All the FMLs

By tracey - 19/10/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for going 85mph in a 60mph zone on a highway in the Everglades. There were cars passing both the cop and me as I was being pulled over. The cop decided I was easiest to catch since I was the slowest of the bunch even though the other cars were topping 100mph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 145

You deserved it 17 773

Fancy seeing you here

By Alyssa - 19/10/2009 19:37 - United States

Today, my manager mentioned that she'd hired a "cute boy" to help me out at work with paperwork. The "cute boy" was my ex-fiancé and now I have to be with him in an office for 30 some hours a week while his current fiancée brings him lunch everyday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 987

You deserved it 3 265

Pissed

By anonymous - 19/10/2009 19:16 - United States

Today, I drove 100 miles from my parents' house to mine. I had only a few miles left when I realized I really had to pee. I didn't want to pull over somewhere when I was so close to home, so I sped up. A cop pulled me over a block from my house. I started to sob, and ended up peeing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 277

You deserved it 15 478

By Anonymous - 19/10/2009 18:09 - United States

Today, I have a UTI. After taking some sample medicine my doctor gave to me, I had a lot of back pain and nausea. I also spent 6 hours in the ER with no health insurance because I thought I was urinating blood. Nope, "peeing red" is just a little side-effect my doctor forgot to inform me of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 232

You deserved it 4 571

By loser - 19/10/2009 17:43 - United States

Today, while in class, a cute boy came up and asked me for my number. I giggled and wrote my phone number on a piece of paper and told him to call me sometime. He gave me a weird look and walked away. He was asking which number math problem I needed help with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 543

You deserved it 35 019

By Misc248 - 19/10/2009 16:47 - United States

Today, I told my sister that I thought I was pregnant, and that she was the only person I had called. Immediately after I hung up the phone I got a text saying, "OMG my sister thinks she's pregnant!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 325

You deserved it 5 653

Misc248 tells us more.

Misc248 0

Saturday 7 November 2009 17:40

We can laugh about it now because it turns out I wasn't pregnant. But now I know I can't trust her with information like that (unfortunately).

By kierstin - 19/10/2009 15:54 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because he has anger issues. Tonight, my tires were slashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 540

You deserved it 6 854

By Anonymous - 19/10/2009 08:46 - United States

Today, I started my first day at work, I've been unemployed for a while and am in college, so naturally I have no money. At the end of my shift, I ask what we do with the extra bread, and they tell me to throw it away. Being poor and hungry, I decide to take the bread home. I got fired for stealing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 477

You deserved it 10 312

By Anonymous - 19/10/2009 07:10 - Indonesia

Today, when I proposed to my girlfriend of 8 years, she said no because she thought we were moving too fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 832

You deserved it 3 409

Save the doggo

By JC - 19/10/2009 06:40 - United States

Today, I was driving down the road when a dog suddenly ran across the street. In attempt to spare its life, I swerved to the side of the road and rear-ended another car. The car I hit belonged the family who owned the dog. Now I have to pay them because I saved their dog's life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 385

You deserved it 5 969

Suspect

By worldsbestjobgonebad - 19/10/2009 06:08 - Canada

Today, I was walking home from my acting gig at a haunted hayride. Even after spending lots of time washing the fake blood off my hands and face, I looked like I'd murdered someone. Perhaps that's why an officer stopped me and questioned me about a stabbing that happened earlier tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 083

You deserved it 4 152

By Ryanissaur - 19/10/2009 05:34 - Australia

Today, being a music student, a professional orchestra performed a symphony that I wrote and dedicated to my girlfriend. It took months to compose and it the first and only time it was ever going to be played. My girlfriend forgot to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 586

You deserved it 3 035

By NUsConstantine - 19/10/2009 03:04 - United States

Today, my research partner emails me 2 hours before our deadline saying that she can't complete her half of our 20 page report because when she woke up this morning she couldn't see. How did she write the email? FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 834

You deserved it 2 684

By MGZ - 19/10/2009 02:33 - United States

Today, I told my 13 year-old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming, "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 413

You deserved it 8 590

By moduschic - 19/10/2009 01:38 - United States

Today, at work, this woman came up to my counter and handed me a gold top covered in gold sequins. I like to chat with the customers sometimes at work so I got all excited and said, "Ooh! You shopping for Halloween?" She gave me the biggest death stare. Turns out she wasn't shopping for Halloween. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 909

You deserved it 17 529

Handful

By Mary - 19/10/2009 01:11 - France

Today, I was walking my dogs when I noticed one of them had found something, and was eating it. After my command to "drop it" went unheeded, I took it upon myself to scoop it out of her mouth with my finger. After getting it all over my hand, I realized it was a piece of another dog's poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 848

You deserved it 6 937

By Xia - 18/10/2009 16:38 - United States

Today, I spilled a half bottle of superglue on my hands. I also found out that cold water only makes it harden faster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 804

You deserved it 16 167

By Helpy - 18/10/2009 16:35 - United States

Today, I was out for a nice walk and saw a man being attacked by a large crowd. Instinctively I ran to help him. I pushed one "thug" off him and that little time allowed him to escape. I later found out the man I saved had just keyed someone's car and they had intervened. Guess whose car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 074

You deserved it 11 716

Helpy tells us more.

