Today, I got hit in the face with a piece of bacon. FML - FML

By Face - 9/1/2010 10:12 - Australia

Today, I got hit in the face with a piece of bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15286

You deserved it

34679

Tweet

Share

Time for the ER

Last dates

Healthy relationship

By oneloveliz - 17/9/2017 23:15

Today, I was watching my dog via security camera live feed, when my roommate came in completely naked to make breakfast for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3357

You deserved it

1523

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/8/2012 10:16 - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to try to serenade me by throwing rocks at my window and singing a song about how much he loves me. This would have been extremely sweet if he would have gotten my window instead of my dad's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25676

You deserved it

2370

Tweet

Share

By anouk05 - 15/10/2010 05:13 - Switzerland

Today, my boyfriend told me "don't worry, someday you'll be mature as well." By this, he meant that I will be willing to have sex with him in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32632

You deserved it

4621

Tweet

Share

By Andrew7847 - 11/1/2012 17:02 - United States

Today, I finally managed to get through to the radio station that I always listen to. I handed the phone to my dad so he could win the prize for me, because I'm under 18. He hung up because he thought it was a prank call. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33184

You deserved it

4566

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/6/2016 15:07 - United States

Today, my bratty sister shoved me overboard during a boat ride. Not ten seconds after being pulled back on board, I got an earful of abuse from my parents. My sister is the family favorite and they refuse to believe that I didn't "provoke" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15547

You deserved it

844

Tweet

Share

By crazylobster - 14/11/2009 16:52 - Australia

Today, I noticed that in my cover letter I wrote "I also have an eye.", instead of "I also have an eye for details.", and I have been sending it out for the past few weeks. No wonder I haven't gotten any replies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10503

You deserved it

31473

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/1/2010 16:09 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and after 10 seconds he gave up and said "This is more tiring than I expected". FML

I agree, your life sucks

27164

You deserved it

3426

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 14:10 - United States - Jefferson

Today, I found out what it's like to drive seven hours home with a woman who just brutally rejected your marriage proposal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47170

You deserved it

3882

Tweet

Share

By ihateloopholes - 21/6/2015 20:42 - Lebanon - Beirut

Today, I forbade a student in the writing seminar I instructed from continuing to present his disturbing poems about demons. He responded to this by convincing nearly every other student in the seminar to write and read out loud several of his poems. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21904

You deserved it

8536

Tweet

Share

By jannister - 13/8/2012 19:25 - Germany - Bad Blankenburg

Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33779

You deserved it

2136

Tweet

Share

By worstwaytodumpagirl - 28/12/2013 22:34 - United Kingdom - Harrow

Today, my boyfriend bought me a pair of jeans. I couldn't fit into them, and he reacted to this by saying I've gotten too fat for him, and he can't be with me anymore. I took them off and saw they were a size 4. I've been a size 8 for the past 2 years, and he knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46854

You deserved it

3536

Tweet

Share

By Tooth Fairy - 25/5/2018 16:00 - United States - Hays

Today, I broke a tooth. It’s Friday. Not a single dentist office is open. The good news? I might lose those last few pounds as I can’t drink or eat without excruciating pain. Needless to say, it’s going to be a long weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3571

You deserved it

230

Tweet

Share

By tawnaciousd - 10/9/2009 06:35 - United States

Today, my sister surprised me by cleaning my room and doing my laundry. She found my journal, condoms and vibrator and decided to share her findings with my family. Oh yes... she also shrunk half my wardrobe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41940

You deserved it

5018

Tweet

Share

By assdialed. - 4/11/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, I got a phone call from my dad that I haven't heard from in months. I didn't answer, but it left me an accidental voicemail saying "Oh s***, I didn't mean to call her!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

35444

You deserved it

2524

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/2/2016 05:33 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my wife of 10 years bought me a bottle of wine, a wine rack and wine accessory kit for my birthday. She knows I don't like wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19715

You deserved it

1781

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/2/2014 01:12 - United States - Coraopolis

Today, the boy who sits next to me in class accidentally dropped his sketch pad. It turns out he's really talented at drawing portraits. They're so good that I could recognize myself in all of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50199

You deserved it

7723

Tweet

Share

By I fathered a pussy. - 14/6/2013 22:12 - United States - Lakeland

Today, my son visited for the first time in three years, asking to stay a while. It turns out he insulted someone online and gave his address in case they wanted to fight him. They accepted the offer, and so my son's imaginary Muay Thai skills went AWOL, along with his testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45866

