Today, it was boiling hot so my boyfriend and I decided to sunbathe... - FML

By Beccarr - 1/7/2009 17:04 - United Kingdom

Today, it was boiling hot so my boyfriend and I decided to sunbathe in the garden and ended up falling asleep for a few hours. Not only is my back so burnt that I can't lie down, I also have a white hand print on my upper back where my boyfriend had left his arm while we slept. FML

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Boozehound alert

Buzzing the tower

Recycling helps

By JeezAndAges - 24/11/2018 05:00

Today, I walked in on my nineteen-year-old stepson masturbating into a pair of my panties. His excuse? He thought they belonged to my 17-year-old daughter. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2019 22:05

Today, I got hit on. By a high school kid. Who looks exactly like Napoleon Dynamite. That was the only time anyone has ever hit on me. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2016 08:00 - Spain

Today, my seasonal allergies started. Most annoying thing by far this allergy season? I only get the urge to sneeze when I have food in my mouth. FML

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By PsychoSarah - 6/4/2011 23:57 - United States

Today, I got fired from my job. I caught a customer taking pictures up my skirt, and my boss fired me for calling the police and "making a big deal out of it". FML

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By cupcakemonsteryu - 8/2/2010 05:21 - France

Today, I found out that the man I met online was a fake Facebook account, made by my daughter and her friends. FML

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By full moon - 8/9/2016 02:37 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, it was the first day of school, and I split my pants. In a full class. While on a stage. I'm the teacher, and I wasn't wearing underwear. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/1/2015 16:34 - Ireland

Today, after the longest time, I went to the gym. I ran and ran and ran on the treadmill for an eternity, beating myself up for getting so overweight. Then I tripped and fell off, sweating and sobbing for being so useless. When I looked up, I saw I'd been on the machine for barely 2 minutes. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/7/2013 01:03 - United States - La Grande

Today, I had to break up a fist fight between two female residents. I work in a retirement home. FML

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By fucking har har, dad - 5/10/2012 23:38 - Australia

Today, two days after leaving hospital with a broken left leg, I tripped and fell heavily on the floor. My dad quickly asked if I'd broken my other leg. When I reassured him that I hadn't, he disappointedly muttered that it would've been a hilarious story to tell his friends at work. FML

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By unknown951 - 29/11/2010 07:11

Today, I went to the doctor because recently I've had a white liquid coming from my breast. I found out it's milk. I'm not pregnant. FML

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By Slaanesh - 12/12/2008 12:08 - France

Today, I decided to teach my dog not to be scared of the vacuum cleaner. I grab the handle and get it close to her. She runs off and hides behind the couch and pisses everywhere. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2013 19:28 - United States - Warren

Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML

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By broken finger - 18/7/2013 20:53 - United States

Today, while wiping my ass, the broken finger that has been set straight dipped into the toilet and touched a turd. This keeps happening since I broke it, and I'm sure it will again. FML

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By sasha625 - 22/12/2018 14:00

Today, I was running late for work. My windshield had completely frozen over. I didn’t have anything to dissolve the ice..except some coffee I had made 30 minutes earlier. I decided to dump my coffee on my windshield. Instead of dissolving the ice, the creamer froze on entire windshield. FML

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By Wolfrunner87 - 13/7/2015 05:06 - Australia - Broadmeadows

Today, my bosses were boasting about their work-funded retreat, including the $1,800 bottle of wine the company paid for. This would be fine if they hadn't just told me there are no funds to pay me for the work they've got me doing. We are also the biggest company in our industry. FML

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By anonymous - 28/3/2011 18:48 - United States

Today, I dropped my blackberry, but thanks to the protective gel case that I just purchased for it... it bounced and fell right into a sidewalk drainage sewer. FML

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By dating walter white's gf apparently - 6/4/2013 19:13 - United Kingdom

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

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By Catpiss - 3/1/2018 16:30 - United States - San Bernardino

Today, I finished filling the pages in my passport. Also today, my mom's cat urinated on my backpack, soaking my passport with rancid pee. I have visas that last 10 years and can't be moved to a new passport, so I have to keep this nostril-burning booklet. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 20:02

Get the hell out of Dodge

Today, I realized I'm happier and life is better when my husband isn't around. He isn't abusive, just lazy and uninvolved. We have young kids and I don't know how to leave him. FML

