Miscellaneous: Today, I saw a picture of me from a night of drinking that surprisingly...

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I saw a picture of me from a night of drinking that surprisingly looked really really good. I showed my boyfriend and he agreed with me. Then he added, "What's funny is it looks nothing like you!" FML

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Miscellaneous

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Our house, in the middle of our street

Sorry…

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text saying to call him. When I did, it went straight to voicemail. It was a recording of him breaking up with me. He broke up with me over the phone, without even talking to me. FML

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59693

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By ForeverYoung

Today, I got mistaken for a high school freshman. It’s my 23rd birthday. FML

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1329

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216

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By HotAsTits - United States

Ah, young love…

Today, my parents thought it would be appropriate to tell my girlfriend that I used to stick my penis in a sock puppet and talk to it when I was younger. FML

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50884

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife told me the main reason she married me is because I have a cool last name. FML

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37896

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By Anonymous - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I discovered that no matter how hot and exhausted you are, being blasted in the face with a high pressure hose is always more painful than refreshing. FML

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19207

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By ournhd - United States

Today, I got bailed out of jail. I was there because I saw a girl being hit by her boyfriend. I rushed over to help only to have her hit me repeatedly. The cops came and she blamed her bruises on me. The boyfriend corroborated her story. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48146

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3112

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By missed - 25/6/2021 14:01 - United States

Sprinkler system

Today, I was using a mall bathroom. Thinking the toilet seat had to be unsanitary, I decided to squat. I was a little farther out than I thought, and ended up peeing all over the bathroom floor. FML

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225

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1244

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By Anonymous - United States - Brighton

Today, while on vacation with my family, my mother told me to put my phone in her purse, so it wouldn't get stolen. Someone stole her purse. FML

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26140

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By RohnAbheek - India

Today, my girlfriend came over to stay the night. Before she arrived, I popped a viagra to spice things up. She then informed me that she was on her period and didn't feel comfortable doing it. I had a headache and a massive boner all night. FML

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15155

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, it was sunny and bright so I woke up feeling great. I pulled back the curtains in my room and saw my cat dead on the lawn. FML

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49783

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I had a show with my drama group. My mom isn't a good drunk, she decided to scream along to every song and pass out halfway through. She was in the front row. FML

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30284

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad forgot me at cross country practice. When he got there two hours late, instead of apologizing, he said, "Hey, that's only the third time I've forgotten you at practice. You should be congratulating me." FML

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31676

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML

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33670

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By smoothies14 - United States - Weatherford

Today, I was studying on a bench outside my dorm when the leg snapped. I decided to do the right thing and let administration know what happened. After assuring me it wasn't my fault, and having me fill out an incident report, they billed me $400. I can't enroll for next semester until I pay. FML

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28342

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2415

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By Ryan - United States

Today, after a long discussion, my dad still doesn't understand how evolution works, and thinks it's a myth that was debunked a long time ago. FML

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24132

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2020 20:01 - Canada

Dried out

Today, after spending $300 replacing a dryer and getting the vents cleaned out when our tenants complained their clothes weren't getting dry, my husband and I realized that it was actually the washing machine that was broken. FML

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674

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233

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By Nana - Sweden - Skellefte

Today, I showed my friends the picture I drew picturing the four of us in a 'zombie apocalypse' setting. Turns out they never saw me as their friend, and I'm creeping them out. FML

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29642

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By boostedsaab - France

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she can't treat me like the way I treat her. She said, "because you love me more than I love you." FML

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38619

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By FML

Et tu, Brute?

Today, I returned home from my aunt's funeral abroad to find my boyfriend in bed with my sister, who claimed she was unable to fly due to the flu. FML

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5728

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295

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was cleaning, listening to music and sometimes singing along, I heard a knock on my front door. I turned off the music and opened the door to the police, who stated they had to investigate reports of "repeated female screams" coming from my apartment. I'm a 23 year old man. FML

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20844

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By trippiex

Today, I was driving by the carnival and I really had to use the bathroom. I saw a porta-potty next to a house, so I parked in their front yard to use the bathroom very quickly. I came out to see a group of teenage boys urinating on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1725

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802

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By Punphmelch - Australia - Adelaide

Today, no matter how many toys and teddies she has, and no matter how much I punish her, I am most likely never going to be able to break my 10-week-old puppy's habit of stealing my underwear. She doesn't eat them or even chew on them. She steals them to sleep with. FML

