Today, just a few minutes after I got to work, my usually laconic... - FML

By Anonymous - 1/4/2011 14:19 - United States

Today, just a few minutes after I got to work, my usually laconic boss came into my office and said, "Pack your stuff and get the f*ck out." Apparently, half my department was being downsized. Thinking it was an April Fool's, I burst out laughing and told him how funny the prank was. He wasn't kidding. FML

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Goodbye Bill

Don't give up

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By haleyfml - 27/10/2010 06:07 - United States

Today, I took a shower and right after I fell asleep on my bed wrapped in my towel. I awoke to find my dad slapping me in the face. He thought I had fainted because I'm a diabetic. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2009 05:11 - Canada

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking in my backyard. All I was wearing were my boxers and one sock. I staggered up to see my car halfway through my garage wall with a note saying "Sorry Dude". FML

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2008 08:25

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend, but in fact, it wasn’t her. FML

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By Noname - 16/1/2009 17:31 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend struck up a conversation about the reproductive systems of seahorses. We were getting intimate at the time. FML

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By BarhydtBran - 18/8/2015 01:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML

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By artsmart1 - 6/3/2010 00:40 - United States

Today, I went to go see a specialist for my prostate and was told he would have to do an exam before I could leave. Having had this checked just the previous year, I was more than a little irritated. As I was bent over the table the Dr. said, "Now, just pretend I'm Angelina Jolie." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/6/2016 14:27 - United States

Today, I proposed to my boyfriend. He said yes, but is now sulking because I took away his "manhood". Jeez, sorry I didn't want to wait another 7 years for you to finally do it. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2019 06:02 - Australia - Perth

Ninja!

Today, after getting home from my morning run, I found my brand new leather couch with scratches all over it and smelling of cat piss. I don't have a cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/10/2019 16:02

Once you see it…

Today, it was brought to my attention that my dog has a giant anus. I'd never noticed. Now I can't stop staring at his silver dollar-sized backdoor. FML

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By JPPUDLY - 11/12/2012 23:03 - United States - Los Gatos

Today, I had to create a perfect society in English class; the best society has their grade go up a full letter. After tons of preparation and thinking, I lost to an island made only of cheese. FML

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By Not Engaged - 6/3/2015 23:30 - United Kingdom - Stourbridge

Today, my long-term boyfriend said that if we ever finally get married, his ex-girlfriend will definitely have to be a bridesmaid. FML

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By DantesInfernalRage - 12/9/2017 13:00

Today, I had to resign from my job because I tested positive for drugs. I've never taken drugs. FML

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By tehaustiebear - 3/10/2012 22:03 - United States - San Diego

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house to play Twister. Her parents watched us the whole time, making sure we didn't touch. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/10/2019 16:00

Cancel Student Debt

Today, I paid $800.00 towards my student loans. That was the minimum payment. FML

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By willconqueror1 - 22/9/2014 14:25 - United States

Today, coming home from a trip in the mountains, I got a cracked radiator and my car overheated. My dad came to get me, he drove my car and I followed in his. I got pulled over and ticketed for his expired registration. FML

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By it's just hair - 15/2/2018 19:00

Today, I was sent home from work because my new haircut "looks too much like Hitler". FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2009 01:03 - United States

Today, my fiancé was performing oral on me, when I heard him start making a "Waka waka waka waka" noise. He confessed to pretending to be Pacman. FML

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By jnp414 - 29/5/2016 01:11 - United States - Bristol

Today, my house key jammed inside the lock, which would've been annoying even if I hadn't been desperately running from my neighbor's psycho pitbull at the time. FML

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By tannerpaul - 25/3/2011 01:30

Today, I went to the hospital as my girlfriends emergency contact. When I saw her, she was under a blanket because she had no pants. She had a seizure in a guy's bed and he brought her here. He's here and she wants us both to stay. FML

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By Natalie - 2/3/2010 22:05 - Canada

Today, I discovered that my sister coloured in the pages of my college text books with Sharpie as revenge. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2013 00:13 - United States - Lees Summit

Today, I was at the airport when I saw a woman drop her bags and run to her husband. Thinking that someone might steal them, I picked up her bags and brought them over to her. She thanked me by slapping me, calling me a bitch and calling security. FML

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By Jayanka - 3/5/2018 05:00

Today, my 17-year-old daughter has been sending and receiving videos and pictures of a sexual nature. I just had to wade through a ton of middle-aged dick pics as evidence for the police. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/8/2011 06:49 - United States

Today, I was the designated driver. On the way home with my drunk friends, they decide to give me a beer shower. I swerved, and was pulled over by a cop moments after. I was the only one arrested. FML

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By Username - 7/3/2010 17:41 - France

Today, the guy that I have been seeing for over a year left on a business trip. While straightening out his room as a favor, I noticed he took his condoms with him. FML

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By mster233 - 9/10/2010 03:29 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents like rough sex. I found the whip and handcuffs. FML

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By knighton16 - 17/7/2010 18:23 - United States

Today, I was brushing my teeth and shaving in the shower. My favorite song came on, and I got mixed up. My tongue and mouth are cut badly now. FML

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By eightleggedtictac - 8/6/2014 15:10 - United States - Worcester

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML

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By thatswhatsup66 - 20/3/2012 19:01 - United States - Greer

Today, I was at a restaurant, and I saw my friend. When we made eye contact, I made a creepy face at her and twitched my arms to make her laugh. A woman looked over said sadly, "Oh my God, that poor girl!" She thought I was "special." FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2015 06:39 - United States - Flagstaff

Today, at age 27, I went to pick up the girl I like for my first ever date. Her brother answered the door with a baseball bat, said the date was off and threatened to smash my kneecaps to pieces if I ever came back. FML

