Work: Today, I found out that the gnat infestation in my dorm room...

By Anonymous - 09/03/2012 18:12 - United States

Today, I found out that the gnat infestation in my dorm room was not caused by the recent cool weather, but rather the rotten pear I found under my roommates bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 694

You deserved it 2 549

Work

Mama's boy

Compromises

Tetchy

By musicalkitcat - 05/10/2009 15:45 - United States

Today, one of my best friends went into labor 14 days early. I'd told my boss previously about this and that I need to be there for my friend as she doesn't really have any family. My boss will not let me leave work to be there. Why? I didn't give enough notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 978

You deserved it 3 346

By cganon - 21/09/2010 12:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in a store when a child looked at me and said to his mother "look at that tall man!" His mother replied "he's an evil giant isn't he, darling?" I then mimed being an evil giant to make the kid laugh. His mother slapped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 580

You deserved it 5 012

By fudgydiaper22 - 30/01/2011 00:28 - United States

Today, my dad attempted to fix a power outlet. He managed to shock himself with 120 volts and fall backwards, landing on top of me. I am 85 pounds and he weighs 290 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 090

You deserved it 5 124

Any damage? Who nose?

By Anonymous - 09/07/2019 07:00 - Colombia - Bogot?

Today, it's the seventh day after my nose job. I was taking something out of a box and pulled too hard. I punched myself in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 437

You deserved it 639

By grrrr - 08/02/2010 00:35 - United States

Today, my son learned about various animals in school, and how they urinate to mark their territory. Apparently, the entire second floor of my house is now my son's territory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 360

You deserved it 2 861

By Bob - 13/12/2017 05:00 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, a judge gave my ex custody of my two sons, most of my money, my house, my car, and has ordered me to take anger management classes. We're getting a divorce because she shot me with a gun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 356

You deserved it 646

By Lilly_28 - 11/08/2009 14:01 - United States

Today, I was home alone. I didn't expect anyone to be anywhere near home, so when I got out of the shower, I walked to the living room, naked, to get the tv remote for my room. Only to find the UPS guy standing at our glass front door. I screamed... so did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 895

You deserved it 18 399

Freaky.

By Anonymous - 12/04/2018 05:00

Today, according to my mother, who is only 19 years older than me and raised me by herself, I was conceived in a satanic ritual to honour the Horned God and have at least 4 potential fathers. She was too stoned to remember the actual number or their names. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 021

You deserved it 364

By Jessica - 21/10/2009 18:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out who the father of my sister's 4 year old son is. My husband of 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 240

You deserved it 3 439

Bad liar

By Anonymous - 18/02/2020 14:00

Today, I was supposed to see my boyfriend for his birthday. He said his parents were coming down and it may not be a good time for us to really enjoy each other. Last night I saw a picture of him feeding popcorn to baby llamas with his drunk stoner friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 631

You deserved it 231

Vandals!

By volvo_owner - 10/02/2021 02:01 - Germany - Harsefeld

Today, I wanted to go shopping in my new car that I bought just a month ago. When I stepped outside, I saw someone had smashed the driver side's window. They didn't even steal anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 47

By Anon - 10/03/2011 15:08 - United States

Today, my boyfriend did the Austin Powers dance/strip-tease while dancing to 'I Touch Myself'. It was cute until he ripped off his shirt and revealed that he'd shaved his chest hair in the shape of a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 713

You deserved it 9 480

By No thanks - 11/12/2014 12:08 - United States

Today, I was sitting on a fence watching a friend play soccer. He accidentally kicked the ball at my face and made me fall off the fence into mud. I laughed it off and got back on the fence. Two seconds later he did the same exact thing. I fell wrong and slammed my face into the fence. Pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 006

You deserved it 5 974

By Kaitlyn Aronson - 07/12/2018 15:30

Today, my coworker spilled sticky fruit glaze all over my cake display cake and left it overnight uncleaned. The same display case I spent 2 hours cleaning the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 494

You deserved it 148

By j0hn - 23/02/2009 02:35 - United States

Today, I saw my mom sneaking meat into her spaghetti sauce. She told me she sneaks meat into most of the food she cooks. I've been a vegetarian for 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 921

You deserved it 17 452

By anne - 17/06/2017 22:00

Today, I happily told my husband I'm pregnant. He happily informed me that very, VERY large babies run in his family, and even though he was born 3 weeks early, he still weighed 15 lbs. The smallest baby to ever be born into his family was his great grandmother, who was 12 lbs. OH GOD, THE PAIN. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 034

You deserved it 761

By WELLFUCKYOUTOO - 14/08/2012 15:02 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my cheating, psycho asscricket of an ex texted me and asked me back out. I said no, and didn't think any more of it, at least until an hour later, when I looked out my window, only to see him smearing a bag of dog crap all over my porch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 184

You deserved it 2 308

By xmelissadavisx - 28/11/2015 12:21

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train looked like he was about to be sick. I quickly handed him the nearest bag I could find, a bag full of my lunch for that day. Safe to say he held nothing back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 503

You deserved it 3 530

Is this Woody Allen?

