All the FMLs

By prettylady? - 28/10/2012 04:22 - United States

Today, I said "bless you" to a nice man who sneezed on the subway. That nice man has now followed me home and stood outside my apartment complex for two hours, claiming to be my "soulmate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 145

You deserved it 2 863

By RedFox12 - 28/10/2012 00:12 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I was taking a walk with a girl I really like. Trying to impress her, I mentioned I'd just learned how to do a front flip, and she told me to prove it. I did the flip, but stumbled forward on the landing and smacked head-first into a pole. She's still laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 249

You deserved it 27 665

RedFox12 tells us more.

RedFox12 7

Tuesday 30 October 2012 5:58

I wrote this. My head is fine and the girl doesn't think I'm an idiot or anything. It was just a funny/embarrassing thing that happened. I'm just surprised I actually got something published on here :D

By left4dead - 27/10/2012 20:04 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I went on a field trip with some people from school. I'm currently confined to a wheelchair, so I had to rely on my sister to get around. She eventually went off with her friends, assuming that the people nearby would keep me company. Five minutes later, they'd all left me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 871

You deserved it 2 090

Dirty mind

By Anonymous - 27/10/2012 19:28 - Germany - Nuremberg

Today, I saw a folder on my son's PC named "PussyPictures". I sat him down for a talk, only to be told they contained pictures of the James Bond character Pussy Galore, for his essay about sexism in movies. He's now mocking me for "having a dirty mind". FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 579

You deserved it 38 644

By katier8295 - 27/10/2012 12:43 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was writing out palm cards and didn't know if I'd spelled a word correctly, so I stared at it for about 10 seconds waiting for spell check to tell me if it was right or not before I realised I was writing on paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 733

You deserved it 34 812

By Ohwhy - 27/10/2012 11:53 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, as I waited to fly home, a very attractive woman smiled and gestured towards the seat next to me. However, a hyperactive child and his mother barged past into said empty seats. The woman really hit it off with the guy behind, while I was stuck listening to a kid scream at Angry Birds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 507

You deserved it 2 091

By Anonymous - 27/10/2012 07:20 - United States

Today, I found out that my daughter has a hit list. There are over thirty names on there. My name is on it as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 375

You deserved it 3 842

By geena - 27/10/2012 06:42 - United States - Washington

Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 092

You deserved it 7 988

By Anonymous - 27/10/2012 00:33 - United Kingdom - Knowle

Today, during dinner, my daughter rudely cut into my conversation and gushed that she's "like, totally" going to audition for a reality TV show next year, after I pay her way. Five minutes into her jaw-dropping stupidity, I had to physically restrain myself from slapping her out of her chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 458

You deserved it 6 772

MVP

By birthday girl - 27/10/2012 00:14 - Australia

Today, it was my birthday. My mom didn't buy me a present, throw a party, or acknowledge the event in any way. Last week it was our dog's birthday, which included a party for all the neighbourhood dogs, and a cake for our dog, made out of bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 258

You deserved it 2 171

By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 21:59 - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend, when things got a little frisky and we started making out. It was my first time French-kissing, and apparently he has a very sensitive gag reflex, because the moment my tongue went in, he started retching, and vomited moments later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 016

You deserved it 3 830

Get me the hell out of here

By Miss Spasticator - 26/10/2012 20:49 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I tagged along with some friends to a party in the woods. Halfway into the night, a party-goer's boyfriend got extremely drunk and violent, causing the others to panic and drive away in the two cars we pooled in. My best friend and I had to run all the way back home on foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 773

You deserved it 4 192

By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 16:17 - Philippines - Makati

Today, I realized that my five-year-old daughters are deranged psychopaths, when one of them started screaming to get my attention while the other pulled the car door shut on my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 407

You deserved it 3 367

By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 15:20 - United States

Today, my husband was planning on getting me my favorite movie as an anniversary present; I ended up buying it. He had to give me the money and leave because he is severely arachnophobic and couldn't even pick up the box. I have to hide the movie for fear of it being destroyed. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 594

