Today, I was watching Star Wars : Attack of the Clones, and Yoda... - FML

By Fuzzy - 8/1/2010 07:56 - Australia

Today, I was watching Star Wars : Attack of the Clones, and Yoda was using the force to move a heavy object. While in the middle of my loungeroom, I instinctively put my hand up to use the force to help him, infront of my father and sister. My sister will never let me live it down. FML

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Out of it

The end of the road

Non-baby fever

By Anonymous - 10/10/2014 21:51 - United States - Lemont

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

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By anonymous - 25/10/2011 01:33 - United States

Today, I was so bored at my job as a receptionist that I actually got excited when the phone rang. FML

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By a.baybay - 7/1/2010 06:03 - United States

Today, I noticed that my long distance boyfriend of almost four months only calls me to have phone sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2015 07:35 - United States - Davis

Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2010 02:04 - United States

Today, I thought a pipe was going to burst in my shower because it was making such a loud rumbling so I called my boyfriend freaking out telling him I didnt know what to do. After taking a second to look a little harder, I realized it was my vibrating razor against the shower wall. FML

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By budgetboss - 8/6/2018 18:30 - United States - Granbury

Today, I got a call that my custom order bridesmaid dress is at the apartment complex I just moved out of. They won’t give it to me because I’m no longer a resident, but they just thought I should know. The wedding’s tomorrow. FML

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By sadsongstress - 12/8/2009 11:18 - Belgium

Today, my ex got dumped by his girlfriend. Seeing my opportunity I sent him a song I wrote for him about how much I still love him. He sent it on to the girl who had just dumped him claiming he had written it. They are back together. FML

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By trying2breathe - 22/11/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I woke up to find my car broken into. They also took the inhaler that fell out of my bag the night before. The one I needed to stop the asthma attack I had from the stress of having my car broken into. FML

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By hyper12332 - 29/4/2009 14:35 - Australia

Today, I was playing one on one soccer with a girl like. I accidentally kicked the ball right into her face. The ball rolled back towards me and as I was running to see if she was ok, I kicked the ball... right into her face again. FML

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By LiliK - 4/2/2017 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, while suffering from a serious migraine. I have to cook dinner and listen to the singing of two very tone deaf individuals. I'm starting to contemplate sticking forks in my ears. FML

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By februarymarchapril - 4/2/2015 03:45 - United States - Austin

Today, I shaved for the first time. My mum gave me a razor and I spent about 20 minutes trying to use it. I gave up, yelling, "FUCK IT!" and put it back on the shelf. It fell, and as it hit the floor, a lid fell off. I'd tried to shave with a sheathed razor for 20 minutes. FML

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By notgettinsome - 10/11/2013 06:15 - Australia

Today, my mother was scolding my youngest sister for having unprotected sex with yet another partner. She continued with, "Why can't you be like your brother and just never have sex?" I'm 22, and she's not wrong. FML

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By Sdutent - 1/3/2009 08:34 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she has ever had an affair. She replied, "Yes. With you". FML

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By anonymous - 16/11/2010 22:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me to Google how to last longer in bed. FML

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By Nightsong - 30/3/2016 02:54 - Germany - N?rnberg

Today, I saw a ridiculously hot guy dining with his family. I decided not to flirt with him with his parents around but to ask his sister (who went to the restroom) to give him my phone number. When I came back, I saw her pointing a finger at me, and the whole family turning around and staring. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2018 15:00

Today, I tried to get the day off because of snow and ice on the roads, which had already caused 2 accidents close to my house. My boss just called me a useless millennial, fired me, and hung up the phone. FML

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By sicky - 27/1/2016 05:02 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I learned that I have a sinus infection, ear infection and bronchitis so bad it was on the verge of pneumonia. My work won't let me call in sick. I work with kids. Lovely. FML

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By Jolabanane - 21/5/2015 11:51 - France

Today, my neighbor was having work done in his apartment, and he'd warned me that there might be some noise. Yes, there was, what with all the town's firemen in the building after he'd ruptured the main gas pipe. FML

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By minustoenail - 12/10/2012 05:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, as I entered a stairwell, the fire alarm went off, triggering the automatic fire doors to close. The one I was walking through ran over my foot, ripping my toenail, and then smacked me in the face. FML

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By SadMom - 21/12/2016 15:56

Today, I was told by a family member that if we come over on Christmas and my small children get upset or throw a fit, we will be asked to leave. I can't guarantee that my 2-year-old and 3-year-old won't have any meltdowns, so I guess we won't be spending Christmas with the rest of the family. FML

