Today, I found out that the gnat infestation in my dorm room...

By Anonymous - 9/3/2012 18:12 - United States

Today, I found out that the gnat infestation in my dorm room was not caused by the recent cool weather, but rather the rotten pear I found under my roommates bed. FML

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Work

Great boyfriend

Ghosted

Insane parents

By Damnit - 25/12/2018 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today I noticed a large crack in my windscreen. 2 weeks after getting it replaced. The warranty doesn't cover cracks. Several attempts were needed to replace it last time for reasons like losing the new windscreen and telling me they can't make it that day and turning up any way after going out. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/4/2013 23:21 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. A few hours later, we discovered he's highly allergic to my Summer's Eve soap. He looks like he's been attacked by bees. Yay for losing my v-card. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/10/2015 16:41 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I woke up to my dog laying on the pillow next to me. When he saw that I was awake, he wagged his tail happily and then promptly sneezed in my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2013 05:57 - United States - Spokane

Today, I discovered that my stepbrother has been telling his friends that I'm his girlfriend. FML

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By HowToGetFired - 7/7/2015 20:20 - United States - Tampa

Today, I just finished a driving school that I thought would lower my insurance by 10%. It was 30 hours so I was glad it was over, that was until I found out I took the wrong class. FML

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By mrmarshall - 17/5/2019 05:44

Today, I tried to quit my job. My boss pulled me into his office and gave me a write-up for quitting, told me that he knows where I live and that I'd better be at work tomorrow or he's going to come and drag me into work. FML

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By FunGhoost - 20/2/2015 13:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to a phone with most of my female contacts missing. I think I'm dating a psycho. FML

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By Jordan - 30/4/2011 19:52 - United States

Today, my favorite song came on and I started playing the air guitar and head banging to it. I didn't realize just how close I was to the chair next to me and went face first into the metal back. FML

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By thanksforthat - 10/1/2013 23:11 - United States - Tunkhannock

Today, I went to the hospital with stomach pains. I found out I have mono, as well as a ruptured ovarian cyst, which may need surgery. I called my best friend for support, only for her to drunkenly yell at me for not being at her party, and that this could have waited till a better time. FML

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By areyoukiddingme - 1/10/2015 05:56 - United States - Phoenixville

Today, I met my boyfriend's other girlfriend. She then informed me that he has a wife, and that they have an open relationship. Thanks for keeping me in the loop, honey. FML

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By father of the year - 1/8/2013 06:21 - United States

Today, my 18-year-old daughter texted me and told me that she got in a car crash. She texted, "I forgot wich way wus left lol" and then quickly added "yolo right? Lol". FML

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By nen_00 - 14/9/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, I realized the guy I've been hooking up with has a daughter who is a year younger than me. As if that wasn't bad enough, I also found out she had a child of her own. I've been hooking up with a grandpa. FML

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By DC - 8/2/2009 12:37 - United States

Today, my virgin guy friend told me he wanted me to be his first. I'm a guy. FML

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By Wellthisishawkward - 14/8/2015 22:40 - United States

Today, as I was driving, a bird swooped down, right in front of my car. I didn't have enough time to react, and so I had to listen to my wife cry the rest of the way home. She kept talking about how it bounced off the windshield and how it probably had a family. FML

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By yeah - 22/6/2012 03:07 - United States

Today, I entered my first professional fight as a mixed martial artist. It's been my dream to become a UFC champion one day. All I do is train and watch UFC fights all day. I was out cold in a matter of seconds. FML

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By gng2fckngkilluyoufckngfckr - 3/8/2012 18:31 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. I also found out that my best friend knew about it all along. When I confronted him, he tried to justify the betrayal by saying that she paid him to keep quiet. FML

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By anon - 19/6/2009 16:53 - United States

Today, I took my dog for a walk. It became friendly with another dog, and I reached down to pet them both. Suddenly, an old woman runs up to me and whacks me with her cane repeatedly. Apparently, her previous dog had been kidnapped by a woman who looked a lot like me. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/5/2015 14:43 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, I went indoor rock climbing. After finally making it to the top, my pants ripped on my last move. I wasn't wearing any underwear. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/8/2009 15:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and his parents met my family. My grandpa thought it would be funny to walk around with a realistic gun and make references about being in the mafia. The rest of my family went along with it. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/12/2009 21:05 - United States

Today, I was going into an office building. There was a boy and a man ahead of me, and the boy held the door open for me. Surprised, I said "What a nice young man," and he said. "It's ok, ma'am; my dad says to always hold the doors open for old ladies." I'm 43. FML

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By FuglyBetty - 24/2/2016 22:48 - Norway - Arendal

