Miscellaneous: Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus....

By starboy - 10/03/2012 06:50 - United States

Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus. When my stop came I walked down the aisle only to hear a girl mutter, "The virginity is strong in this one." She's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 160

You deserved it 20 125

Miscellaneous

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Walk the line

8 out of 10 dentists

By Anonymous - 28/02/2017 04:00

Today, I met my teacher after school to talk about a paper on which he gave me a low grade. I told him that I felt it was wrongly graded and he agreed. He lowered my score. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 253

You deserved it 1 573

By bglenney - 15/08/2013 09:47 - United States

Today, for the first time in my life, I simultaneously sneezed, peed and farted. I was giving a presentation at work when this happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 843

You deserved it 4 162

By Anonymous - 04/08/2012 23:04 - United States

Today, my 15-year-old son begged me to pre-order the next season of My Little Pony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 069

You deserved it 7 310

By Anonymous - 26/02/2016 22:31 - United States - Malden

Today, my idiot neighbor decided the best way to dispose of the poison ivy in his yard was to pile it all up and burn it. I'm severely allergic. It was so bad that one of my eyes is still swollen half shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 113

You deserved it 1 347

By Mikaela - 01/06/2012 03:25 - United States

Today, I saw my reflection in the computer screen and I thought I looked quite nice. I tried to take a screenshot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 844

You deserved it 31 290

By tan disaster - 27/02/2009 23:09 - United States

Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 479

You deserved it 39 257

By Anonymous - 18/01/2011 02:13 - United States

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. Right after, he left the room and went to the bathroom to throw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 329

You deserved it 5 195

Keep your nose out of my life

By maggie - 24/05/2021 04:00

Today, while buying laxatives and really hoping the cashier wouldn’t make some snarky comment, the cashier said, "You know, that’s not a good way to lose weight." I had to explain to him that I’m actually constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 61

By vetapplez - 04/04/2009 08:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend turned 21 and got drunk at a bar. Being sober, I went through the whole ordeal: calling a cab, carrying him up three flights of stairs, helping him by the toilet, and taking him to bed. Just when I'm about to sleep, he gets up, pushes his shorts down, and pees on me. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 107 261

You deserved it 8 599

By EKG - 11/02/2009 23:33 - United States

Today, after being in the hospital for 2 days with no visitors, I got my first phone call. It was my best friend asking if he could date my ex girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 652

You deserved it 2 582

By NotSatan - 19/04/2017 14:00

Today, my husband refuses to stop answering my phone calls with, "Haaaaail Satan!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 023

You deserved it 592

By Anonymous - 05/07/2009 07:36 - United States

Today, my eye started hurting with unbelievable pain. I couldn't see out of it and I asked my father if he would take me to the hospital, since it was hurting so bad. He said he had to wait for the pizza he ordered for delivery. I had to call a cab to go to the emergency room because of pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 446

You deserved it 3 059

By Rob - 09/10/2010 04:09 - United States

Today, I got chased, threatened and assaulted by a cab driver because I wouldn't take the credit card receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 961

You deserved it 6 988

By Sgt_Jackrum - 05/02/2016 10:27 - United Kingdom - Oldbury

Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 205

You deserved it 2 363

By Samson - 14/02/2010 08:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was really depressed. I listed the top 50 reasons why I love her. Her response was "thanks for that but seriously, this video on youtube is hilarious." I couldn't cheer her up but apparently a 10 second video of a dog running in circles can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 960

You deserved it 3 714

By meeeee! - 02/03/2015 13:26 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I fell out of a window while trying to close it so no one would fall out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 462

You deserved it 4 715

Mind your own business

By :(( - 30/05/2013 21:18 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, in a public restroom, an elderly lady started bitching me out for not washing my hands. I was so intimidated that I did so under her accusing watch. I'm quite intolerant to many soaps, and I now have a horrible rash on my left hand because I was too frightened to explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 740