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By mushroommouth - 1/10/2009 21:57 - United States

Today, I found out that if you don't clean the inside of your sonicare toothbrush, it can grow masses of fungus. I've been brushing my teeth with a vibrating mushroom for the past 5 months. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/5/2017 20:00

Today, I finally found out why my girlfriend doesn't want kids. She discovered Rugrats recently and, after binge watching the whole series, decided that our would-be children would be too adventurous for us to handle. FML

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By Foreveralone17362562 - 16/4/2014 02:18 - Canada - Cold Lake

Today, I was telling my dad about how annoying it was to constantly have my ten-year-old cousin message me about her new boyfriend, when he suddenly bursts out laughing about how she can get a boyfriend at ten, and I have never even kissed a guy and I'm seventeen. FML

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By moosemay - 14/1/2016 15:05 - Germany - Dittelbrunn

Today, my husband taught our son how to pee while standing. His aim is as poor as my husband's, but I guess now they can blame their mess on each other. FML

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By pizzacat - 22/9/2010 08:49 - Australia

Today, I was conducting interviews and I could tell this particular candidate was really nervous, so I was extra nice. At the end, he was reluctant to shake my hand. On the way out I realised why: I had lost the top button on my low cut top, and he was nursing his appreciation of the view. FML

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By tantanpanda - 24/6/2015 12:44 - United States

Today, I was swimming my routine laps at the gym's pool and a man came in and swam in the adjacent lane. While swimming freestyle, I smelled a really nasty fart. Not a minute later, he hurriedly left. I didn't realize what he had done until I saw "floating particles" in the water. FML

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By that one anon - 7/5/2015 06:27 - United States - San Diego

Today, I called one of my old coworkers to see how she was doing. My boyfriend answered the phone. FML

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By unwed - 11/12/2010 06:56 - United States

Today, I found out that my fiancé is going to be deployed on our wedding day. FML

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By sisterly love - 14/8/2013 21:13 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, my sister admitted to selling pages of my diary to my old boyfriends. FML

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By conductingfromthegrave - 1/7/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making out, and about to have sex, when she asked me to "do that thing we did yesterday". We haven't had sex in 6 days. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2010 13:59 - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed. Three hours later, he called me to tell me he was kidding. FML

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By Caroline - 24/2/2013 09:34 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I went to the doctor to get a blood test and I started crying when I saw the needle. I planned on becoming a doctor. FML

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By cantgetabreak - 13/12/2016 18:50

Today, my boss reprimanded me for not finishing my work on time. Yesterday, she cut an hour from my schedule every day until further notice. FML

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By anonymous - 24/10/2010 16:14 - United States

Today, I went on a movie date with a guy. He brought his mom. FML

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By Ava_Darkflame - 1/1/2017 15:54 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I had to call the police to get my crazy stalker of a neighbor out of my house. When the police arrived, I found out that she was friends with the officer. FML

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By JRLJLS - 15/4/2013 09:09 - United States - Lehigh Acres

Today, I had phone sex with my boyfriend. He had an asthma attack. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2013 08:14 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I went to dinner with a guy I like and paid the $120 bill. After joking that he was an expensive date, he replied, "I laugh at how you think this is a date." FML

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By lovelesslonely - 12/10/2010 17:48 - United States

Today, my boyfriend brought me home flowers and candy for the first time in our 1 year relationship. Thinking he was going to finally propose, I got excited. I asked why he was being so sweet, and he responded with, "I thought you'd take the breakup better this way." FML

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By Anonymous - 15/3/2010 23:29 - United States

Today, I discovered that the wintergreen breath mints I've been taking for a week now, are actually circular, flavored, white and green laxatives. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/1/2010 15:06 - United States

Today, the boy I've liked for the past 8 years asked me out and then dumped me when he realized that I was taller than he was. FML

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Top comments

By Back_In_Action | 18

#762210 - Friday 8 January 2010 15:54

Needs your help, the Jedi Master Yoda does not. The fuck out, get. :P

By krez | 20

#762219 - Friday 8 January 2010 15:59

Force choke your sister until she sees your point of view. That always works for me.

COMMENTS

By The_Disturbed | 5

#762203 - Friday 8 January 2010 15:52

lol. You sad git xD

Reply

MiGman | 5

#1031929 - Wednesday 16 June 2010 6:04

op that's why you do this when there not home. it's even worse when you and your dad do this at the same time

Reply

blo0_starZz | 0

#1114433 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 17:50

AHAHAHA! i lol'd :')

Reply

BrutalFbomb | 5

#1268588 - Thursday 19 August 2010 10:42

use the force to grow some balls, you must. hmm yesh.

