Today, I was the 10th caller on a radio show. I answered the...

By h4rdy - 9/3/2012 16:55 - United States

Today, I was the 10th caller on a radio show. I answered the question correctly. The DJ informed I won a free air guitar of my choosing. I yelled with excitement over the air. The DJ then instructed me how to use my new air guitar. FML

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Miscellaneous

Serious times

Alexa, play "Hey! Student" by The Fall

Bad boys, bad boys…

By treehugger - 20/3/2012 09:47 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, since I was grounded, I tried to sneak out of my room to attend a party by climbing out the second-storey window and down the tree. I was unharmed, but I probably should have checked to see if my dad was in the garden before climbing down. FML

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8023

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By cacheson - 5/3/2020 03:02

Trip Advisor rating: 5 turds

Today, I checked into a hotel for a work trip. When I walked in, the sheets and bath mat were stained, and there was soap-encrusted hair stuck in my folded towel. When I got back later in the day, all my stuff was gone because they apparently thought I'd checked out. FML

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1603

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2017 01:33

Today, my prom date and his family came over to take pictures. His dad happens to be my mom's gynecologist. FML

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4714

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384

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By FANZZY - 18/8/2014 16:29 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML

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35165

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16201

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By Anonymous - 30/1/2015 20:16 - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

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41943

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4471

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By Awkward - 22/10/2014 00:36 - United States - Owings Mills

Today, I had to google the definition of transsexual just to know what the hell my friends were talking about. I need to read a book. FML

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17564

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28141

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By your mother - 13/10/2010 09:02 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I went out for ice cream. We somehow started talking about which of our relatives had died. Right when she was talking about how her grandfather had died, I started laughing. She had gotten ice cream all over her face. She broke up with me. FML

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12166

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By Sawarski - 7/1/2013 20:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML

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32544

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3273

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By julie - 12/11/2009 01:54 - United States

Today, I realized that if you are too lazy to get completely dressed in the morning and only put on a top, you should not answer a Skype video call from your boss that involves you standing up, turning around and grabbing files from your filing cabinet all in clear view of your web cam. FML

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9012

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By YOUNG1441 - 29/6/2016 21:50 - United Kingdom - Cramlington

Today, after finishing a two-day course for work, I was informed that the days used will either be unpaid or used up as holidays, as it was for improvement of myself and not the company. They put me on the course without my knowledge until the weekend before. FML

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11066

You deserved it

765

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By Stuck - 12/2/2014 18:25 - United States - Evans

Today, my house is on lockdown. I recently moved to Georgia from Rhode Island to be with my boyfriend. The state is on high alert for an ice storm. I'm stuck inside with my terrified boyfriend, who's calling it "the storm of the century". I used to walk to school in this weather. FML

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51593

You deserved it

5827

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By snowbunny - 12/2/2010 02:14 - United States

Today, I bundled up to shovel my car out of almost 2 feet of snow, only to find my car was gone. I ran into the nearby police station to report my stolen car. The policeman trudged down with me to get a report. I had parked my car on the other side of the street. FML

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6329

You deserved it

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By Ineedit - 26/2/2010 17:46 - United States

Not now!

Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML

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27912

You deserved it

2541

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By CalyenaL - 13/5/2012 01:35 - Mexico - Tijuana

Today, I'm found out I'm pregnant. My husband and I spoke at length about how we were going to handle things, which included him "forbidding" me from having an epidural, because he doesn't want our baby to "come out addicted to drugs." FML

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29638

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3114

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By blonde moment - 23/6/2019 14:23

Today, while talking to a friend, I momentarily forgot the word for archery and instead called it, “Bow-and-Arrow Jutsu.” FML

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1126

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498

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By -- - 15/10/2011 23:40 - Canada

Today, I was kicked out of the mall along with a bunch of my friends, sworn at by the security guards, and personally escorted all the way to the sidewalk, only to find out we'd been mistaken for another group of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32730

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2559

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By onefmlafteranother - 15/11/2019 01:00

Vicious dog

Today, I was laying my head on my dad's dog when he walked in. I jokingly asked my dad, "I'm cuddling with your dog, are you jealous?" At that moment, the dog lets a massive, earth-quaking fart and my dad promptly responded, "Nope!" FML

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1561

You deserved it

531

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By serenti - 13/10/2011 21:30 - Sweden

Today, my boyfriend told me that the only reason he likes me is because I let him watch porn without throwing a fuss. FML

