All the FMLs

By Matt - 15/10/2009 23:17 - United States

Today, I realized that choosing to live in the honors dorms was a terrible mistake. Quiet hours start at 6 PM and the only exception is if you are a member of the university marching band, which means you can practice your instrument at anytime in the lounge... located next to my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 169

You deserved it 4 615

By Noname - 15/10/2009 22:14 - United States

Today, my younger sister's dog broke its leg. The vets are closed today so instead of going on a date with a girl I have been trying to get for at least 2 years, I need to carry an 80 lb. dog that hates me, up and down the stairs. I already got bit twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 575

You deserved it 3 497

By dumpedandstranded - 15/10/2009 20:19

Today, I flew to Mexico with my (now ex) boyfriend of two years. It was my first time flying, and apparently I have a fear. I had a panic attack on the plane. When we landed, I got dumped for "causing a scene." I am now stranded in Mexico alone for two weeks with no hotel room booked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 882

You deserved it 5 227

By artiemilano - 15/10/2009 19:42 - United States

Today, I let my mother use my computer for school work. Later that day my mom asks me what's wrong with the computer. I look at it, only seeing a "Welcome to Windows XP" screen. She said that she saw a blue screen and pressed L and C when it asked her to. My mom managed to clear my hard drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 064

You deserved it 3 552

By hatelittleboys - 15/10/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, I was playing FarmTown and got into a fight with a 14 year old boy. I threatened him with physical violence, and he reported me. I'm 23 years old and got banned from a virtual farming game for threatening children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 983

You deserved it 64 413

By sleepy - 15/10/2009 15:48 - United States

Today, I had a Biochemistry exam. I studied all night but took a nap to get some rest because my exam was in the morning. I woke up at 10, feeling very confident. My exam was at 9. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 966

You deserved it 29 338

Domestic bliss

By Good_old_Grim - 15/10/2009 13:51 - Latvia

Today, I stumbled upon my girlfriend's Twitter account that I didn't know existed. A recent entry states that living with me is pathetic; "it's just that the current economical situation doesn't leave her with many options." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 804

You deserved it 2 833

Nametags work

By Blanerd - 15/10/2009 12:33 - United States

Today, I was in a work meeting because our clientele is unhappy with our service. I was in there because I don't correct our customers when they get my name wrong. My name is Blane, but "Blair", "Blake", "Lane", and "Glenn" got rave reviews. No one picked up on this. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 288

You deserved it 4 307

By Anonymous - 15/10/2009 11:29 - Canada

Today, I found out that, because I'm a student, the employees I train make more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 182

You deserved it 2 380

By Forgotten One - 15/10/2009 11:11 - France

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years decided to start an online blog about his life. He mentioned his cars, his friends and even his staff. I was never mentioned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 914

You deserved it 4 947

Love is…

By Achoo - 15/10/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I was making out with a guy I really like. Midway through, he stopped and said he had to sneeze. After waiting several seconds, he said the urge went away and we kept making out. Ten seconds later, he violently sneezed in my open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 935

You deserved it 5 159

By Anonymous - 15/10/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, I realized that my virus protection program now has a virus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 059

You deserved it 5 094

By Em - 15/10/2009 06:12 - France

Today, my boyfriend accidentally called me from his pocket. I thought it would be funny to see what him and his friends were talking about. I laughed when I heard him talking about us fooling around until I realized it wasn't me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 353

You deserved it 3 637

By gooddriver - 15/10/2009 03:18 - United States

Today, I was involved in a wreck. How quickly did the police arrive at the scene? Very quickly, considering he was the one who rear-ended me at a red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 769

You deserved it 2 100

By diskdude13 - 15/10/2009 01:48 - United States

Today, I just let out all my feeling for a woman that I have loved for 22 years. When I finished, she said "You're so funny!" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 660

You deserved it 6 441

By Nikki - 15/10/2009 01:47 - Canada

Today, this guy and I went on a date to the movies. We got up to the desk and I asked for one ticket for 'Jennifer's Body.' The guy moved his way in front of me and said, "make that two tickets." He then walked away to look at movie posters and left me with the $22.50 charge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 258

You deserved it 6 734

By Pimp53X - 15/10/2009 01:16 - Australia

Today, I woke up very hung over after a big party last night. As I walked into my kitchen to make something to eat, I noticed a weird smell. Turns out my friend had thrown up in my freezer, and then turned off my whole fridge so "it wouldn't freeze and be hard for me to clean up in the morning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 972

You deserved it 4 888

Pimp53X tells us more.

Pimp53X 4

Thursday 15 October 2009 10:49

haha, well i was annoyed at first, but he is one of my best mates. And i couldn't say that i had never done something really stupid why'll drunk....not as bad as what he did but still bad =P. We talked about it the next day and at the time he thought it was a good idea to turn of the fridge, but once sober he relised like poster #10 did, that frozen puke would have been easier to clean =P. I'm currently eating most of my meals at his place until he can A) get rid of the smell and disinfect the whole thing. Or B) buy me a new fridge. How would you guys have gone about it?