Reply

Hoplaka | 0

#1341642 - Friday 3 September 2010 5:38

What's a git? Is that an it but very feminine? Lol

Reply

Overseer211 | 1

#2698389 - Friday 17 June 2011 3:33

YODA NEEDED HELP GUISE HE DIDN'T DESERVE IT.

Reply

ammerhammer | 3

#5482965 - Wednesday 8 May 2013 0:22

On Harry potter, a git is like a jerk or a dick. I'm assuming its a British thing

By nikki908 | 3

#762205 - Friday 8 January 2010 15:53

And you did it in front of them? YDI

By Back_In_Action | 18

#762210 - Friday 8 January 2010 15:54

Needs your help, the Jedi Master Yoda does not. The fuck out, get. :P

Reply

The_Disturbed | 5

#762212 - Friday 8 January 2010 15:55

#3 - Haha win :P

Reply

Brave_Sir_Robin | 4

#762251 - Friday 8 January 2010 16:19

It normally takes a lot to get me to LMAO on this site, but #3 is a winrar.

May I present to you 346.4 pounds of salmon bones and a commemorative Bob Denver lunchbox?

Reply

newsgit | 0

#762257 - Friday 8 January 2010 16:22

in addition to #15s present, I got you a cock.
be prepared to get up early, cocks crow at like 5. I could take it anymore, I've already got like 5 chickens to feed.

Reply

Back_In_Action | 18

#762344 - Friday 8 January 2010 17:16

D'AWWWW, you guys. Get you everywhere, flattery will. :D

Reply

CallMeHush | 0

#762533 - Friday 8 January 2010 19:47

Hey I was holding out for that lunch box, you just can't find those evrywhere you know.

Reply

thisismitch | 3

#958964 - Wednesday 17 March 2010 20:43

#3 epic win

Reply

ilovefatcats | 12

#965347 - Saturday 20 March 2010 23:17

..... I feel so sorry for you ....... :,(

Reply

TextingJuliet | 0

#1014923 - Tuesday 1 June 2010 11:21

15-lol winrar. srry I'm a huge nerd girl so I find humor in the little mentions of geek speak.

Reply

trigger22 | 0

#3801626 - Thursday 29 December 2011 6:41

Haha lmfao

By nikki908 | 3

#762213 - Friday 8 January 2010 15:56

Use the force, young J-walker

Reply

quade25 | 0

#2856705 - Saturday 9 July 2011 19:16

yes smarticles

By damienwatkins | 0

#762218 - Friday 8 January 2010 15:59

...why?

By krez | 20

#762219 - Friday 8 January 2010 15:59

Force choke your sister until she sees your point of view. That always works for me.

Reply

CaptainAtMan | 3

#762234 - Friday 8 January 2010 16:07

agreed

Reply

daydreamstar | 7

#762237 - Friday 8 January 2010 16:08

but, 7, Yoda is a good, Old Republic Jedi who believes Force choking is the Sith way :)

Reply

APenguin | 0

#762535 - Friday 8 January 2010 19:48

Yet hangs around with a Jedi who uses the Dark side (Mace Windu). :P

Reply

Gstone5 | 0

#848521 - Friday 12 February 2010 16:22

this is when u know u need to get a life...

By daydreamstar | 7

#762221 - Friday 8 January 2010 16:00

# 3 wins this page! lmao! OP: youre bantha fodder XDXDXD now use your money and go buy some sense.. and not the sixth one.

By jeesse | 0

#762222 - Friday 8 January 2010 16:01

is this a real fml??

By JManHobbs | 0

#762238 - Friday 8 January 2010 16:09

"Instinctively"? Either you are a huge nerd.or you have fucking awesome powers. You better hope for the latter.

Reply

fireandice27 | 0

#762263 - Friday 8 January 2010 16:25

^
This.

I was a little confused at the 'instinctively' part too

Reply

TheOptimist | 0

#1099299 - Friday 16 July 2010 23:06

12 wasn't confused by the instinctively part, he was emphasizing his point about the OP being a loser by saying instinctively with quotation marks and a question mark.

By MisterZzyzx | 0

#762239 - Friday 8 January 2010 16:09

Don't worry, I do the same thing watching the Star Wars movies.