By ShockedToDeath - 08/07/2021 02:01

Today, I found out my husband got my 22 year-old daughter pregnant. Not only that, he’s drained our savings on her including a new iPhone and Macbook, designer clothes and handbags, etc. His defense, in all seriousness, was, "She’s not even my biological daughter, chill out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 130

You deserved it 134

By therealkathl - 05/03/2015 13:32 - Austria

Today, my boyfriend convinced a girl at the club to break up with her boyfriend and go home with him. She did. Now I'm single too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 192

You deserved it 3 408

Hello?

By Anonymous - 19/03/2015 05:35

Today, after a 16-hour work day, I came home to my husband. I talked to him for about 10 minutes, then realized that he wasn't answering me but had his headset on and was talking on Xbox live. Not even playing a game, just talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 486

You deserved it 4 154

By Anonymous - 26/10/2010 20:34 - United States

Today, I went to the dentist. I had to get a tooth removed. In the middle of the procedure, the power went out. I had to sit there for an hour to wait for it to come back on. The anesthetic wore off before he started working on me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 350

You deserved it 2 693

8 out 10 dentists

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 02:01

Today, after having toothaches for about two years, which persisted even after I had the crack in my tooth repaired, I went to a different dentist and it turns out that the actual culprit is a hole in the neighboring tooth, which has had years to grow, unnoticed under the edge of my gums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 56

The Terminator

By Manny Managerson - 23/11/2020 11:01 - United States

Today, a furious woman stormed into my job, demanding to know why I fired her precious baby boy. I explained that watching porn on the clock is grounds for termination. She screamed that I was lying about him and that she’ll see me in court for slandering him. I had to call the cops to make her leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 175

You deserved it 64

By it's just a name - 10/01/2013 05:53 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, my husband and I found the perfect house, in our price range and everything we wanted in a house. However, the street it's on is called "Arbour Butte Road". My husband refuses to buy it because he doesn't want it to sound like he lives "in a tree's ass." I'm married to an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 253

You deserved it 6 290

By Pottymouth - 25/07/2009 17:14 - United States

Today, I was having really bad diarrhea. I sat down on the toilet and heard a plop, thinking it was just me going to the bathroom. After I was finished, I look in the toilet to see my iPhone sitting in a pool of diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 956

You deserved it 24 488

Kids will be kids

By bad influence - 29/03/2021 15:30 - United States

Today, I've been getting terrible backlash from the neighbors after I forbade my kids from hanging out with one of the neighborhood kids. They think I dislike her because she’s trans. The truth is she’s rude, disrespectful, has been in several fights and had run ins with the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 026

You deserved it 65

By Noname - 22/02/2009 06:14 - Australia

Today, I did my work, the work of my co-worker who called in sick and the work of my boss who has no idea what the hell is going on all at the same time. I didn't get a promotion because I don't work hard enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 264

You deserved it 3 188

By krabby patty - 25/05/2018 06:00

Today, my husband and I mutually discovered that we are both infected with pubic lice. How? I found his and he found mine while we were in the middle of 69-ing each other. So, so gross. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 368

You deserved it 1 558

By Anonymous - 15/08/2011 00:25 - United States

Today, while flicking my bean, I was thinking about my boyfriend who moved to California last week. Before I came, I had to stop because I started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 309

You deserved it 9 998

By Anonymous - 30/06/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I was at work lifeguarding and saw a kid drowning on the far end of the pool. I decided running would be the quickest way to get to her, but as I ran across the pool deck I slipped and hit my head. The kid's mother jumped in to save her child and then called an ambulance for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 945

You deserved it 13 923

By jessiegirl - 22/08/2010 03:32 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend to tell him how sweetly the main character on my favorite tv show proposed to his girlfriend. He told me to hang on a second, and later forgot about me while he told his brother about the hot blonde he slept with last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 036

You deserved it 6 451

By Anonymous - 09/11/2013 22:30 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I heard my dad complaining that he won't be able to go to a concert, because it's happening on my birthday. This is the first time he's even acknowledged my birthday in over ten years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 707

You deserved it 3 296

By leena - 23/02/2016 00:55 - United States - Encinitas

Today, my two best friends that I've known since middle school broke up. I'm glad I'm no longer a third wheel but now they won't talk to each other and both use me to complain about the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 540

You deserved it 1 399

By Is that..? - 17/07/2014 03:51 - United States - Aurora

Today, I ran into a good friend at work. I work at a jail. She doesn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 840

You deserved it 4 841

By a.baybay - 07/01/2010 06:03 - United States

Today, I noticed that my long distance boyfriend of almost four months only calls me to have phone sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 075

You deserved it 17 708

By anon - 06/05/2015 12:50 - United States - Lawrence

Today, I finally reached the point where it became necessary to give my boyfriend an ultimatum: either clip your toenails, or we aren't having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 405

