Work: Today, in the locker room at work, someone tried writing "douche... - FML

By The Last One - 11/03/2012 06:39 - Canada

Today, in the locker room at work, someone tried writing "douche bag" on my locker, and misspelled it four times before apparently giving up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 720

You deserved it 2 222

Yada yada yada

Sudarsky's gas giant classification

Facebook's moderation sucks

By Anonymous - 24/08/2011 06:34 - Canada

Today, I was chased on my bike by a couple of guys in a car. I rode into a public park to cut through and try to lose them. I looked by to check if they were following me, but they had to stop. I laughed, looked forward, and rammed into a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 244

You deserved it 9 529

By prettylady? - 28/10/2012 04:22 - United States

Today, I said "bless you" to a nice man who sneezed on the subway. That nice man has now followed me home and stood outside my apartment complex for two hours, claiming to be my "soulmate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 035

You deserved it 2 840

By goinginsane - 06/05/2011 07:25

Today, I was told that I am an incredibly boring person and that it's no wonder I have no friends. I think they're right; last night I dreamt about a nail file. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 717

You deserved it 7 142

By sickened - 25/08/2009 14:17 - Philippines

Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 740

You deserved it 67 926

By Anonymous - 04/05/2014 23:28 - United States - Madison

Today, I was at the bar. A man started to hit on me. He claims to have a fetish for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 700

You deserved it 5 991

By honey soy - 29/01/2012 06:31 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend was flying his toy helicopter at my head. It got stuck in my hair and I now have a bald patch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 881

You deserved it 3 497

By Eric - 27/02/2012 21:58 - United States

Today, I ordered Chinese food. As I approached the restaurant to pick it up, I took out my keys and tried to unlock the front door. By the time I realized my mistake, everyone inside the restaurant had noticed and started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 282

You deserved it 24 531

By legitweirdo - 08/01/2013 04:16 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight, the guy sitting next to me picked an eyelash he found on my face, stared at it for a few seconds, and stuck it in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 780

You deserved it 2 683

The Walking Dead

By Derek Wheeler - 06/12/2020 08:00 - United States - Longview

Today, we overheard a customer in our store talking on the phone about how she'd been exposed to someone positive for COVID-19, and was supposed to be at home in quarantine just in case. The terrifying thing is how many other people come into our store when they shouldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 97

Don't shoot the messenger

By Anonymous - 05/07/2020 23:01

Spicy

Today, after I got wasted about 5 months ago and lost my virginity to a total bitch I used to work with and regretted it straight away, this morning she texts me that she’s pregnant, and that I should probably get an STD screening because she also just found out she has gonorrhoea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 302

You deserved it 1 855

By zbaby - 23/05/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, a little girl at work was coloring a picture that said "Best Dad" on it. Wanting to be nice I asked her if she was making it for her dad for father's day. She looked at me with a sad face and said, "I don't have a dad..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 849

You deserved it 6 855

By Jon - 14/05/2012 21:46 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I went to a club with some friends. I ordered two drinks from the waitress and gave her a fifty. She never returned with the change, and the rest of the staff claimed they didn't know who I was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 631

You deserved it 6 182

Fun fun fun

By Rachel - 27/10/2020 08:01 - United States

Today, I spent my entire day building various zoos in Zoo Tycoon, and then releasing all of the animals to see them chase people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 756

By Anonymous - 02/09/2013 18:22 - United States

Today, I was feeling abnormally self-confident, so I decided to skip putting on any makeup. The first thing my 7-year-old cousin said when she saw me was, "You look like my pet rat!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 564

You deserved it 5 360

All that time I'm never getting back

By Anonymous - 09/10/2020 11:02 - United States - York

Today, I ended up being wasting an entire week on a very important scholarship essay because I thought the requirements said “3500 words” when in reality, they said “3500 characters”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 851

By bossproblems - 17/10/2016 18:47 - United States - Orlando

Today, I found out how my salesmen are "entertaining" themselves since they were told they can't have their cell phones on them. They are pulling straws to see who will pretend to trip and fall face-first onto the floor in front of customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 732

You deserved it 1 481

By gotnogame - 31/01/2011 03:13 - United States

Today, I went out with a girl I like. After a movie, we went to McDonald's. There was this couple making out. The girl I was with remarked about how lame it would be to go to McDonald's on a date. I thought we were on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 012

You deserved it 37 850

By pirsquared - 28/01/2012 01:20 - United States

Today, I had to Google how to find the area of a circle. I'm working on my PhD in engineering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 835

You deserved it 36 557

By jkbeynon - 03/03/2013 04:18 - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I told my mom that I heard something, and I think we have rats in the attic and should hire an exterminator. She looked at me and said, "Rats, huh? That's what the mom in The Exorcist thought, but it turned out to be the devil living up there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 749

You deserved it 3 612

By fuckdubstep51 - 21/07/2012 22:49 - United States - Willingboro

Today, my boss gave me a warning for "insulting our best customer" after she saw a comment on her customer card saying "stop giving this fat bitch free samples." My boss had written it in the first place, but refuses to either remember or admit it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 573

