31/07/2019 00:01 - Singapore

Today, I was put in lockup for accidentally scaring the officer by lifting my hand to scratch my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 597

You deserved it 217

By Ouchmybum - 03/11/2018 12:00

Today, whilst out on a walk with the dogs, I decided to explore a different part of the woods. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my bum. Then another. And another. I realised it was wasps and ran. I've been stung 11 times and have to go back tomorrow for the coat I dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 505

You deserved it 217

By notabeliever - 29/07/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, my wife threw a piece of tofu cake at my head for suggesting that the money she'd spent on magic "healing" crystals and homeopathic "remedies" would've just as well been spent on a chocolate teapot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 686

You deserved it 7 190

By Anonymous - 25/08/2009 17:03 - United States

Today, I was at the park with my autistic son when I noticed a teenage girl imitating him by flapping her hands and walking on her toes. Fed up with children mocking my son, I went over and sternly lectured the girl's mother. Turns out, her daughter is autistic too and will be in my son's class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 893

You deserved it 23 103

By TooShort - 03/05/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, I walked into a restaurant with my parents to celebrate my Mom's birthday. They immediately got a kid's menu and crayons out for me. I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 305

You deserved it 8 597

DST FML

By Anonymous - 06/10/2021 08:00

Today, my partner and I spent the last 3 days transitioning our 19 month-olds bedtime by 15 minutes each day for daylight savings, only to find out we've been going the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 316

You deserved it 1 095

By Anonymous - 27/11/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. It would have been great, if a mate of his didn't tell him to put Listerine strips in his mouth first "for the tingle." I've been running cold water over my burning genitals for 15 minutes while he laughs in the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 271

You deserved it 559

By Anonymous - 23/10/2017 16:19

Today, my dad tried to help me overcome my intense fear of horses (due to nearly being killed by one as a child) by taking me to a ranch. Within 30 minutes, a horse bit my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 905

You deserved it 440

By fieldmarshalclitter - 01/12/2012 20:21 - United States

Today, to scare my little brother I dressed up as the killer from the Scream movies. The outfit was a little too long on me, and I ended up falling down the stairs. Not only was he doubled over laughing, but so were the people in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 963

You deserved it 28 419

By creeper - 03/09/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I went to see my favorite band in concert. When the show was over I got the chance to meet them. When I met the guitarist and told him my name, he recognized me. To my disappointment it was as the facebook creeper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 046

You deserved it 50 830

By her mom raised her - 17/05/2014 17:30 - Mexico

Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 736

You deserved it 7 011

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Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:40

That is when you embarass the hell out of her. I am sure she has something juicy that she doesnt want people to know about. Do some digging! Get her back tenfold, bro.

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Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:39

soo.. are you two together now? lol

Comments

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Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:38

lol

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Wednesday 1 July 2009 20:16

Did your friend agree to the offer?

TheLetterZero 7

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Wednesday 1 July 2009 23:43

Moron, use the reply system to reply to someone directly, not get your comment higher up on the page.

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Thursday 2 July 2009 7:00

lol

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Friday 3 July 2009 9:26

Why? Besides, it's just so easy. It takes me right to the box.

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Tuesday 29 June 2010 12:31

you don't do it coz it's spamming u chucklefucker

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Wednesday 24 November 2010 4:05

i agree with 26. it saves time

thenewgirl29 20

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Saturday 9 March 2013 11:01

Hahahaha

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Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:39

soo.. are you two together now? lol

randomguy1millon_fml 0

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Thursday 19 May 2011 23:19

he should admit his gayness and come out with it

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Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:40

That is when you embarass the hell out of her. I am sure she has something juicy that she doesnt want people to know about. Do some digging! Get her back tenfold, bro.

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Sunday 19 February 2012 18:51

That's how it's done.

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Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:41

[email protected]

rc024 0

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Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:43

Holy shit what a little bitch lol jk but no really you should get her back 10xs worse now that would be funny

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Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:44

i would kill my sister if she did that

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Thursday 2 July 2009 5:14

ya same here thats just cruel

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Thursday 2 July 2009 15:12

I would seriously kill her

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Sunday 3 April 2011 2:58

No, that's times five. Your supposed to be going for ten.

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Saturday 11 July 2015 14:11

Bro's, take a joke and get her back. Violence is never the answer

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Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:48

Your sister is a twat I too know what it's like to have a younger brother/sister don't worry, there are many of us out there I wish I was an only child FML FYL Feveryonewhohasalittlebro/sis'Ls

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Wednesday 1 July 2009 20:22

I'm a little sister, but I'd never do anything that bitchy to my brother. O_o That's just fucking crazy.

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Wednesday 1 July 2009 21:00

I don't know how old you are, but I'm pretty sure when you were young, you ruined your older brother's life, but you just didn't realise it. or you did.

nightDREAMERms 6

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Thursday 2 July 2009 2:12

@#7 Here, Here!

IFUCKINLOVETEA 0

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Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:48

hate that.

coldplaylive2003 0

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Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:49

My little brother did basically the same things to me over text when he stole my phone

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Wednesday 1 July 2009 19:51

that sucks my brother did that but I caught him and stopped it fyl

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 6

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 39

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 35