Miscellaneous: Today, I admitted to my parents that I'm a pathological liar...

By Aaronator25 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I admitted to my parents that I'm a pathological liar and I would like to go get help. They didn't believe me, and told me stop making stuff up. FML

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Aaronator25 tells us more :

Hey guys this is OP, you probably wont believe me, but hey that'd make me a liar so... Im still trying to convince my parents of this so i can see a professional...

Miscellaneous

You tried

Is there anybody out there?

Monetize your shit life

By sorrynotsorry - United States - Vancouver

Today, a customer told my boss I was too pushy because I asked her what bra size she wears. I work at a lingerie store. I got a stern lecture from my boss. FML

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43773

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By CircusSea - Puerto Rico - Carolina

Today, I work on a cruise ship, and I just learned that we have a morgue on board. How did I learn that? It's right next to the crew laundry room, and I opened the wrong door. It was occupied. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2021 03:30

Melted

Today, I found one of my boyfriend's earbuds in the dryer. He's gonna be pissed. FML

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622

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By Raaaaaaarrrrrr - United States

Today, I bought a CD off a man who always plays Spanish guitar in the subway. When I got to work and tried playing the CD, it was blank. I paid $15 for a blank CD. FML

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40068

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By notpreggers - United States

Today, the creepy skin care guy at the mall with the heavy accent asked me if I was pregnant. When I said no he replied "Oh, too many donuts then?" FML

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34657

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By Anonymous - United States - Dearborn

Today, I was trying to show my family a cool website. Unfortunately my porn instincts kicked in and I started typing the URL of my favorite porn site. I couldn't stop myself before it autocompleted. FML

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15483

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By still laughing - United States - Providence

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend when he stood up on the bed to get a different experience. I started to get aggressive and pushed him up against the wall. I forgot our bed was on wheels and the bed started sliding away and his body slid down the wall. So much for being sexy. FML

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25313

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By K-9cop - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because I hadn't popped the question to her yet. For the last six months, I have been respectfully trying to convince her over protective father to give me his blessing. FML

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47913

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By LH0026 - United States

Today, I learned from the noise outside my window that construction workers start their days at 5 AM. FML

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26567

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By brichard22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I took away my 8-year-old daughter's toy for throwing it too many times. She then said, "I need a beer." FML

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24759

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By ColdMN - United States

Today, I trying to scrape the ice off my car, but wasn't having much luck. Frustrated, I kicked a clump off from the bumper. The clump didn't budge, but the entire front quarter panel fell off. FML

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24208

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By ugh - Canada

Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20937

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By PghSportsNation - United States

Today, I awoke to my cat with micro pellets all over him. He'd destroyed a pillow containing them, and now there are thousands of these pellets throughout the entire house. My vacuum is broken. FML

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27448

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By stinky - United States

Today, my coworker friend told me she was going to the restroom. Soon after, I did the same. Once in the stall, I could smell a stench emanating from the next one. I yelled, "Ew, you stinky bitch" and sprayed air freshener under the partition. As I left the stall, my friend walked into the restroom. FML

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11020

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By ooblie - United States

Today, after receiving a lovely massage from my boyfriend, I was lying topless in bed beside him. Just as I was thinking this would be the perfect opportunity for some intimacy, he looks at me and says, "my mom is SO awesome." FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I competed in a ballet competition and made the finals, while I was on stage awaiting the results, I sneezed really loudly and snot went flying all over the stage. When I went to accept my award the woman presenting it refused to shake my hand. FML

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38614

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By strangebeans - United States

Today, my parents informed that the man I am going to marry made the newspaper, on page twelve. He is listed as a fugitive and there is a warrant out for his arrest. FML

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29541

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By Anonymous

Today, I told my boyfriend that eventually I want to get my ears pinned back because I think that they stick out too much. I pulled my hair back to show him, and he said, "Yeah, they're different sizes too, and the left one sticks out more than the right one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1532

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505

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By guy - United States - Avon Lake

Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML

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39050

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By helloitsbrian6969 - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

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By JillianJuneBug - United States - Elmira

Today, I was listening to music on my phone. I activated Siri by mistake, which stopped the music. I told Siri to, "turn the damn music back on." She replied, "Now calling Afton." Afton is my ex. While trying to quickly end the call, my phone froze and the buttons stopped working. FML

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8229

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By guest - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, I got a text from my ex-boyfriend that said, "I love you." Thinking this meant he'd changed his mind about breaking up with me less than 24 hours before, I replied back excitedly. Turns out that was a text sent last weekend that didn't go through until now. What great timing. FML

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25804

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By kyle - United States

Today, my friend pushed me into the swimming pool. Unfortunately, we were eight feet away from the actual pool, so I face-planted and rolled in. FML

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41803

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By Anonymous

Today, my cat got his head stuck in the handle of a plastic bag while snooping. Unfortunately, it was the bag I use to put his turds in after scooping them from the litter tray. With the bag trapped around his neck, he got spooked, then ran around the house, spreading turds from the bag as he fled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1714

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By haku4u - United States - Port Charlotte

