Miscellaneous: Today, I was awoken at 1:30am by a strange noise, and something... - FML

09/01/2010 08:40 - New Zealand

Today, I was awoken at 1:30am by a strange noise, and something tugging on my hair. I opened my eyes, to find a very large rat sitting on my pillow, chewing my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 428

You deserved it 3 357

Own it

This Charming Man

Opposites attract

23/02/2011 18:53 - United States

Today, I was overdrawn $15 at the bank. I paid in my last $80 in cash, only for them to inform me that I've been slapped with $90 in overdraft fees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 698

You deserved it 6 220

05/09/2013 23:29 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, a soon-to-be-ex co-worker flew into a rage when she saw she wasn't on the schedule for next week. The boss told her it's because she quit. She reminded the boss she wants to keep working part-time. My new job is inventing tasks for her to do to keep her calm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 127

You deserved it 2 556

08/09/2009 05:29 - United States

Today, I went to the emergency room. Apparently, when your ex-girlfriend hits you in the nuts with a bat, it can do some damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 755

You deserved it 7 588

Public freakout

By erineilis - 16/08/2011 14:22 - United States

Today, while driving into work, a guy cut me off and I yelled some nasty things out of my window at him. He heard me, followed me to work, took a baseball bat out and then chased me into the office. He also smashed my windshield on his way out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 522

You deserved it 17 015

30/07/2012 06:59 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to a corner store to re-stock my chocolate stash. A guy from work walked in to see me and the cashier arguing about the amount of candy I was trying to buy with a jar of pennies. He took one look at me and said, "That time of the month, eh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 664

You deserved it 26 939

Squirt

By Anonymous - 11/10/2009 04:48 - United States

Today, I had a UTI and the doctor said the medicine can sometimes make you leak a little. "Leak a little" apparently translates into peeing all over myself, my boyfriend, and his bed while we were sleeping. The doctor also said this medicine can stain your urine a beautiful, bright orange color. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 350

You deserved it 2 967

21/05/2012 02:29 - United States - Bergen

Today, I decided to save a few bucks and let my mother cut my hair. I then had to wait in the hospital for attention due to the fact that she cut the tip of my ear off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 065

You deserved it 4 774

27/01/2017 22:00

Today, I found out I'm pregnant with my soon-to-be ex-husband's baby from the moment we agreed to have sex one last time together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 652

You deserved it 9 030

08/12/2016 10:57

Today, I took my car to dealer because of the loud knocking sound I heard while driving it. Twenty-four hours later, they told me it was fixed. Fifteen minutes after I drove away, the tire flew off my car while I was on the highway. My car is now totaled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 973

You deserved it 621

Bullshit merchants in the temple

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 00:30 - United States - Decatur

Today, I found out my mom has literally spent all her savings sending money to some bullshit-peddling megachurch televangelist, who apparently told her that giving them money would ensure her future fortune. Tithings, my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 78

Let's not get too committed

By Just a Bro - 13/06/2021 03:31 - India

Spicy

Today, it was the third time a guy high-fived me after sex. The other two guys gave me a fist bump. Is this a universal thing, or am I just one of the bros? FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 191

22/02/2010 15:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I was swimming in the fast lane at the pool. A guy in blue trunks was swimming slowly and really getting on everyone's nerves. I took a break, and looking around I couldn't see him. I turned to the guy next to me and said, "Finally, Mr. Blue Trunks has f**ked off." It was Mr. Blue Trunks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 541

You deserved it 39 678

Doggy dog world

By Whatever - 24/09/2021 08:00

Today, my self-esteem has gotten so low that when I was out walking my boss's dog and someone called out, "Beautiful!" I assumed they were talking about the dog. They had to clarify they were speaking about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 826

You deserved it 132

14/07/2016 00:56 - Canada - Concord

Today, I fell off the top of my bunk bed in my sleep onto a running fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 111

You deserved it 1 555

11/02/2012 13:41 - Australia

Today, my friend's kid chased me with a rusty, sharp tent peg and threatened to kill me. When I finally got him to calm down he ran off to his room. Later, I found the tent peg under his pillow with a note that said my name. My friend thinks it's hilarious. I am staying here for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 366