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By testesential - 13/12/2011 17:24 - United States

Today, I took my last final on a Scantron sheet with 200 multiple choice questions, with seconds to spare. When I finished the last question, I saw I had another bubble to fill in and I didn't know where I screwed up. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/10/2013 04:44 - United States

Today, my 6-year-old daughter threw a tantrum in the middle of a store, all because I wouldn't buy her a pushup bra. FML

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By scoold - 21/12/2014 22:02 - United States - Dover

Today, my boss sent me a link on how to write a good resignation letter. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2010 21:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She came over to see me one last time. We hugged for minutes and cried; it was a touching moment. Just after she left, I realized my wallet that I had on the table beside us was gone. FML

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By carey33 - 4/6/2020 14:15

Quite the catch

Today, even though I’m having contractions, I’m still trying to clean up the house. My husband just got pissy with me because I was rolling the vacuum behind me instead of picking it up and carrying it to the closet. FML

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By redlips - 9/11/2010 18:06 - Japan

Today, I asked my fiancé what he liked most about being in a relationship with me. His answer? "I can watch your boobs without being called a perv." FML

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By Anonymous - 29/7/2012 05:27 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I learned that if you go through your best friend's phone, you can find sexy texts and nude pictures between him and your girlfriend. FML

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By screwed - 4/11/2012 09:55 - United States

Today, my hubby and I decided to spice up our sex life and went to an adult toy store. We know too many people in our town, so we drove to one that was 30 mins away. We decided on our items, and went to the check out. Who would have guessed my next door neighbor works there as a cashier? FML

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By BrittUnicorn - 6/7/2015 15:14 - United States - Morristown

Today, I was having a dream about Chris Pratt. Instead of having a sexy dream that I would have enjoyed, I dreamt he was a supervisor at my work. He kept telling me how much I sucked. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2014 20:52 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, after my first day at work at a local daycare, I found out that I'm not entitled to breaks because I'm the only worker there who doesn't smoke. My boss asked me, ''What do you need a break for?'' FML

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By rattrap - 6/2/2012 01:13 - United States

Today, I checked over the pictures on my night-cam to see if my cats are really going on our kitchen counters. As soon as I'd seen the first picture, I realized that this whole time my cats haven't been going on it. It was a rat. FML

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By tkoester - 29/8/2015 04:29 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I got a phone call letting me know my grandmother was arrested for trying to light my grandpa on fire. She's now in jail, asking for bail money. FML

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By microlovin - 28/7/2013 07:45 - United States - Pasadena

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML

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By B.B - 7/10/2016 14:03 - United States - New York

Today, my husband brought me breakfast in bed. Don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful and love him even more for the thought. But the only problem with breakfast in bed is that you have to eat what they bring you, even if it's bad. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/5/2012 17:02 - United States - Houston

Today, I finally got the chance to meet this wonderful guy I met on a dating site. She was very excited to see me, too. FML

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By Hannah - 4/3/2012 20:46 - United States

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

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By iGreen - 9/7/2011 14:34 - Canada

Today, my mom cooked her dog some potatoes, carrots, beef, rice and peas. She cooks better food for her dog than she will for our family. FML

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By kufan1324 - 5/6/2012 03:47 - United States

Today, my boss became obsessed with a movie about a pimp. He now refers to all my female coworkers as his "bitches" and refuses to treat us like human beings. Whenever we make a mistake, he rolls his eyes and laughs, "So typical of a prostie." FML

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By WetWetWet - 4/1/2010 11:15 - India

Today, I returned to work after a restful week-long holiday. Before I left, I'd finished a huge assignment which is due this week. I walk in to find a water pipe has burst just above my desk, flooding our office with water and ruining my computer. Happy New Year to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2019 00:01 - Australia - Darwin

The Conversationalist

Today, I was so bad at maintaining a conversation that the only way for the other guy to put up with me was to drink. He was the designated driver. He would rather risk drinking and driving than being sober around me. FML

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By Eric John Los - 29/1/2018 13:00 - United States - Haydenville

Today, I wore a coat that was too tight. The button gave way and quickly flew about ten feet to hit my very attractive new coworker right in the ass. FML

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Top comments

By irishlassie731 | 0

#359022 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 23:32

Also, if it was boiling hot, why would you voluntarily go outside...where it's boiling hot?

By fxdxhk90 | 0

#358874 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 23:04

Could have been in worse areas.

