Miscellaneous: Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus....

By starboy - United States

Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus. When my stop came I walked down the aisle only to hear a girl mutter, "The virginity is strong in this one." She's right. FML

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28147

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Miscellaneous

This Charming Man

Life of Brian

Facts over feelings

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was lost in a new town, so I asked a woman for directions. For some reason, she seemed to avoid me. About halfway down the block, she quickly turned around, and the next thing I remember is my eyes stinging like hell. Apparently she thought I was a mugger and maced me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31863

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4088

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By Unclean

Missing the point

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after 6 months because I told him I loved him. Not because he felt any different than I did, but because the term "love" should be reserved for God, and not be said to mortals. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1755

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204

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By romoangel

Full of it

Today, I felt a very sharp pain, like my appendix was going to burst. After going to the doctor, I was rushed to the hospital to get tests done. The doctors later told me there's nothing wrong, I was just constipated. I went to the hospital for them to basically tell me I'm full of shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1389

You deserved it

466

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By Anonymous - United States - Muncie

Today, I was called a fascist and accused of being "racist" against poor people, all because some crazy meth-mouthed bitch couldn't afford some booze and expected me to cut the price by almost 40% so she could. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30657

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my professor what happened to the assignment I gave him several weeks ago. Turns out he lost it, and graded me zero as a result. Now if I want a mark, he says I'll have to hand-write it all over again, but that I "probably shouldn't bother," because it was "a bit shit, really." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28439

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By holly - Germany

Today, I was practising the violin in my apartment. A man knocked on the door and introduced himself with a smile, saying he wanted to know my "schedule." I replied, "I'm pretty busy but maybe we could get a drink sometime." To which he replied, "No, I just want to know when you'll stop." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26944

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By nakedweddingday - United States - Long Beach

Today, I came home from work to find white fabric and crystals all over the apartment floor. I followed the trail of destruction to my bedroom, where my roommate had left our closet door open. Apparently, her cats decided that my wedding gown was to be their newest conquest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54787

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By Anonymous - United States - Phoenix

Today, a tiny worm was wriggling across the screen of my Mac laptop. I tried to wipe it away with my thumb, but it just kept crawling. Turns out the worm lives *inside* my screen, beneath the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46535

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By michellenKG - United States

Today, it's my birthday. The only thing I got was a coupon for a couples acupuncture session from my sister. I'm single and have an extreme fear of needles. FML

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30088

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2627

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By Payt

Today, the guy I have been seeing for 3 months said, "Sorry this isn’t going anywhere, but I want to stay friends because I wanna come back and hang out with your parents." He literally only stayed with me because I live on a farm. FML

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2542

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By ven980 - United States

Today, I had to blow up an air mattress using only my lungs. After nearly passing out from lack of oxygen, I realized there was a hole in it. FML

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23806

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29452

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By Anonymous - 16/4/2021 00:30

My little boy

Today, my 12 year-old son came home with two broken arms after finding an awesome place to ride his bike. He found a sweet jump and his handlebars broke. He's currently in slings and waiting for an appointment with a surgeon, the breaks were so bad, the hospital couldn't reset them. FML

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975

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was chased on my bike by a couple of guys in a car. I rode into a public park to cut through and try to lose them. I looked by to check if they were following me, but they had to stop. I laughed, looked forward, and rammed into a little girl. FML

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31233

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By Anonymous - Isle of Man

Today, I went to the toilet during drama, not because I had to actually go, but because I wanted to play Monopoly on my iPod. I lost track of time and came back twenty minutes later. My whole class listened while I was forced to tell my teacher I'd been really constipated. FML

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9866

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By no good deed... etc

Well Well Well

Today, I tried to surprise my mom and wash her car while she was away. Today, I also found out how gross our well water is. The car looks worse than before. FML

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2867

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375

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By trick or not treat - France

Today, I bought fifteen bags of candy for the trick-or-treaters. I sat outside with a bowl of candy the whole night. Only one person came. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37299

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By LondonKitsch - United States

Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50747

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By lizard - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's grandparents for the first time. When my boyfriend introduced us, his grandfather smiled at me, took my hand, and said in the most polite voice, "Wow, you're not nearly as pretty as he described you." FML

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29571

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By embareassed - United States

Today, I was riding my dorm elevator from the 5th floor to the 1st by myself. Since the elevator is really slow, I pulled my pants and underwear down just for kicks. Just then, the door opened to let a girl on at the 4th floor. FML

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6680

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2021 17:04 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I found out the first person I was able to open up to in nearly ten years is already in a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

767

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108

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By bleue - France - Montberon

Today, in a crowded doctor's waiting room, my two-year-old daughter let a loud fart rip. I asked her, "What do we say?" She replied, "IT'S ME!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31872

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4716

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By ForgottenAgain - United States

Today, my boyfriend sat me down to reassure me that his competitive, possessive ex-wife will not come between us or ruin our relationship. Mid-conversation, his phone rang. It was her, and he left to answer it. FML

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31425

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By mael - France

TMI

Today, I was looking for a magazine in my mother's bedside cabinet and I came across some daft test about sex. Apparently, my mother likes anal, oral, and my dad's cock is bent. Nauseous. FML

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44424

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10370

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By fired - United States - Barnesville

Today, I called work crying, telling them that I wouldn't be able to go to work tomorrow due to my grandmother's sudden and tragic death. After hanging up, I walked into the midnight release of Grand Theft Auto 5. I had no idea my boss was also an avid gamer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20059

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98831

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was out shopping when an old lady bumped into me and dropped her purse. Trying to help, I bent over to pick it up, at which point she battered the shit out of me, called me a "filthy thief" and threatened to open an umbrella in my ass. What the fuck has the world come to? FML

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41237

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2020 20:02

Wrap it

Today, my boyfriend, who I have been seeing for a year, decided to tell me that he has herpes and has not taken any precautions to stop it from passing on. We have had unprotected sex quite a lot over the last year, so now I most likely have herpes too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2105

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468

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my dog to the vet because he hadn't eaten his food in three days, was drinking a lot of water, and was peeing a lot (all signs of antifreeze poisoning). I spent $200 at the vet to tell me that my dog is fine and just didn't like his current food. FML

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28909

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I felt like spicing up our marriage, so I thought I'd surprise my husband when he got home from work. I put on my sexiest teddy, lit some candles, and laid on the bed. He walked in the room, looked at me for a second, farted, then asked me what was for dinner. FML

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44098

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2021 19:01 - United Kingdom - Gosport

It wasn't me

Today, my partner thought I was having an affair because I received a video call but declined it. It was from my daughter, and I declined it because I was already on a video call with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

804

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was Halloween, and I was giving candy to kids. When a group of kids who looked like they were around 4 years old came up to me and said, "Hey mister, do you have one of those things that make it look like you are fat under your shirt?" I didn't have one of those, but I lied and said, "Yes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29963

You deserved it

6516

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By thisiswhyimsingle - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I decided to to gather up the courage to ask the cute boy in my math class for his number. He gave it to me, and I texted him later that night. But little did I know he actually gave me the number of the creep in class who is always grabbing my ass. I ended up asking the creep out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29018

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3454

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By Anonymous - United States - Baton Rouge

No BigMac for you

Today, after months of searching for any kind of work, I finally received a call. It was McDonald's, but they said I was overqualified for the position. I thought they took anyone with a heart rate. Apparently not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1599

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By wittlegirl - United States

Today, my parents think that I don't realize all the sexual euphemisms in their conversations. One of the more recent ones being made by my dad at the dinner table: "This sausage is great, honey, but mine is bigger and tastier!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

48200

You deserved it

3974

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By Anonymous - Australia - Bairnsdale

Today, I faked my age to win a colouring competition. I just turned 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9754

You deserved it

29276

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By enya - Luxembourg

Today, my dad and uncle got in an argument over money and ended up fighting in the back garden. Only, my dad is a muay thai fighter and my uncle is an MMA fighter, and they're refusing to stop until one of them is out cold. I foresee me driving them both to the hospital before midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21997

