All the FMLs

Prove me wrong

By Irony - 08/10/2009 11:40 - United States

Today, my dad took a call while driving. He always yells and curses at people who talk on their cell while driving. I asked him to get off the phone because it's dangerous, and told him he's being a hypocrite. He shook his head at me and continued talking. Seconds later, we got into an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 762

You deserved it 3 913

By clecker - 08/10/2009 10:24 - Australia

Today, I finally paid off the massive debt on my credit card. I came home only to find that almost everything I owned had been repossessed an hour before I paid the debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 658

You deserved it 12 958

By stupidsantaclaus - 08/10/2009 05:14 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my friend, when my four year old nephew came in, asking who I was talking to. I told him it was Santa Claus, so he insisted on talking to him. I handed over the phone and I hear, "Santa is fake. Grow up." I spent the next two hours with a screaming child proving Santa exists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 896

You deserved it 41 950

By belle_arina - 08/10/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, we were doing stretches in dance class where you are on your hands and doing the splits in the air while your partner helps hold you and stretch your legs further. Right as I lift my left leg up, I farted hugely right in my partner's face. I couldn't make eye contact for the rest of class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 442

You deserved it 8 528

By Anonymous - 08/10/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I went upstairs to scold my boys for running in the house because someone could get hurt. As I turned around to come back downstairs I tripped and fell all the way down to the landing at the bottom. I could hear them laughing in their rooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 245

You deserved it 7 981

By Anonymous - 08/10/2009 04:24 - Canada

Today, I was helping my elderly landlady (75 years old) carry in her groceries. She said "Thanks" and then handed me a notice of eviction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 578

You deserved it 5 294

By Anonymous - 08/10/2009 03:22 - United States

Today, my little sister was playing with her building blocks. All of a sudden, she began to cry and held her finger out to me. Assuming she had hurt it, I kissed it better, and tasted something odd on my lips. Turns out she wasn't hurt, she was crying because she had touched cat vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 823

You deserved it 9 089

By dangerousknitter - 08/10/2009 00:38 - United States

Today, in the middle of an exam, I was escorted out by the campus police due to suspicion of a concealed weapon. The officers couldn't stop laughing for 20 minutes when they found out the weapon was metal knitting needles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 340

You deserved it 3 850

By Anonymous - 07/10/2009 23:12 - United States

Today, I found out that the student tutor my son advised me to hire was my son's girlfriend. I have been paying her $20 an hour for the last 3 weeks to make out with my son in his room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 334

You deserved it 16 798

By loverofstrife - 07/10/2009 22:36 - United States

Today, on my break, I decided to be friendly and chat with a co-worker that everyone else always seems to avoid. He spent the next ten minutes telling me all about his abcessing sebaceous cysts. Apparently, "The scars look just like gunshot wounds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 120

You deserved it 5 623

Supportive

By Anonymous - 07/10/2009 21:16 - United States

Today, completely excited, I told my mom about this guy from high school that I had really liked and who had found me on Facebook. He said he regretted not asking me out in high school and offered to fly me out to visit him. Her response? "Has he seen what you look like now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 660

You deserved it 4 392

By pennyhater - 07/10/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, I was locked inside my dorm room. Yeah, inside. How? Some of my floormates decided to stick pennies in the door frame, which jammed the handle. I was stuck inside my room and had to pee really bad. I couldn't call an RA to get me out either. Why? I'm the RA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 383

You deserved it 5 020

Best teeth in the game

By Nochnoii - 07/10/2009 20:07 - Belgium

Today, I was chewing my pen while I was paying attention to my teacher. I chewed a bit too hard, and something broke off, so I casually looked at my pen. It was unharmed. One of my front teeth had broken off. Everyone in class, including the teacher, had to see it before I could call my dentist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 683

You deserved it 13 270

By imok - 07/10/2009 17:58 - United States

Today, I was at the Salvation Army when I saw a wheelchair in the miscellaneous aisle. I thought it would be fun to ride around in it. As I was wheeling it back to where I found it, I made it back just as it's owner was hobbling out of the dressing room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 435

You deserved it 53 667

Stop lying

By dinosaurman - 07/10/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I found out that my sister, who is 16 years older than me, is actually my biological mother. She and my parents decided it was best that I didn't know who my real mother was, and to be raised by my grandparents as their child. I've always hated my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 192 691

You deserved it 10 025

Good morning!

