Geek: Today, I was watching Star Wars : Attack of the Clones, and Yoda... - FML

08/01/2010 07:56 - Australia

Today, I was watching Star Wars : Attack of the Clones, and Yoda was using the force to move a heavy object. While in the middle of my loungeroom, I instinctively put my hand up to use the force to help him, infront of my father and sister. My sister will never let me live it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 099

You deserved it 39 789

And today, on Dr Phil…

This Charming Man

Put your back into it

10/06/2014 01:56 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 384

You deserved it 3 856

10/09/2017 00:00 - Australia - Coogee

Today, while holidaying in Greece, I approached a cute girl in a club and offered her a drink in Greek. She said, "No Greek!" and then called me an "ugly kiss-ass" in English, thinking I wouldn't understand. I'm Australian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 965

You deserved it 385

11/06/2014 16:41 - Canada - Kelowna

Today, my family and I were on a road trip. Everything was fine until we discovered that my dad, the driver, was not only fast asleep, he was also snoring. We were in the middle of the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 507

You deserved it 4 451

06/09/2009 04:35 - United States

Today, I was cutting the grass when I saw a man staring at me from my neighbor's garage. This went on for 5 minutes until I finally yelled 'hello'. There was no response, and I was creeped out, so I called my neighbor. It was a life-sized Paul McCartney cutout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 898

You deserved it 36 275

19/05/2013 21:27 - United States - Midland

Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 212

You deserved it 3 903

15/05/2019 14:08

Today, my landlord, due to a past of being an asshole and now enhanced with dementia, suddenly jumped down my throat for parking incorrectly in the driveway, because there's no room for their two cars. He hasn't had two cars in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 647

You deserved it 139

No need for a reason

By Anonymous - 27/06/2021 04:01

Today, as I was bent over drying my legs after a shower, my girlfriend snuck behind me and pulled a hair off my ballsack for absolutely no good reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 187

26/01/2013 01:24 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, a pregnant woman got on the bus. There were no free seats, so I stood up to give her mine. An obese man pushed past her, waddled over, and oozed into my seat. I said it was for the pregnant lady. He called me a "sexist bitch" and claimed he needed it more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 411

You deserved it 2 797

02/01/2016 05:17 - United States - Norristown

Today, I have a stomach bug. I went to go downstairs, and my cat decided to dart between my legs, causing me to trip and fall down the stairs in a pinwheel of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 046

You deserved it 1 774

Family Fortunes

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 22:00 - Australia - Baulkham Hills

Today, I met the family of the guy I’m seeing, and they are all amazing. I’m scared to tell him I have a schizophrenic mum and a raging alcoholic dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 676

You deserved it 96

14/01/2010 05:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend went to jail for a DUI. In a panic, I rushed to go bail him out. On the way to the jail I was stopped for running a red light. I soon joined my boyfriend in jail with my very own DUI charge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 418

You deserved it 65 448

23/07/2019 14:03

Today, my wife let two Jehovah's Witnesses in for a chat, then deliberately went to a neighbour's for "2 minutes," and left me with them for half-an-hour, with them refusing to take my hints to leave. In the end, I told them to fuck off, just as the wife arrived home, and she got mad at me for being rude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 465

You deserved it 174

22/02/2011 02:21

Today, a neighbor called the cops on me and my friends because we were "starting a fire" in the backyard. We were using a barbecue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 489

You deserved it 2 865

12/03/2011 00:02 - United States

Today, I was prescribed medicine for anxiety. Without it, my stomach churns all day. With it, I shake uncontrollably and my eyes twitch. Now I have to choose between diarrhea and rude stares from people in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 849

You deserved it 2 988

23/11/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, I was snuggling with my boyfriend on the couch. We ended up falling asleep, and when I woke up I felt a slobberly substance running down my face. It turns out, my boyfriend drooled so much, it filled my ear and overflowed onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 140

You deserved it 3 921

16/05/2009 17:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 698

You deserved it 53 271

Get rid of the evidence!

