All the FMLs

Not this again

By Kurochrome - 18/07/2011 05:09 - United States

Today, after spending over $1000 on plane tickets, I'm visiting my family for the first time in five years. Two hours after I arrived, everyone is screaming at each other and taking their rage out on me. They still ask why I never visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 281

You deserved it 3 531

By Anonymous - 18/07/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, my house got robbed. They left a note: "Next time, we steal your souls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 165

You deserved it 3 741

By SonOfaSpy - 18/07/2011 01:51 - United States

Today, we found out why we were getting notes on our door telling us to "move out or else." As my mom works for the government and we have a direct-TV dish on our roof, our neighbor thinks we were sent to listen to his phone calls and read his mind. We were here before he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 088

You deserved it 2 677

I hate this job

By Anonymous - 17/07/2011 23:29 - United States

Today, I forced myself into work with severe laryngitis. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, except I work at candy and ice cream store at a major tourist destination. For seven hours I had to communicate with unsympathetic adults and screaming, bratty kids by miming and using a dry erase board. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 902

You deserved it 8 568

By cderr - 17/07/2011 22:57 - United States

Today, my sister found out she contracted ringworm and scabies from her best friend's rescued kittens. The entire family now has to be treated to prevent it from spreading. There are 7 people in our house and none of us have health insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 083

You deserved it 15 651

By Anonymous - 17/07/2011 20:44 - United States

Today, I was riding my bike and swerved to avoid hitting a lizard. I ended up sliding into a bush and skinning myself, only to find my tires had still managed to cut the lizard to pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 655

You deserved it 8 876

By Username - 17/07/2011 19:59 - United States

Today, after applying sunscreen to myself every two hours, I still got sunburned. Through my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 347

You deserved it 4 672

By Fairymyass - 17/07/2011 16:01 - United Kingdom

Today, an argument broke out between me, my girlfriend, and her sister. They were trying to convince me that not only were fairies real, but there were "scientific facts" that "prove" their existence. My girlfriend's 20 and her sister teaches primary school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 145

You deserved it 4 545

Your silent face

By twelfinity - 17/07/2011 16:00 - United States

Today, my husband decided that the best way to deal with me eating the last chocolate chip muffin was to give me the silent treatment. Normally, I'd just get over his childish behavior, but we're on a fifteen hour car trip back home with our one year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 776

You deserved it 5 823

By bigjohn106 - 17/07/2011 12:34 - United States

Today, in front of family and friends, as I got down on one knee, my girlfriend fainted. Her father, a lawyer, rushed over and said, "Anything she says for the next 72 hours is not legally binding" and whisked her away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 721

You deserved it 3 219

By Anonymous - 17/07/2011 08:43 - United States

Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 391

You deserved it 22 666

By douglas - 17/07/2011 07:14 - United States

Today, I surprised my four year-old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it "Horny". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 198

You deserved it 8 260

By sfabsits - 17/07/2011 07:00 - United States

Today, while I was waitressing, two girls ran up a tab of $60 in drinks. They ended up not paying the bill and walking out. My boss told me it won't be the first time or last, as he made me pay their bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 958

You deserved it 3 301

By grenade - 17/07/2011 06:24 - United States

Today, I was at a club with my friends, when a group of guys approached us. It got quiet for a second, and I heard one of them say, "It's okay, I've got the fat one this time," then walk over and start talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 046

You deserved it 7 914

By Auston - 17/07/2011 05:16 - United States

Today, at work, our team started a new sales strategy of selling flowers to men by asking them to buy one for their lovely ladies. The first guy I ask ends up crying and telling me his wife passed away a week ago. The woman with him was actually his sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 621

You deserved it 5 183

By sandwichmaker - 17/07/2011 02:46 - United States

Today, while working at Subway, a man ordered a sub with avocado. When I told him it was no longer available, he screamed, spit in my face and ran out, pushing over an innocent bystander in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 753

You deserved it 3 425

By imobesejk - 17/07/2011 00:19 - United States

Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 228

You deserved it 2 824

By Anonymous - 17/07/2011 00:17 - Israel

Today, my husband told me that he never washes his hands after using the bathroom because he thinks it's only for "paranoid people". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 443

You deserved it 3 728

This is fine

By Anonymous - 16/07/2011 23:09 - United States

Today, I was given a DUI while in the Whataburger drive thru. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 874