You deserved it 18 196

By Anonymous - 17/08/2009 20:02 - Canada

Today, I ran into a guy that I had gone on a few dates with 3 months ago and slept with him a few times, but then never heard from him again. When he looked at me, I went over and gave him a hug and said "Hey, how are you, Chris?". He hugged me back and said "Hey there cutie, what's your name?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 885

You deserved it 17 998

By Killmenow - 30/08/2018 07:00 - United States

Today, I learned that my aunt, who lives with us, is using our chopsticks in her hair and putting them back in the utensil drawer without washing them. I'm the one that uses chopsticks the most. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 808

You deserved it 206

By Anonymous - 15/12/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me why girls don't have armpit hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 767

You deserved it 6 010

By Sadtimes - 17/09/2009 17:44 - United Kingdom

Today, my sister broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years because he hadn't "popped" the question. I've just spent the last 2 months helping him plan the perfect proposal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 737

You deserved it 3 714

By omgomgomg - 27/10/2011 21:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in a rush and had to get changed in a train restroom. While changing, I leaned against the button that opened the door. Not only do train toilet doors open and close very slowly, leaving you half naked for a few seconds, but everyone in the carriage opposite can see clearly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 203

You deserved it 4 166

By NVflood17 - 17/01/2017 08:00

Today, there's lethal flooding in the Reno area, with all roads to my work closed and flooded. My boss still expects me to drive through it, in the dark, to work at 6am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 032

You deserved it 443

By DemonicDummy - 05/01/2017 05:06

Today, after smoking, I sat down to watch Supernatural with my young cousin. I accidentally let out a burp during a demonic possession scene and, to our surprise, smoke came out of my mouth. Now there's a crying 11-year-old hiding somewhere in the house with salt. Mom will be home in 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 602

You deserved it 2 660

By bubblzzz - 21/06/2019 16:01

Today, my father called the cops saying I stole his car. It's my car, but his name is on the title. Why did he report it stolen? Because rather than taking him to a bar and being his designated driver, I went to a job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 168

You deserved it 124

By Anonymous - 21/12/2013 21:50 - United States - Wexford

Today, I thought it was a good idea to flush the stink bug I found in my kitchen. Later I went in the bathroom to take a crap, and next thing I know, I feel a stink bug on my privates. I guess it didn't flush after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 930

You deserved it 8 695

By Anonymous - 09/01/2011 01:11 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 144

You deserved it 4 139

By dayum - 10/12/2009 21:03 - Mexico

Today, my grandpa was wearing flip flops and white socks. He entered my restroom, and the moment he did it, I realized there was no toilet paper left. I felt too ashamed to interrupt his dump, so I waited for him to ask for paper, he never did and came out without socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 894

You deserved it 5 518

Drunk confession time

By Anonymous - 20/08/2021 18:01

Today, I'm cat sitting for some friends. Their whiskey selection is well curated and top notch. I grabbed a bottle that I thought was the cheapest, I ended getting drunk on a $500 bottle. I’m going to have to fill it with a lesser brand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 1 731

By rider - 24/11/2009 10:58 - Qatar

Today, I decided to surprise my wife at her softball game. I saw her distinctive motorcycle jacket through the canvas dugout wall and decided that I would feel her up from behind, to surprise her. She lent her jacket to a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 081

You deserved it 11 403

By NotFunny - 24/09/2009 19:44 - United States

Today, I missed my bus by a minute. I called up my step dad asking him if he can drive me because I had a test first period. After about calling him twenty times, and him not picking up, I see him drive by the bus stop pointing at me and laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 984

You deserved it 4 365

By anonymous - 29/08/2011 18:47 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law told my husband that I cannot stay in her house unless I can bring proof from a doctor that my allergy to cats is not contagious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 464

You deserved it 2 505

By hannieannie - 09/02/2016 21:51 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 282

You deserved it 3 097

By missko519 - 22/05/2015 07:36 - United States - Broken Arrow

Today, I used a tanning bed for the first time ever, in an attempt to get a base tan for the summer. No one bothered to warn me that you shouldn't go the full ten minutes your first time. Now my skin is as red as my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 126

You deserved it 21 659

By thacupcakeassassin - 13/09/2016 05:51 - United States - Shippensburg

Today, I woke up from the most satisfying dream I've ever experienced. Sex related? Nah. I just needed two hands to pull a massive booger from my left nostril. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 785

You deserved it 1 630

Porque no los dos?

