Today, I was watching Star Wars : Attack of the Clones, and Yoda... - FML

By Fuzzy - 8/1/2010 07:56 - Australia

Today, I was watching Star Wars : Attack of the Clones, and Yoda was using the force to move a heavy object. While in the middle of my loungeroom, I instinctively put my hand up to use the force to help him, infront of my father and sister. My sister will never let me live it down. FML

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Family values

Or he's just becoming an old goober

Hello everyone!

By hopelesscollegechick - 7/5/2013 18:14 - United States - Alexander City

Today, I gave a presentation about how teachers don't intervene enough when students are being bullied. Afterwards, I was practically bullied by my teacher for "not choosing a serious topic." FML

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By melikeyturtles - 10/10/2011 04:13 - United States

Today, I went to work as a home health-aid, and found out that my client turns his hearing aid off on purpose because he can't stand my voice. FML

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By uggg - 23/1/2015 18:09 - United States - Seattle

Today, my girlfriend told me that her fear of PDA has gotten so bad, she doesn't think she'll even be able to kiss me on our wedding day. Her parents are going be there and she can't imagine showing affection in front of other people, let alone her parents. FML

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By WishesWasDeaf - 31/1/2010 01:35 - United States

Today, I was stuck sitting at a cafeteria table next to the girl who broke my heart and her boyfriend. I got to overhear the conversation, which included "I want to go to the car" followed by "Me too, but I don't have a condom." FML

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By Anonymous - 18/7/2012 16:09 - United Kingdom - Darlington

Today, I had the contraceptive implant removed from my arm after having had it in for three years. I was one of the unlucky people whose body sticks to it. It took half an hour to cut and pull a tiny little stick out of my arm. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/7/2009 22:36 - United States

Today, my coworker came over to my desk and told me that I should protect my Twitter updates, because I had unknowingly made them public. My tweets include drinking stories, all the men I've hooked up with, various cuss words, sexual innuendos, and how much I hate my coworkers. FML

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By AAA guy - 4/2/2015 16:02 - United States

Today, while on the job I accidentally locked my keys and all of my equipment in the car. I work for the AAA. FML

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By methane overload - 19/1/2013 01:32 - United States

Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML

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By Mom2boysonly - 15/6/2018 20:30

Today, the AC broke in the car I bought brand new last August. My 3.5-year-old hates wind, even from the sunroof being open, and there's no fix for the "manufacturing defect" so far. FML

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By angry mama - 21/9/2019 00:01

The Headmaster Ritual

Today, while picking my daughter up from school, I saw her being beaten by two boys while the teacher stood there doing nothing. I ran to help, but then she pushed one of the boys off her. The teacher then pulled her away, yelled at her and then yelled at me for "not raising my kid right." FML

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By Natalie - 14/7/2012 16:46 - United States - Odessa

Today, my father, who's never played much part in my life, told me how proud he is of me. I choked back tears, and we hugged for the first time in years. Later, I choked back my rage when I saw he'd opened my mail and obviously planned on leeching my new-found SSI money off me. FML

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By Shitty genes, no two ways about it. - 27/4/2013 00:21 - Australia - Perth

Today, my son had to help out at the local retirement home for his community service. He got in serious trouble and came whining to me about it after he tried threatening some of the residents into taking part in a Harlem Shake video. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/3/2012 09:54 - United States - Sunnyvale

Today, I needed to buy a new helmet. When I got to the sport shop, there was only one left in my size and preferred color. 30 minutes after buying it, my head starts itching. Turns out I paid $40 for lice. FML

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By max5 - 8/9/2012 18:19 - France - Casseneuil

Today, my ex-girlfriend sent me an email. I was excited that she wanted to make amends for cheating on me before I dumped her. No, the email had a photo of her making out with the guy she cheated on me with, and the caption, "What you wish you still had". FML

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By nofriends - 19/10/2013 21:57 - United States

Today, we had to give a surprise speech in speech class on two of our best and closest friends. My first friend was my mom. I had to make up the other one. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2014 18:20 - United States - Fresno

Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/7/2013 16:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to let me know that she almost left me for another guy not so long ago, because he was more handsome and talented than me. The reason she didn't leave: "He's out of my league; you're not." FML

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By BMTH2296 - 21/3/2014 23:42 - United States

Today, I realized how sad my life is when for my 18th birthday, I went to a strip club, by myself, in GTA V. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/9/2011 16:21 - United States

Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML

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By Anonymous - 27/2/2016 07:27 - Japan - Ageo

Today, I was getting intimate with my husband, and I tried to do a swift position-change like they do in the movies. I wound up flipping off the bed and busting my nose open on the floor. FML

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By KaraAnn17 - 12/2/2011 16:29 - United States

Today, I found out that the white marks on my pillow aren't from me drooling in my sleep like I originally thought. My roommate used my pillow to help support her lower back during intercourse with her hookup from last night. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 20:00

Surprising

Today, my younger sister had some friends over at ours. I was in the shower but was horrified to realize my clothes and towel were gone. Figuring that she took them, I tried to make it to my room without being seen, but one of her friends came up to use the bathroom. She saw everything. FML

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By drfeelgood93 - 4/8/2010 22:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the cinema with a girl I like. Knowing she has a bit of a soft spot for me, I was keen to sit in the back row. Too bad her sister tagged along, insisted that we sit somewhere else, and scolded me every time I so much looked at her. I ended up paying for the unwanted guest as well. FML

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By Weedle - 4/6/2019 20:00

Today, I was at my brother's graduation. His mom was taking pictures of him in his cap and gown, but she got a picture of me sucking off a Coke bottle for a laugh, and she posted it on Facebook. FML

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By chumleevil - 8/7/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML

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By - 17/11/2008 08:53 - France

Today, my 10-year-old brother won the poem contest at his school. Since then he won’t stop bugging me with them. FML

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By presente13 - 17/5/2013 04:35 - United States

Today, my family and friends decided to throw a surprise party for my 16th birthday. I was so surprised that the shortness of breath triggered a serious asthma attack. FML

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By bobo - 24/4/2011 01:02 - Canada

Today, I played Angry Birds for two hours. I got so into the game, I failed to remember that I was sitting on a public toilet. I only realized this when the janitor came to check on me. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2012 20:54 - Czech Republic - Ceska

Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML

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By hatboxghost - 9/7/2009 05:17 - United States

Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML

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By geewhy - 26/12/2012 21:20 - United States - South Park

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he flicks my clitoris just right, my legs both twitch spastically regardless of arousal level. He thinks it's hilarious and can no longer take sex seriously. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/7/2013 20:27 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML

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By mylifesucks - 31/1/2014 23:50 - France - Paris

Today, my girlfriend and I made love. She stared at her One Direction poster the whole time. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/3/2009 14:54 - United States

Today, I texted this girl that I really like. I got a message back saying "Your message to 903-***-**** could not go through due to a disconnection, thanks, Alltel services." I overheard her later at lunch saying she sent the message, and laughed with her friends about it. FML

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By chichi - 7/2/2009 20:09 - United States

Today, I went to Subway to grab some lunch. As I was paying, the cashier gave me a tip. He told me of a great acne medication that would do wonders. Thanks. FML

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By Fitz - 29/7/2013 06:30 - United States

Today, I had a customer scream at me for ruining their child's birthday party. They had bought a Piñata from me and didn't know they had to fill it themselves. The kids had hit it open and it was empty. FML

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By Parent - 8/4/2018 23:00 - United States - Elkhart

Today, being a divorced dad, I had a very important job opportunity for which I would be gone overnight. When I returned, I found my son locked in his room while the babysitter was having sex with a man in my bed. FML

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By wtfisgoingon - 28/4/2013 10:30 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was in the middle of having a shower when I noticed a camera hidden in the corner of the room pointing directly towards the shower which I stood in butt-naked. I live by myself and have recently only moved in. FML

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By - 15/2/2020 01:00

Too stupid

Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML

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By Fucked4life - 18/4/2018 20:30

Today, I've been dating my boyfriend for 6 years. I've had a really bad week and am feeling depressed, and he knows this. He's also just decided to tell me he has a two-month-old daughter. We do not have an open relationship. FML

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Top comments

By Back_In_Action | 18

#762210 - Friday 8 January 2010 15:54

Needs your help, the Jedi Master Yoda does not. The fuck out, get. :P

By krez | 20

#762219 - Friday 8 January 2010 15:59

Force choke your sister until she sees your point of view. That always works for me.

Comments

By The_Disturbed | 5

#762203 - Friday 8 January 2010 15:52

lol. You sad git xD

Reply

MiGman | 5

#1031929 - Wednesday 16 June 2010 6:04

op that's why you do this when there not home. it's even worse when you and your dad do this at the same time

Reply

blo0_starZz | 0

#1114433 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 17:50

AHAHAHA! i lol'd :')

Reply

BrutalFbomb | 5

#1268588 - Thursday 19 August 2010 10:42

use the force to grow some balls, you must. hmm yesh.