COMMENTS

By fxdxhk90 | 0

#358874 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 23:04

Could have been in worse areas.

Reply

purple_riot | 0

#359019 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 23:31

That's what I thought. Wouldn't LOWER back be more of an FML?

Reply

suaveneanderthal | 0

#359218 - Thursday 2 July 2009 0:28

lol thats kinda cute.

Reply

pureamber | 0

#359900 - Thursday 2 July 2009 3:39

how worse?! upper back is going to show if she wears tank tops! that SUCKS!

Reply

GrapefruitZoe | 0

#360107 - Thursday 2 July 2009 4:53

No it doesn't. If you seriously worry about that, you're wasting your time.

Reply

easylazy | 0

#360300 - Thursday 2 July 2009 6:22

THIS IS COPIED STRAIGHT OUT OF A FOXTROT COMIC STRIP!!!

Reply

kellanlvr | 1

#361804 - Thursday 2 July 2009 21:57

true atleast it wasn't on your "special" places XD

Reply

ireneaaftink | 0

#2725871 - Monday 20 June 2011 23:17

I saw that on the beach lately... Only it was her but&lower, and the man had a giant hand... fherlife

By springbirder | 0

#358877 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 23:05

Second.

Reply

irishlassie731 | 0

#359051 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 23:39

No one cares.

Reply

springbirder | 0

#359202 - Thursday 2 July 2009 0:21

You obviously care enough to respond ;)

Reply

UrRightFML | 0

#360118 - Thursday 2 July 2009 4:56

U might be second to reply to this FML but the last to lose your virginity.

By _cheeseballs | 0

#358883 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 23:06

'sunbathe'
Ydi. Warnings about Skin cancer are advertised everywhere. Take notice.

Reply

babyhollywood | 0

#358937 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 23:14

mostly* everyone sunbathes. you can't change the world.
if she wants to sunbathe, its her skin. doesn't mean she deserves to fall asleep & turn into a lobster.

Reply

_cheeseballs | 0

#358966 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 23:18

No, not everyone sunbathes. :)

Reply

blehargh | 0

#359042 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 23:35

Yes she deserves it. Not everyone sunbathes, I don't know what idiot came up with intentionally cooking your skin with radiation.

Reply

safirestar09 | 0

#1014884 - Tuesday 1 June 2010 10:31

...I like to sunbathe... but I take care not to fall asleep... Does that mean I deserve skin cancer because I like to feel the warmth of the sun on my skin?!

Reply

PeteyPablo12308 | 20

#2158247 - Monday 7 March 2011 11:03

Nobody 'deserves' skin cancer assholes. That's like saying anyone who drives 'deserves' to get in a wreck. Quit being so judgmental. I'm sure that you aren't perfect so shut the fuck up. Skin cancer is a horrible disease..

By ru4real_ | 0

#358891 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 23:07

ha ha ha that's funny!

By vanessa_nessa_08 | 0

#358892 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 23:08

aaahhh what assholes. unlike that shit quick and hope not too many people noticed. or leave it there and pretend you did it on purpose.

Reply

Tsukasa_fml | 0

#360492 - Thursday 2 July 2009 8:11

Wrong FML.

By ithedarkknight | 0

#358903 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 23:09

lol have sex???

By bb1_00 | 0

#358928 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 23:12

YDI how are you both going to fall asleep out of nowhere ... that's just dumb....

Reply

UrStoopid | 0

#358943 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 23:14

i have a better question, if it was "boiling hot" why would you be outside in the heat instead of inside in some air conditioned room?

Reply

Muse_89 | 0

#359581 - Thursday 2 July 2009 2:11

Because here in the UK, we don't get hot days enough to take the time and the money to install air conditioning.

By lolatyouhaha | 0

#358934 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 23:13

yeah okay, big deal.

By Daaniellee1234 | 8

#358935 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 23:14

isent is called sun tan.. not sun bathe?

Reply

UrStoopid | 0

#358958 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 23:17

Uh...you get a tan from sun bathing. You have to sun BATHE to get a sun TAN.

By xpikoalax | 0

#358940 - Wednesday 1 July 2009 23:14

YDI.
Yeah it's nice to sunbathe and get a tan.
There's tanning and there is just plain stupid, though.
Today it was 42 celsius in the sun, with a UV index of 8 >.>