Love: Today, my wife told me that she was leaving me for someone with... - FML

By Baldy - 03/04/2011 09:16 - New Zealand

Today, my wife told me that she was leaving me for someone with more hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 529

You deserved it 4 751

Stop talking!

Taking stock

Work sucks, I know

By raven_of_azarath - 19/06/2019 12:23

Today, I found out my 15-year-old cat is having gas problems when she farted in my face. My mouth was open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 479

You deserved it 292

By lily389 - 21/03/2011 05:02

Today, my boyfriend had a bad dream that a horse was biting his fingers off. He punched the horse in the neck, and in real life punched me in the spine. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 240

You deserved it 4 067

By leftout - 13/05/2010 07:39 - United States

Today, I was one of five people called up to the front in class to receive a special notice from the school administration. The first four people received awards for outstanding effort in school. Mine was a notice that I had overdue library fines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 441

You deserved it 28 290

By Casden - 13/09/2009 15:57 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. I have been getting explicit texts and phone calls so I just joking said to my friend, "I think someone wrote my number on a bathroom stall." At which point he said, "Sorry, I didn't think people really called those numbers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 141

You deserved it 3 527

By Tomb Raider Wannabe - 18/02/2014 01:57 - Australia - Premer

Today, I was feeling really good about myself for running and walking everywhere so much so that I was out of breath and panting. Well, until I remembered that I was playing a video game and it was my character that was doing the running around that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 940

You deserved it 43 840

By Anon - 15/03/2016 06:52 - United States - Pasco

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were reminiscing and sharing funny stories of when we were little. It was then that he told me he used to be flexible enough to suck his own weiner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 765

You deserved it 3 020

By SLA - 23/03/2009 23:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 297

You deserved it 32 520

By Anonymous - 10/04/2009 06:59 - United States

Today, while working at a restaurant, I watched someone throw their car door open and hit the side of my brand new car for the third time this week. I told the woman to be more careful. She told my manager that I was being racist. As I was being yelled at, I watched her hit my car again, smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 291

You deserved it 3 845

By musicgod123 - 29/12/2009 16:56 - France

Today, I bought a $3000 HD camera. It never shipped to my house, so I was concerned. I then realized I had given the seller the address for a house in California. I live in Maine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 083

You deserved it 44 381

Sex ban

By Ash - 13/12/2020 07:02 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend got mad at me because I failed to notice I’ve been on a sex ban as punishment for upsetting her mother 3 weeks ago. Three weeks isn’t even our longest no sex period; we’ve gone months without sex before for no good reason, so is it any wonder I didn’t notice after only 3 weeks? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 004

You deserved it 346

By Anonymous - 27/01/2014 23:32 - Puerto Rico - Bayamon

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she found some lesbian porn on my computer. Her reasoning? That I must secretly be gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 581

You deserved it 11 595

By TheMysteriousTsundere - 03/11/2018 15:30

Today, my dad threw out all my food because a fly landed on a loaf of bread still in its package. He claims the bread and everything else that touched it is "contaminated". That was all the food I had for the rest of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 809

You deserved it 145

By anonymous - 16/08/2015 03:16 - United States - Rock Hill

Today, we learned that our dog can run and urinate simultaneously. The entire house smells like piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 231

You deserved it 2 072

By scruffy - 10/05/2011 17:24 - United States

Today, I woke up late for a job interview. I hadn't shaved in six days, but figuring I could do so en route, I grabbed my electric razor and ran for the bus. While shaving, the razor's battery died midway through, leaving me to attend the job interview with a Miami Vice scruff on half my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 008

You deserved it 37 967

Hi how are you?

By KereKris - 17/06/2020 14:05

Today, I texted my boss, "I'm looking forward to doing you" instead of, "I'm looking forward to seeing you" thanks to a very unfortunate combination of my atrocious typing skills on a smartphone and an overzealous autocorrect function. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 212

You deserved it 391

By Anonymous - 24/04/2018 15:00

Today, my son was expelled from school for bullying. The event in question took place off campus, during spring break, and was a friendly scuff. The iPhone video they used as evidence clearly showed the other boy laughing his head off and both of them sharing a coke afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 802

You deserved it 406

By exasperated - 17/04/2014 03:14 - United States - Houston

Today, I got a call from the police that my house had been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caught the criminal. I pull up to see my detained, psycho ex-boyfriend sheepishly grinning at me. He had three of my lace panties and two of my bras, claiming it was "all for memories sake". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 080

You deserved it 4 605

By Anonymous - 17/12/2014 20:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I felt a horrible pain while having sex with my wife, and I had to stop. I thought it was a hernia or something, but she called me a liar and accused me of everything from not finding her attractive, to me cheating on her. It turned out I had appendicitis. She still won't apologize. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 323

