By Anonymous - 23/8/2020 23:02

Wrong place, wrong time

Today, my boyfriend are I are staying at his parents' while they are away. While having sex in their bed, the whole bed went crashing to the floor. We have no idea what to do, and we leave tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

611

You deserved it

2124

Favorite

Commando

Alexa, put on "Trust" by Low

Panic

By anonymous - United States

Today, I was at work when a cute guy came up to me and said he liked my shirt. In a desperate attempt to say something back, I said, "Thanks, I like your shoelaces." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26863

You deserved it

6741

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in a college band rehearsal, and I get a call saying "your car was just hit by a tree!" I said "yeah, right", and hung up on her. Minutes later, the band manager walks in and tells me that my car is totaled. I then went and stood in the rain watching a tree get cut off my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33446

You deserved it

6646

Favorite

By katchoo - Denmark

Today, I had a panic attack when a huge spider ran over my hand. I screamed, wailed, and killed it with a shoe while shouting. Ten minutes later, police slammed on my door. My neighbor called them, saying it sounded like someone was being murdered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47453

You deserved it

8422

Favorite

By FUCKKKS - United States

Today, after a long work shift, I was so tired that I took a nap in my car to avoid driving half-asleep. When I awoke, there was a huge truck in front of me. I thought I'd fallen asleep while driving and was about to die. I only realized it was stationary after I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36826

You deserved it

6056

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went through the drive through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response I start frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, the woman comes out to my car and says, "Please pull up to the speaker." I yelled at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14452

You deserved it

124635

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was drunk and crashed on my friend's couch to sober up. On the drive home, a cop pulled me over for seemingly no reason. He kept asking if I had been drinking, to which I answered no. Finally, he told me to look in the mirror. My friends had written all over my face while I slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42911

You deserved it

23932

Favorite

By 2yearsofHotSexThenThis - New Zealand

Today, after not having sex for nearly a year and a half, an opportunity arose. I couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61223

You deserved it

11004

Favorite

By NickC - Malaysia

Today, my girlfriend's parents wanted to cook dinner for me. After a whole day of cooking up a storm, her parents cooked an elaborate meal of roast lamb, pork chops and grilled chicken. Rejecting a meal is like spitting in ones face in Chinese culture. I'm vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38081

You deserved it

14923

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I talked to my boss about scheduling my urgently needed surgery. She asked me to wait until after Christmas, and told me that I should use vacation time instead of sick leave. She's also not going to give me the total paid time off my contract specifies, because it's "inconvenient." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30939

You deserved it

2330

Favorite

By onebadwave - United States

Today, I thought it would be a smart idea to walk out on the pier while the waves were 6 feet tall. I was having fun getting "splashed" by the waves crashing over until one wave knocked me over and dragged me 20 feet across the hard concrete pier. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11601

You deserved it

46367

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was informed that my boyfriend's mother would be joining us on our Valentine's dinner. I'm not sure if this momma's boy thing is going to work out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29899

You deserved it

3545

Favorite

By innocent cat lady - United States

Today, my boyfriend freaked out at me because he found a couple of orange hairs in my bed and he knows my ex is a redhead. He also knows I have two orange cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28106

You deserved it

2449

Favorite

By itsjustemcee - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three years and I went to visit my 85 year-old grandmother at the hospital. While I went to the restroom, she apparently told him about a guy I was seeing on the side. I have no idea who she's talking about and my boyfriend refuses to talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23490

You deserved it

1601

Favorite

By kill me - Canada

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and while trying to make a dramatic exit, I slammed his car door, slipped on the ice and landed on my back in front of a large crowd of onlookers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25093

You deserved it

8729

Favorite

By bigscarypuppy - United States

Today, my sister went into early labor. Instead of telling me, my mom turns to my dog and says "Guess what? You're going to be an uncle!" Our new dog ranks higher than me in our family's metaphorical food chain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35510

You deserved it

3218

Favorite

By phishy - United States - Georgetown

Today, I got a call from a potential employer. Unfortunately, I couldn't understand the man due to his incoherent mumbling. I had to decline the job after asking him to repeat everything he said, over and over again. I still don't know exactly which job I declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28136

You deserved it

2473

Favorite

By anythingjean - Canada

Today, I saw a cute guy on the bus. I smiled at him and he smiled back. After a couple of stops, he got off the bus. He bumped into me, turned around, apologized, and winked. I stood there feeling good about myself. Then I realized he stole my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64514

You deserved it

9710

Favorite

By Oxnar60 - United States - Harwich

Today, I left my phone at work. After returning to the office to retrieve it, I noticed it was not on my desk as it usually is. I went to the front office and found it on the desk, unattended. When turning on my phone, I was greeted by my new lockscreen: a crap someone took in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13115

You deserved it

1952

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Tampa

Today, it's the first day of fall. It's also the day that over 20 people have made jokes about my name being "Autumn" like they're the funniest, most original people alive. It's not even 8 am. This is going to be a long day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36008

You deserved it

3436

Favorite

By Anonymous - Finland

Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32358

You deserved it

5025

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend's job to ask him a question. His co-worker answered the phone, and when I asked for my boyfriend, he assumed I was someone else. Who exactly would that someone else be? FML

I agree, your life sucks

28044

You deserved it

3822

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Bloomington

Today, my mother locked me out of the house. Why? The dog and her needed some time to talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35981

You deserved it

2908

Favorite

By pitytitty - United States - San Francisco

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging about me to his friends, telling them I have a great smile, cute hair, and very perky tits. This wouldn't be so bad if we weren't both men. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34372

You deserved it

7129

Favorite

By AidenFromSweden - Sweden

Today, I come home to find my nephew holding pieces of my new $3,500 Sony Video Camera. He told me he threw it out the window because it was a portal for aliens. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54714

