Today, I was walking to the bus in my favorite jeans, and I felt a uncontrollable itch in my leg. I scratched and it went away, but then I felt something moving on my leg. I hadn't worn my jeans in so long that a spider had decided to make it a nest. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, I was laying out in my backyard trying to get some color when I felt a little tickle on my lips. I rubbed them together to satisfy the itch, when I felt a sort of crunchiness popping between them. I had crushed a spider between my lips and its legs were still moving. FML
Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML
Today, I woke up and saw a piece of black fuzz on my shirt. I tried to pick it off but it crawled into my hand and stabbed my skin with its sharp legs. I screamed like a little girl because I had a centipede on me. FML
Today, I was playing my guitar and felt something like an itch under my foot, so I attempted to scratch it by rubbing against the floor. The big cockroach made a very distinct "crunch". FML
Today, at work, I thought I had to fart, but didn’t trust it. I squeezed cheek and hurried to the bathroom. As I was sitting down, liquid shot out of my butthole and got on the seat. I then sat in it. On top of, that I saw a spider crawl out of my underwear. The spider bothers me more. FML
Today, I woke up to something crawling on my leg. Thinking it might be a spider, I jumped out frantically to check. The good news: it's not a spider. The bad news: it's a bedbug. My apartment was just treated for them. FML
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Top comments
allergylady101 0
That just makes my skin crawl.
MeLuvBewbs 7
You will be the next Spiderman!
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Comments (118)
MeLuvBewbs 7
You will be the next Spiderman!
GothicAngel17 24
This is why when you wear something you haven't worn in a while you check for things like that...
OMGhiiiiii 4
#1 It could be a woman; spiderwoman
Redoxx_fml 22
Everyone gets one
SmeXikoE 3
"my favorite jeans" "hadn't worn in so long " Well I'll be damned.
iluvhobos 5
If they were your favorites, wouldn't you wear them the most out of all your jeans, and therefore a spider would not have been in them?
Webslinger66 10
Yes!!!
bioboy725 10
26, Maybe they go to a school that has a uniform, or they may have a job with strict dress code stuff.
miz_kamakazi 11
OP might not get to wear jeans often.
n_epic_fail 14
That would be the day I ride the bus with no pants on, because arachnophobia is no laughing matter.
Z03y 7
64 I concur!
BunnySlippers 6
Ewwww that's gross. FYL.
RahmEsHestos 5
Can someone please tell me just what is so scary about spiders? I mean, I get how the poisonous ones might be a little scary, but regular ones just kill the Mosquitos that bite u.
ihasbrains 10
It's the way they look and how they crawl around all creepy and shit. Nothing to do with their role on the food pyramid.
kerouacdesbois 7
Ya spider nest is still creepy though!
allergylady101 0
That just makes my skin crawl.
Honestly_Lainey 21
I'm scarred for life. Every time my legs get itchy from now on... Horrible mental images. Ugh! DX
FiasCudi 0
that is one of my biggest fears. I hate spiders.
alexicanaaa 7
Wow that's icky.
MargieDrury 1
I would have stripped ran home and cry while taking a shower cry drying off cry when I went to bed spider are sooo scary!!
boydeee01 7
Punctuation please.
MatheusRajuidas 5
I'm arachnophobic but I still must accomplish my duty as a troll. Imagine you scratch it, accidentally kill the spider, and many baby spiders come outta the corpse and begin crawling all over your skin and perhaps get inside your body too. NOW that's scary.
RahmEsHestos 5
SPIDERS REALLY AREN'T SO BAD! They actually help (I hate to repeat my other comment, but) by eating the annoying ass bugs we all hate.
MargieDrury 1
40 sorry I have a habit of not caring about alot of things and typing correct is one of them. 50 gee thanks
MargieDrury 1
Oh and 55 that's just so funny! I'm joking if yah didn't get it.
Jasonf6 0
Couldn't have been your favorite jeans then.
SecretMe00 5
Exactly what I was thinking.
FML2_XF 3
You took the words right out of my mouth!
RahmEsHestos 5
I think what OP is trying to say in this post is that he/she hadn't been able tobwear them in a long time since he/she couldn't fit into them until now.
KiddNYC1O 20
Seriously! Op loves streaking I guess.
Ashystar 1
unless it had been a stinking hot summer where only douchebags still wear jeans! perhaps jeans weather just returned?!? ever think about that?
kayleebearr 6
That is disgusting ! sorry OP !
demonmonkey 13
Did u punch it In the face after it scared you?
Dante17 6
I would had panicked in that moment
oops_im_fucked 8
you dont say! D:
pooyoyo 0
If it was your "favourite" jeans, why didn't you wear it for so long?
alikayanna 0
Maybe OP is required to wear business casual clothing to work?
hotPinklipstick 24
Maybe OP gained some weight and the jeans wouldn't fit for a while so OP lost weight to fit into her favorite jeans (assuming OP is a girl).
shanemaximo 7
Maybe OP forgot to take memory vitamins?
kaycee1996 5
Maybe OP just hadn't worn them during summer -_-
VeganVampyre 26
Even during summer there would be a few days or evenings cool enough to wear jeans.