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33985

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6990

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By fmlpanda - 29/5/2010 04:14 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. It was going well until our braces got caught. Out of pain, I tried to pull away, which made my eyes water. Then I sneezed in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39756

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8327

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By $$$ - 29/5/2013 04:49 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, an elderly woman couldn't afford all of her groceries at the checkout so she started to take out a few things. I offered to pay for her groceries; she thanked me and walked out. An onlooker then came up to me and told me that she does it to someone every week. FML

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61730

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6206

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By meg265 - 24/10/2009 16:11 - United States

Today, I discovered that when you're the maid of honor giving a toast at your best friend's wedding, it's important to make sure the zipper on your dress is secured. Otherwise, your bare breasts and Hello Kitty panties could end up exposed to a wedding party of 600 people. FML

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45965

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2016 11:12 - Australia - Hobart

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by getting his mum to message me on Facebook. I got the message while I was packing for an overseas trip to visit him. FML

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10765

You deserved it

659

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2012 08:30 - Belgium

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year-old brat. He refused to eat his vegetables, so I forbade him from playing until they were finished. He stomped off upstairs, so I let him cool off for a couple of minutes. When I went upstairs, he had taken scissors to all of his mother's clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32463

You deserved it

4375

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By eric4 - 23/5/2013 20:11 - United Kingdom - Cheltenham

Today, my roommate decided to splash out on a prostitute. When my expensive watch and the contents of my wallet turned up missing in the aftermath, his only comment was, "Shit happens, bro." FML

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48301

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By reisz618 - 31/5/2019 07:00

Today, I was at a barbecue and, unbeknownst to me, took a bite of really hot bacon. In my ensuing panic, I grabbed and took a swig of my friend's beer. It wasn't beer, at least not any more. She was using it as an ashtray, and I got a mouthful of cigarette butts. FML

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1552

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By inappropes - 8/7/2019 14:00

Start your Monday with a Song!

Today, I came into work early to clean equipment, with my headphones on, singing to myself. I lost track of time, and wound up with the entire office watching me belt tunes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1154

You deserved it

718

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By Anonymous - 17/12/2009 04:02 - United States

Today, I found out that when an officer screams, "DON'T MOVE OR I'LL TASE YOU", it really means, "If you so much as flinch I'm going to shoot and 50,000 volts will be directed through your nose and groin." FML

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29772

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2012 12:46 - United States

Today, someone peed in my physical education locker. The only way someone could've done it is with a ladder. I'm so popular it hurts. FML

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30428

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2010 01:09 - United States

Today, I found a schedule in my dorm room that I share with three other guys. Looking at it closer I realized it was my schedule with notes written in all around it. My roommates have planned their entire days around mine so we won't have any interaction at all. I thought we got along great. FML

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27610

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By Stuck - 8/9/2011 10:00 - United States

Today, I heard on a TV show that it's possible to fit a standard light-bulb in your mouth, but it can't be removed afterwards. I just had to try this out. And then visit the local hospital to get it removed. FML

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9316

You deserved it

67573

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By Joey - 11/3/2012 06:51 - Canada

Today, while DJing at a jumpin' wedding reception, my speaker system conked out. I hadn't brought any backup equipment, and 500 guests had the unfortunate luxury of dancing to the sounds of a portable CD player someone brought in from their car. FML

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10772

You deserved it

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By forthethreeofus - 22/7/2019 22:00

Today, I went to a nice restaurant with my grandfather, who kept telling me to be kind towards our waiter, as he was probably just starting his summer job. The same waiter who, as my granddad had probably forgotten, had brought us our food six months ago and was now standing four feet away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1250

You deserved it

166

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By ewww - 25/3/2011 17:31 - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my friends, when a creepy man sat at the table next to us, and started rubbing his crotch, his gaze never leaving my feet. FML

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41761

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By jacques - 2/2/2010 14:08 - Australia

Today, I ran into my ex's family, and found out they are going to Europe. Funnily enough, so am I. Even funnier is the fact that we are going on the same date, at the same time, on the same flights, and the tour starts on the same day in the same place. FML

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40927

You deserved it

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By awesome - 11/4/2009 17:36 - United States

Today, I was sitting at my computer, listening and singing along to some music. I started singing louder, thinking that I was pretty good. Just then, my mom comes barging through the door in a frenzy saying, "Are you all right? Are you hurt?" FML

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42942

You deserved it

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By anonymous - 24/9/2011 15:22 - United States

Today, I was badly sunburnt even after making it a point to apply a lot of sunscreen. My coworkers thought it amusing to slap me every chance they get. FML