By aye! - 25/07/2020 02:02

Today, just like every other day, I noticed that one of my male coworkers always stares at me while passing by or when it's time for lunch. I read somewhere that if a person stares at you too long, they either want to have sex with you or want to kill you. He has a girlfriend, so I doubt it's the first option. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 175

You deserved it 279

Lrn 2 Read

By in love with a nerd - 02/09/2019 15:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend refuses to talk to me because of a misread text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 465

You deserved it 232

By Anonymous - 17/03/2013 11:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was outside at a café and looked at my phone. When I did, a woman halfway across the patio started screaming at me, demanding I tell her who I was texting and why. She then sprinted over, furious at me for apparently badmouthing her to somebody. All I did was check the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 791

You deserved it 2 932

Smoothie with a kick

By Anonymous - 02/07/2021 02:01 - Germany

Today, I made myself a smoothie with fruits and wild greens, which tasted much better than it looked, so I licked the splashes off the blender’s lid. Including a stray leaf that didn’t get blended. Which turned out to be stinging nettle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 774

By greenhide8 - 28/05/2011 05:27 - United States

Today, I was playing at a bingo hall, when I got a bingo for $50. I got so excited that I accidentally yelled, "Holy fuck!" They kicked me out. I didn't get the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 975

You deserved it 46 011

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Top comments

jennanamac 4

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Saturday 10 March 2012 15:57

That's amazing though! Star wars, FTW!

TheBlackCops 0

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Saturday 10 March 2012 15:57

At least you aren't an asshole.

jennanamac 4

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Saturday 10 March 2012 15:57

That's amazing though! Star wars, FTW!

ScaughtieHolden 11

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Saturday 10 March 2012 16:43

She knew the dialogue, she was probably a virgin too.

mattorama 15

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Saturday 10 March 2012 17:15

Exactly what I was thinking. Takes a Star Wars geek to know one! Who knows, maybe it was her idea of a pickup line!

muzy 23

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Saturday 10 March 2012 17:45

Op it is precisely in times like these where you have to think on ya feet. You should have replied with something like 'Don't underestimate the power of the V-side' and then walk off while humming the imperial march song!

wisese 0

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Saturday 10 March 2012 17:54

Seriously; recognizing the song is one thing. But QUOTING THE MOVIE in order to insult you? She's a fan.

n_epic_fail 14

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Saturday 10 March 2012 18:00

It's not your fault you and your boyfriend didn't know what to do...

fromthesuck 8

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Saturday 10 March 2012 18:16

There is no way a girl that can quote star wars is a virgin if she doesn't want to be. How many guys would kill for a girl like that.

RedMosquito 4

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Saturday 10 March 2012 18:38

Fuck me lovely bus girl. You are my only hope.

muzy 23

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Saturday 10 March 2012 18:38

wrong fml bud

Idonebeenhad 17

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Saturday 10 March 2012 18:39

The bitchiness is strong in this one

MedKits 9

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Saturday 10 March 2012 19:28

"the force is strong with this one" is such a popular line in the movie, that it's become part of pop culture. People who have never seen the movies would know that line anyways.

SuperDerp 8

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Saturday 10 March 2012 19:35

Epic win. Maybe go to a convention?

fuzz97 23

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Saturday 10 March 2012 22:28

It's called "mockery", Einstein.

LolFMLnot 10

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Saturday 10 March 2012 22:55

Whats this so called "star wars"? Ahaha don't kill me guys i was joking. OP you could've taken advantage of the moment and ask her 2 watch star wars with u. ;)

kurololita 6

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Sunday 11 March 2012 7:42

#67 I have yet to run into one, but maybe i just live in the wrong part of town.

