By marriage/celibacy/synonymity - 08/03/2013 23:36 - Norway - Espeland

Spicy
Today, I showed my wife an article about how frequent orgasms can prevent prostate cancer, as well as increase both partners' overall health. She replied that she wouldn't judge me if I masturbated, as long as I don't use porn. FML
I agree, your life sucks 41 396
You deserved it 9 358

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I find my imagination to be the best cameraman, director, and pornstar I've ever known.

perdix 29

Tell her your masturbating won't improve her health, and she might even end up slipping on a puddle of semen and breaking a hip. Ladies love it when you try to charm their pants off with medical research.

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you should maybe ask her to.help out.. or maybe try and spice it up a bit, just stay away from chili pepper... no, you don't want to know.

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Well, you're a dog and you lick your privates all the time. I personally find that weird.

2 - If you don't masturbate* to thoughts or visuals, what the hell do you masturbate to? Aren't thoughts kind of a constant process? Or... not really for you?

I find my imagination to be the best cameraman, director, and pornstar I've ever known.

So you're not allowed to watch porn as well?

I actually watch porn with my husband. Sometimes its extremely comical. Especially the parodies

Agreed, nothing better than choosing your own cast & seeing exactly what you're in the mood for (:

I think OP was too obvious here

Time to try spicing up the love life with toys and actions instead of articles.

perdix 29

Tell her your masturbating won't improve her health, and she might even end up slipping on a puddle of semen and breaking a hip. Ladies love it when you try to charm their pants off with medical research.

I have to admit, that made me chuckle a bit.

perdix 29

#33, just "a bit?" Come on! Admit it, you LOL'd!

Does your wife choose no health benefits from sex for herself over having sex with you?

I do believe she did. Maybe OP needs to see a sex coach because he obviously isn't doing something right.

Maybe she figured that the health benefits wouldn't apply because he doesn't make her orgasm.

Well he should realize that and spice things up in bed... Sex toy?

54- it's hard for him to realize that if she doesn't communicate with him.

Then masturbate in bed, with her beside you, with LOTS of sound effects. Then at least she'll know you not watching porn.

BubbleGrunge 18

Tell her you won't watch porn if she'll give you a hand.

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If there's no sex then child support wouldn't be an issue.

If you lived in China, then you would have a legal precedent. If not, then no.

I do believe it was if your marriage was never consummated.

11 - A small part of me wants to write you a list of everything that's wrong with your comment... But something tells me I'd be wasting my breath (or... letters?).

BellaBelle_fml 23

Everyone has denied their partner sex at least once or twice during their relationship. Everyone has the right to say no sometimes. So long as they are not refusing sex just to be spiteful or something similarly harsh, and so long as it is not a frequent occurrence, but merely due to being sick, exhausted, or simply not being in the mood, I see no reason for divorce. That seems immature, selfish, and almost as if they didn't genuinely care for their partner and were only using them for their own self gratification, which is disgusting to me when I think about it.

Get an annulment because his wife is holding out on him? That's ridiculous. He needs to actually talk to her about it instead of showing her articles.

Divorce. Don't stay in a love-less marriage. Get a lawyer before u do anything. She might even be cheating if she doesn't want any