Today, I went skinny dipping with my friends. A security man...

By Men '86 - 24/7/2011 06:41 - Canada

Today, I went skinny dipping with my friends. A security man drove up the dock we were on with his bike. After informing us that the dock was closed, and noticing all of our swimsuits on the dock, he refused to move his flashlight beam from us in the water. FML

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Miscellaneous

Capitalism kills

The cheek of some people

Social distancing gone wrong

By Anonymous - 15/8/2017 21:30 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I received a text from my girlfriend's female best friend that they have been dating for the last month. This was the week of our one year anniversary, and my birthday. We just moved into a duplex with my name on the lease. FML

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By PixieWrists - 13/3/2012 17:33 - United Kingdom

Today, my therapist gave me some great self-sufficiency advice. It sounded familiar. When I got home I realized she had been quoting Christina Aguilera songs. For £100 an hour. FML

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By Mariah Barnes - 24/7/2020 08:01

The bird

Today, I saved a baby bird from the site I work on. It was the runt and did not have any feathers and was neglected by the mother. I took care of it all day at work and planned on taking it to a wildlife reserve after work. Two minutes away from the reserve, we hit a pothole and I dropped it. It died. FML

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By FML.. - 6/4/2009 19:51 - China

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

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By malcolmXXX - 14/10/2015 02:01 - United States - Savannah

Today, a girl I've liked for the longest time kept asking me to reveal my "deepest secret" in exchange for hers. Thinking this was flirting, I told her my secret was that I liked her. Her secret was that she was a "lesbian and just had to tell somebody." FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2012 10:39 - Australia

Today, after applying for a promotion to a position which I've been working my ass off for two years to get, my managers thought it would be appropriate to discuss other applicants in front of me, even asking me to compare my resume with theirs to see the "caliber" of what I'm up against. FML

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By ananymous - 1/11/2012 03:04 - United States - Spencerport

Today, I was handing candy to a little boy who was trick or treating by himself. He was small enough to grab the candy and run past me into my house. I've been searching my house for two hours and still can't find him. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML

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By Rosie - 13/6/2012 16:07 - Germany - Wesel

Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML

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By gmanbuilder - 8/2/2017 16:00 - United States - Louisville

Today, I determined that the only reason I still have a membership to my gym is that the special gummy bears they have in the vending machines are amazing. FML

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By SFra - 24/10/2012 01:19 - United States

Today, I went to the Natural History Museum with my boyfriend. While we were standing in front of real dinosaur bones, he told me he didn't believe in dinosaurs. FML

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By Barrel - 5/2/2009 07:57 - United States

Today, my wife left me the following voicemail: “Alex, last night was amazing. You took me to places I’ve never been to before. I can’t wait to see you tonight after work.” My name is Rob. We haven’t had sex in two years. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/11/2010 21:44 - United States

Today, I came home to find my younger daughter left her silly band collection on the carpet in front of the fireplace. I now have melted unicorns and princesses stuck in my carpet. FML

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By stelssy - 26/1/2013 05:03 - United States

Today, while reading in the bath, I accidentally switched the shower on. Not wanting my book to get soaked, I threw it out of the tub. When I got out of the tub later, I found it had landed squarely in the toilet. FML

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By NormalName - 19/8/2017 13:00

Today, a new coworker asked me how to pronounce my name and made a dismissive remark that "All Asian names are so hard to pronounce and they all sound the same". My name is Christopher. FML

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By accountingclown - 21/1/2017 00:23

Today, I travelled cross-country to interview for my dream job. The team seemed to love me and I had a lot of fun. In the airport on the way home I saw a news report that the company is closing. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2010 06:14 - United States

Today, I made brownies for my co-workers. My boss called me into his office, and I though he was going to compliment me on the baking. Instead, he talked about how his 5-year-old daughter can make brownies better than me. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/7/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, it was hot out, so I opted to stay cool and wear my bathing suit all day. My mom took it as me rubbing in the fact that I'm thinner than her and grounded me. FML

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By mstar - 24/9/2012 17:01 - United States

Today, I realized how lonely I am when I got excited over receiving my daily weather update from the Weather Channel. FML

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By csgocockblock - 27/7/2016 17:26 - United States - Jenks