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28267

You deserved it

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By Lisa - 2/1/2010 07:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called my cell. I picked up and said "Hi, this is Lisa and I want you to fuck me raw". It was my dad. He was at my boyfriend's parent's house and forgot his phone. FML

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10743

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By bacon lovers worst nightmare - 26/9/2012 06:57 - United States - San Diego

Today, I heard of an inevitable world-wide bacon shortage on the news. FML

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33026

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By Neglected - 11/12/2013 19:06 - United States - Wimberley

Today, I told my husband it would be great to spend an evening with a bottle of wine and a pile of blankets on the balcony of our cabin during the cruise. He decided it would be great to ditch me and go out gambling. FML

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49987

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By Anonymous - 15/7/2020 02:01

Spineless

Today, after weeks of thinking about how to ask my crush out, I finally was ready to message her on Instagram, only to find out that she unfollowed me after watching my last story. FML

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1140

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339

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Top comments

By whadupdoe | 0

#4141219 - Friday 9 March 2012 18:44

Hahahaah get an education

By Back_In_Action | 18

#4141226 - Friday 9 March 2012 18:44

So which one did you pick?? Don't leave us hanging!

COMMENTS

By whadupdoe | 0

#4141219 - Friday 9 March 2012 18:44

Hahahaah get an education

Damn_Hippster | 11

#4141247 - Friday 9 March 2012 18:47

A free air guitar?! Just do t knee yourself in the eye while playing!

goldfishgod | 20

#4141261 - Friday 9 March 2012 18:48

Get your own thread.

cheefer | 0

#4141374 - Friday 9 March 2012 19:17

Get your own air guitar!

shanemaximo | 7

#4141382 - Friday 9 March 2012 19:18

The same thing happened to me but I just misunderstood what they meant by "air boat."

Havin | 19

#4141464 - Friday 9 March 2012 19:50

Not everybody understands sarcasm. What's education got to do with it? "Ok we are going to learn sarcasm today". I could be wrong, but that's just my opinion.

KeyboardWarrior | 10

#4141590 - Friday 9 March 2012 20:41

Actually 39, that's exactly how it goes. You learn literary devices in 9th an 10th, which sarcasm is. And by then it should be pretty well established anyways.

n_epic_fail | 14

#4141816 - Friday 9 March 2012 22:29

I understood sarcasm fully by the time I was in 6th grade without schooling, witch came two years later -_-

bunniex1 | 11

#4142089 - Saturday 10 March 2012 0:37

I understood and used sarcasm by fourth grade :|

efemel94 | 7

#4142157 - Saturday 10 March 2012 1:02

I understand sarcasm because I am not American.

davidbdb485 | 0

#4142165 - Saturday 10 March 2012 1:11

#54 sarcasm isn't a literary device, it's a type of speech.

skata | 4

#4142241 - Saturday 10 March 2012 1:58

177- its both because sarcasm is an element of satire

KeyboardWarrior | 10

#4142326 - Saturday 10 March 2012 2:29

117 Oh really? Enlighten me with more of your knowledge, oh great one. Or how about I enlighten you with Google.

Havin | 19

#4142708 - Saturday 10 March 2012 3:44

Well this went a long way. Damn.

JustTemporary | 24

#4147185 - Sunday 11 March 2012 1:43

I'm not sure how not being American effects if you understand sarcasm or not. I mean seriously? Unless of course that was in fact sarcasm. Hard to tell on the Internet.

By AMAN1218 | 4

#4141220 - Friday 9 March 2012 18:44

I'd be stoked if I won an air guitar!!

afunnyterdcody | 5

#4141679 - Friday 9 March 2012 21:22

Wonder wat station that was..... 94.5 the buzz haha

osnapitzaris | 0

#4141712 - Friday 9 March 2012 21:36

i just imagined the boy in your pic saying that. thank you good sir, you just made my day.

Krajjan | 9

#4141905 - Friday 9 March 2012 23:06

I once won a free pizza for getting a radio show question right. Bastards never delivered.

RahmEsHestos | 5

#4141973 - Friday 9 March 2012 23:46

I won a ticket to see lil Wayne once but got mugged walking from my car to the concert.

thiscrazything | 1

#4142155 - Saturday 10 March 2012 1:02

Proves that radio stations are full if trickery to get you to listen to them. With their evil free giveaways.

Havin | 19

#4142649 - Saturday 10 March 2012 3:30

...that aren't really free.

