Miscellaneous: Today, I was given a bottle of vitamins that are supposed to... - FML

By Anonymous - 09/03/2012 15:14 - United States

Today, I was given a bottle of vitamins that are supposed to help your memory. I forgot them at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 395

You deserved it 4 507

Weird reason to leave, but OK

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Not coming out yet, sorry

By ozzy - 06/11/2016 09:18 - United States - Campbell

Today, was trying to have an adult conversation with my fiancée but she's always on her phone, so I sent her a text message instead. Relationship goals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 828

You deserved it 1 127

By Jon - 07/07/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, I hit a horrible tee shot from the 18th hole. I decided to use my driver to take my frustration out on a nearby bush. The bees who lived in that bush decided to use their stingers to take out their frustration up inside my golf shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 604

You deserved it 69 760

By octoberrain - 10/10/2011 23:16 - United States

Today, I brought my boyfriend over to meet the family. After several long moments of silence, one of my sisters burst out laughing, and asked, "Okay, who is this guy really?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 543

You deserved it 3 058

Thanks, I hate it

By I'm Trading Up For A Dog - 14/12/2014 20:28 - Finland - Pori

Today, I finished a painting I'd spent 3 weeks working on for an exhibition. When I came back from lunch, my cat was perched above it on my desk. He looked at me, then down at the painting, then jumped down onto it. He slipped and smeared the wet paint everywhere, ruining the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 617

You deserved it 6 208

By elrjay - 20/06/2017 02:00 - Spain - Madrid

Spicy

Today, I'm laying in my holiday apartment with the patio doors open, listening to the german man next door take dirty pics of his wife on the balcony. I'm too scared to get up and shut the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 943

You deserved it 1 025

By anonymous - 20/08/2009 06:22 - United States

Today, I was eating with a friend while walking on the sidewalk. A couple of pigeons were bothering us so I threw a fry onto the street. As a flock of pigeons were gathering around the fry, a truck drove by. Only four survived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 505

You deserved it 49 882

By Zak - 03/04/2009 02:12 - United States

Today, I was in an audition for a production at this theater in town. The directors at the table loved my audition. One of them said "I'd love to talk to you about coming to TCU." I said "Oh, yeah! I know Harry Parker at TCU who runs the theater department." I said this to Harry Parker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 638

You deserved it 91 654

Stubborn

By Anonymous - 27/10/2020 22:58

Today, my boyfriend accused me of making an FML about him. I let him know that if I were going to make an FML, it would be about how he doesn’t flush the toilet after he uses it. He responded by not flushing the toilet again this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 395

You deserved it 254

By WartCream - 18/08/2013 00:27 - United States - Olathe

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a weird wart-removal ad came on. He watched in disgust as the lady's wart said rude things to her. Then he looked at me and said seriously, "I'm glad yours don't talk..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 593

You deserved it 4 824

By starcatch777 - 09/05/2011 20:30 - United States

Today, I blacked out going up a roller coaster. Instead of helping me, my friend took pictures of my face and posted them on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 238

You deserved it 7 385

By happiestturtle - 08/06/2016 15:21 - United States - Chicago

Today, my mom thought the best way to stop me from taking people to my room was by changing my wallpaper into a nursery-themed one. Now I get to see bunnies, letter blocks and teddy bears all day long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 925

You deserved it 1 623

By Anonymous - 20/07/2019 22:06

Today, I had someone place two separate to-go orders, so that he could use two of his "25% off" coupons. He couldn't understand why it wasn't 50% off his total bill, no matter how many times I plainly explained it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 829

You deserved it 110

Abandoned

By Anonymous - 30/07/2015 06:56 - Australia

Today, while shopping with my sister, she asked me to wait for her while she quickly said hello to a friend. I sat on a bench for an hour before I realised she wasn't coming back. Turns out, "Hello" had turned into a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 597

You deserved it 2 328

By car trouble - 14/10/2016 08:12 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my dad refused to pick me up because he didn't want to get off the couch, so I had to walk for an hour and a half to get home. When I finally got home, my dad had gone out to pick my sister up from her friend's house. Her friend lives a 3-minute walk away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 089

You deserved it 755

By Kim422 - 28/06/2010 06:18 - United States

Today, I gave the toast at my sister's wedding which was outside. Before I started, the wind blew up my dress and wouldn't let up. Instead of giving my heartfelt speech, I spent five minutes fighting with my dress as 130 people pointed at my floral-printed underwear and laughed loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 910

You deserved it 4 582

Personality matters

By hjufidskndf - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has been asked by multiple people, "Why are you going out with such an ugly girl?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 851

You deserved it 4 145

By Crouching Tiger, Hidden Retard - 06/08/2013 21:55 - United States

Today, my apparently braindead and now ex-boyfriend asked me if "this period thing" is going to happen a lot, and said that if it is, "we're so done." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 217

You deserved it 4 847

By collegekidproblems - 30/06/2016 19:35 - United States

Today, I have put in many job applications and had many interviews for a variety of positions all of which I am highly qualified for. Today, I heard back from all but one that I am overqualified. Welcome to Walmart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 489