You deserved it 3 026

By finallyready - 08/01/2013 19:56 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I discovered after 11 months, my girlfriend is finally ready to have sex. I discovered this by walking in on her and one of my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 003

You deserved it 4 647

By Nemo - 11/06/2017 12:00

Today, I got an e-mail from a company saying that I would not be a good fit for them. Strangely, it's quite similar to an e-mail they sent me last month. And the month before. They aren't generated e-mails, each one is different. They just e-mail me every month to remind me that I suck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 196

You deserved it 256

By Anonymous - 05/11/2014 22:52 - United States - Chestnut Hill

Today, I learned that the blisters that popped up this morning on my hands and feet are a result of a virus that takes two weeks to fully heal. After I told my roommates to be careful, one of them decided that NOW was a good time to tell us she had it last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 036

You deserved it 2 235

By anonymous - 14/09/2011 00:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend cheated on me. But he justified it by saying she was a ginger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 799

You deserved it 4 493

By Crazy Crazy Crazy - 13/09/2013 00:01 - Canada - Burlington

Spicy

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding, because she found out I had sex with another woman. Three years before we even met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 981

You deserved it 7 964

By Anonymous - 20/08/2011 21:36 - United Kingdom

Today, my boss called me into his office and bitched me out for a good half hour for my attitude to our customers. Apparently I always look pissed off and sound sarcastic. That's just my face at rest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 407

You deserved it 5 556

By rosmaizura - 01/10/2010 07:39 - Malaysia

Today, my mom added me on Facebook. She wrote on my wall, for the whole world to see, "Why are you swearing on the internet?! You're grounded". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 366

You deserved it 22 342

By chloe - 29/06/2009 09:44 - Australia

Today, I was rushing to get on the train to work as I heard the "door closing" beeps. I was about to step onto the train when a man pushed me out of the way so that he could get on. My handbag fell out of my hand into the carriage. I stayed on the platform. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 997

You deserved it 3 113

By Anonymous - 22/09/2010 14:36 - United States

Today, a girl I work with was talking to me in an Eeyore voice. I'm not sure if it's because she's sad and pathetic, or if she thinks I'm sad and pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 805

You deserved it 3 890

By Anonymous - 22/11/2012 06:50 - United States

Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 291

You deserved it 4 137

By mypoolisstilldirty - 16/02/2012 16:26 - Australia

Today, I found out that the pool boy has been stealing from me for over a year now. The latest things that he has taken are my laptop, the cash I hide in my closet, and my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 704

You deserved it 4 305

By Username - 22/06/2012 06:02 - United States

Today, while watching TV with my boyfriend, I was telling him that I wasn't looking forward to "getting older" and turning thirty in three days. Five minutes later, he said, "I never knew you had so much grey hair already" and then offered to help me dye them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 132

You deserved it 4 181

By college kid - 31/07/2010 04:39 - United States

Today, I found out that the day I moved out of my parents' house, they invited my whole family over and had a party to celebrate the fact that I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 175

You deserved it 5 353

By Anonymous - 20/05/2017 16:00

Today, I found out that the electricity company can just show up unannounced and cut off my power, but cannot find the meter for a whole 10 days to switch it on again. It's currently dark and 7°C in my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 950

You deserved it 455

By Puppy problems - 27/10/2013 01:23 - United States - Essex Junction

Today, I invited my boyfriend over to meet my new puppy. My dog decided to take a dump on his lap. He is now not talking to me because he thinks I trained my dog to do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 465

You deserved it 4 483

By thankspal - 24/06/2012 10:57 - United States

Today, while shopping, I bumped into a guy I knew in high school. He went on about he heard I'd got married, looked like I'd had a baby, and that, "she looks just like you!" The kid was my niece, and my husband broke up with me 2 years ago. Thanks for bringing that up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 177

You deserved it 5 358

By snarly1 - 06/12/2011 08:57 - United States

Today, my boss asked me what language I was speaking. I was clearly speaking English, but apparently, "indifferent" is too big a word for him to understand. I don't know how he got into a management position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 773

You deserved it 2 091

By Anonymous - 15/10/2011 01:48 - Canada

Today, I came home from school to find almost every single personal possession and piece of furniture from my bedroom all laid out or disassembled in the back yard. My dad smugly told me I'd better start moving it all back. This is his revenge for me salting his coffee this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 140

You deserved it 41 020

By Winchesterlover - 05/02/2011 18:41 - United States

Today, my mom and I tried out Just Dance 2 on the Wii. When we both threw out our hands at the same time, my mom's Wii remote hit my hand and ripped my finger nail. As I stared at the bloody, half hanging off nail, my mom muttered, "You should have stayed in your dance space." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 761

You deserved it 8 829

Understanding

By Anonymous - 02/09/2020 05:56 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, it was my dad's 60th. I was planning on calling him early, but due to a client (I'm a social worker) ending up in hospital because her husband beat her up, I couldn't call him until 2:30. My mum phoned me in tears, yelling that I was a bad daughter and obviously didn't care about my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 852

You deserved it 711

By anonymous - 13/02/2012 11:32 - United States

Today, I cracked a rib coughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 040

You deserved it 2 964

Bad boy!