Reply

Hoplaka | 0

#1341642 - Friday 3 September 2010 5:38

What's a git? Is that an it but very feminine? Lol

Reply

Overseer211 | 1

#2698389 - Friday 17 June 2011 3:33

YODA NEEDED HELP GUISE HE DIDN'T DESERVE IT.

Reply

ammerhammer | 3

#5482965 - Wednesday 8 May 2013 0:22

On Harry potter, a git is like a jerk or a dick. I'm assuming its a British thing

By nikki908 | 3

#762205 - Friday 8 January 2010 15:53

And you did it in front of them? YDI

By Back_In_Action | 18

#762210 - Friday 8 January 2010 15:54

Needs your help, the Jedi Master Yoda does not. The fuck out, get. :P

Reply

The_Disturbed | 5

#762212 - Friday 8 January 2010 15:55

#3 - Haha win :P

Reply

Brave_Sir_Robin | 4

#762251 - Friday 8 January 2010 16:19

It normally takes a lot to get me to LMAO on this site, but #3 is a winrar.

May I present to you 346.4 pounds of salmon bones and a commemorative Bob Denver lunchbox?

Reply

newsgit | 0

#762257 - Friday 8 January 2010 16:22

in addition to #15s present, I got you a cock.
be prepared to get up early, cocks crow at like 5. I could take it anymore, I've already got like 5 chickens to feed.

Reply

Back_In_Action | 18

#762344 - Friday 8 January 2010 17:16

D'AWWWW, you guys. Get you everywhere, flattery will. :D

Reply

CallMeHush | 0

#762533 - Friday 8 January 2010 19:47

Hey I was holding out for that lunch box, you just can't find those evrywhere you know.

Reply

thisismitch | 3

#958964 - Wednesday 17 March 2010 20:43

#3 epic win

Reply

ilovefatcats | 12

#965347 - Saturday 20 March 2010 23:17

..... I feel so sorry for you ....... :,(

Reply

TextingJuliet | 0

#1014923 - Tuesday 1 June 2010 11:21

15-lol winrar. srry I'm a huge nerd girl so I find humor in the little mentions of geek speak.

Reply

trigger22 | 0

#3801626 - Thursday 29 December 2011 6:41

Haha lmfao

By nikki908 | 3

#762213 - Friday 8 January 2010 15:56

Use the force, young J-walker

Reply

quade25 | 0

#2856705 - Saturday 9 July 2011 19:16

yes smarticles

By damienwatkins | 0

#762218 - Friday 8 January 2010 15:59

...why?

By krez | 20

#762219 - Friday 8 January 2010 15:59

Force choke your sister until she sees your point of view. That always works for me.

Reply

CaptainAtMan | 3

#762234 - Friday 8 January 2010 16:07

agreed

Reply

daydreamstar | 7

#762237 - Friday 8 January 2010 16:08

but, 7, Yoda is a good, Old Republic Jedi who believes Force choking is the Sith way :)

Reply

APenguin | 0

#762535 - Friday 8 January 2010 19:48

Yet hangs around with a Jedi who uses the Dark side (Mace Windu). :P

Reply

Gstone5 | 0

#848521 - Friday 12 February 2010 16:22

this is when u know u need to get a life...

By daydreamstar | 7

#762221 - Friday 8 January 2010 16:00

# 3 wins this page! lmao! OP: youre bantha fodder XDXDXD now use your money and go buy some sense.. and not the sixth one.

By jeesse | 0

#762222 - Friday 8 January 2010 16:01

is this a real fml??

By JManHobbs | 0

#762238 - Friday 8 January 2010 16:09

"Instinctively"? Either you are a huge nerd.or you have fucking awesome powers. You better hope for the latter.

Reply

fireandice27 | 0

#762263 - Friday 8 January 2010 16:25

^
This.

I was a little confused at the 'instinctively' part too

Reply

TheOptimist | 0

#1099299 - Friday 16 July 2010 23:06

12 wasn't confused by the instinctively part, he was emphasizing his point about the OP being a loser by saying instinctively with quotation marks and a question mark.

By MisterZzyzx | 0

#762239 - Friday 8 January 2010 16:09

Don't worry, I do the same thing watching the Star Wars movies.