Transportation: Today, I was boarding a plane and a woman's bag started to fall.... - FML

09/03/2012 04:45 - United States

Today, I was boarding a plane and a woman's bag started to fall. In the spur of the moment I thrust my arm up to catch it. I didn't catch the bag, but I did catch her boob. I had to sit next to her for the rest of the flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 983

You deserved it 2 938

Another great day to be alive

Batman

Father of the year

19/05/2009 04:08 - Canada

Today, I was feeling rebellious, I decided to procrastinate instead of studying for my really important English test tomorrow. I was having a pretty good time until I realized my idea of procrastinating was cleaning my TI-83 graphing calculator with rubbing alcohol and Q-tips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 906

You deserved it 53 248

28/02/2010 06:31 - France

Today, I went skinny dipping with a few friends at my friend's house. It was really fun until one of my friends shrieked, saying there were bugs in the pool. Everyone jumped out and looked at her. Turns out the "bugs" she saw was my body hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 811

You deserved it 6 920

30/05/2012 22:41

Today, my daughter was still acting out her teenage issues. This morning, when I told her to, "Have a nice day" she screamed at me, "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 950

You deserved it 4 819

30/07/2009 14:21 - United States

Spicy

Today, my friends and I decided to compare dick sizes one by one. I was last and I was the smallest. I was also the only Asian amongst my friends. They now call me "the stereotype". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 488

You deserved it 29 171

03/12/2015 04:22 - United States - Radcliff

Today, in an attempt to broaden my horizons in another sport besides swimming, I succeeded in getting a frisbee spiked into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 852

You deserved it 1 533

14/10/2011 09:35 - Canada

Today, at work, a customer asked for my number. When I declined, he made a huge scene, shouting and scaring other customers. He tipped me seven cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 365

You deserved it 2 562

30/09/2009 19:30 - Philippines

Today, I joined a small disaster relief group. I remarked to the big, long-haired person beside me that it was surprising that I was the only female in the group. I got a cold stare. Later I asked another volunteer about that person. He answered, "Oh, her? She's my sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 208

You deserved it 38 918

21/06/2013 09:04 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, after cricket training, the homeless man that lives in the drain next to the nets threw a beer bottle full of piss at me for rejecting him for a date last week. I ducked; it sailed through my car’s open window and smashed all over the seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 233

You deserved it 4 852

A ghost

By Anonymous - 12/07/2020 20:01

Today, I'm stuck in quarantine and my friends are planning stuff like swimming without me in our group chat, instead of doing it in another chat group. It's like I don't even exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 283

You deserved it 341

13/04/2015 15:40 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, I finally heard a woman tell me "I've never seen one so big before!" Too bad it was my dentist talking about one of my cavities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 507

You deserved it 5 738

07/06/2012 11:00 - United States

Today, I found out I have an incredible fear of butterflies. I discovered this after my mother took me to a butterfly sanctuary for some "mother-daughter bonding time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 535

You deserved it 3 735

21/01/2011 22:50 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother who lives with us decided that since I work from home, it would be a good idea for her to stay home and keep me company. "Keeping me company" includes ordering me to make her food, gossiping non stop, and ridiculing me for not being the woman that she always saw her son marrying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 858

You deserved it 3 600

22/01/2010 00:14 - France

Today, my long term boyfriend took me to my favorite restaurant. After the main course he knelt down and finally proposed to me. I was so happy I almost cried. Until an old woman came over and said I was way to old for him. I'm 3 years younger than my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 839

You deserved it 2 688

20/03/2013 05:42 - United States

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I started singing and harmonizing with the vacuum cleaner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 190

You deserved it 4 708

15/07/2014 22:04 - United States - Portland

Today, I returned to my teaching job at a local community college after surfing for the weekend. I'd got sunburned, one student immediately noticed and said to me, "Morning, Mr. Pinky!" Now they all do it. My students are assholes. I hate teaching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 400

You deserved it 8 352

So sorry I called you a dingdong

By Anonymous - 10/08/2020 17:01

Today, I sent a draft email to my boss. The receptionist, thinking they were being helpful, forwarded it straight to the client. It's not ready for the client. I mean, it is NOT ready for the client. Really, really not ready for the client. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 450

You deserved it 196

09/01/2015 09:11 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging about me to his friends, telling them I have a great smile, cute hair, and very perky tits. This wouldn't be so bad if we weren't both men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 382

You deserved it 7 132

Kids…

By guessimdead - 19/04/2009 23:07 - United States

Today, I went to my new job at a pre-school. I was really excited because everything was going so well, and a little boy even said he was drawing a picture of me. He even gave it to me when he was finished. Well it was me, but I was also on fire and being stabbed and shot multiple times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 997