Today, I got served paperwork stating that my ex-fiancée is suing me again for child support. About 7 years ago, I proved via DNA testing within the court system that I was not the father the first time. I see a talk show in my future. FML

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45068

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I set up a small social gathering for a few friends. One of them didn't have a ride, so the others, who'd already shown up, went to go give him a ride. After no sign of them for a whole hour, I called to see what was wrong. They went out to eat and completely forgot about me. FML

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49097

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I came home from work to find a burglar in my house. He then said that he was just leaving, and went back out of the broken window. FML

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30795

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By MB - United States

Today, I called a friend of mine who was recently in an accident. She told me that the head trauma has caused her to lose all sense of smell and taste. To try and cheer her up, I suggested I take her out to lunch. FML

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10762

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By hannahnator - 2/12/2020 07:04 - United States - Racine

Hellworld

Today, it's the first day of our 2-week quarantine. Today, my 3 year-old also discovered Blippi. FML

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668

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By looser

Today, I pronounced FAQ as 'fuck' to my boss. I'm not a native speaker. FML

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14660

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By arrestedgun - Canada

Today, I went to a dollar store with a couple friends to buy cap guns to play with. We were having a lot of fun with them, and took them onto a bus. 5 minutes later, three cops got on, handcuffed us, and sternly talked to us about the dangers of guns. We got arrested for toy guns. We are 17. FML

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21342

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By ChessNut

Today, a girl I'd been crushing on for a little while and I were talking about autism. Some of the last words she said were "I try to not find autistic people so fucking annoying, but I can't help it. But can you blame me?” I'm autistic. FML

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3231

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336

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By doomed - New Zealand

Today, the girl I am in love with invited me to stay with her in Europe for 2 weeks, she is even paying for the flights and accommodation. It's because I am such a special friend to her and she wants me to come up to meet her fiancé before she gets married. FML

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67543

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Today, I got another in a year-long string of threatening letters about my late mother's credit card bill. I've called the credit company repeatedly to settle the account, but they won't talk to me because I'm not authorized to access it. Hope they have a Ouija board. FML

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5573

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By Username

Today, at the beach, I swam pretty far out into the ocean. I ended up getting pummelled by the waves and got a painful cramp in my leg. The whole beach watched me flail and scream, while my friends rolled their eyes as they dragged me out of the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1358

You deserved it

882

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By Anonymous - United States - Lebanon

Today, I was using my headset while gaming, and another player couldn't stop laughing at the hilariously high-pitched voice I was putting on. He thought I was mocking the pre-pubescent squeakers on our team. Nope, that's just my natural voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19501

You deserved it

2388

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By chumpslolo - United States - Vandalia

Today, my sister backed out of my wedding because it was becoming too much about me. After I begged her to reconsider, I had no choice but to pick a new bridesmaid. When my new bridesmaid posted on Facebook how excited she was, my sister commented, "See, you made HER feel special." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55478

You deserved it

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By BigSister - United States

Today, my 15 year old sister came home at 4am totally stoned. My parents treated her really nicely and woke me up. I'm now grounded until I go college for being a bad influence. I volunteer at schools to talk about abusing drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55936

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3380

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By bottomdrawerraider - United States

Today, my mother was over visiting. My three year old ran out of my room chasing the cat with his toy. He smacked the cat with it, the cat scratched him, he dropped it and ran away. I was busy with the baby so I asked my mom to take the toy away. She walked back holding my pink dildo. FML

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29909

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By suosi - United States - Indianapolis

Today, the crush I've had for months finally came over to my place for the first time. It didn't last long however, as I suddenly had to go to the ER for severe testicular pain. FML

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25016

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Top comments

By ElizaZee | 9

#5452976 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 12:24

So they don't believe the fact that you're a pathological liar... Which means they think it's a lie... Which gives them evidence that you ARE a pathological liar. This like lie-ception!

By Sir_ND_Pity | 35

#5452975 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 12:24

We'd like to believe you, OP, but we all know what an incredible liar you are.

Wait, what?

COMMENTS

By Roskosity | 22

#5452956 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 12:06

Or your plants. I've heard it both ways.

By whY402Jay | 12

#5452961 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 12:08

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

DaDezza244 | 31

#5453014 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 13:12

The FML clearly stated that his parents did not believe him. Please read the FML properly #3

ElatedEarthling | 15

#5453318 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 17:22

I think #3 was saying they believe OP because they told him to "stop making stuff up". Making stuff up typically means lying.

Aaronator25 | 7

#5454133 - Thursday 18 April 2013 5:47

Well it didnt. They dont believe me.

By EpicSquishii | 21

#5452971 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 12:21

Stop lying to us!!!!

Damian95 | 16

#5453134 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 15:15

I don't believe you when you say that you're lying!!!

LaughinStock | 16

#5453287 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 16:55

Why does op keep lying to me? He said he wouldn't post this FML! :(

By Sir_ND_Pity | 35

#5452975 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 12:24

We'd like to believe you, OP, but we all know what an incredible liar you are.

Wait, what?

By ElizaZee | 9

#5452976 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 12:24

So they don't believe the fact that you're a pathological liar... Which means they think it's a lie... Which gives them evidence that you ARE a pathological liar. This like lie-ception!