You deserved it 2 471

16/04/2011 23:42 - United States

Today, I was pretending to be an angry bear while babysitting a 3 year old boy, and an 19 month old girl. I was chasing them around the house having a great time. Just when I bent over to pick up his sister for a diaper change the 3 year old decided it was his turn. He bit me square on the ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 076

You deserved it 11 222

24/05/2011 05:19 - United States

Spicy

Today, my best friend thought the best time to tell me she was sleeping with my boyfriend was while we were acting in a play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 094

You deserved it 3 462

11/05/2013 21:19 - United States - Bound Brook

Today, my teenage daughter nearly burned down our house because she wanted to take "artsy" pictures with a lighter for Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 342

You deserved it 6 270

11/05/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, it's the five year anniversary of my father's death. I was cuddling with my boyfriend and crying about how much I missed him. He replied with, "Sometimes, I think you just like to hear yourself talk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 229

You deserved it 11 267

23/04/2012 03:00 - United States

Today, I discovered something more dangerous than drivers who text: drivers who break your car windows with a bat while stopped at a red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 518

You deserved it 2 187

I'm still young

By jb123 - 29/12/2019 20:00 - United States - Rock Springs

Today, I was sitting in a waiting room with my two-month-old son. A sweet little old lady came up to me and said, "Maybe if you knew how to keep your legs closed, you wouldn't have a baby at 15, slut." I'm 23 and married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 907

You deserved it 201

Oh, hai Mark!

By Bribri - 18/11/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, my mom's "hobby" of rescuing homeless people became very real. We now have 3 more people living in our house, and none of them have a sense of personal space. I wake up to their faces in my windows. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 802

You deserved it 2 453

24/10/2018 05:00

Today, it's 3:42am and my son is crying because I won't let him play with his dirty diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 889

You deserved it 304

20/09/2015 15:23

Today, I accidentally farted at a board meeting. My boss thought it came from the guy sitting next to me and gave him hell for being a pig. I was too mortified to say anything, even when the guy blamed it on me, which caused my boss to rage at him for lying and then to kick him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 756

You deserved it 12 034

05/06/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, I took a nap with a kitten I just adopted from my mom's house. To make her feel more comfortable, I took a nap with her on my bed. In my dream, I kept smelling poo and I felt around on the bed to find the kitten. She apparently had diarrhea on my bed and I had stuck my hand in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 118

You deserved it 8 259

Sticky situation

By Anonymous - 05/12/2020 12:28 - Canada - Holyrood

Today, all was going fine until I had a tickle in my throat, which turned into a coughing fit. Only to cough for the last time and shart my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 95

03/11/2017 14:00

Today, at an 8 a.m. spin class, I knelt on the floor to set up my bike. The bike next to me was too close, and while the girl on it was pedaling to warm up, she pedaled down hard onto my heel, breaking my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 810

You deserved it 447

30/12/2014 01:07 - United States - Bend

Today, on my first ski run down a mountain, I dislocated my patella. Now I get to watch out of the window as my family builds a snowman and names it after me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 346

You deserved it 2 471

29/08/2015 05:09 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my dad how I rear-ended the car in front of me because of a particularly intense banjo solo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 585

You deserved it 19 788

17/06/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, my friend told me that he was having a scrabble tournament at his house with a bunch of our friends. I told my dad about the tournament and he gave me a special scrabble dictionary to bring. Hesitantly, I brought the dictionary and as I walked in everyone was playing beer pong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 350

You deserved it 12 963

23/02/2013 06:28 - United States - Calhan

Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 491

You deserved it 3 429

28/08/2011 22:37 - Ireland

Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on a bicycle. Everywhere I went, gangs of youths yelled stuff out at me, like "Bike twat", "Pig on wheels", "That's a girl's bike you muppet" and "Go on wanker, do a wheelie." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 271

You deserved it 8 586

Where's my anvil?