You deserved it 928

By peanutface - 17/12/2010 13:20 - Canada

Today, not only did I miss my bus by seconds, I also saw the bus driver smirking as he drove past me in the middle of the Canadian winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 277

You deserved it 3 591

By chunkymonkey - 24/08/2012 13:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend actually held onto my love handles while we were having sex. He said they "made it easier." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 216

You deserved it 10 278

By Anonymous - 28/03/2009 20:18 - United States

Today, I was getting sick of listening to the guy in the next room over getting nasty with some girl, so I called my girlfriend to see if she wanted to go get some food. Then I heard her phone ring. Through the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522 839

You deserved it 36 792

By Anonymous - 14/10/2013 00:33 - United States - North Little Rock

Today, I got dumped because a guy sat next to me at a party and I didn't get up to change seats. Apparently, it means I subconsciously like the guy who sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 265

You deserved it 4 203

By lesson.learned - 21/01/2013 21:39 - United Kingdom - Littlehampton

Today, I dragged my boyfriend to see Les Misérables with me. He now refuses to communicate with me through any medium other than singing. Apparently, this is his revenge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 038

You deserved it 50 392

By C0olgirl - 03/04/2009 21:43 - United States

Today, my best friend and I came home from Japan. Her boyfriend and I have been having an affair before I left so I decided not to tell him she was coming with me. We just got off the plane and got a bite to eat, he was waiting for me so he could propose, my best friend was standing next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 533

You deserved it 225 702

By Samyett - 09/02/2011 19:22 - United States

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by creating an account on Runescape; his favorite game. After finding him in-game, I started talking to him, not revealing who I was. After a while, I asked him if he had a girlfriend. He promptly said no and asked me for nude pics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 166

You deserved it 14 931

Two-stroke

By sushichick - 15/04/2020 12:00 - United States - San Jose

Today, my boyfriend posted a status on Facebook saying what a great girlfriend he had. Flattered, I commented on it, saying that I felt the same about him. Turns out he was talking about his other girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 332

You deserved it 216

By Anonymous - 10/06/2016 14:28 - Canada - Montr?al

Spicy

Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. My wife came in and thought I was jerking him off. She wouldn't believe my explanation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 590

You deserved it 1 110

By yay! - 08/11/2010 06:07 - United States

Today, I found my son's iPod touch and was looking at a light-saber app. He walked into the living room to see me fighting the cat and making sound effects to myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 760

You deserved it 32 217

By Anonymous - 16/03/2013 14:58 - United States - Springfield

Today, of the two IDs I possess, I handed the cop that pulled me over the fake one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 364

You deserved it 72 171

Shoe gang rise up

By Yasha cohen - 30/11/2020 11:01

Today, right after preparing a gourmet plate of dry-aged steak with freshly cooked mashed potatoes, I stepped on my son's Lego and dropped my plate. I stood there for 5 minutes, crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 368

Sharing is caring

By Eddie - 07/03/2021 23:00

Today, I caught my sister using my shaver to trim her pubic hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 106

By ElemTeacher - 02/01/2018 15:00

Today, a student's parent yelled at me because they had to pay for school equipment their son had stolen from my desk. Apparently, it's my fault because the item was just too tempting for him not to steal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 644

You deserved it 246

By Crazy09 - 08/04/2009 17:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that she had an ultrasound tomorrow morning. With a confused look on my face, she said to me "don't worry, it's not yours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 122 197

You deserved it 6 544

Assman

By Panda_bruh96 - 12/11/2021 05:00

Today, I love my boyfriend just as I always have, but I'm realizing I don't know if we'll last because he's an angry drunk. He drinks frequently, and I've talked to him about it, only to be met with, "I'm a grown ass man." FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 171

By JJBones - 29/06/2012 10:03 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend doesn't have time to text me back, but he does have time to post an entire Facebook album dedicated to cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 015

You deserved it 4 751

By ostler - 02/12/2009 13:27 - United Kingdom

Today, at work I was told I'd be working over Christmas because I don't drink. Apparently if you're tee-total, you're not entitled to spend time with your family and are incapable of having fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 800

You deserved it 3 910

By spitt - 13/05/2015 02:11 - United States - Franklin

Today, after a big presentation, people sent an open invitation to dinner. When I asked which restaurant and what time, I was told that I wasn't invited. I've been here for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 405

You deserved it 2 481

By Anonymous - 06/01/2011 21:56 - Isle of Man

Today, I went to the toilet during drama, not because I had to actually go, but because I wanted to play Monopoly on my iPod. I lost track of time and came back twenty minutes later. My whole class listened while I was forced to tell my teacher I'd been really constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 868

You deserved it 47 511

Asshole

By WetWalking - 21/03/2013 13:31 - United States - Tyler

Today, I was walking by the side of the interstate because my car broke down. A nice young man stopped and asked if I was tired of walking. I said yes, to which he replied, "Try jogging asshole" then laughed and drove off. It was raining balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 126

You deserved it 3 745

Insanity

By Leroy - 05/10/2019 02:01 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend slapped me and dumped me because she thought I was gay, simply because I had to miss a date because one of my guy friends was in a car accident, and I went to see him at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 089

You deserved it 112

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Top comments

steadycreepin 5

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Friday 9 March 2012 18:46

It's normal to.. Wait what's that word?