Today, when I got home from work I was pretty "in the mood" so I put on some cute undies and a tank top and went to get my boyfriends attention, he was so into his new computer game all I got was a half smile and a pat on the head. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2012 23:59 - United Kingdom - Eastbourne

Today, I went to a big job interview. Everything went well at first, with the interviewer being impressed by my CV. I was then interrogated over not having a Facebook account, and practically accused of being a criminal, because people without them "always have something to hide". FML

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By ravenskater - 4/4/2011 02:47

Today, I was at a grocery store with my 3 year old son. As I was picking a cereal out, an older man comes over and says, "You should have used condoms. What an ugly boy." FML

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By fecurtis - 23/1/2009 08:36 - United States

Today, I went to Target to buy some soap and this 65-70 year old woman next to me was asking a sales associate if they had any bubble bath mix. I suddenly pictured her naked, bathing herself and suddenly my dick just couldn't sit still. It's probably because I haven't had sex in over 22 months. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 04:17 - United States

Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML

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By Anonymous - 29/10/2010 08:31 - Canada

Today, at an Aunt's wake, my five year old son walked up to the coffin, and, with the whole family around him, exclaimed, "Well that's good, I was wondering where she's been." FML

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By MLZ - 30/7/2010 20:00 - United States

Today, while at the restaurant I work at, a bunch of kids came in. They all gave incredibly complex orders, laughed at everything I did, and made a huge mess by "spilling" hot sauce and water all over the floor. After they left, I was tipped eleven cents. FML

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By Cheese4men - 14/5/2010 23:28 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend saying, "I shall be the prince, and you shall be the princess," to his hamster. Once he saw me, he quickly turned to the hamster and said, "I have to go. The dragon is here." FML

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By loser4life - 30/7/2011 04:38 - United States

Today, in health class, I raised my hand and asked if you could get an STD from dogs. I have officially now ruined any extremely small chance I had of being popular. FML

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By tooembarassed - 3/2/2012 20:47 - United States

Today, I got a date for Valentine's Day. The date is with my orthodontist; he's going to tighten my braces. FML

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By KO - 12/10/2014 16:45 - United States

Today, in the middle of sex, my husband accidentally headbutted me, almost knocking me unconscious. FML

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By PookaKay02 - 20/9/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, I realize that my boyfriend's breath quite literally smells like a sewer. It wouldn't be so bad, except that he tries to kiss me about every ten minutes, and I have to hold my breath. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/4/2014 19:37

Today, I witnessed my psycho neighbor put her cat in a cage, cross into my backyard, and set the cage down before returning to her house. She then called the cops and claimed I'd stolen her cat. The cops didn't believe my side of the story for a second. FML

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By Hailey Antone - 10/9/2011 19:01 - United States

Today, I brought my date home to meet my parents. We walked in the front door to find my drunken father wearing nothing but a Viking helmet, and swinging and jabbing our living room furniture with a pool noodle. FML

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By someoneneedsassistance - 24/4/2015 15:07 - United States - Woodford

Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed help, only to see the guy was jerking off to something on his phone. FML

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By Username - 25/5/2010 12:32 - France

Today, my friend bet everyone at my lunch table that no one could catch the fly that was flying around our table. I reached up and caught it. It was a wasp, and it stung me. FML

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By Divorcemenow - 17/7/2009 22:02 - United States

Today, I awoke to my husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back for the past few nights, and have complained of a "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/6/2009 22:24 - United States

Today, I brought a friend who I have loved for years out to a nice restaurant for dinner. I ordered an expensive bottle of wine, and poured each of us a glass. As I was about to tell her I loved her, she raised her glass for a toast and said "A toast to friendship!" FML

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By paywithpoop - 22/6/2014 15:10 - United States

Today, I came home and found that my home had been robbed. The worst part? One of the thieves took a dump in my toilet and didn't flush. It doesn't even look human. FML

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By Passtheicecream - 25/1/2017 22:00

Today, I found out that the last of my super feminist "I'm never getting tied to a man" college friends got engaged. Apparently, I should have tried that tactic, as my current partner in life is my goldfish. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/9/2011 15:34 - United States

Today, I found thousands of ants in a secret nest in an unused corner of my apartment. They were feeding on the baking mix I forgot in a box from moving two months ago, and the queen has been laying her eggs on my wireless router. FML

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By BarCrush - 22/2/2018 19:00

"friend"

Today, and for the past two months, I've been going to the bar with my friends quite regularly because I have a massive crush on the cute bartender. Being quite shy, I asked my friend if he could be my wingman so I could finally talk to her properly. He took her home. FML

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Top comments

By Doortje | 28

#2964883 - Sunday 24 July 2011 15:52

What a perv.