By Anonymous - 17/03/2021 14:02

Today, my roommate placed something on a shelf I put up, and the whole thing came crashing down. It's been fine for 2 years and now the shelf decides to break? Yeah right, dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 81

10/10/2010 00:51 - France

Today, at work I asked a woman how she was doing. When she replied, I didn't understand her, and instead of asking her what she said, I just replied with, "oh that's good." What she told me that I didn't understand was that her husband had just died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 562

You deserved it 33 273

23/07/2016 23:04 - United States - Atlanta

Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 840

You deserved it 19 122

This guy grudges

By PocketTrash - 20/03/2020 21:00

Today, my dad is still mad because I tossed his empty coffee can over 3 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 210

01/08/2009 04:32 - United States

Today, my cat ran outside. As I ran around the side of my house to get her, I felt a gigantic spiderweb land on my face. I also felt a light thud on my eye and it started to tear up. I ran inside and looked in a mirror, the spider was in my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 707

You deserved it 3 451

07/11/2018 03:00

Today, I was in my bedroom with my boyfriend and we were kissing. My mom then came into my room and started shouting at my boyfriend for cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 722

You deserved it 358

18/09/2011 01:20 - Canada

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 700

You deserved it 9 100

27/11/2011 01:51 - United States

Today, I fractured my finger setting up a rat trap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 786

You deserved it 13 576

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Saturday 9 January 2010 16:12

thats cute

youdidwhatnow 0

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Saturday 9 January 2010 16:11

Ew!

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youdidwhatnow 0

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Saturday 9 January 2010 16:11

Ew!

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Sunday 10 January 2010 1:22

I had a friend like that once. Always chewing on parts that weren't meant to be chewed on... my shoes, my underwear. He was a real rat too, just like your boyfriend.

toastnbuttrcheng 0

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Sunday 10 January 2010 11:09

I woke up to a rat biting my ear @[email protected] I thought I had rabies.

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Monday 22 February 2010 6:02

agree

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Wednesday 3 November 2010 2:46

I woke up with my hand up a pirate donkey's butthole once.

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Sunday 27 March 2011 17:08

EW EW EW! I came home the other day to find that my dog had hunted mice outside of our house, brought them inside, killed them, and left them there as a present for me.

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Friday 4 July 2014 14:53

I would've moved lol

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Saturday 9 January 2010 16:12

thats cute

Scubadiver172001 0

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 16:19

I'd keep it as a pet

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Wednesday 7 April 2010 1:13

thatss nastyyy!!

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Monday 19 July 2010 4:44

ratatouille!!!!!!

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Monday 1 November 2010 5:31

Rokstar win.

CookieMonstr19 0

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Monday 1 August 2011 2:11

#107 yeah he could be an amazing pet!!!!!

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Saturday 9 January 2010 16:12

ydi for a gross home!

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Saturday 9 January 2010 18:47

Shut up.

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Saturday 9 January 2010 16:14

lol awww

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Saturday 9 January 2010 16:22

Omg lmfao, that's just unsanitary. How do you sleep in those repulsive conditions? Then again I can't sleep without cleaning the entire house thoroughly. OCD sucks FML.

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Sunday 10 January 2010 1:25

hahaha my moms the same way.

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Saturday 9 January 2010 16:23

ohh yuck, I would have freeked

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Saturday 9 January 2010 16:24

Omg, I hate rodents! I would have screamed my head off! Why is there a rat in your room? Is it that messy or do you live in the woods?

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Saturday 9 January 2010 16:26

#2 WTF?? so it's cute to have a dirty rat chewing away your hair???

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Thursday 5 April 2012 8:27

Its a sign... He be saying, " lets be friends!"

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Saturday 9 January 2010 16:39

Rats are cute and cudly. Then again wild rats are the worst!

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Saturday 9 January 2010 20:16

I Assume this one was wild.. Unless she had a domestic rat..

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Saturday 9 January 2010 16:44

oh my gosh!!! ew ew ew ew ew ew ew!!

Crabtree1015 12

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Monday 11 March 2013 10:35

i would of flipped!

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 115

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 136