Helpy 0

Monday 19 October 2009 2:30

This is the OP. 1.My car got keyed. 2. Sorry I still have morals and actually help people. I'm not afraid to stand for what I believe in. 3. Idk it was a spur of the moment descion. I thought by the time the police came he could be seriously injured.

By omgwtf - 18/10/2009 15:32 - United States

Today, it was Homecoming. During the dance, I saw this mentally handicapped guy ask this pretty girl to dance. She said no. So I went over to him and asked him to dance. He replied that he only wanted to dance with "pretty girls" and I was not one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 805

You deserved it 5 549

Good one, mom

By hairdresser - 18/10/2009 15:27 - Thailand

Today, my mum started yelling at me for leaving scissors on my desk, which my five year-old sister found and chopped all her hair off. She had a lump of hair as proof. After three minutes of her yelling, me crying and apologizing, she laughed and said she was joking. She'd just given my sister a haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 083

You deserved it 5 226

Gotcha moment

By nick - 18/10/2009 13:39 - Canada

Today, working my pizza delivery job, I got a $45 parking ticket for parking in a no stopping zone. I argued with the bylaw enforcement officer, but no luck. I was so pissed, I yelled at him, "You have the worst job in the world", to which he replied, "Buddy, you deliver pizza!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 100

You deserved it 54 765

By Anonymous - 18/10/2009 13:36 - Sweden

Today, I got diagnosed with a condition that expresses itself in the form of violent diarrhea whenever I get nervous. Now I am constantly nervous about getting nervous about anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 510

You deserved it 2 898

By presidont - 18/10/2009 12:25 - Switzerland

Today, it was the elections for Student Council President. I decided to be nice and vote for the only other competitor because it was her birthday. I lost by one vote. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 629

You deserved it 51 671

By Anonymous - 18/10/2009 10:52 - Australia

Today, I handed out 30 resumes only to find out, after the last resume was handed out, my brother had changed the last sentence of every paragraph to 'I am a massive douche bag.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 931

You deserved it 7 789

By loveless - 18/10/2009 10:30 - Australia

Today, I realised that the last three people to see my intimate parts these last weeks were my beautician, my doctor and the lady who did my check up ultra sound. Oh, and I'm married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 606

You deserved it 5 719

By Anonwymous - 18/10/2009 10:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my fiancé's daughter to use her phone so I could call mine which I'd misplaced. Busy with homework, she nodded. Only after she jumped up did I notice that she had my number listed with a humiliating nickname, and accompanied by a photo of her middle finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 983

You deserved it 5 533

By nimrod23 - 18/10/2009 09:28 - Australia

Today, as I was walking home late at night, some asshole threw a lit cigarette butt out of their balcony. It fell between my glasses and my eye and left a burn mark on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 092

You deserved it 2 538

Priorities

By karina17 - 18/10/2009 05:03 - Canada

Today, my dad was supposed to come see me for our twice-a-year visit. He was 3 hours late. So I called, and asked him why he was late. He said, "Oh, something came up." I asked him what was so important. Apparently, the garage needed cleaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 415

You deserved it 2 334

By booste - 18/10/2009 04:06 - Canada

Today, I was written up because my manager heard me insulting a customer. How did I insult her? I called her grandma. Who did I say this to? My grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 794

You deserved it 2 271

By paris78 - 18/10/2009 00:04 - Canada

Today, a person came into McDonald's, where I work. They ordered a Happy Meal. As they were an adult, I assumed the meal was for their child, who wasn't with them. When I asked if the toy was for a boy or a girl, they said the toy was for them. I still had to ask if it was for a boy or a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 948

You deserved it 4 155

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Family Embarrassing Cars Parenting Kids Work Healthy Lifestyle Awkward Love Confused My ex Parents Vacation Money Sex Depression Health Anxiety Mental health Clothes Alcohol Poopoo peepee Ironic Weddings Birthday Transportation Bodyshaming Divorce NSFW

The Top

The Top

Today, my dad came home from a trip to Arizona and brought back special hand-picked gifts for the whole family. When he got to me, he smiled, and pulled out a free lotion from the hotel at which he was staying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 050

You deserved it 3 829

Today, I got home and threw my phone onto my bed as usual. This time it bounced out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 140

Today, I showed my aunt and mother my tattoo. They both burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 927

You deserved it 35 098

Today, I’m working in Germany. I told my German colleagues that the most beautiful ballet that I attended in my life was The Swan Lake, "der Schwanzsee". Except that swan in German is "Schwan" and not "Schwanz". For them, I’m now a big fan of the Penis Lake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 147

Today, I started my period and have cramps that came from the hottest part of hell. I also have to go to work so that I don’t lose my holiday pay. Happy New Year to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 132

Today, my boyfriend was telling me a story about his ex-wife. Just normal day-to-day stuff. He then got mad at me because I wasn’t mad that he was talking about his ex. I told him that I understood he had a life before me, and it wasn’t a big deal. Apparently, he wants a jealous immature brat. Sorry? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 391

You deserved it 139