You deserved it

1428

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By PuddlePirate - United States - Mountain Iron

Today, my co-worker and I were having a conversation in Russian. Our boss overheard us talking, shouted, "I know you're talking about me! I speak Spanish too!" and threatened to fire us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30550

You deserved it

3419

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By Celina - United States

Today, I have -$700 in my current account, $500 from overdraft fees because I spent money they told me I had. I don't get paid till the 15th and when I cash in my paycheck all of it will go to bringing me even. So the $9 I found in my wallet this morning will have to last me untill the 30th. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28686

You deserved it

5324

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By Anonymous - United States - Pittsburg

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35970

You deserved it

16873

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By fmlmylife - United States

Today, I was walking to school and decided to be a good citizen by picking up a beer can on the sidewalk. I then walked on to my school's campus where I then got suspended by my dean for "trying to rebel", grounded by my parents for getting suspended, and an MIP from the school's police guard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69550

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By pimplesapparently - United States - New York

Today, I sent my friend a snapchat without any makeup on. She asked what filter I used because it made my face look all red and blotchy. FML

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21111

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2754

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Top comments

By jennanamac | 4

#4144324 - Saturday 10 March 2012 15:57

That's amazing though! Star wars, FTW!

By TheBlackCops | 0

#4144330 - Saturday 10 March 2012 15:57

At least you aren't an asshole.

COMMENTS

By jennanamac | 4

#4144324 - Saturday 10 March 2012 15:57

That's amazing though! Star wars, FTW!

ScaughtieHolden | 11

#4144643 - Saturday 10 March 2012 16:43

She knew the dialogue, she was probably a virgin too.

mattorama | 15

#4144806 - Saturday 10 March 2012 17:15

Exactly what I was thinking. Takes a Star Wars geek to know one! Who knows, maybe it was her idea of a pickup line!

muzy | 23

#4144936 - Saturday 10 March 2012 17:45

Op it is precisely in times like these where you have to think on ya feet. You should have replied with something like 'Don't underestimate the power of the V-side' and then walk off while humming the imperial march song!

wisese | 0

#4145568 - Saturday 10 March 2012 17:54

Seriously; recognizing the song is one thing. But QUOTING THE MOVIE in order to insult you? She's a fan.

n_epic_fail | 14

#4145593 - Saturday 10 March 2012 18:00

It's not your fault you and your boyfriend didn't know what to do...

fromthesuck | 8

#4145666 - Saturday 10 March 2012 18:16

There is no way a girl that can quote star wars is a virgin if she doesn't want to be. How many guys would kill for a girl like that.

RedMosquito | 4

#4145747 - Saturday 10 March 2012 18:38

Fuck me lovely bus girl. You are my only hope.

muzy | 23

#4145748 - Saturday 10 March 2012 18:38

wrong fml bud

Idonebeenhad | 17

#4145751 - Saturday 10 March 2012 18:39

The bitchiness is strong in this one

MedKits | 9

#4145966 - Saturday 10 March 2012 19:28

"the force is strong with this one" is such a popular line in the movie, that it's become part of pop culture. People who have never seen the movies would know that line anyways.

SuperDerp | 8

#4146029 - Saturday 10 March 2012 19:35

Epic win. Maybe go to a convention?

fuzz97 | 23

#4146717 - Saturday 10 March 2012 22:28

It's called "mockery", Einstein.

LolFMLnot | 10

#4146791 - Saturday 10 March 2012 22:55

Whats this so called "star wars"?
Ahaha don't kill me guys i was joking.
OP you could've taken advantage of the moment and ask her 2 watch star wars with u. ;)

kurololita | 6

#4148288 - Sunday 11 March 2012 7:42

#67 I have yet to run into one, but maybe i just live in the wrong part of town.

SPAIDZ | 0

#4153490 - Monday 12 March 2012 13:16

No they'd probably know "may the force be with you" but "the force is strong with this one" isn't nearly well known enough to write off her being a nerd

By bestnamever | 6

#4144326 - Saturday 10 March 2012 15:57

Sorry, OP. Keep trying, I guess?

