All the FMLs

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2010 05:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom after he had been in there a while. I found him with his pants down, looking at a pimple on his butt in the mirror. He asked me for, "Help." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 887

You deserved it 4 551

By fouryearswasted - 19/12/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend of four years is legally married to a man in prison. He gets out next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 952

You deserved it 3 909

By me - 19/12/2010 03:20 - United States

Today, after buying some groceries, I walked back to my car. After trying several times to get in the door, I finally look up and see a terrified little boy holding onto his teacup poodle for dear life, frantically waving me away. My car was two spots over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 931

You deserved it 28 621

By Dopeboyfresh71 - 19/12/2010 01:02 - United States

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was a bill from my parents. Apparently, the rent is due on the 1st. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 000

You deserved it 3 275

By Anonymous - 19/12/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, trying to be romantic, I started giving my boyfriend a neck massage. He gave me a weirded-out look, removed my hand, called me creep, and wouldn't let me touch him for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 174

You deserved it 4 746

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 23:47 - United States

Today, I was trying to swat a wasp in my bedroom. I got so frustrated that I ended up punching myself in the face. The wasp is still here, and now I look like I've been in a brawl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 565

You deserved it 29 287

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 23:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided that he needed some time alone for a few weeks. This break just so happens to include our one year anniversary, Christmas, New Year's, and my birthday. Now I get to spend the next three weeks alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 148

You deserved it 4 803

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 21:26 - United States

Today, I finally moved all my boxes into my new apartment. I was settling in when my alarm clock that was stashed in one of the boxes began ringing. Two hours and several boxes later, I still can't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 764

You deserved it 5 819

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 20:33 - United States

Today, I was stood up on a date. Her excuse? "I had to work out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 224

You deserved it 3 579

By drew - 18/12/2010 20:22 - United States

Today, I was run over by my own car as I tried to push it out of a snowbank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 471

You deserved it 5 009

By asdfghjkl - 18/12/2010 19:14 - United States

Today, I saw Saw IV with my boyfriend. He held me close and said, "I'll protect you." A few seconds later, he jumped up so violently, he gave me a bloody nose, and ran screaming out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 345

You deserved it 3 938

By timor - 18/12/2010 16:13 - United States

Today, another man proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 827

You deserved it 4 882

By unattractive - 18/12/2010 09:32 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend asked me to pick his nose for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 558

You deserved it 6 369

By anonymous - 18/12/2010 09:11 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around. He threw me over his shoulder and turned around, smacking my face against the wall. Then he smacked my head into the fridge after turning round to see "what that loud bang" was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 461

You deserved it 4 484

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 09:03 - United States

Today, I figured out why my name is Ashley. In order to tell my older sister about getting a new little sister, my parents thought it would be a good idea to make her imaginary friend "Ashley" real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 647

You deserved it 3 179

By Pouya - 18/12/2010 06:03 - United States

Today, it was my first day as a promoted manager. I got fired for being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 791

You deserved it 42 901

Whiff

By lizard - 18/12/2010 05:56 - United States

Today, the guy who got off when the elevator's doors opened had a very embarrassed look on his face. I didn't think anything of it till the doors closed. Turns out he was running away from his deadly fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 466

You deserved it 3 094

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 05:21 - United States

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was from myself: a positive pregnancy test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 702

You deserved it 91 632

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 05:16 - United States

Today, after struggling with anorexia for months, I got food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 156

You deserved it 7 552

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 03:07 - United States

Today, my younger brother called me saying he's getting married. Now, I have to attend my ex's wedding. I'm the best man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 985

You deserved it 3 205

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 00:02 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend's job to ask him a question. His co-worker answered the phone, and when I asked for my boyfriend, he assumed I was someone else. Who exactly would that someone else be? FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 149

You deserved it 3 861

By Anonymous - 17/12/2010 17:30 - United States

Today, my car heater finally died. I deliver pizzas. In Alaska. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 282

You deserved it 4 265

By BYUwildchild - 17/12/2010 16:23 - United States

Today, I realized that the fish-shaped birth mark on the back of my leg, that I have had all my life, is not really shaped like a fish as I had originally thought. It looks just like a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 965

You deserved it 3 536

By peanutface - 17/12/2010 13:20 - Canada

Today, not only did I miss my bus by seconds, I also saw the bus driver smirking as he drove past me in the middle of the Canadian winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 380

You deserved it 3 615

Zzzzzzzz

By dmsmcd - 17/12/2010 09:48 - United States

Today, after a week of insomnia, I finally managed to fall asleep. Thirty minutes later, my friends decided to bang on my door, yelling at me to wake up and party with them. I'm now wide awake and hallucinating from lack of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 062

You deserved it 3 982

By iswearicandrive - 17/12/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, I hit my boss's car. It's only my second day on the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 294

You deserved it 10 303

By Annonymous - 17/12/2010 02:28

Today, my neighbors put up their Christmas lights. They blink red and green on and off. Ever since they put them up, my dog hasn't stopped barking. It's 2:00AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 813

You deserved it 4 022

By carson28 - 17/12/2010 02:23 - United States

Today, I saw a homeless man on the corner, I thought I would be generous and give him some cash. I rolled down my window and waved my hand for him to come over. As he was walking over, he was struck by another car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 260

You deserved it 6 358

Sole music

By Anonymous - 16/12/2010 20:59 - United States

Today, a thumb tack came out of one of my posters on my wall. The sole of my foot had the pleasure of finding it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 400

You deserved it 3 982

By Anonymous - 16/12/2010 17:07 - South Africa

Today, I got a ride in a friend's car. As I sat down, her younger brother started laughing hysterically from the backseat. In between giggles, he admitted he peed there a few minutes ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 681

You deserved it 2 825

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The Top

Today, my 15 year-old daughter got kicked out of her cheerleading squad because she was overweight. I heard one of the cheerleaders say, "She must be overweight because her mom is." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 421

You deserved it 13 873

Today, my boyfriend was fired. After breaking the news, he also broke up with me. Apparently, his boss had a creepy crush on me and would give my boyfriend bonuses for bringing me to company events and, occasionally, out on the boss's personal boat. Looks like I am no longer useful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 924

You deserved it 3 219

Today, I can't look my roommate in the eye because he walked in on me showing my drag friends my new dress on Discord last night. My roommate is really conservative. We used to get along so well too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 599

You deserved it 466

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my man juice all over me. I'm 40 years-old, and haven’t had a wet dream since my early high school days. The worst part is that the only dream I remember involved going to the DMV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 252

Today, I had a job interview. The night before, I'd noticed a small pimple forming on my chin and did everything I could to make it go away. During the interview, I couldn’t focus on anything except the giant pimple that had sprouted on my forehead. I spent the entire time trying to keep my fringe in front of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 137

Today, a bit of self-explanatory wisdom: When it’s 35°C out and you need a hot water bottle for your lower half, while needing a fan for your upper half, then something in your body’s self-regulatory system does not work as it should. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 89