You deserved it 3 702

13/09/2012 05:19 - United States - San Marcos

Today, at work, I was talking to a Scottish woman when my coworker and I both told her we were also Scottish. To this she replied, "We Scottish people get around." I then said, "Tell me about it, I'm one of four siblings from my dad, he definitely gets around." She was talking about travel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 732

You deserved it 24 101

20/06/2015 10:45 - United States - Tampa

Today, my boyfriend came to my work, at a drive thru, in my car, and then got mad at me because I wouldn't give him free food. In his anger, he put my car in reverse and backed out of line very quickly, only to smash into a paying customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 611

You deserved it 2 807

06/04/2015 20:02 - United States - Kansas City

Today, I was told it was inconvenient for me to take lunch breaks, because someone else has to answer the phones and no one else wants to actually do any work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 248

You deserved it 1 946

07/12/2012 22:40 - United States - Dallas

Spicy

Today, I was at the breakfast table when my sister started eating a banana. Before I knew what was happening, I'd somehow popped a boner. I had to wait for her to leave before I could stand up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 118

You deserved it 25 957

21/08/2009 21:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 156

You deserved it 4 684

13/04/2009 19:41 - United States

Today, I got 20% tints on my car. As I'm driving home, a cop pulls me over. I didn't want to ruin my new tint by opening my window, so I opened my door as the cop approached. He then pulled out his gun and yelled "GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND!" before I could explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 550

You deserved it 58 171

26/08/2019 15:00 - United States - Edmond

Today, within one day of meeting me, my stepmom decided to break up with my dad. Her reason being, "I love you, but I just can’t put up with the kid." I’m 'the kid'. I’m 28 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 747

You deserved it 178

23/04/2012 13:22 - United States - Brookfield

Today, I left my number on my receipt for a cute waitress. As I was leaving the bar, she came running out and called me over. I obviously got excited. Turns out I'd forgotten to sign my slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 578

You deserved it 21 790

01/04/2009 04:04 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out that she wasn't really in love with me. She got that advice from an internet survey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 319

You deserved it 8 950

26/08/2011 04:55 - United States

Today, my dad taught me how to swim. I had to keep doing a lot of strange movements to keep my body floating. While doing that, two 8-year-old girls came and asked me if i needed help getting out of the water. I'm a 20 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 595

You deserved it 8 615

05/01/2013 09:21 - United States - Bayville

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my new boyfriend, and I realized that he enjoys making airplane sound effects while inserting himself inside of me. Moment ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 646

You deserved it 5 691

09/12/2009 08:47 - United States

Today, I fell asleep on the train and accidentally wound up resting my head on a strange man's shoulder. When I woke up, I discovered that not only did he not object, but he decided to return the favor by resting his hand on my thigh. I was wearing a skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 770

You deserved it 19 127

29/11/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, at work, an overweight man riding an electric cart started peeing all around the store. I had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 926

You deserved it 2 335

11/11/2015 17:10 - United States - Providence

Today, my girlfriend informed me that we aren't officially dating until she changes her relationship status. We've been "dating" for 3 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 139

You deserved it 1 851

08/04/2017 12:00

Today, I was cleaning the litter box and found a large clump. I later found my 3-year-old peeing there instead of in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 694

You deserved it 588

23/04/2009 02:44 - Canada

Today, as I was ringing in a customer I noticed that the Febreeze spray can was wet. Noticing this I sniffed my hands because they had gotten wet and said to the customer, "Oh the can is leaking want to go get another one?" He then said, "No it's OK, I just sweat a lot." I sniffed some customer's sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 306

You deserved it 5 775

Getting the point across

By Anonymous - 05/05/2020 02:00

Today, I was discharged from hospital and I took a cab home. The driver drove really fast and made sharp turns that made me feel nauseous. As I opened my mouth to tell him to slow down, I threw up all over the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 607

You deserved it 113

01/04/2013 16:02 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was babysitting, and after the kids fell asleep I started hiding the Easter candy. They woke up when I was half-done, and it didn't take them long to figure out what was going on. They won't stop crying, and every time I go near them, they scream "LIAR!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 805

You deserved it 7 997

Slipped up

By hate my job - 24/09/2021 20:00

Today, I sent my resumé to a former coworker to get some pointers, except that I sent it to his old work email account and now my boss knows I’m looking for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 859

30/12/2009 01:29 - Brazil

Spicy

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he tried to put his hand inside my pants. I didn't want it to be that easy so I denied, but he insisted a lot and I finally let him. He started to sing "We Are The Champions." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 873

You deserved it 24 209

11/10/2015 04:20 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my son told me that he doesn't need to go to school because he doesn't need a job. It turns out he plans to get a life sentence in prison and live the rest of his life at the taxpayers' expense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 183

You deserved it 3 755

02/08/2009 16:14 - India

Today, I was at home, my mom came and saw me holding what she thought was a glass of beer. She took the glass, threw it and slapped me for drinking it. I was drinking Apple Juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 602

You deserved it 3 162

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Top comments

jammy_side_up 0

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Friday 9 March 2012 8:48

if she drops her bag again.. you know why. lol

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Friday 9 March 2012 8:43

At least it wasn't a total loss...right?