SPAIDZ 0

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Monday 12 March 2012 13:16

No they'd probably know "may the force be with you" but "the force is strong with this one" isn't nearly well known enough to write off her being a nerd

bestnamever 6

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Saturday 10 March 2012 15:57

Sorry, OP. Keep trying, I guess?

CeruleanThree 8

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Saturday 10 March 2012 16:10

Do, or do not. There is no try.

ladyLALAA 28

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Saturday 10 March 2012 22:25

Yeah, at least you didn't spend half an hour trying to have sex and getting nowhere!

BostonBruinsFan 8

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Sunday 11 March 2012 0:53

Yea, it's easy, they need an "Insert ____Here" sign for whoever had that fml

hemz_fml 13

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Monday 12 March 2012 16:23

That virginity joke is getting way to old

AkshaySauce 5

Saturday 10 March 2012 15:57

Sex have this one have not!

AkshaySauce 5

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Saturday 10 March 2012 16:22

Shit, sorry I was barely conscious but I had to be one of the first commentors. This was lacking execution.

Birdie_Sage 0

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Saturday 10 March 2012 20:25

0 points for you my friend! Landing was juuuust terrible, and the comment? Yea... NO GOOD!

Saltime 0

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Sunday 11 March 2012 2:17

25, Yeeeaaah, you're profile picture doesn't really back this up at all.

Heinousness 0

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Wednesday 28 March 2012 1:53

Use the dark side of the virginity.

TheBlackCops 0

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Saturday 10 March 2012 15:57

At least you aren't an asshole.

transilvanianson 3

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Saturday 10 March 2012 16:55

Even if females love assholes for some reason.

atomicbaboon 0

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Saturday 10 March 2012 17:10

douchebag theory

arniebrah 8

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Saturday 10 March 2012 15:57

Hahaha that's funny! Dw you only get to be a virgin once, enjoy the suspense :p

alexicanaaa 7

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Saturday 10 March 2012 15:58

Bahahaha fyl!

RahmEsHestos 5

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Saturday 10 March 2012 19:51

What's the point of commenting something like this... It's stupid an pointless

sqeakyclean 7

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Saturday 10 March 2012 15:58

Virgin, you are.

ipwnallmen 10

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Saturday 10 March 2012 18:39

hahaha winning.

MargieDrury 1

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Saturday 10 March 2012 20:07

7-lmfao.too funny!

griffins33 4

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Saturday 10 March 2012 16:00

I totally thought this said humping to the Star Wars theme.

j_cat187 19

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Saturday 10 March 2012 16:01

You should fuck her

ydi_4_suking 20

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Saturday 10 March 2012 16:06

That would be illegal to just randomly fuck people

nfjskcbdkdjdjdn 2

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Saturday 10 March 2012 16:10

And if OP is a girl…??

j_cat187 19

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Saturday 10 March 2012 16:13

#18 You should fuck him?

sqeakyclean 7

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Saturday 10 March 2012 16:14

Um, his name is "Starboy." Just sayin.

Redoxx_fml 22

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Saturday 10 March 2012 16:32

You should show her the dark side

tdawg4200 0

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Saturday 10 March 2012 22:06

It's only illegal if they say no.

FMlbeast1 0

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 5:03

No as long as they like it

FMlbeast1 0

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Wednesday 14 March 2012 5:05

Mine are always satisfied

laden_swallow09 34

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Saturday 10 March 2012 16:01

Only a Sith deals in absolutes.

ZooMzy 9

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Saturday 10 March 2012 18:43

Isn't that an absolute?

ZooMzy 9

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Saturday 10 March 2012 18:45

Isn't that an absolute?

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 9

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 10

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 642

You deserved it 144

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 91

Keep your nose out of my life

Mind your own business

Drunk confession time

Porque no los dos?

Lrn 2 Read

Smoothie with a kick

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