Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML
Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
Today, I was assaulted and knocked out by a girl at school for talking to her boyfriend. I woke up in the emergency room. After she knocked me unconscious, she took a knife and carved her initials into my face. FML
Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML
Today, I went to the movies with my girlfriend. As I started putting my arm around her, I hit her in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend smashed a glass in my face. When I went to the hospital, the first thing the nurse did was ask what I did to upset her, and then muttered that she hoped I'd learned a lesson. FML
Today, I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted that her boyfriend was there, but he didn't relent. So I went over and put my arm around her and asked "Who's this guy?" He walked away, but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML
Today, I went to a bar with a close friend. She got drunk and was feeling sick, so I carried her to my car to take her to her house. Some stranger accused me of drugging her and tackled me with her in my arms. She threw up on me, and he took off running without an apology. FML
Today, I angrily waved away an annoying fly with a large knife. I stabbed myself in the shoulder. FML
Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML
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Top comments
CyclonePsycho 1
At least you stopped her from getting on the road and potentially killing someone. :D
lukewarmocha 0
naw...you could make up a pretty cool story.
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Comments (198)
well_this_sucks 0
awhh that suckss! ~first(:~
springbirder 0
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inmyroom 1
this'll make a good story later on.
ChrisWasHere 0
Wow. You're gay, number 2. Oh and for the OP.. you're an idiot. This FML sounds so FIMILIAR to a recent post. VERY SIMILAR.
ImAKlutz15 0
thats what i thought
springbirder 0
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jenkins56 5
Wow #27. It bugs me way too much that you spelt 'Obama', 'Obaobama' once here.
MeganH0LLYW00D 0
Agreed.
lil_miz_liz09 0
wow #67..it bugs me how you read every "OBAMA" in that comment.
cucumberfabulous 7
I didn't read every Obama, I still noticed it =P
ithedarkknight 0
LOL CHANGE HAS COME TO AMERICA! whether you like it or not all you people hatin on my president it doesnt matter guess what he will always be known as the president of the UNITED STATES and you always will be known as... OOPS i forgot your a nobody stfu and stop hatin OBAMA ALL THE WAY!!!!!!! um six months later and you still cant suck it up WE WON BABY WE WON ALL DAY!!!! OBAMA!
moose91894 0
change?
oogyboogy 6
It's not that you an it's that it's destroying our country taxing to death is destroying america and destroying our nuclear weapons face it he's killing us all
Always4tehlolz 0
gimmick election is gimmick
easylazy 0
Just tell everyone that you got bit by a vampire All your girlfriends are probably obsessed with Twilight anyway
Bizzile 0
that suuuucks !
lifeislife_fml 0
Haha #67, I had to look for the "Obaobama". That was a pretty funny copy+paste incident.
Dante167 0
#114 I doubt you have any clue what you're talking about, you cant even make a sentence that doesnt sound like an 8 year old typed it.
americayay 0
i don't know that they hate obama, just you because you type obama multiple times all over this site because you're pathetic and it's really annoying.
jessamyn_it_is 0
Haha yeah, that's kind of what I was about to say :)
divineinstrument 2
To number #58: Yeah that's exactly what I was thinking!!! Yeah, I thought it was the same FML for a second, but the first one was about another guy trying to stop a drunk girl from driving home and she ran him over. Looks like no good comes from trying to stop people from drink-driving lol To OP: Well, you tried to do a good deed, and it didn't work out. You can't blame yourself if someone else wants to drink-drive. It's an incredibly stupid thing to do, but people do it, and I really hope that anyone who drink-drives gets caught and severly punished (the police fine is the tip of the iceberg- anyone caught drink-driving is likely to get fired). Sorry, OP, nice try though.
srammer99 0
because of Obama there won't be another black president for a long time
zach055 23
That's what you get for messing with a drink girl.
potterwatch 0
someone jumped on the bandwagon... I hate when people talk about politics like it's a football game. and I especially hate it when all the obama crazy high school students say "change" to everything even though they have no idea what they are talking about. I mean I voted for Obama but it wasn't because he was young or black or bc I'm an optimist and I believe in his entire message. sometimes you gotta pick the guy that sucks less.
19fml18 0
it'll make one badass scar, though.
lukewarmocha 0
naw...you could make up a pretty cool story.
genius_girl16 0
I think this is the best thing that has ever happened to you ! congratulations! you are officially a part of the exclusive club known as bitten. It was originated in south georgia island and entitles you to free things such as free valet parking. no taxes and free coffees and shipping and handling fees! Some people are bitten just to enjoy these benefits. If you think im lying just google it. its on the 22 page.
StealthStorm67 0
What kind of ******* loser searches something for 22 pages?
irrelevantxx 0
Hahahahh
niemann2006 0
hopefully she didn't have a transferable disease
spiffles 0
No joke. Get tested!!
brenkite 5
You might become a zombie
mastory96 0
haha agreed with number 2. you could think of something, like maybe your girl got rough last night, etc. :)
jenkins56 5
Or tell the twilight fangirls that's where the vampire bit you. They'll be putty in your hands my friend....
failgirl14 0
oh thats nice. good to see girls are being respected, lol. no but seriously, thats probably actually true...
itsgen 16
damm never take a drunken gurls tequila
teamhat 0
haha #2 has a great thing to say
mastory96 0
unless you're a girl... haha sorry!
blooberri 0
that sucks .. im sorry
manoverboard 0
Say a really tiny shark bit you.