You deserved it 4 280

**** off

By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 12:24 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I went out of my way to avoid street preachers thrusting hateful propaganda at me. A young woman ran up to me and started waving paper in my face, and I snapped at her to fuck off. Right afterwards I realised she was returning something that fell out of my pocket. She looked terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 142

You deserved it 35 326

By davifilo - 26/10/2012 09:40 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I went bowling. I noticed a 10-year-old holding an iPod Touch which had the exact same customized case with my name on it as my iPod that was stolen a year ago at the same bowling centre. Even better, the parents yelled at me for accusing him. I got kicked out the bowling centre. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 040

You deserved it 2 633

By Weasel123 - 26/10/2012 07:58 - United States - Anadarko

Today, my roommate decided to go vegan after watching a PETA video. She began this new-found lifestyle by throwing out all of the non-vegan items in the house, including some prime rib we had recently purchased, all of our ice cream, and my chocolate stash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 979

You deserved it 2 358

By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 07:23 - Australia - Queanbeyan

Today, I went out to a restaurant with a girl I have been dating. The only conversation was about how proud she was of her fart during work earlier, and how she managed to clear out a section of the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 938

You deserved it 3 243

By sadbride - 26/10/2012 03:58 - Bahamas - Nassau

Today, 60 guests for my wedding were supposed to arrive to the Bahamas. The first and only hurricane of the season decided to crash my wedding, stranding my mom, maid of honor and best man. No one will be able to attend my wedding, except the other drunken hotel guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 284

You deserved it 3 650

By mental - 25/10/2012 23:09 - United States

Today, after therapy for obsessing over every woman who talks to me, all I could think about was how I could seduce my therapist. I think I still need a lot of help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 653

You deserved it 6 103

By Anonymous - 25/10/2012 20:13 - United States

Today, I was fired for actively seeking employment with another company. Because of having just been fired, the other company will no longer give me the time of day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 235

You deserved it 4 584

By Anonymous - 25/10/2012 19:43 - United States - Nutley

Today, trying to be nice, I asked my little sister how school was. She burst into a temper tantrum and screamed at me to fuck off. She's eight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 665

You deserved it 2 550

By not even a sexy bushfire - 25/10/2012 16:27 - Australia - Kelmscott

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a romantic date to a botanical garden in the hills. A giant bushfire erupted in the hills on our way, meaning we're now stuck out here because the roads are closed. So romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 817

You deserved it 2 494

By Anonymous - 25/10/2012 09:58 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my boyfriend found a take-out menu under my bed. It's probably been there for months. He looked at it and said, "Well, that explains a lot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 730

You deserved it 4 705

By winterbee123 - 25/10/2012 08:07 - United States - Portland

Today, I got back my history paper. The whole paper had been crossed out and at the end, my professor had written "Really?!" I still don't know what I did wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 702

You deserved it 4 374

winterbee123 tells us more.

winterbee123 9

Thursday 25 October 2012 23:36

Hi all - I'm OP. I actually went to talk to my teacher and it turns out when he tells us to do "citations" he automatically assumes we know he actually means "footnotes". I accidentally started crying during our meeting and I think it freaked him out, so he's offering me a chance to rewrite it! Ah, the power of a girl's tears!

By Kallian - 25/10/2012 07:08 - Australia

Today, I found a ticket on my motorcycle for not parking in a designated spot. The space I had parked my bike in was occupied by a large van. Some asshole had moved my bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 714

You deserved it 2 457

Kallian_fml tells us more.

Kallian_fml 21

Friday 26 October 2012 9:03

I actually feel much more comfortable on my bike than in a car. When I was 15 someone crashed into the side of my mums car, right where I was sitting. The passenger seat I'd been in was completely crushed. Many of my bones were also crushed. Guess I'm just afraid of getting trapped in a car like that again.