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42041

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5578

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By smellay

Close quarters

Today, I had to shit really bad while I was in bed with my girlfriend. Luckily she was sleeping. I didn’t want to be obvious, so I closed all the doors, crept into the bathroom and sat on the toilet. I accidentally let out the loudest fart. I got a text saying, “Walls are thin, you good?” FML

I agree, your life sucks

1741

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356

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By good_gravy - United States

Today, my dog threw up on my bed while I was sleeping. I lost an hour of the day washing the vomit out with a rag, and my garbage disposal jammed on whatever otherworldly things my dog ate the day before. I had to dig it out by hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24146

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3617

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By daddy - France

Today, someone stole both rear view mirrors from my scooter. And where was the police? They were 500m down the road, waiting to stop me for not having any mirrors. FML

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32535

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By jerk_ex_boyfriend - United States - Narberth

Today, I overheard my boyfriend talking to his mom about me. It sounded like they were planning something for me, like a marriage. They were planning how to break up with me. FML

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57353

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By Gremlin - United Kingdom - Staines

Today, I noticed that my son only really looks like me when he's straining to take a dump. FML

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22822

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3988

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By NJ <3 - United States

Today, while trying to prove a point to my mom, I learned that bird seed tastes better than her cooking. FML

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26161

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3671

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By Anonymous

Today, I rested my face against my boyfriend's shoulder while we watched a movie. I didn’t realize he had put Icy Hot on the same shoulder right before I sat down. I cried in pain. He cried with laughter. FML

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2700

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417

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By Username - United States

Today, I went to lunch with my sister. As the waitress was bringing our food, she dropped it on the floor. She apologized and brought us new food. After we finished eating and I looked at the bill, I noticed she'd charged us twice. FML

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37196

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By Oopsie

Today, nine hours into a ten-hour shift, I accidentally told a customer, "You're a problem!" instead of, "You're welcome!" or, "No problem!" She gave me a dirty look and hurried off before I could correct myself. FML

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1447

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By imnotcrying

Today, I signed into the Netflix account that I pay for, only to see that my ex had added a new profile for his new girlfriend. We’ve only been separated for two weeks. FML

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1867

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By Florida_1827 - United States

Today, I received the 'special' present my mother had sent me for my 21st birthday. I opened the box and saw that my mother had picked out, accessorized and shipped to me, in college, a doll. FML

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24779

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By gabxoxo03 - United States

Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after I planted a big one did I realize it was not my girlfriend, or even a girl for that matter. FML

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23940

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By Anon - Australia - Brisbane

At the top of desire

Today, my boyfriend told me that when I orgasm, I sound like I'm choking. Only I'm not choking, I'm just getting the wind knocked out of me by his weight when he is on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2074

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By Anon - United States

Today, while at work I passed out due to my blood sugar not being normal. Despite the fact that it took 10 minutes to wake me, no one thought I was in any sort of danger. After the episode, I then got fired for "sleeping on the job." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46111

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By kfenton - United States

Today, I found out that guys will only flirt with me when they're drunk, and even then only when they realize that my best friend is out of their league. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24067

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By ugly duckling - United States - Reston

Today, feeling very self-conscious about my looks, I told my mom I felt ugly and wished I could be as beautiful as her. She only said, "Yeah, I'm pretty, I wonder what happened to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27957

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I sent my long-distance girlfriend the first photo of me I'd sent her in a while. It was a photo of me with some of my friends, she didn't know which one I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36292

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By cleb

Today, I found out that the seeds of the Cherimoya fruit are toxic. I found out by eating the entire fruit, including all seeds. FML

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3345

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Top comments

By snafu57 | 1

#762639 - Friday 8 January 2010 20:34

as Richard Nixon once said, "I know you think you know what I said, but I want you to know that what I said isn't what I meant."

By zfchatroulette | 24

#5330309 - Saturday 19 January 2013 3:12

What on earth does your poop/childbirth have to do with an FML of someone getting drunk?

COMMENTS

By crazed_ostrich | 0

#762551 - Friday 8 January 2010 19:59

oh great

M4V3R1CKR13 | 0

#984967 - Monday 26 April 2010 4:17

whats funny is that this isnt even a FML who rly cares that picture didnt look like u

By dumdittydumdum_fml | 0

#762566 - Friday 8 January 2010 20:04

I have had harder times pooping then I had delivering my twins. I never felt a thing and I delivered them naturally...doctors had to keep asking if I was pushing because I seemed to relaxed..lol