Miscellaneous: Today, I saw a picture of me from a night of drinking that surprisingly...

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I saw a picture of me from a night of drinking that surprisingly looked really really good. I showed my boyfriend and he agreed with me. Then he added, "What's funny is it looks nothing like you!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

25860

You deserved it

3713

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Spooky

TMI

By Jimmy - Australia

Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a skinhead sucker-punched me in the gut, grabbed my football, and ran away, giggling like a maniac. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1345

You deserved it

116

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Boise

Today, I now know what it feels like to violently sneeze while a nurse still has a needle in your arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22000

You deserved it

1450

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/8/2020 17:01

Like a virgin

Today, at 26, I bought my first vibrator. I've never really masturbated before, because I've always been with a guy. I used it for the first time, and orgasmed in under 3 minutes. I guess this whole time the guys I've been with hadn’t in fact made me cum as much as I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1562

You deserved it

417

Favorite

By uuuuugh - United States

Today, I actually had to have a discussion with my boyfriend about why he should shower more than once a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37051

You deserved it

7573

Favorite

By tickdog - United States - Rockwall

Today, I got my dog back from my aunt. Rather than taking him to an actual groomer, I gave him to my aunt because she needed a few extra bucks. My generosity lost me $35, and gave my dog ticks and a bad haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22800

You deserved it

5430

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting on the train and some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10048

You deserved it

75395

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, and every day since I got her, I leaned down to pour food and water into my cat's bowls. And today, like every single day, I forgot that my granite countertop sticks out a bit. I think part of my head is flat now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3045

You deserved it

3621

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/3/2020 08:00

Rules are rules

Today, as I was leaving a night shift at McDonald’s, a woman wanted to use the toilets. I explained our doors didn’t open until 7 a.m. now due to COVID-19. She wouldn’t take no for an answer and as I went to walk off, I got a swift knee in the nuts for my troubles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1687

You deserved it

131

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Santa Monica

She used me

Today, I discovered my friend will be upstaging my birthday by hosting another birthday party shortly afterwards. Not for her of course, but in honor of her favorite actor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1684

You deserved it

154

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Johnston

Today, after a busy afternoon taking care of the kids, I was feeling really down about only being a mom these days, and I was hoping my husband would make me feel better when he got off work. In the middle of cuddling, he called me "mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24717

You deserved it

3983

Favorite

By Sostupid - Canada

Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25422

You deserved it

8772

Favorite

By LifeLikeLemons - United States - Phoenix

Today, I got rear-ended trying to move off the road because I heard a police siren. It was the radio. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8396

You deserved it

2443

Favorite

By My Body Hates me - 30/7/2020 05:01

What's next?

Today, I was diagnosed with a severe bladder infection that has left me in excruciating pain. A month ago, I had an ovarian cyst rupture. A few weeks before that, I badly sprained my elbow. Before that, I had the flu. I think my body is mutinying one organ system at a time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1554

You deserved it

115

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was driving 3 of my guy friends to a party that was half an hour away. There was an awkward silence for most of the trip. I just figured out why now. I've had sex with all 3 of my guy friends. They talk about it when I'm not around. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15231

You deserved it

109452

Favorite

By NightHawk4926 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man. I gave him my sandwich, since he needed it more than me. Seconds later, he was attacked by a flock of birds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24254

You deserved it

1730

Favorite

By jhughes1997 - United States - Decatur

Today, I went fishing with my dad. I figured, since we were out on the dock, I may as well get rid of my farmer's tan. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up to a fishing net draped over me. I now have a fishnet pattern down the front of my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43750

You deserved it

12398

Favorite

By budbunny13 - United States

Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10653

You deserved it

63849

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I gave my name for a lunch order, I even spelled it out for the cashier. When my food was ready, they screamed "Labia," in the restaurant full of people. My name is Nadia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1744

You deserved it

136

Favorite

By bananaman - United Kingdom

Today, I've been on the same train for two hours at a standstill due to "signal problems". We can't get off because it's "unsafe". I'm on my way home from work and I can see my house through the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46426

You deserved it

3232

Favorite

By Theresa - 10/10/2020 17:01

Man's best friend

Today, at my daughter's soccer game, my nephew's dog helped herself to the Snowball I was eating, leaving fur on the side she didn't lick and left it unsalvageable. She peed on the blanket I was sitting on, tried to bite another kid, and went on to pop my kid's soccer ball that she'd used twice since I purchased it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

913

You deserved it

279

Favorite

By DWIcop

Today, while leaving our county courthouse after testifying as the arresting officer in multiple DWI cases, I hit a wrong way sign in the court’s parking lot. All the defense attorneys were outside, asking me if I was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1682

You deserved it

765

Favorite

By Merdoc - United States

Today, my girlfriend's guinea pig managed to go down her shirt. I have been dating her for 3 weeks and I haven't even kissed her yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22277