Today, while doing the grocery shopping with my boyfriend we came across another woman also out shopping, who looked shockingly like me despite her being another race, hair color and the like. The second he saw her, he blurted out, ''Oh, it's a pretty version of you!'' FML

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By Richard - 6/2/2010 18:39 - France

Today, there was a new and extremely attractive girl at youth group, so I decided to introduce myself. Her reply was, "Wow, I've always wanted to meet a gay guy!" FML

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By Anonymous - 10/2/2014 22:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I got into a slight spot of shit with my new boss over his speech. Apparently he was not actually impersonating Sylvester the Cat, and he just has a speech impediment. When I jokingly said "sufferin' succotash" to him, he wasn't pleased at all. FML

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By Username - 26/9/2011 04:28 - United States

Today, my mother followed me to work to see what I got up to. I'm a fitness instructor in a ground floor gym that has big windows overlooking the street. She stood outside and waved at me for half an hour, while I tried to concentrate on teaching a visibly amused class. FML

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By Emma - 1/8/2011 21:29 - United States

Today, while waiting at the park for my friend, an intoxicated tramp came up to me and asked me out. After I politely declined, he snatched the phone from my hand, threw it on the ground, screamed that I was a "two-timing whore", and staggered away. FML

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By nothesisforme - 11/3/2015 14:01 - France

Today, I asked my professor for his opinion on the subject I plan to study in my thesis. Turns out, he likes it so much that he's going to steal it from me. FML

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By VoodooPriestess - 4/7/2019 04:00

Today, my boyfriend told me the reason he dated me was because he was lonely, and I looked lonely enough to like him. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2011 20:25 - United States

Today, I met my new roommate. She severely struggled with pronouncing my name, and decided that to save time and the effort, she's just going to call me what she thinks my name sounds like: Lube. FML

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By alittlepersonal - 5/10/2012 05:59 - United States - Lewis Center

Today, my mom decided to subtly bring up her desire for grandchildren. "You really need a girlfriend. I'm surprised you don't have a crippling case of Carpal Tunnel by now." FML

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By Birdwatcher - 18/9/2012 16:19 - United States - Woodstock

Today, I found a tiny, featherless baby bird. I knew it was impossible, but I tried to keep it alive through the day. Before I could get it to the wildlife center, it died, and when I got all choked up over it, my mom started laughing at me and saying how "weak" I was. FML

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By man2 - 23/9/2010 11:18 - Ireland

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was unsuccessful at a job interview, and she didn't want to be with someone who "has no future". She's unemployed too. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2010 02:31 - United States

Today, I had to go to the bathroom. I was in a rush, so I went into the boys bathroom. I then had diarrhea. The entire basketball team was waiting for me outside the stall. They did a slow clap for me. FML

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By shay786 - 5/5/2020 17:00

My eyes!

Today, I heard grunting and then realized it was my tenant with his boyfriend. When I went down to do my laundry, I caught them in the act. FML

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By PlsForget - 18/8/2016 21:47 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I was volunteering at a neighborhood house tutoring a bunch of kids. Everything was going fine until one of them jumped on the table I was at, which broke and hit my knee. I swore in front of all the kids and my volunteer coordinator. FML

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By nicbear - 15/6/2017 04:00

Today, I was fired from my job over a coupon a coworker offered me for bonus reward points. Apparently, it wasn't one I was entitled to. I never even looked at the coupon and assumed it was fine since they offered it to me. FML

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By 99Problemsandfml - 8/11/2012 19:03 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I had to buy a new vacuum cleaner. My previous one stopped working, because apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to suck up our puppy's shit from the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/3/2013 12:02 - United States - Belmont

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because he didn't trust himself not to cheat on me. What? FML

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By spoton - 26/1/2017 16:00

Today, I sliced my finger on the register drawer. Not wanting to freak out my customer, I stuck my hand in my pocket and finished giving them change. Now I look like I period-bled through the front of my pants. Only 10 hours to go. FML

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By cplaner - 4/2/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I was teaching swim lessons. I got felt up by a 6 year old boy. 3 times. FML

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By Username - 2/10/2019 14:00

Life is a roller coaster

Today, it's my birthday and my mom took me and some friends to an amusement park. Looking for a tampon, I found a phone in my mom's purse that I didn't recognize. Turns out my mom is cheating on my dad. Happy birthday to me, I guess. FML

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Top comments

By DaniPandi | 22

#4142273 - Saturday 10 March 2012 2:19

That must bug you.

By DocBastard | 38

#4142570 - Saturday 10 March 2012 3:02

That's gnatsty.