You deserved it 1 770

By trgtyo - 18/05/2009 23:20 - United States

Today, I noticed my parents replaced my senior picture that hung on our livingroom wall with a painted one. Of our German Sheperd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 648

You deserved it 3 596

By MLGreco - 14/10/2011 16:11 - United States

Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 363

You deserved it 5 753

By Anonymous - 30/09/2010 13:25 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was given new meds, and apparently my body doesn't understand the difference between "may cause stomach upset" and "you will crap yourself as you have an orgasm while having sex with your boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 986

You deserved it 5 449

By Anonymous - 06/12/2013 18:15 - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, I got on the bus. Before I could make it to a free seat, the driver hit the gas, and the sudden movement caused me to stumble and accidentally grab onto another passenger for support. She didn't appreciate this, accused me of molesting her, and got me thrown back off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 125

You deserved it 2 987

By Username - 04/05/2011 03:24

Today, I can't attend an interview for a great job because I have an exam. An exam I need to pass in order to have a great job like the one I'm missing the interview for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 196

You deserved it 4 096

By Acne_problems - 22/02/2019 02:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to do the deed and she started popping zits on my chest. Then she said that I was killing the mood because my cat was meowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 925

You deserved it 253

By Old and Ugly - 23/04/2015 09:04 - United States

Today, at work as a bank teller, an angry customer complained that the payments on his two credit cards had been messed up the previous month, with the wrong amount being credited to each account. I asked if he knew who'd helped him. He said, "Well, it wasn't you - she was younger and prettier!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 904

You deserved it 2 482

By Anonymous - 20/02/2016 12:16 - United States - Chicago

Today, my neighbor - whose first words to me when I moved onto the block were "I don't like your face" - called the cops and claimed I'd been exposing myself in public. His lowlife buddy backed him up on his lie. I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up in deep trouble thanks to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 184

You deserved it 1 279

By Anonymous - 02/07/2014 23:20 - United Kingdom - Harrow

Today, my shoes were rubbing against my heel so much that one heel started to bleed. Not having any plasters, I stuffed some tissue down my shoe. When I walked off the train, a wad of blood-stained tissue fell out the back of my shoe. The guy behind me didn't think it came from my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 787

You deserved it 5 394

By shyshy96679 - 20/06/2011 22:42 - United States

Today, I was using the restroom when a little girl tried to open my stall. It was locked, so she slid under the door and tried to have a conversation with me while I was pooping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 025

You deserved it 3 858

By babyscarface - 12/06/2016 15:48 - United States - Orange

Today, I was grabbed and romantically kissed at the crowded carnival. Unfortunately, it was not by my husband but instead it was a complete stranger, in front of my husband and children. Now, my husband will not talk or believe that I didn't know the man, and my children think I'm a cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 181

You deserved it 1 606

Hello?

By SierraTheArchdevil - 23/05/2021 00:01

Today, I woke up completely deaf, for no reason. My doctor told me my hearing loss, "could possibly be permanent." I’m a composer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 62

By EmbarrassedChild - 30/07/2015 23:24 - United States

Today, I was at the store with my father. As we were leaving, he grabbed a baguette, put it by his crotch, and took a picture with his phone. I'm starting to feel like the parent here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 308

You deserved it 1 897

Hairline fracture

By Anonymous - 05/09/2019 16:00

Today, I ended things with the love of my life. I kept my composure the entire conversation, and was even fine when I got home. It wasn't until I was showering at night and found one of his hairs in my butt crack that I lost it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 578

You deserved it 426

By mishie1 - 21/02/2012 12:44 - United States

Today, I received the first compliment from the opposite sex that I've gotten in months, from an elderly, cross-dressing man in the parking lot of Goodwill. Apparently my clothes look like they'd be "exciting to try on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 646

You deserved it 2 913

It's probably considered art

By firestar772 - 11/02/2013 15:48 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, my dog ate a whole case of my son's paintballs, because apparently they are made of a fish byproduct. Not only does the whole house smell like fish, there are countless bright yellow dog turds all over the house and our yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 961

You deserved it 4 446

By anonymous - 29/12/2009 01:21 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me 80 times in 5 minutes. I had previously told him I was with my friends. He left me a voicemail proposing saying he loved me to death and he was crying. We've been dating for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 118

You deserved it 5 025

By scarred4life - 18/01/2009 19:18 - Canada

Today, my mom gave me and my brothers each a cd of her recent photoshoot for her book. I found out later that my mom didn't know how to burn only SOME of the photos on the CD, and ended up burning all of the photos onto the CD. Some of the photos were provocative. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 114

You deserved it 2 080

Stop the steal

By Anonymous - 21/07/2021 16:01

Today, my son admitted to maxing out my credit card, gambling on a some scam website that a dumbass streamer was promoting. He's only 10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 333

By doesntkissalot - 28/08/2010 16:19 - United States

Today, I was watching TV when a Dentyne gum commercial came on and stated that the average person spends more than 20,000 minutes kissing. I've spent less than three. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 272

You deserved it 6 059

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Sunday 11 March 2012 12:17

That guys a dochebag... No wait, doucheebag... I mean douhebag... Doushbag? Fuck it.