You deserved it

4896

Tweet

Share

By Bobby M - 16/5/2011 16:33 - Ireland

Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68388

You deserved it

10652

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/1/2013 04:44 - United States

Today, I was telling my boyfriend how proud I am of him for finding a really good job. He interrupted me to tell me that my breath smelled like his cat's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26289

You deserved it

8758

Tweet

Share

By buzzzzkill - 27/8/2009 11:51 - United States

Today, I got home from work, and saw a note on the counter my roomate left saying "Sorry about the basement." I then went into the basement, and found that it was flooded. My TV, Xbox360, mini-fridge, and couch were all destroyed. Good thing he tried to stop the leak with scotch tape. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48742

You deserved it

2605

Tweet

Share

By soupduped - 6/12/2009 03:37 - United States

Today, I opened up a can of tomato soup I'd taken from my parents' house recently. After eating the whole can, I started feeling a little off, so I checked the expiration date. It expired 12 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16793

You deserved it

38193

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/5/2009 17:22 - United States

Today, I went to the pet store to get mice for my mom's snakes. While checking out, the guy working behind the register asked what kind of snakes I had. I told him they were my mom's and he mentioned this crazy woman that talks to her snakes. That's my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55639

You deserved it

4672

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/9/2019 18:00

Today, on Dr. Phil…

Today, I realized that masturbating to pictures of my girlfriend is better than having sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1728

You deserved it

423

Tweet

Share

By jasonvanr - 10/5/2016 08:19 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, a woman kindly asked if she might take a photo of her son in our cowboy boots. Thinking it couldn't do much harm, I agreed. Ten minutes later there was a butt naked three year-old and his entire family taking pictures in my shoe store. My manager wasn't impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13665

You deserved it

1509

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/5/2020 23:05

What a charmer

Today, after surgery on Monday, I can’t do much because of where my scars are until they heal. My husband won’t clean the house at all, dishes are all over my kitchen bar, laundry is all piled up by the washing machine. When I asked for help, he said it’s not his job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2012

You deserved it

529

Tweet

Share

By Unknown - 15/12/2016 22:49 - Canada

Today, I turned off my boyfriends Xbox while he was playing because I wanted to talk to him about getting more serious with our relationship. As I did so, he said, "that's not the only thing you just turned off" and promptly broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5730

You deserved it

13973

Tweet

Share

By enderw - 16/6/2009 17:22 - United States

Today, I picked up my 17 years old daughter after a late night movie in down town and got pulled over by a cop. He questioned us for a solicitation. I told the cop that she was my daughter but he said "so you are the daddy" and laughed. Good to know that my daughter looks like a ho and I a perv. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66900

You deserved it

6360

Tweet

Share

By outofluckatcollege - 27/8/2016 07:33 - United States - Lewisville

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. It wouldn't be so bad if we weren't stuck rooming together for the rest of a semester that hasn't even started yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13823

You deserved it

1438

Tweet

Share

By fireenginemad - 10/2/2013 06:08 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my roommate found an eviction notice on our door for unpaid rent. Our apartment building caught fire and we haven't been living there for well over a month because it was legally unlivable. Today was our first day back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35188

You deserved it

2158

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/4/2017 12:00

I miss the hungry years…

Today, my cat let a mouse sit on his paws for several minutes, then just sat and watched as it scurried into a crack in the drywall. My cat is only 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2840

You deserved it

319

Tweet

Share

By DebbiemontG - 19/9/2019 16:01

Pay up, sunshine

Today, after a whole summer of waiting, I went to check my school's website so that I could start my first year again since I had some complications the first time round. I found out that they'd blocked my account and that the fee I'd have to pay was now triple the original. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1423

You deserved it

206

Tweet

Share

By Crumpet - 25/6/2010 07:08 - Canada

Today, I realized that when my boyfriend said, "I'll love you forever" what he really meant was, "I'll love you until I meet your significantly more attractive sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks

54887

You deserved it

5270

Tweet

Share

By frenchfrypotater - 24/9/2009 23:50 - United States

Today, it was our wedding anniversary. My husband takes me and our young son to a family-style chain restaurant. Hoping for a little romance, I ask him what he's excited about in our future, and he says how we shouldn't eat out like this anymore so we can afford to pay our income taxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30511

You deserved it

4240

Tweet

Share

By Meghan Elise - 2/3/2019 16:00

Today, I found that there were charges of almost 2,000 dollars on my bank account. Some asshole in Florida stole my money. I have bills and that was money I saved to buy myself a new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2276

You deserved it

146

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/3/2012 01:31 - United States