CeruleanThree | 8

#4144421 - Saturday 10 March 2012 16:10

Do, or do not. There is no try.

ladyLALAA | 28

#4146696 - Saturday 10 March 2012 22:25

Yeah, at least you didn't spend half an hour trying to have sex and getting nowhere!

BostonBruinsFan | 8

#4147067 - Sunday 11 March 2012 0:53

Yea, it's easy, they need an "Insert ____Here" sign for whoever had that fml

hemz_fml | 13

#4154005 - Monday 12 March 2012 16:23

That virginity joke is getting way to old

By AkshaySauce | 5

#4144328 - Saturday 10 March 2012 15:57

Sex have this one have not!

AkshaySauce | 5

#4144510 - Saturday 10 March 2012 16:22

Shit, sorry I was barely conscious but I had to be one of the first commentors. This was lacking execution.

Birdie_Sage | 0

#4146284 - Saturday 10 March 2012 20:25

0 points for you my friend! Landing was juuuust terrible, and the comment? Yea... NO GOOD!

Saltime | 0

#4147272 - Sunday 11 March 2012 2:17

25, Yeeeaaah, you're profile picture doesn't really back this up at all.

Heinousness | 0

#4224968 - Wednesday 28 March 2012 1:53

Use the dark side of the virginity.

By TheBlackCops | 0

#4144330 - Saturday 10 March 2012 15:57

At least you aren't an asshole.

transilvanianson | 3

#4144710 - Saturday 10 March 2012 16:55

Even if females love assholes for some reason.

atomicbaboon | 0

#4144781 - Saturday 10 March 2012 17:10

douchebag theory

By arniebrah | 8

#4144335 - Saturday 10 March 2012 15:57

Hahaha that's funny!
Dw you only get to be a virgin once, enjoy the suspense :p

By alexicanaaa | 7

#4144337 - Saturday 10 March 2012 15:58

Bahahaha fyl!

RahmEsHestos | 5

#4146138 - Saturday 10 March 2012 19:51

What's the point of commenting something like this... It's stupid an pointless

By sqeakyclean | 7

#4144344 - Saturday 10 March 2012 15:58

Virgin, you are.

ipwnallmen | 10

#4145749 - Saturday 10 March 2012 18:39

hahaha winning.

MargieDrury | 1

#4146211 - Saturday 10 March 2012 20:07

7-lmfao.too funny!

By griffins33 | 4

#4144357 - Saturday 10 March 2012 16:00

I totally thought this said humping to the Star Wars theme.

By j_cat187 | 19

#4144369 - Saturday 10 March 2012 16:01

You should fuck her

ydi_4_suking | 20

#4144392 - Saturday 10 March 2012 16:06

That would be illegal to just randomly fuck people

nfjskcbdkdjdjdn | 2

#4144423 - Saturday 10 March 2012 16:10

And if OP is a girl…??

j_cat187 | 19

#4144438 - Saturday 10 March 2012 16:13

#18 You should fuck him?

sqeakyclean | 7

#4144459 - Saturday 10 March 2012 16:14

Um, his name is "Starboy." Just sayin.

Redoxx_fml | 22

#4144580 - Saturday 10 March 2012 16:32

You should show her the dark side

tdawg4200 | 0

#4146647 - Saturday 10 March 2012 22:06

It's only illegal if they say no.

FMlbeast1 | 0

#4161864 - Wednesday 14 March 2012 5:03

No as long as they like it

FMlbeast1 | 0

#4161873 - Wednesday 14 March 2012 5:05

Mine are always satisfied

By laden_swallow09 | 34

#4144371 - Saturday 10 March 2012 16:01

Only a Sith deals in absolutes.

ZooMzy | 9

#4145757 - Saturday 10 March 2012 18:43

Isn't that an absolute?

ZooMzy | 9

#4145767 - Saturday 10 March 2012 18:45

Isn't that an absolute?

Missing the point

Full of it

My little boy

Well Well Well

Next

TMI

Wrap it

It wasn't me

No BigMac for you