By newscomes - 14/10/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, after watching the news, I realized the only person who has ever wished that I had a good day, or wished that I had anything pleasant for that matter, is Charlie Gibson on World News Tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 603

You deserved it 3 576

Open borders

By zlotytarasy - 14/10/2009 22:03 - Poland

Today, I accepted a great job offer I've been working months to earn so I can continue to live with my fiancé here in Poland. I just found out that my work visa was denied. Now I have to fly home to Canada and reapply before coming back. This takes a month. My new job starts tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 978

You deserved it 3 546

By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I went to a party where I met some nice girls. One of them was really sweet and we were having a great time in my friend's backyard. As I was on the swing, I was gonna give her my number, but instead, I gave her a harsh kick to the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 591

You deserved it 27 199

By LasagnaRawks - 14/10/2009 20:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was listening to music, talking to a boy I like on MSN. He asked if I could share the song I was listening to, so I did. It wasn't until I had shared and fully transferred it did I realise it was actually the fake radio show I record on my own, in a phoney Australian accent. All 6 minutes of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 221

You deserved it 38 413

By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, I walked into a T-Mobile store to get a new phone. I wanted all of my numbers on my new phone, but the customer service rep had to transfer them. He said jokingly, "I understand. You don't want to lose your girlfriend's number." My girlfriend and I broke up two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 076

You deserved it 7 672

Chill out, Cathy

By creepystalkerguy - 14/10/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, a woman yelled at me to stop following her around the store. We were in IKEA. The only way to get through the store is to follow the arrows through a one-way path. Apparently, no one informed her of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 814

You deserved it 2 446

Procrastination

By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 148

You deserved it 16 747

Red flags all over the place

By DumpedHisAss - 14/10/2009 15:19 - United States

Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend, who screamed at me for being a f-ing liar and never taking time for him. He'd called my work and knew I wasn't there as I said I'd be. He was right - I was lying. I'd been driving for the past 10 hours to his family's beach house to surprise him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 315

You deserved it 3 781

By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 13:39 - United States

Today, I was participating in an exercise in my psychology class to describe this horrible looking person I had never seen before and I described the person as a "rebellious, drug dealing, lowlife". The person in that picture turned out to be my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 371

You deserved it 9 695

By tooflufoschool - 14/10/2009 13:00 - United States

Today, I was in bed sick from pneumonia. I asked my boyfriend to nuke a can of soup for me. He said "in a sec, let me finish this game" and continued to play on his Xbox for an hour. Starving, I crawled out to make soup. When I sat down to eat, he paused the game and asked "you didn't make me any?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 906

You deserved it 5 539

By mybmw - 14/10/2009 10:39 - United States

Today, was my mom's birthday. I recently got my first job, thanks to her, and could finally afford to buy her something nice. I spent my first paycheck ever on buying her a very nice bracelet. She said it was nice, then asked if I would mind if she exchanged it for one she actually liked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 031

You deserved it 4 441

By fmypaint - 14/10/2009 09:31 - United States

Today, I was vigorously putting primer on my canvas for a beginning painting class. I accidentally sprayed specks of primer on the very dark painting to the right of mine. The painter is in an advanced class. She's been working on this one all semester. There's no one to her right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 605

You deserved it 35 386

By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 08:21 - Australia

Today, I won an award at school for my hard work. Afterwards, my parents told me off. Why? They wanted my brother to get it instead of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 768

You deserved it 1 969

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family Embarrassing Kids Cars Parenting Healthy Lifestyle Work Awkward Love Confused My ex Parents Vacation Money Sex Health Anxiety Depression Mental health Clothes Alcohol Poopoo peepee Ironic Weddings Birthday Transportation Bodyshaming Divorce NSFW

The Top

The Top

Today, my boyfriend admitted to checking out other girls when he's with me. In his defense, "he doesn't look at their face or boobs. Just their ass." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 384

You deserved it 5 760

Today, I rented a holiday cottage, assuring the owner I was a very tidy person. Then I sliced my finger while cooking and got blood on the kitchen towels and the cream rug, then the wound opened up again during my shower, I didn’t notice and now there’s blood on the white bathroom towels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 252

Today, after months of believing my house is haunted, and years of being scared of the dark, I finally had to admit to myself that the only way I can go to the bathroom in the middle of the night is if my cat follows me and sits outside the door. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 585

You deserved it 7 845

Today, I was sitting in a park with a friend when a small child approached us. Just as I moved off the bridge to let the kid play, he asked if I'd like to play as the troll under the bridge. I laughed and said, "No thanks!" to which the kid responded, "But there's nobody else ugly enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 441

You deserved it 4 388

Today, I got home from work to see that not only had my wife opened my bag of potato chips, she'd ripped it all down the side and left it open all day without a clip. Now my chips are stale. She has a whole bag of her favorite flavor, unopened, right next to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 110

Today, It’s been six years since I graduated high school. My peers in my grade never included me socially, and lots talked down on me or behind my back growing up. My self esteem was ruined and I’ve been pushed into dead end jobs; meanwhile lots of my bullies are now travelling and/or successful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 404