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Friday 9 March 2012 18:53

I always forget my vitamins except for the dinosaur shaped ones.

Comments

steadycreepin 5

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Friday 9 March 2012 18:46

It's normal to.. Wait what's that word?

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Friday 9 March 2012 19:20

I can sell you some great vitamins to help you remember to take your memory vitamins.

muzy 23

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Friday 9 March 2012 19:26

Really? vitamins op? where did you get them from? From your self-proclaimed pharmacist ?

hellbilly205 17

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Friday 9 March 2012 19:54

Well OP the best way to remember to take them...umm wait what are we talking about again?

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Friday 9 March 2012 20:24

It's funny cause it's ironic.

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Friday 9 March 2012 21:40

ohh, the irony!

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Friday 9 March 2012 22:43

38 - it's ironic cause it funny*

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Friday 9 March 2012 22:47

it's*

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Friday 9 March 2012 23:47

Thanks captain obvious

muzy 23

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Saturday 10 March 2012 0:13

what the fudge are you trying to correct 51???

tennisrapper1 14

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Saturday 10 March 2012 2:47

28- that can be an example of inception!

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Saturday 10 March 2012 16:42

Vitaminception?

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Friday 9 March 2012 18:47

Should have gone ahead and took one!

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Friday 9 March 2012 21:43

Thats the point of the FML dumbass. Op couldnt take one because he/she forgot them at home!

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Friday 9 March 2012 22:30

But if she would of taken them before she even brought them home then she would of never forgot. thats what i think 3 is saying.

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Friday 9 March 2012 22:39

3 is off in fairyland, i dont think even he knows what hes trying to say.

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Friday 9 March 2012 23:17

I commend you for saying 'should have'! Not many people use that phrase correctly!

Llama_Face89 33

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Friday 9 March 2012 23:28

53- think they ruined it by saying "took one" rather than "taken one"

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Friday 9 March 2012 23:49

I agree, as long as you meant before OP left.

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Saturday 10 March 2012 23:03

OP should probably double up on these vitamins!

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Friday 9 March 2012 18:47

Maan, I feel you there. Try splitting them up and keeping them in little bags for your purse/ wallet, car, and locker (work or school), then if you forget to take one, BOOM they're right there for ya.

FairyTales_fml 6

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Friday 9 March 2012 20:34

Lol I'm going to try this... I always forget to take them. The woes of having bad memory lol

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Friday 9 March 2012 22:40

But how will you remember to try this method?

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Friday 9 March 2012 23:51

I like to keep one of EVERYTHING with my at all times, not just pills ;)

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Friday 9 March 2012 18:47

Seems like u sure ganna make a use of them vitamins

Manganimegrl 16

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Friday 9 March 2012 19:44

Seems like you could make use of a dictionary.

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Saturday 10 March 2012 0:02

A swift kick in the ass might straighten those words out.

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Saturday 10 March 2012 0:59

Just saying, for alian... #6 depending on what there using the buttons are small and mistakes can be easily made. Like my iPod the little buttons are like a centimeter. Just saying.

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Saturday 10 March 2012 8:07

However, I type on my iPod and it just auto-corrects things for me. By the way #31, nice picture, K-ON!! If I'm not mistaken, right?

miz_kamakazi 11

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Friday 9 March 2012 18:48

At least you didn't forget to buy them in the first place. That's winning already!

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Friday 9 March 2012 18:51

They were given to the op.

wlddog 14

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Friday 9 March 2012 23:55

Seems they forgot what the OP wrote. Wait... Forgot why I was commenting

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Friday 9 March 2012 18:48

Forgot it at home? Don't most people leave vitamins at home to take with say, breakfast? Why would you need to take them anywhere?

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Friday 9 March 2012 19:09

OP also forgot how to take vitamins.

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Friday 9 March 2012 19:13

Sometimes you got to take pills at lunch as well as breakfast.

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Friday 9 March 2012 20:04

That's exactly what I was thinking :) lol

YourBuddyElmo 5

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Friday 9 March 2012 20:09

26 - find me over the counter vitamins that have to be taken at a specific time and I will send you $10 and a high five. There are some drugs that have specific dosage times but vitamins? Nope.

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Saturday 10 March 2012 2:18

My iron pills, I don't know why but I have to get them over the counter and they have to be taken with food.

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Saturday 10 March 2012 5:40

I understand taking it with food, but don't most people eat (at least one!) meal at home?? Still don't get why you would want to take them anywhere :/

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Friday 9 March 2012 18:48

Um where was a cat mentioned? Wrong FML?

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Friday 9 March 2012 18:48

Wrong FML. Embarrassing.

Damn_Hippster 11

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Friday 9 March 2012 18:52

1- I agree with the fact OP should have taken the cat to the vet, but what does that have to do with forgetting memory pills?

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Friday 9 March 2012 18:52

Unless "pills" means "cat", I don't see a cat anywhere in this FML. Did you forget to post on the right FML?

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 11

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 2 218

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 193