You deserved it 3 374

By Anonymous - 23/09/2013 00:08 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my sister and her two-year-old came to my place for a visit. Not long after arriving, my niece ripped off her diaper and immediately took a dump on my white carpet. Guess who had to 'suddenly' leave afterwards, leaving me to clean up the mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 834

You deserved it 2 967

By dammit - 10/08/2010 05:19 - United States

Today, there was a fire drill at my school. I was in the bathroom taking a dump, and if that wasn't bad enough, I got suspended for two days for 'improper procedure during a fire drill'. I didn't know you could get suspended for taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 310

You deserved it 4 367

By Tag - 31/08/2013 04:30 - Australia - Perth

Today, a woman screamed at me for five minutes, demanding to know how long I'd been having an affair with her husband. I explained for the second time that she'd dialed a wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 889

You deserved it 2 719

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Top comments

DaniPandi 22

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Saturday 10 March 2012 2:19

That must bug you.

DocBastard 38

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Saturday 10 March 2012 3:02

That's gnatsty.

DaniPandi 22

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Saturday 10 March 2012 2:19

That must bug you.

xXxIracebethxXx 14

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Saturday 10 March 2012 3:00

^ Like you could have thought of something better.

goldfishgod 20

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Saturday 10 March 2012 3:35

21 - Why are you always such a bitch?

cyK0tek 0

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Saturday 10 March 2012 3:53

Like you could've posted anything w/o criticizing someone...

xXxIracebethxXx 14

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Saturday 10 March 2012 5:18

#21 - Because I can be. That's the fucking beauty of the Internet. I can be a bitch when I want and to whomever I want.

Swiftly 0

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Saturday 10 March 2012 5:21

Theres a thing called being an asshole. You should probably stop being one :)

humorizer 14

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Saturday 10 March 2012 6:10

Oh how cute! You think that gnats spawn out of fruits! How 1700's!

I_Hug_Cats 26

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Saturday 10 March 2012 6:15

What bugs me is: why was OP looking under his roommates bed in the first place?

pompousjackass 10

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Saturday 10 March 2012 7:24

This was my first thought.

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Sunday 11 March 2012 19:26

They're called fruit flies, funnily enough...

socalledbliss 0

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Saturday 10 March 2012 2:20

That's absolutely disgusting. Wouldn't you smell That?

redbluegreen 40

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Saturday 10 March 2012 2:29

My guess is the OP did gnat.

iamyummylicious 14

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Saturday 10 March 2012 3:55

Your pun really bugs me.

iamyummylicious 14

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Saturday 10 March 2012 10:31

Sorry for that. I couldn't think of anything witty or a good pun. :(

MargieDrury 1

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Saturday 10 March 2012 2:27

I would have cleaned it up like my girlfriends.

emba_fml 13

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Saturday 10 March 2012 4:12

...what?

jillianmathers12 13

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Saturday 10 March 2012 2:28

Yum! That must have been fun cleaning that!

btstig 11

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Saturday 10 March 2012 2:30

Throw a used condom on his pillow.

Swiftly 0

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Saturday 10 March 2012 21:08

Throw a used pillow on his condom

Glitterhinoceros 14

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Saturday 10 March 2012 2:32

Punch him in the throat with the pear.

xXxIracebethxXx 14

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Saturday 10 March 2012 2:56

How does one punch another with fruit?

BarDownDaily 12

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Saturday 10 March 2012 3:35

16- How does one find duckface attractive?

DomDomxoxo 16

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Saturday 10 March 2012 4:38

One does not find duckface attractive.

xXxIracebethxXx 14

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Saturday 10 March 2012 5:14

Thank you for such nice compliments. One did not know people are so nice on FML! :) *QUACK*

DomDomxoxo 16

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Saturday 10 March 2012 5:31

Oh come on we kid the duck!!

BarDownDaily 12

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Saturday 10 March 2012 6:09

44- People are nice on FML. Just not to the stupid, and the ignorant.

xXxIracebethxXx 14

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Monday 12 March 2012 1:58

51 - My sarcasm must have flown WAAAAY above you head. :p

FinnishAmerican 3

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Saturday 10 March 2012 2:32

Put it in his pillow

ankoku 2

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Saturday 10 March 2012 4:36

His roommates car would be a better option to solve the gnat problem in the apartment.

Swiftly 0

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Saturday 10 March 2012 2:33

That's peary unfortunate...

RahmEsHestos 5

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Saturday 10 March 2012 2:36

Very punny

MargieDrury 1

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Saturday 10 March 2012 2:49

These puns are punderful!

MargieDrury 1

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Saturday 10 March 2012 3:00

Sorry I'm not good at puns.....

RahmEsHestos 5

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Saturday 10 March 2012 2:34

You found it under his bed? Let him find it IN his bed!

KrayKrayGurl117 7

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Saturday 10 March 2012 2:36

Ewwww. Gnats are very vicious despite their tiny size...

ankoku 2

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Saturday 10 March 2012 9:37

Hopefully there wasn't 300 of them in that apartment..

KrayKrayGurl117 7

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Saturday 10 March 2012 17:46

That would be terrifying o.O

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 39

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 23

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 33

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 24

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