FunkyAndFresh 7

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Sunday 11 March 2012 12:15

What a douche.

Comments

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Sunday 11 March 2012 12:12

Major fail!!

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Sunday 11 March 2012 13:05

God, if your gonna pull a prank like that at least spell the fucken words right.

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Sunday 11 March 2012 13:09

Yeah, they're just going to embarrass themselves.

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Sunday 11 March 2012 13:28

God if you're going to make a comment about spelling words correctly at least don't say "fucken".

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Sunday 11 March 2012 13:52

27 - agreed, especially since there isn't a word filter in FML

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Sunday 11 March 2012 14:40

27, I couldn't agree more.

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Sunday 11 March 2012 15:16

It is a joke.- 27

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Sunday 11 March 2012 15:53

You give too much credit 43

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Sunday 11 March 2012 16:01

OP needs to stop being a Dooshbag.

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Sunday 11 March 2012 16:07

Doochebag. Doshbahg. Dochébag. Ducheba-- fuck this, I'll be a stripper.

Fmeonce_shameonu 15

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Sunday 11 March 2012 22:55

It seems like the guy who tried writing on your locker should have been the one writing this FML.

TheElderTROLLZ 15

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Monday 12 March 2012 5:02

Fail-person: "Dushebag? No... Duchbag? Dammit... Dushchbag? Shit! Duchshbag? Fuck this shit."

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Monday 12 March 2012 7:11

I wouldn't be offended at all by that, just because the fact that the person who's calling you a douche bag, is a complete dumbass

XxDancerGirlxX 17

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Monday 12 March 2012 7:22

You don't say?!

darkangel4012 0

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Monday 12 March 2012 7:42

Voldemort is a stripper? I KNEW IT!

DontClickOnMe 28

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Sunday 11 March 2012 12:14

Well I'm guessing you saw who it was and now you know what they think of you. Sounds like it's time for revenge. >:)

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Sunday 11 March 2012 13:21

OP came to work and when in the locker room saw that someone had tried to write douche bag on his locker... He never said anything about seeing who it was

DCFan 9

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Sunday 11 March 2012 14:02

Her*. She*.

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Sunday 11 March 2012 15:59

Hershey*.

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Monday 12 March 2012 3:45

49-....well played, well played -.-

FunkyAndFresh 7

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Sunday 11 March 2012 12:15

What a douche.

evaki1 12

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Sunday 11 March 2012 12:16

I believe you mean what a doosch

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Sunday 11 March 2012 12:19

*doosh. :p Or Le douschebaggeerrrr :D

firefighterjohn 9

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Sunday 11 March 2012 12:15

at least they are done writing stuff on your locker

danielreader22 4

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Sunday 11 March 2012 12:31

Yeah after writing 'dooshbag' on it four times. Wait...

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Sunday 11 March 2012 12:17

That guys a dochebag... No wait, doucheebag... I mean douhebag... Doushbag? Fuck it.

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Sunday 11 March 2012 12:21

"Doosh" in Russian means shower. LOL! I love my heritage! :D

anencephalic 14

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Sunday 11 March 2012 12:55

Had you been a little more educated within the subject (etymology), then you would've known that douche is French for shower and actually means to undergo some form of hygienic process involving water - but I understand its usage is not excessively common - in English as well. Though OPs new-found nemesis most definitely meant the slang.

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Sunday 11 March 2012 13:03

Ok, and the word douche in French is also shower... But for English speakers, the douche bag is used for squirting water into a body cavity, usually a vaginal body cavity, but sometimes it's used as an enema (anally with a different nozzle attachment)... like a shower for down there, so yeah, it works out that the word translates to shower, because... It kind of is a shower...for a body cavity

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Sunday 11 March 2012 13:06

My comment was meant for #8, not #14. I just took too long to type it...

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Sunday 11 March 2012 13:09

Would have just been easier to tell people to stop arguing and google it. Just a thought.

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Sunday 11 March 2012 13:52

but some people are too lazy to google...

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Sunday 11 March 2012 20:02

Well said. Some peapole just nede to lern too spel

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Monday 12 March 2012 1:44

You people are SO smart! Good job. http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/???

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Sunday 11 March 2012 12:31

That's not an fml, that's something you put on facebook and blast them. This one is fucking hilarious

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Sunday 11 March 2012 13:26

In Russia, the locker writes douchee...dooch...doooshe......……

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Sunday 11 March 2012 15:54

In america we write shower!

anencephalic 14

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Sunday 11 March 2012 12:42

Apparently, you pissed someone off. However, you really don't have to worry, the culprit is too stupid to be able to actually harm you.

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Sunday 11 March 2012 12:46

How is this an FML, wouldn't it be the other way around since they're the ones who can't spell?

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Sunday 11 March 2012 13:19

I've thought this a few times for a variety of different fmls

WeAreAHurricane 14

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Sunday 11 March 2012 17:30

Ya but then they would have to write the FML....and well, there's some people autocorrect can do nothing for.

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Sunday 11 March 2012 13:01

don't worry...they're obviously a dumbass

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Sunday 11 March 2012 13:03

Doucche Douse Dousse Duse Aw forget it Lmao

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 7

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 75

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 44