By thesunsetglow_fml | 8

#2964894 - Sunday 24 July 2011 15:52

Well he was obviously waiting for you to ask him to join. How insensitive of you not to.

COMMENTS

By Doortje | 28

#2964883 - Sunday 24 July 2011 15:52

What a perv.

i_love_grrr | 0

#2964901 - Sunday 24 July 2011 15:53

he was wanting a free show! lol

fashionistaGirll | 0

#2964924 - Sunday 24 July 2011 15:56

Hopefully they were over 18 then that is reallyy
perverted...

muhaidib | 2

#2964926 - Sunday 24 July 2011 15:56

depends if the OP is a man, woman, little boy/girl... could be worst

IceeCreamm | 7

#2964956 - Sunday 24 July 2011 15:59

yeah that maybe perving, but isn't everyone skinny dipping looking at eachother naked anyway?

Bobissmall | 13

#2964962 - Sunday 24 July 2011 16:00

It is perving if you're naked in public? I thought that was simply illegal.

Keyman1212 | 14

#2964964 - Sunday 24 July 2011 16:00

Yeah... The whole institution of skinny dipping is based in perviness. Comes with the territory.

seanders | 10

#2964985 - Sunday 24 July 2011 16:03

I would have done the same thing. (Assuming they're old enough). Woulda taught your skanky ass a lesson, plus a free show is hard to pass up.

atthegates | 0

#2965057 - Sunday 24 July 2011 16:23

a bunch of dudes skinny dipping. no homo.

justanothagirl | 0

#2965085 - Sunday 24 July 2011 16:28

could've been worse...... your dad could be the cop

Soloman212 | 28

#2965176 - Sunday 24 July 2011 16:43

Seeing as the OP's username is "Men '86"...

letsgoflyakite | 2

#2965247 - Sunday 24 July 2011 16:59

he just wanted to make sure they got out okay...

dolphincheddar | 10

#2965267 - Sunday 24 July 2011 17:01

43 it's because he went skinny dipping with 86 men

nite66 | 21

#2965318 - Sunday 24 July 2011 17:09

op is a dude

theaws0m3guy | 4

#2965479 - Sunday 24 July 2011 17:48

Heh. Heh. Ohh right! Giggity...

Ch0sen | 13

#2965515 - Sunday 24 July 2011 17:57

Could've been a horrendously ugly female guard who's just never had any luck with boys..I mean men*

Personally I think that's worse, but maybe that's just me >_>

NastyNinja31 | 0

#2965609 - Sunday 24 July 2011 18:20

this mus b where the homeless guy was trying to get

Ch0sen | 13

#2965700 - Sunday 24 July 2011 18:36

I just realized that op referred to the guard as a "he". But could just be an extremely manly woman...extremely manly and ugly woman...

bengalsbaby13 | 0

#2965709 - Sunday 24 July 2011 18:38

creep much? haha

SuperPineApple | 0

#2965714 - Sunday 24 July 2011 18:40

Well did you give him a good show? He might have paid

bubble25_fml | 5

#2965988 - Sunday 24 July 2011 19:28

when u go skinny dipping with your friends it doesn't matter that yo are naked because of the trust within the friendship. it's not the same as when a total stranger finds you and a couple of friends butt naked in the water.

scrapmetal58 | 9

#2966143 - Sunday 24 July 2011 19:51

At least he wasn't pointing his fleshlight at you.

ILUVMSC | 5

#2966634 - Sunday 24 July 2011 21:05

that's just a disturbing thought.. trying to make it awkward? well done.