By Anonymous - 18/08/2020 17:11

Today, while my roommate was taking a bath, I became horribly sick out of nowhere. Since the bathroom was occupied, I ended up having explosive diarrhea in an Amazon box in my bedroom, which I immediately ran out to the dumpster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 558

You deserved it 132

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 155

21/03/2016 21:26 - United States - Depew

Today, I parked my car in the company lot and walked down the street to a mandatory company training. While I was at the training, everyone back at the office decided to leave early and locked the company lot. My car is now stuck there for the night and I'm walking home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 845

You deserved it 1 521

02/07/2012 21:17 - Venezuela - Caracas

Today, I was in the shower, when I heard my daughter scream and shout, "Mommy, mommy! Help! Come quick!" I panicked and rushed downstairs without even looking for a towel to cover myself, all so I could find out she'd just gotten a piece of dirt on her shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 675

You deserved it 2 877

27/03/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, I was entered into an online contest where they announce your name on the radio and if you call in within an hour they pay your bills for you. I'm unemployed, so I got really excited when they announced my name. My call wouldn't go through - I hadn't paid my phone bill and the line was disconnected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 177

You deserved it 28 634

14/03/2010 14:49 - United States

Today, I started to type up a mass text to tell a decent amount of my friends that I'd just come home to a surprise from my boyfriend. Trying to fix a typo, I accidentally hit send with the text only saying "Guess what?! I just came." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 860

You deserved it 11 733

08/06/2015 19:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I finally slept with the man of my dreams. After he left for work, I found a six-inch skid mark smack dab in the middle of my sheets. Apparently, the man of my dreams doesn't believe in toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 004

You deserved it 3 195

Live chat

By Anonymous - 19/12/2019 01:00 - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, I found my best friend's girlfriend on a webcam site. I then told him, and his only response was, "Yeah, I know, that's where we met." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 573

You deserved it 558

25/12/2009 20:27 - Canada

Today, from my girlfriend of five years, I got my clothes back, my engagment ring and a card that says, "Merry Christmas! It's me not you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 522

You deserved it 2 576

16/01/2016 08:17

Today, I tested out my new paintball gun by firing a few rounds into some thick bushes. Nothing could've prepared me for the angry swarm of hornets whose nest I'd apparently shot. I'm in so much pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 814

You deserved it 7 982

Word salad

By Mardy Shaber - 19/12/2020 20:02

Today, my dad was so dizzy, he couldn't get out of bed. I called his doctor but sadly I confused the word "vertigo" with "libido." The doctor may have been impressed but offered me no helpful suggestions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 597

You deserved it 352

30/03/2013 05:19 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I was on the toilet, when I noticed I could see my daughter dancing in the other room in the mirror, so I took a picture with my phone. After I uploaded it, people pointed out that I was visible in the picture, sitting on the toilet and smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 999

You deserved it 61 663

12/05/2009 23:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while and realized that I can lift way more with my left hand than with my right even though I am right handed. I also realized that I jack off with my left hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 976

You deserved it 58 898

09/10/2016 16:18 - United Kingdom - Mitcham

Today, I got into my dream university. I also got turned down for the scholarship and the loan that would enable me to actually go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 637

You deserved it 1 155

Thanks for the support

By Anonymous - 31/10/2020 02:01

Today, I revealed to my parents that I'm planning on opening a food truck in the next few months. They both laughed in my face and said I'll never make any money. I've been working on this for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 119

19/06/2011 05:01 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by putting a post-it note on my locker that said "consider yourself dumped". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 742

You deserved it 4 661

04/09/2012 13:51 - United States - Washington

Today, I finally decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. Surprisingly, he and my father already knew each other, so I asked him how they met. Now I know where my boyfriend gets all his weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 659

You deserved it 3 964

05/10/2013 16:00 - United States - Cumming

Today, I woke up, got dressed, and left for the 1 hour drive to the nearest vet. When I arrived, I realized that I left my cat in its carrier on my kitchen counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 731

You deserved it 26 961

21/09/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, I was at work when two sheriff's deputies walked in. They asked me my name and when I told them, they asked me to turn around and they cuffed me. They told me I was under arrest for robbery. Turns out I was mistakenly IDed, but now every one at my job thinks I'm an armed robber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 992

You deserved it 2 283

31/03/2009 01:43 - Canada

Spicy

Today, the C-train was packed and I was stuck with a homeless man pressed up against me. He was staring at me intently, and two minutes into the ride he got an erection, which was rubbed against me at every single bump and turn of the train. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123 175

You deserved it 6 717

12/12/2014 15:15 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I had to babysit my 7-year-old niece while my brother bought Christmas presents. After he left, she walked up to me and said in a very dark voice, "I'm gonna make you hate children!" Now my apartment looks like a bomb site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 062

You deserved it 2 837

03/08/2016 01:04

Today, I got called for a job that I applied to 2 months ago, just to ask me if I had an older brother that could work for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 744