By 3lavyaa - 07/10/2009 12:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up and the sun was blinding me through my attic window. I have no blinds so I got a poster from my wall and stuck it to the wood on my window with nails. Turns out I have wood rot, and my entire window fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 103

You deserved it 4 793

By shitballs_911 - 07/10/2009 11:13 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my friend's paintball party and we were doing it in a forest nearby. When I arrived at his house, his parents said they already started, so I geared up and went out there to find that there was a note on a tree. It said 'Sorry', and then twenty people jumped from bushes and ambushed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 415

You deserved it 12 334

By vbscb - 07/10/2009 10:42 - Australia

Today, I was babysitting my niece when we decided to play hide and seek. I went in the shed, and waited. After waiting a while, I went to go back inside to see what was happening. I saw my niece had locked all the doors and was eating cookies on the kitchen bench. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 021

You deserved it 39 629

By 1000dollarspoor - 07/10/2009 09:25 - United States

Today, while working on my laptop, I accidentally spilled a glass of water. I quickly moved my laptop out of the way of the oncoming stream. It fell on the floor and broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 881

You deserved it 10 088

By ScaryOldMan - 07/10/2009 07:57 - United States

Today, while trying to sleep, I kept hearing this groan/scream for help for about an hour. I decided to call 911 to send someone to investigate. Police came, I received a $100 parking fine and another citation for improper use of 911. The noise? Just a dog howling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 649

You deserved it 13 274

Smurf mouth

By shoeaddiikt - 07/10/2009 07:48 - Australia

Today, I was in an exam and was chewing the end of my pen, stuck on a question. My mouth filled up with ink. I wasn't allowed to leave, so I had to sit for another hour with a foul-tasting blue tongue and a half-working pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 260

You deserved it 42 492

By NotAParabola - 07/10/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend over webcam with a cute negligee. He was doing homework. Half an hour later, he finally noticed. Apparently pre-calc is more interesting than his girlfriend. I guess polynomials are just curvier than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 279

You deserved it 39 272

By armenta427 - 07/10/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents are 28,000 dollars in debt and that my bank account has $27.17 in it. They took my money to help pay their debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 974

You deserved it 3 345

By gera3gera - 07/10/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog when, as usual, he did his business in the grass and stepped off to the side. I squatted and reached for the bag when my dog spotted another canine. He lunged forward in excitement and I landed face forward in the feces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 836

You deserved it 4 133

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 07/10/2009 01:11 - Canada

Today, I went shopping for a new pair of jeans. I was feeling good about the fact that I was going down a waist size until the cashier decided to discuss with me, three co-workers, and the ten other people in line how she didn't even know jeans came in sizes that big. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 482

You deserved it 6 838

By zitroskies - 07/10/2009 00:04 - United States

Today, I was walking out of class when I saw a girl enthusiastically run to her boyfriend, jump on him, and smother him with kisses. I thought to myself "I wish my girlfriend did that." When the girl jumped off and turned around I realized she did, just not to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 867

You deserved it 3 049

By lovebigmacs - 06/10/2009 23:32 - United States

Today, I showed my boyfriend the new tattoo of a butterfly that I'd gotten on my lower back. He said, "It looks like it's flying when your rolls jiggle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 153

You deserved it 42 005

By 3LLI0TT - 06/10/2009 22:23 - United States

Today, I poured my heart out into what had to be my greatest set of lyrics for my band ever, at the same time my teacher was explaining chemical changes to the class. At the end of the lecture he picked up my paper, and set it on fire to demonstrate a chemical change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 296

You deserved it 33 859

By Anonymous - 06/10/2009 21:31 - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, I noticed a short, black hair on my loofah. I ignored it and lathered up my entire body with it. When I put it back down, a roach crawled out of it. What I thought was a black hair was in fact its antenna. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 794

You deserved it 8 946

By roomie487 - 06/10/2009 21:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I met my new roommate. I also met her stuffed animals, who introduced themselves to me. My roommate makes inanimate objects talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 233

You deserved it 4 342

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I found out this week that I have a growth in my head that could be cancer. I messaged my closest best friend the news straight away, but she has completely ignored my message. It's now been three days and I've not heard a word from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 536

You deserved it 79

Today, my sister couldn't find the spare key I gave her for my apartment, so I had to pay a $50 fee to the leasing office. Not 30 minutes after paying, she found the key. In her purse. On her keychain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 077

You deserved it 345

Today, my dad was folding laundry. He came across a pair of jeans and asked who they belonged to. My mom said, “Those are definitely mine. The knees are worn out.” Thanks for that mental image mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 573

You deserved it 396

Today, I went onto my fiance's phone because I was seeing if a message was important enough go wake him up for. It wasn't important, but when I unlocked his phone, Facebook was already open with his female best friend's chat. He pretty much admitted to her that he still has feelings and that she's a better mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 179

Today, coming home after a hard day's work was so relaxing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 790

You deserved it 494

Today, I found out that my friend's family has been using red paper to help his little brother with his potty training. "Aim for the red!" they would say to him. I guess today was a bad day to wear red pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 268

You deserved it 2 889