Comments

MischievousLoki 6

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Friday 9 March 2012 8:41

That must been very awkward and embarrassing...

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Friday 9 March 2012 8:47

At least he had brave intentions.

MetalxSoldier 26

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Friday 9 March 2012 9:11

I really have to "hand" it to you. That is one hell of an ice breaker. ;)

hellbilly205 17

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Friday 9 March 2012 9:25

Unless you're gay i see no actual FML moment here...

hellbilly205 17

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Friday 9 March 2012 9:28

Unless you're gay i see no actual FML here...

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Friday 9 March 2012 9:34

No good deed can go unpunished...But in this case, It did. c;

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Friday 9 March 2012 9:44

Good conversation starter ;)

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Friday 9 March 2012 10:12

*during flight* "Hey, do you remember the time I groped your boob when trying to save your bag, what a laugh huh ;D" Ps I'd pay to listen to that convo ^^

muzy 23

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Friday 9 March 2012 12:18

op don't sweat it. It was an accident and she probably knows this too you should have just been nice to her for the duration of the flight. You could probably have made a breast friend :)

muzy 23

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Friday 9 March 2012 12:19

edit: best.

AnagenisisZagus 13

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Friday 9 March 2012 14:37

Aww...and I was enjoying your pun, too. Disappointment settles in...

muzy 23

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Friday 9 March 2012 18:28

lol it was an auto correct. I was never meant to write that though I can see why it would be amusing

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Friday 9 March 2012 21:34

Sure. Thts totally what happened...

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Saturday 10 March 2012 21:45

What if op is a girl...

Llama_Face89 33

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Sunday 11 March 2012 16:03

89- Freudian slip?

AnonymousChik 5

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Friday 9 March 2012 8:42

Was she hot at least?

gamercanadian 11

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Friday 9 March 2012 9:34

I wanna know the kind of conversation they had along the flight.

nofearjenshere 12

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Friday 9 March 2012 21:10

Am I the only one who wonders if OP could be female? It would make the situation 10x more awkward.

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Saturday 10 March 2012 6:03

Well, if op is into women, hopefully the convo went well and op can consider his/herself at second base. If not, then... Well.... Awkward silence commences

Llama_Face89 33

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Sunday 11 March 2012 16:00

94- that would also make it 10x more hot.

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Friday 9 March 2012 8:43

At least it wasn't a total loss...right?

ydi_4_suking 20

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Friday 9 March 2012 8:46

OP grabbed a boob so I guess it wasn't

unoffensivename 0

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Friday 9 March 2012 9:42

Snakes on a plane

kooochris1995 14

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Friday 9 March 2012 11:59

Op defenatly set the whole thing up. He positioned her bag so it could fall, than he pretended to miss her bag! Great plan op.

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Friday 9 March 2012 12:04

Doesn't matter, grabbed boob

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Friday 9 March 2012 13:11

And she didn't ask to change seats afterwards, so good stuff

AsianCookie247 14

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Friday 9 March 2012 8:45

Maybe now is the time to ask her if she'd like to join the mile high club? Haha it's the least you could do :)

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Friday 9 March 2012 9:16

That would be way to smooth. . . But yeah it would

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Friday 9 March 2012 21:29

Like Keith Stone.

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Friday 9 March 2012 8:45

mile high club sort of :/

Blacksabbath211 9

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Friday 9 March 2012 12:47

Mile High Second Base club :D

punchline_fml 5

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Friday 9 March 2012 17:48

He rounds second, he's off to third, ladies and gentlemen he might make it home!

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Friday 9 March 2012 8:47

Meh

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Friday 9 March 2012 9:59

Heh.

DKjazz 20

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Friday 9 March 2012 11:20

Feh.

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Friday 9 March 2012 14:26

Yeh?

DKjazz 20

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Friday 9 March 2012 15:16

Neh.

Llama_Face89 33

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Sunday 11 March 2012 16:02

Teh

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Wednesday 28 March 2012 16:27

C-c-c-combo breaker!

jammy_side_up 0

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Friday 9 March 2012 8:48

if she drops her bag again.. you know why. lol

gader 3

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Friday 9 March 2012 10:28

Hhhhhhhhh. Hint eh!!

ninjuh_wingman 29

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Friday 9 March 2012 8:49

Thats hella awkward. It would not be as bad if she was hot.

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Friday 9 March 2012 8:49

Are you sure you were trying to reach for the bag? ;)

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Friday 9 March 2012 8:49

" uhhhh this is exactly what it looks like" :)

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 356

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 69