By miz_kamakazi | 11

#4141222 - Friday 9 March 2012 18:44

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Red_Wing_Nut44 | 14

#4141354 - Friday 9 March 2012 19:13

Watch out we've got a genius over here.

muzy | 23

#4141394 - Friday 9 March 2012 19:21

the air guitar allows you to defy gravity by playing the guitar whilst flying in the air. That's why its known as an air guitar. Hope that clears up any confusion you had #3

muzy | 23

#4141399 - Friday 9 March 2012 19:22

edit: #3

muzy | 23

#4141412 - Friday 9 March 2012 19:28

edit: #3

The_Hitdude | 12

#4141432 - Friday 9 March 2012 19:37

#35-You said it right the first time...

nado13579 | 12

#4142068 - Saturday 10 March 2012 0:29

No, your feet.

SpaZZMaGee | 0

#4144317 - Saturday 10 March 2012 15:53

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

marmar68 | 4

#4149188 - Sunday 11 March 2012 14:44

*sigh*

Sydney92 | 3

#4346979 - Tuesday 24 April 2012 3:24

fail, win, win, win, fail, win

pugpuggy | 21

#6107494 - Sunday 2 November 2014 13:49

Mommy, look! I found a dumbass!!

By steadycreepin | 5

#4141224 - Friday 9 March 2012 18:44

Fail

cosmosis | 12

#4141715 - Friday 9 March 2012 21:37

4- Like your dads condom

OneNightStander | 6

#4141747 - Friday 9 March 2012 22:01

69 BOOM!!

boydeee01 | 7

#4141761 - Friday 9 March 2012 22:05

Hah, 69.... *chuckle*

cami197934 | 3

#4142010 - Saturday 10 March 2012 0:03

Epic fail

The_Hitdude | 12

#4142117 - Saturday 10 March 2012 0:50

98-Like your sex life.

asiandude801 | 4

#4142150 - Saturday 10 March 2012 1:01

111
^ that's what your threesomes look like

The_Hitdude | 12

#4142173 - Saturday 10 March 2012 1:19

113- If you're referring to #98's picture there are four people there (derp). If not then I have no idea wtf you're talking about (still derpin).

asiandude801 | 4

#4142179 - Saturday 10 March 2012 1:22

I'm talking about the number 111 dumbass. Get it now?

The_Hitdude | 12

#4142219 - Saturday 10 March 2012 1:48

Ah, I see. I applaud your comedic efforts asiandude801, although I could've done without the insult.

asiandude801 | 4

#4142255 - Saturday 10 March 2012 2:04

Why thank you, I could have gone without one too.

ChrisTheCalm | 9

#4143610 - Saturday 10 March 2012 8:32

Both you guys are fucktards... Read the FML and move on with your lives.

asiandude801 | 4

#4145752 - Saturday 10 March 2012 18:39

Why don't you calm down Chris?

hotchick90037 | 3

#4152864 - Monday 12 March 2012 7:28

4- I like your picture.

By Back_In_Action | 18

#4141226 - Friday 9 March 2012 18:44

So which one did you pick?? Don't leave us hanging!

YourBuddyElmo | 5

#4141516 - Friday 9 March 2012 20:13

*floating :)

By aliadnan708 | 6

#4141232 - Friday 9 March 2012 18:45

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

loufol22 | 5

#4142591 - Saturday 10 March 2012 3:08

DAMMIT i accidentally thumbed this up

By biggestfan23 | 11

#4141239 - Friday 9 March 2012 18:46

Hahahaha that's great. Respect to the DJ

By Jf770 | 10

#4141249 - Friday 9 March 2012 18:48

Ive one a few air guitars in my time. Although I'm not sure where I should put them all.

Jf770 | 10

#4141294 - Friday 9 March 2012 18:53

Ohdear. I meant to spell it *Won.

DJ_YDI | 4

#4141576 - Friday 9 March 2012 20:36

That's okay. We forgive you.

iamyummylicious | 14

#4141830 - Friday 9 March 2012 22:33

I do not!!! NEVEEEERRRRRR

By studdmuffin1990 | 7

#4141262 - Friday 9 March 2012 18:48

Just make sure you put in at least an hour of practice a day. You don't want to be one of those people that get free stuff and don't take advantage of it. (sarcasm)

perdix | 29

#4141648 - Friday 9 March 2012 21:04

And suck up the pain on your fingertips until you build up calluses. The air strings should be easier to get used to than steel ones -- kids today! You got it easy.