By Carrie - 23/02/2021 21:30

Today, I was enjoying my dinner by my patio window when I spotted a cat roaming through my backyard. As I observed it explore my yard, I also watched as it climbed onto, then took a piss on the freshly clean clothes I had left to dry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 817

You deserved it 121

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Top comments

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Sunday 3 April 2011 16:34

Tell her you were planning on leaving her for someone with less stretch marks.

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Sunday 3 April 2011 16:11

:O pull her hair out!

Comments

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Sunday 3 April 2011 16:10

problem solved- gi shave the other guy or get a wig!

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Sunday 3 April 2011 18:14

^ I agree with this. :D

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Sunday 3 April 2011 18:21

It was meant to be a joke -_-

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Sunday 3 April 2011 18:56

so was your mom

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Sunday 3 April 2011 19:22

lol 68, that was funny, puppy(:

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Monday 4 April 2011 2:46

go fuck yourself 68! why do assholes like you always have to attack the person's mom? do you even know her you dipshit? btw my first comment wasn't supposed to be posted here, it was a mistake. but 68, you're still a piece of shit.

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Monday 4 April 2011 4:45

Actually the puppy does know your mom he, told me he did

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Monday 4 April 2011 23:47

everyone knows 58/103's mom, she's gets around(;

urdirtyolduncle 15

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 15:32

fuck you people, and your moms for raising such assholes as yourselves. But then again its my fault for trying to place some decency with disgusting and senile people on fml. goodbye you mom fuckers! :) harmdey fudhu ma chods!

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Saturday 9 April 2011 2:59

oh em gee, ur fries I'd makin me hungryyy

Uncle_Moe_Lester 3

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Sunday 3 April 2011 16:11

get a wig and get on with your life

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Sunday 3 April 2011 17:10

or don't get a wig and get along with your life. Basically she already has a new bf... who happens to have more hair somewhere.

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Sunday 3 April 2011 16:11

:O pull her hair out!

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Thursday 6 December 2012 3:50

Or light it up!!!

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Sunday 3 April 2011 16:12

You need bozley ;)

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Monday 4 April 2011 6:59

roooogain!

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Sunday 3 April 2011 16:12

no on thier place downstairs

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Sunday 3 April 2011 16:14

Screw her. Shave her head when she's asleep.

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Sunday 3 April 2011 16:15

keep your pimp hand strong! chain her in the basement so she can't leave you. :P

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Sunday 3 April 2011 17:13

your funny. Way funnier than that MissBunny bitch, wherever she may be.

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Sunday 3 April 2011 16:15

Cock blocked by Chewbacca. I think you've hit the low point in your life, son.

everyday_normal_ 0

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Monday 4 April 2011 6:43

lol

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Wednesday 27 April 2011 1:46

made my day :)

ThePersonWhoComm 0

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Saturday 16 July 2011 15:00

lollolololololololololol ? ????????

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Sunday 3 April 2011 16:16

are you purposely less-hairy? grow it out. are you naturally less-hairy? that sucks. :/

thatsexychick 0

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Sunday 3 April 2011 16:21

omg i love ur hair!!!

ImmortalKratos 0

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Sunday 3 April 2011 16:42

13....I really doubt that's her...im pretty sure it a mannequin

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Sunday 3 April 2011 16:44

19 no it's me. my skin is really pale, though. 13- thanks :)

minktheshrink 0

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Sunday 3 April 2011 16:48

hawt

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Sunday 3 April 2011 16:50

23- I'm only 14, don't get any illegal thoughts. :) ;)

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Sunday 3 April 2011 16:54

that sounded dumb. forget I ever said that ^

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Sunday 3 April 2011 17:56

nice hair :)

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Sunday 3 April 2011 18:14

Yea, when I saw your age I was like :O *press x button as fast as I can*

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Sunday 3 April 2011 19:23

That is the sexiest hair Ive ever seen.

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Monday 4 April 2011 23:36

haha

Garay 0

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Tuesday 5 April 2011 2:42

I'm hairy :D

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Sunday 3 April 2011 16:18

haha

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 16

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 1 078

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 1 230