You deserved it 46 321

By adamclmns - 16/07/2011 22:52 - United States

Today, after a stressful week, I spent my last few dollars on some comfort food. Later, my roommate's girlfriend came over and helped herself to my juice, drinking it straight from the bottle. I'm such a germaphobe, I can't bring myself to even take a sip. It's a full bottle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 267

You deserved it 15 220

By Brian - 16/07/2011 19:19 - United States

Today, after working all day and putting in hours of overtime, I realized I never clocked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 064

You deserved it 18 850

By KatrinaKitten - 16/07/2011 17:24 - United States

Today, I went to a Japanese restaurant, where the chefs cook the food right in front of you. Our chef tossed an egg in the air, but sadly didn't catch it. Don't worry though, my hair got it instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 093

You deserved it 3 555

By Rejected - 16/07/2011 13:28 - Australia

Today, my six year old son came up to me with his arms spread and said, "I feel like a hug." I got really excited and hopeful because he is very anti-social and hates physical contact. As soon as I stood up to hug him he said "Feeling's gone" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 275

You deserved it 4 766

By clumbsy_at_best - 16/07/2011 13:11 - United States

Today, I realized how close my boyfriend and best friend are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 579

You deserved it 4 775

clumbsy_at_best tells us more.

clumbsy_at_best 0

Saturday 16 July 2011 21:53

they were having sex on chat roulette.....

By Tanner - 16/07/2011 06:23 - United States

Today, I got mugged. I also got an extra kick in the face for not having money in my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 467

You deserved it 3 686

By Anonymous - 16/07/2011 05:38 - Canada

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She was so happy that she began flapping her hands around and screaming. She was flapping her hands so hard she smacked herself in the face and started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 485

You deserved it 6 104

By bananagurl4242 - 16/07/2011 05:34 - United States

Today, my friends told me all five of us should bring sleeping bags on our field trip; I brought mine only to find out they had told me that so they would get the four beds to themselves. They all 'forgot' to bring them and its only fair that I should sleep on the floor. We are here for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 191

You deserved it 4 468

Wait!

By jordy1995 - 16/07/2011 04:25 - United States

Today, I found out I can't go to my best friend's birthday party. To cheer me up, my parents decided to take me and my brother to my favorite pizzeria for dinner. When I was ready and went downstairs, I discovered they left already. They forgot me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 507

You deserved it 3 255

By Anonymous - 16/07/2011 02:06 - United States

Today, I caught a cab to take me to a hospital appointment. The driver turned around and told me I was in the Cash Cab. I got really excited and screamed. That is, until she laughed and said, "Just kidding. I always wanted to do that to someone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 612

You deserved it 9 139

I stand accused

By Creep - 15/07/2011 23:10 - United States

Today, I discovered my new plug-in air freshener smells exactly like my ex-boyfriend's cologne. My friends noticed this, and nobody will believe me when I say it smelled different on the scratch-and-sniff. Now I'm considered a creep. A nostalgic, obsessed creep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 818

You deserved it 6 106

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Awkward Pokémon Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was on my way to work behind a very slow car. At a red light, the lady came over and punched me in the face for following her too closely. We are coworkers and our desks are next to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 593

You deserved it 4 246

Today, my mom admitted that the only reason she took me out for lunch was because she felt guilty over going on a massive shopping spree for my sister while I was forced to stay home alone. I thanked her for the Wendy's meal anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 762

You deserved it 2 159

Today, I found out that the love of my life, who I've been going out with for two weeks only, asked me out because he lost a bet. Apparently I'm the punishment for not being able to eat 10 hot dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 208

You deserved it 12 855

Today, I was so excited that my favorite local spot reopened, I couldn’t wait to go there for lunch. Unfortunately, my waiter’s shirt was so caked with thick smelly cat hair, it sent me into an immediate allergy attack. Not only did I not get to eat my food, the manager refused to give me a refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 669

You deserved it 248

Today, at dinner, I stumbled over the words of the prayer and my dad is now convinced I’m losing interest in my religious responsibilities. To “bring me back to the Lord” he is trying to force me to break up with my girlfriend and quit the rugby team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 147

Today, the dog my now ex-boyfriend and I own together bit me bad enough that I needed stitches on my face and my hand... he then broke up with me and saying it was all too much for him and has kept the dog... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 934

You deserved it 241