COMMENTS

By DaniPandi | 22

#4142273 - Saturday 10 March 2012 2:19

That must bug you.

xXxIracebethxXx | 14

#4142558 - Saturday 10 March 2012 3:00

^ Like you could have thought of something better.

goldfishgod | 20

#4142672 - Saturday 10 March 2012 3:35

21 - Why are you always such a bitch?

cyK0tek | 0

#4142729 - Saturday 10 March 2012 3:53

Like you could've posted anything w/o criticizing someone...

xXxIracebethxXx | 14

#4142937 - Saturday 10 March 2012 5:18

#21 - Because I can be. That's the fucking beauty of the Internet. I can be a bitch when I want and to whomever I want.

Swiftly | 0

#4142948 - Saturday 10 March 2012 5:21

Theres a thing called being an asshole. You should probably stop being one :)

humorizer | 14

#4143096 - Saturday 10 March 2012 6:10

Oh how cute! You think that gnats spawn out of fruits!

How 1700's!

I_Hug_Cats | 26

#4143111 - Saturday 10 March 2012 6:15

What bugs me is: why was OP looking under his roommates bed in the first place?

pompousjackass | 10

#4143452 - Saturday 10 March 2012 7:24

This was my first thought.

TourettesGuyFTW | 25

#4149819 - Sunday 11 March 2012 19:26

They're called fruit flies, funnily enough...

By socalledbliss | 0

#4142281 - Saturday 10 March 2012 2:20

That's absolutely disgusting. Wouldn't you smell That?

redbluegreen | 40

#4142329 - Saturday 10 March 2012 2:29

My guess is the OP did gnat.

iamyummylicious | 14

#4142736 - Saturday 10 March 2012 3:55

Your pun really bugs me.

iamyummylicious | 14

#4143782 - Saturday 10 March 2012 10:31

Sorry for that. I couldn't think of anything witty or a good pun. :(

By MargieDrury | 1

#4142307 - Saturday 10 March 2012 2:27

I would have cleaned it up like my girlfriends.

emba_fml | 13

#4142772 - Saturday 10 March 2012 4:12

...what?

By jillianmathers12 | 13

#4142311 - Saturday 10 March 2012 2:28

Yum! That must have been fun cleaning that!

By btstig | 11

#4142334 - Saturday 10 March 2012 2:30

Throw a used condom on his pillow.

Swiftly | 0

#4146466 - Saturday 10 March 2012 21:08

Throw a used pillow on his condom

By Glitterhinoceros | 14

#4142362 - Saturday 10 March 2012 2:32

Punch him in the throat with the pear.

xXxIracebethxXx | 14

#4142539 - Saturday 10 March 2012 2:56

How does one punch another with fruit?

BarDownDaily | 12

#4142669 - Saturday 10 March 2012 3:35

16- How does one find duckface attractive?

DomDomxoxo | 16

#4142835 - Saturday 10 March 2012 4:38

One does not find duckface attractive.

xXxIracebethxXx | 14

#4142923 - Saturday 10 March 2012 5:14

Thank you for such nice compliments. One did not know people are so nice on FML! :) *QUACK*

DomDomxoxo | 16

#4142966 - Saturday 10 March 2012 5:31

Oh come on we kid the duck!!

BarDownDaily | 12

#4143092 - Saturday 10 March 2012 6:09

44- People are nice on FML. Just not to the stupid, and the ignorant.

xXxIracebethxXx | 14

#4150941 - Monday 12 March 2012 1:58

51 - My sarcasm must have flown WAAAAY above you head. :p

By FinnishAmerican | 3

#4142366 - Saturday 10 March 2012 2:32

Put it in his pillow

ankoku | 2

#4142828 - Saturday 10 March 2012 4:36

His roommates car would be a better option to solve the gnat problem in the apartment.

By Swiftly | 0

#4142375 - Saturday 10 March 2012 2:33

That's peary unfortunate...

RahmEsHestos | 5

#4142399 - Saturday 10 March 2012 2:36

Very punny

MargieDrury | 1

#4142485 - Saturday 10 March 2012 2:49

These puns are punderful!

MargieDrury | 1

#4142556 - Saturday 10 March 2012 3:00

Sorry I'm not good at puns.....

By RahmEsHestos | 5

#4142386 - Saturday 10 March 2012 2:34

You found it under his bed? Let him find it IN his bed!

By KrayKrayGurl117 | 7

#4142403 - Saturday 10 March 2012 2:36

Ewwww. Gnats are very vicious despite their tiny size...

ankoku | 2

#4143734 - Saturday 10 March 2012 9:37

Hopefully there wasn't 300 of them in that apartment..

KrayKrayGurl117 | 7

#4144957 - Saturday 10 March 2012 17:46

That would be terrifying o.O