You deserved it

44545

Favorite

By SiegFail

Today, my students are asking friends and family to come to a charity event. That would be all well if they weren't constantly mixing up "Rally Against Genocide" and "Support Genocide Victims" and telling everyone to come to the "Rally to Support Genocide". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3029

You deserved it

295

Favorite

By mommy_issues - United States

Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52053

You deserved it

4513

Favorite

By kevdev - United States

Today, I received an email from an ex who I haven't heard from in two years. Excited that it might be her asking if we could meet up, I opened it. It was a virus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34673

You deserved it

9315

Favorite

By pool party - United States - Rockford

Today, a few freshmen jumped my fence. They decided to take a dip in the pool, so I pulled out a paintball gun. I unloaded over 100 rounds, painting their backs bright yellow. It also dyed my pool yellow, and it'll apparently cost around $500 to repair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33251

You deserved it

58907

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was chastised by the CEO in the middle of a management meeting for showing up late to work every day, despite being in my office before 9:00am every morning. It was my 5th day on the job and no one had bothered to tell me that the office opens at 8:00am, and not 9:00am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18381

You deserved it

39813

Favorite

By qwerty

Today, I found out my little sister took a picture of me taking a shit and showed it to her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

145

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Grand Bay

Today, I thought it would be funny to mow a dick into my grandmother's lawn, but the mower leaked gasoline and now there's a giant dead grass outline. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1134

You deserved it

4481

Favorite

By saddude - United States

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26286

You deserved it

113203

Favorite

By nightowl506 - United States

Today, I received gorgeous orchids from my long distance boyfriend. I was excited about it and told my parents. They still are convinced I have no boyfriend and I mailed the flowers to myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37809

You deserved it

4002

Favorite

By EggyBum - United States

Today, I was putting groceries into my car, and I put the eggs on the driver's seat while I arranged my other bags. I was frustrated because the dome light was acting up, which drives me crazy. Once I got everything in, I crankily plopped into the car. I had never moved the eggs off my seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9081

You deserved it

30417

Favorite

By yosmurf

Smooth.

Today, I finished taking a huge dump at the public restroom at the mall. When I got up to wipe, my wrist clipped my butt and knocked my brand new Apple Watch into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2052

You deserved it

1159

Favorite

By reckless182 - United States

Today, I had to tell my 10 year old son that me and his father are getting a divorce. His reply? "Yes! I call living with dad!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

58024

You deserved it

13278

Favorite

By Mr_Jah - United States - Boerne

Today, I got offered a free $80 salon haircut by a girl I've liked for awhile. Thinking this was my chance to get close to her, I accepted, only to find out it was for a class her boyfriend was teaching. He was the one cutting my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12378

You deserved it

2148

Favorite

By Me - United States

Today, while at a stop light, I was rear-ended by a car behind me. The guy got angry at me, because according to him, I should've known that his car has poor braking distance, and so I should've moved forward a few more feet to compensate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31151

You deserved it

1644

Favorite

By Jonnygiant - United States

Today, I was taking a shower after basketball practice. When I got out of the shower I thought no one was home so I thought it might be fun to walk around the house completely naked. I walk downstairs and my mom was eating dinner. Along with 20 other members of her bookclub. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26202

You deserved it

69895

Favorite

By JAdams - United States - Newkirk

Today, I walked in on my fifteen-year-old son and his friends attempting to set up a rudimentary meth lab in his bedroom. I'm not sure whether to be angrier that they simply tried this, or that they thought burning up baking soda would somehow produce methamphetamine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29499

You deserved it

2930

Favorite

By qtpieo1 - United States

Today, I was at the pool with two boys I baby sit. The eldest wouldn't get out of the pool so I pretended to call his dad. He then ran out of the pool, pushed me down, grabbed my phone, chucked it into the pool and then ran back into the pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41403

You deserved it

9703

Favorite

By bobjope

Today, my mother confused the terms 'necromancy' and 'necrophilia'. We had a great talk about why you shouldn't have sex with dead people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29132

You deserved it

2724

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By snafu57 | 1

#762639 - Friday 8 January 2010 20:34

as Richard Nixon once said, "I know you think you know what I said, but I want you to know that what I said isn't what I meant."

By zfchatroulette | 24

#5330309 - Saturday 19 January 2013 3:12

What on earth does your poop/childbirth have to do with an FML of someone getting drunk?

COMMENTS

By crazed_ostrich | 0

#762551 - Friday 8 January 2010 19:59

oh great

M4V3R1CKR13 | 0

#984967 - Monday 26 April 2010 4:17

whats funny is that this isnt even a FML who rly cares that picture didnt look like u

By dumdittydumdum_fml | 0

#762566 - Friday 8 January 2010 20:04

I have had harder times pooping then I had delivering my twins. I never felt a thing and I delivered them naturally...doctors had to keep asking if I was pushing because I seemed to relaxed..lol