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By Miserable - 11/11/2009 07:06 - United States

Today, I did laundry in my apartment complex's laundry room. I put my stuff in the dryer and returned to my room. The sign on the door says the laundry room closes at 10 pm, but that's rarely true. Tonight it was. I have to wait until 8 am. I work at 7:30. My work clothes are in there. FML

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By What does this button do? - 17/2/2017 10:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my new apprentice took, "What does this button do?" to a new level when he pushed an emergency, "Stop all" button, causing my firm to miss multiple deadlines, causing massive losses In profits. FML

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By lrgenesis - 4/2/2012 08:13 - United States

Today, my mom friended all my friends on Facebook then thought it'd be a good idea to try and act like a teen so she'd be considered 'cool'. FML

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By drew_ar85 - 20/3/2010 16:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend said, "People think I don't have talent, but I do. I'm really good with my mouth. Just ask anyone." FML

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By chelle - 1/5/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, I was laying in bed naked and blindfolded. I told my boyfriend he could do anything he wanted to me. About 30 minutes later I get out of bed and find him in the computer room play World of Warcraft. His friends needed him. FML

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By jwz - 16/2/2009 15:25 - Netherlands

Today, I lost 200 dollars while playing poker with my new sunglasses. Turns out you can see the cards in the reflection. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2013 17:11 - United States - Romulus

Today, I realized my online dating profile has gotten more views with no picture than it has with my picture. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/12/2012 23:02 - Ireland - Waterford

Today, I spent nearly half an hour trying to dispel my sister's belief that men have to strap down their penises before going jogging. FML

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By RatCityChick - 27/6/2012 17:18 - United States - Bellevue

Today, my grandmother said she's noticed that I've been very angry lately. She came to the conclusion that I "haven't been laid enough" and my boyfriend is "not doing his job." Thanks Grandma. FML

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By No Nip - 25/4/2019 12:00

Today, I was making breakfast with my parrot on my shoulder. He was excited about the food, and in his rush to climb down to the counter, bit through my nipple. I had to get stitches. FML

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By makiju - 13/11/2012 21:23 - France - M?zi?res-sur-seine

Today, I was severely chewed out by my boss because, according to him, I look down on him too often. I'm 6ft5. FML

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Top comments

By underpaid011 | 0

#2277879 - Friday 1 April 2011 19:27

take a shit on the hood of his car, or pee in the gas tank. that will be a good prank!

check your employment agreement and company policy. such short notice might be a violation, giving you legal options or footing to negotiate a severance package.

a deal is a deal.

By ILoveEggnog | 7

#2277616 - Friday 1 April 2011 18:28

April Fools Day can suck it.

Comments

By ElectricGhost_fml | 5

#2277610 - Friday 1 April 2011 18:27

:o that sucks!!!!!

Reply

MissBunny25 | 0

#2277761 - Friday 1 April 2011 18:55

haha I'm sorry miss Jackson... ooh, I am forreaaal.
*clears throat* anyways, YDI for your whale-like laugh, OP.

Reply

impregnator | 0

#2277819 - Friday 1 April 2011 19:12

pack your things and just come back right before closing time. u know what to do. ask him 4 another chance.

Reply

fyro01 | 4

#2278565 - Friday 1 April 2011 21:19

Haha! Where did an old outcast song come from? LOL

Reply

tulsafml | 0

#2278832 - Friday 1 April 2011 22:42

Miss bunny! yur back:D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 lol

Reply

MissBunny25 | 0

#2278869 - Friday 1 April 2011 22:46

fluffy puppy :DDD

Reply

bootzilla_fml | 0

#2280007 - Saturday 2 April 2011 2:48

that had to suck

By ILoveEggnog | 7

#2277616 - Friday 1 April 2011 18:28

April Fools Day can suck it.

Reply

powerslave117 | 0

#2279996 - Saturday 2 April 2011 2:45

well couldn't he politely ask you to leave instead of swearing? what a douche

Reply

funnyFMLSplz | 0

#2280614 - Saturday 2 April 2011 5:24

has anyone noticed almost every comment has april fools in them and it's not a joke? .. I hate April fools no point to it

Reply

joe_says_so | 0

#2281047 - Saturday 2 April 2011 7:43

wow. it will be over tomorrow. I don't like tella tubbys, April fools!

By misa08 | 0

#2277626 - Friday 1 April 2011 18:29

im sorry

By broccoli2 | 0

#2277634 - Friday 1 April 2011 18:30

"Shit."

By iDrejer | 0

#2277645 - Friday 1 April 2011 18:32

Ouch that sucks, would be awesome april fools thru :D

By gTz133769 | 0

#2277676 - Friday 1 April 2011 18:41

First.

P.S. YDI

By FinnaHolla | 0

#2277743 - Friday 1 April 2011 18:54

Probably apart of the April Fool's joke. I'm sure when you go back to work the next day, you guys will just laugh it off over a cup of coffee :D

Reply

TheDrifter | 23

#2277810 - Friday 1 April 2011 19:11

The next day? The op is likely packing as we speak. There is no tomorrow at that job.

By FudgeInMyLife | 3

#2277780 - Friday 1 April 2011 19:00

Easy fix, just tell everyone at work that your boss slept with their wives as a April Fools joke ha

By FudgeInMyLife | 3

#2277782 - Friday 1 April 2011 18:59

Easy Fix, you just have to tell everyone in your work that your boss slept with their wives as a " April Fools Joke" haha

By notquite69 | 0

#2277841 - Friday 1 April 2011 19:15

If the department can run with only half the people, you guys weren't doing much.

Reply

Autoshot | 9

#2278062 - Friday 1 April 2011 20:28

/agree

Reply

FarSide | 22

#2278633 - Friday 1 April 2011 21:42

HAS to be a government department.