Today, I was sitting in my school's crowded auditorium. When our single, abstinence-only ballsack of a Sex Ed teacher was announced to be stepping down due to being pregnant, I burst into uncontrollable laughter. My reward was aching sides and a week of detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31727

You deserved it

7612

Tweet

Share

By give me an F - 5/1/2014 16:16 - United Kingdom - Corby

Today, was my first day as a male cheerleader in an attempt to flirt. The girls were stronger than me and it's now my job to be thrown in the air by girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45608

You deserved it

37388

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/6/2016 17:43 - Meade

Today, I felt cold while driving, so I blasted the heat. The one thing I didn't expect was a load of tiny spiders spilling out of the vents and writhing all over my dash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14992

You deserved it

940

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/4/2011 00:53 - Canada

Today, during a major argument with my girlfriend, I shoved a door open, which then rebounded and hit me in the face. I'm not sure which is more pathetic: that I was savaged by a door, or that I made up a story about kicking a mugger's ass to explain the huge black eye to my coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10577

You deserved it

35939

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/7/2019 14:03

Today, my wife let two Jehovah's Witnesses in for a chat, then deliberately went to a neighbour's for "2 minutes," and left me with them for half-an-hour, with them refusing to take my hints to leave. In the end, I told them to fuck off, just as the wife arrived home, and she got mad at me for being rude. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1436

You deserved it

168

Tweet

Share

By stutson - 4/6/2009 00:12 - United States

Today, on my airplane ride home, the woman next to me wasn't feeling too well. She pulled out the air sickness bag to throw up into and missed. Her vomit splattered all over the seat in front of her and all over me. We were both covered in puke. And that was only my first of two flights. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50745

You deserved it

2231

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By showtimen0w | 0

#764087 - Saturday 9 January 2010 16:11

This is a good thing, not an FML. Everyone loves bacon.

By mtc4ever | 0

#764091 - Saturday 9 January 2010 16:12

I'd eat that shit

COMMENTS

By showtimen0w | 0

#764087 - Saturday 9 January 2010 16:11

This is a good thing, not an FML. Everyone loves bacon.

Reply

hockeychic156 | 0

#764172 - Saturday 9 January 2010 16:41

FMLs like this are the reason people don't read them much anymore!

Reply

repyourcliche | 0

#764250 - Saturday 9 January 2010 17:22

maybe bacon is a euphemism for spunk, you never know...

By doomking10 | 0

#764090 - Saturday 9 January 2010 16:12

How is this a FML?

By mtc4ever | 0

#764091 - Saturday 9 January 2010 16:12

I'd eat that shit

By prequel_fml | 2

#764095 - Saturday 9 January 2010 16:12

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

The_Disturbed | 5

#764106 - Saturday 9 January 2010 16:15

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

patticake1601 | 0

#764189 - Saturday 9 January 2010 16:47

no your not hahahaha.... dickhead

Reply

nazooer | 11

#764391 - Saturday 9 January 2010 18:43

#5, Obviously you DO care if they are first or not.

By blland | 0

#764107 - Saturday 9 January 2010 16:16

note to self: bacon acts as boomerangs

By Stumblebum30 | 5

#764109 - Saturday 9 January 2010 16:16

write back when you have a REAL female. who let this one through people?

By Calaura9 | 0

#764113 - Saturday 9 January 2010 16:17

Hope it wasn't turkey bacon

By why_me725 | 0

#764114 - Saturday 9 January 2010 16:18

Was it hot when it hit you in the face? And all should be well after you eat it. Unless you are a vegetarian, then FYL indeed.

Reply

#764145 - Saturday 9 January 2010 16:27

I agree, if it was just out of the frying pan bacon fly, but if it was cold or uncooked bacon, who cares?

Reply

fmlanomaly | 0

#764377 - Saturday 9 January 2010 18:32

basically. I'm a vegetarian n got smacked in the face with bacon b4. could of been a slice of ham. Careful of family members with meat in their hand- do not get them angry.

Reply

Yooh_Plus_Meh | 0

#764436 - Saturday 9 January 2010 19:00

"family members with meat in their hands"...hmm..

By prequel_fml | 2

#764115 - Saturday 9 January 2010 16:18

lol okay... bye bye world...

By Shizzlator | 3

#764124 - Saturday 9 January 2010 16:21

That's not an FML... That's a WTF

Reply

caligal14 | 0

#764289 - Saturday 9 January 2010 17:39

Wtf times 10. I'd be pissed because I'm a vegetarian, but the OP did not specify anything that sort in the past so I think this is just stupid