You deserved it

4421

Favorite

By yif2 - United States

Today, while mowing my backyard, I messily discovered that a family of rabbits has been living out there in the tall grass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35986

You deserved it

5666

Favorite

By susiedoggles - United States - Milford

Today, getting home after a long day of work, my boyfriend came running out of the house. Being silly, I thought he was excited to see me. Nope - he was excited to show me the squirrel he shot. In the house. Apparently, we have house squirrels and a boatload of holes in the floor and couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2929

You deserved it

289

Favorite

By Eh... - Ukraine

Today, my boss asked me if I know anything about those tattoos that girl put on their lower backs. "You mean Tramp Stamps?" I responded. He looked at me with hatred in his eyes and said that his 18 year old daughter just got one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53293

You deserved it

8017

Favorite

By grossedoutgirlfriend

Not so normal, no

Today, I came home from work to see a pair of panties I hadn't worn lying on the floor. I picked them up and they were all crunchy. It turns out that while I'm away, my boyfriend uses my underwear as a vessel for his semen. He claims this is normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2157

You deserved it

306

Favorite

By cantgetitupcantgetiton - United States

Quickie

Today, I realized that the amount of time it takes my boyfriend to get an erection takes longer than the actual sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23255

You deserved it

3213

Favorite

By gonesofast - United States - Quincy

Today, as I was about to leave home for my first sweet taste of freedom at my new apartment, my car died. I'm stuck here for at least the weekend and can look forward to my mom driving me to work. Freedom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31126

You deserved it

2894

Favorite

By msnewyearseve - United States

Today, I woke up after a long night of partying. When I went to wash off my face, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My missing tooth was almost enough to make me overlook my black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12831

You deserved it

33009

Favorite

By slightlyworried - United States - Parker

Today, I woke up from a nightmare that I've been having for a couple of weeks. In the nightmare I'm shot four times in the back by none other than my mother. I'm getting worried. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35052

You deserved it

3318

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Cotton Eye Joe

Today, my whole family was sitting in the kitchen. My sister was stoned and passed out in our dog's bed. My dad was drunk, yelling, "Who's your daddy?" at his plate of barbecued meat, and my mom just sat there with that, "What the hell happened to my life?" look on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74122

You deserved it

4529

Favorite

By minnie - United States

Today, I was feeling sick and I farted so loud in the school's girls bathroom. Some boys overheard from the hall and called everyone over. I came out only to find about 20 guys staring anxiously at the bathroom's door to see who I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53653

You deserved it

6880

Favorite

By Mr Hawks - France

Today, I decided to put my computer on slideshow mode. Did you know that hidden files are also read when you put slideshow on? I discovered this, as did my entire family, when my naked girlfriend appeared on the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23569

You deserved it

14270

Favorite

New revelation

Today, my Dad sat me down and told me that I was adopted. I was unbelievably shocked by this revelation and asked him why he'd never told me this before. His response was, "I didn't know!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2228

You deserved it

173

Favorite

By Lee - United States

Today, we spread my uncle's ashes at my grandparent's house. We were on a hill overlooking a sunset. It was a beautiful ceremony... until the winds changed direction. Our whole family wound up covered in my Uncle. He's still stuck in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54736

You deserved it

4110

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered everyone at work refers to me as 'The Man-Lady'. I work in a supermarket's beauty department. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26512

You deserved it

3379

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/6/2020 14:03

Hairy situation

Today, after taking hair growth pills and using hair growth medicated shampoos, I have not seen any different in my thinning hair. Can't say the same about the hair sprouting on my knuckles, chin, and toes. My pubes are very thick, silky, and luscious thanks to the treatment. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1427

You deserved it

185

Favorite

By Public Indecency

Today, after some cajoling, I finally posed naked for my long-term partner and his Polaroid camera. After saying he would cherish the intimate snapshots forever, he almost immediately forgot them on a crowded bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1647

You deserved it

486

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By jojimugo | 20

#7933356 - Sunday 23 August 2020 23:15

Why the fuck would you have sex on your parents bed? sick

By genuinegoodguy | 9

#7933370 - Monday 24 August 2020 0:14

Mend the bed or buy an identical new one. Try not to be quite so stupid in future.

COMMENTS

By jojimugo | 20

#7933356 - Sunday 23 August 2020 23:15

Why the fuck would you have sex on your parents bed? sick

By tounces7 | 27

#7933363 - Sunday 23 August 2020 23:40

Some beds are pretty obviously not built for vigorous activity. But you clearly didn't consider that or didn't care, so now you deal with the consequences.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7933368 - Sunday 23 August 2020 23:50

Tell them you chased Goldilocks out of the house after she broke the bed.

By genuinegoodguy | 9

#7933370 - Monday 24 August 2020 0:14

Mend the bed or buy an identical new one. Try not to be quite so stupid in future.

By TxKitten | 8

#7933379 - Monday 24 August 2020 1:08

Without more information, I have to say that's pretty disrespectful and you deserve it.

By Chazzster | 20

#7933380 - Monday 24 August 2020 1:11

Duh, you repair the bed.

By fjvitt | 14

#7933382 - Monday 24 August 2020 2:06

As I recall: you were just showing your friend around the house and jumped on your parents bed as a joke..and it went crashing to the floor!

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7933389 - Monday 24 August 2020 2:59

You both owe them a new bed frame. And you should stay there until its replaced.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7933400 - Monday 24 August 2020 3:56

You may think your boyfriend fucked you hard, but karma fucked you both harder. You'd better apologize, and buy them a new bed.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7933402 - Monday 24 August 2020 4:17

Explain to them that you lowered the bed for them because they are old and decrepit and you want to reduce the severity of their inevitable falls.