You deserved it 795

05/08/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, a friend and I drove all the way from Texas to a small town in Colorado to spend an entire uninterrupted night together. Not only did he forget to bring condoms but everything was closed by the time we got into town. We ended up playing cards on the bed instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 383

You deserved it 45 798

09/07/2015 19:46 - United States

Today, after breaking up with my girlfriend of 3 years a few months ago, my boys convinced me to go out with the cute girl I had been talking to on Tinder. However, she wasn't cute, or a girl. He robbed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 822

You deserved it 5 365

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Top comments

Back_In_Action 18

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Friday 8 January 2010 15:54

Needs your help, the Jedi Master Yoda does not. The fuck out, get. :P

krez 20

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Friday 8 January 2010 15:59

Force choke your sister until she sees your point of view. That always works for me.

Comments

The_Disturbed 5

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Friday 8 January 2010 15:52

lol. You sad git xD

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Wednesday 16 June 2010 6:04

op that's why you do this when there not home. it's even worse when you and your dad do this at the same time

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 17:50

AHAHAHA! i lol'd :')

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Thursday 19 August 2010 10:42

use the force to grow some balls, you must. hmm yesh.

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Friday 3 September 2010 5:38

What's a git? Is that an it but very feminine? Lol

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Friday 17 June 2011 3:33

YODA NEEDED HELP GUISE HE DIDN'T DESERVE IT.

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Wednesday 8 May 2013 0:22

On Harry potter, a git is like a jerk or a dick. I'm assuming its a British thing

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Friday 8 January 2010 15:53

And you did it in front of them? YDI

Back_In_Action 18

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Friday 8 January 2010 15:54

Needs your help, the Jedi Master Yoda does not. The fuck out, get. :P

The_Disturbed 5

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Friday 8 January 2010 15:55

#3 - Haha win :P

Brave_Sir_Robin 4

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Friday 8 January 2010 16:19

It normally takes a lot to get me to LMAO on this site, but #3 is a winrar. May I present to you 346.4 pounds of salmon bones and a commemorative Bob Denver lunchbox?

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Friday 8 January 2010 16:22

in addition to #15s present, I got you a cock. be prepared to get up early, cocks crow at like 5. I could take it anymore, I've already got like 5 chickens to feed.

Back_In_Action 18

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Friday 8 January 2010 17:16

D'AWWWW, you guys. Get you everywhere, flattery will. :D

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Friday 8 January 2010 19:47

Hey I was holding out for that lunch box, you just can't find those evrywhere you know.

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Wednesday 17 March 2010 20:43

#3 epic win

ilovefatcats 12

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Saturday 20 March 2010 23:17

..... I feel so sorry for you ....... :,(

TextingJuliet 0

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Tuesday 1 June 2010 11:21

15-lol winrar. srry I'm a huge nerd girl so I find humor in the little mentions of geek speak.

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Thursday 29 December 2011 6:41

Haha lmfao

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Friday 8 January 2010 15:56

Use the force, young J-walker

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Saturday 9 July 2011 19:16

yes smarticles

damienwatkins 0

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Friday 8 January 2010 15:59

...why?

krez 20

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Friday 8 January 2010 15:59

Force choke your sister until she sees your point of view. That always works for me.

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Friday 8 January 2010 16:07

agreed

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Friday 8 January 2010 16:08

but, 7, Yoda is a good, Old Republic Jedi who believes Force choking is the Sith way :)

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Friday 8 January 2010 19:48

Yet hangs around with a Jedi who uses the Dark side (Mace Windu). :P

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Friday 12 February 2010 16:22

this is when u know u need to get a life...

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Friday 8 January 2010 16:00

# 3 wins this page! lmao! OP: youre bantha fodder XDXDXD now use your money and go buy some sense.. and not the sixth one.

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Friday 8 January 2010 16:01

is this a real fml??

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Friday 8 January 2010 16:09

"Instinctively"? Either you are a huge nerd.or you have fucking awesome powers. You better hope for the latter.

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Friday 8 January 2010 16:25

^ This. I was a little confused at the 'instinctively' part too

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Friday 16 July 2010 23:06

12 wasn't confused by the instinctively part, he was emphasizing his point about the OP being a loser by saying instinctively with quotation marks and a question mark.

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Friday 8 January 2010 16:09

Don't worry, I do the same thing watching the Star Wars movies.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 250

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 591

You deserved it 69