2ndSucks | 15

#2967248 - Sunday 24 July 2011 23:14

So if op is a guy, and the cop was a man... Is there a video of this somewhere?

dolphincheddar | 10

#2967437 - Monday 25 July 2011 0:02

probably

Iamnotmyself | 17

#2967885 - Monday 25 July 2011 1:06

Men '86... Good porno name.

kateheartswaffle | 0

#2967902 - Monday 25 July 2011 1:09

how is it skanky? they were just having fun

seanders | 10

#2967987 - Monday 25 July 2011 1:25

176: Is that what you'll say when you get pregnant before you turn 17?

chiddy_bang71 | 0

#2969253 - Monday 25 July 2011 4:58

please pardon the Pervy po-po

dolphincheddar | 10

#2969340 - Monday 25 July 2011 5:20

177. most likely

a_nutritionist | 10

#2969893 - Monday 25 July 2011 6:57

@114 when you go there after its closed youre aware of the high risk of being caught. if you then get caught, you then lose the right to bitch about it because you were doing the wrong thing in the first place.

sskarma23 | 9

#2970159 - Monday 25 July 2011 7:48

you did report him right?

cdninf | 4

#2970645 - Monday 25 July 2011 8:50

I don't blame him, some vancouverites are nice.

iceymouse17 | 4

#2999597 - Saturday 30 July 2011 6:40

damn perverts

sweetluv006 | 6

#4990461 - Monday 1 October 2012 4:35

#14: 69 likes on your comment.......

By Mesocoollike | 8

#2964884 - Sunday 24 July 2011 15:52

that sucks...

JangiJangiJangi | 0

#2965205 - Sunday 24 July 2011 16:47

ydi because you went skinny dipping in a public place. but that mans a perv. ew.

UN1T3D | 6

#2965255 - Sunday 24 July 2011 17:00

tell the girls to turn on their high beams and distract him while you make a quick get away.

Ch0sen | 13

#2965449 - Sunday 24 July 2011 17:42

Where were you? I want to go skinny dipping there now. So the security man can shine his light on me too

HeartAndSoul2011 | 0

#2965623 - Sunday 24 July 2011 18:22

at #2: I like your picture ;)

trgower13 | 0

#2967470 - Monday 25 July 2011 0:11

it's his job. don't blame him. you deserved it.

tellithowitis | 13

#2967558 - Monday 25 July 2011 0:31

did you ask him to join you?

By Kirashai | 9

#2964886 - Sunday 24 July 2011 15:52

Time to learn to be an exhibitionist? :),

By hockeychick52125 | 0

#2964888 - Sunday 24 July 2011 15:52

lmfao. !!! sucks for u !!

rayrayray23 | 1

#2965661 - Sunday 24 July 2011 18:26

sucks for your mother.

By thesunsetglow_fml | 8

#2964894 - Sunday 24 July 2011 15:52

Well he was obviously waiting for you to ask him to join. How insensitive of you not to.

likerawrandstuff | 0

#2965391 - Sunday 24 July 2011 17:30

XD No, They Dont Wait To Be Asked He Jumps In ;) Lol

zinoxity | 23

#2967209 - Sunday 24 July 2011 23:06

I would join, I live where OP lives.

katgoesmeow | 0

#2969776 - Monday 25 July 2011 6:36

I used to until I moved to Alberta on last Wednesday

thesunsetglow_fml | 8

#2970928 - Monday 25 July 2011 9:21

way to join the AB crowd ;)

By lalagurl11 | 6

#2964928 - Sunday 24 July 2011 15:56

pervs are disgusting

MaloPero | 4

#2965062 - Sunday 24 July 2011 16:24

no, perv is a person who enjoys in their humiliation. they weren' t waiving penises in front of children faces, they were just having fun, naked or not.

IvanElFregon | 0

#2966202 - Sunday 24 July 2011 20:03

she's probably the black girl in the pic

Krennicus | 0

#2966379 - Sunday 24 July 2011 20:25

Oh my God! Naked humans! The world is going to end and society will collapse. Please, they aren't criminals, they are just humans in natural form.

TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#2966768 - Sunday 24 July 2011 21:38

I am not disgusting!

IAm1AwesomeChick | 7

#2967218 - Sunday 24 July 2011 23:09

105, they may have broken the law but it doesn't mean that they are pervs.

juan01 | 0

#2998190 - Saturday 30 July 2011 2:58

your ugly

By Xx_Dakota_xX | 1

#2964935 - Sunday 24 July 2011 15:57

umm splash him in the face with water and when he's blinded you take his flashlight and throw him in the water and make your get away

moosemonkey1000 | 6

#2965384 - Sunday 24 July 2011 17:28

so instead of just covering up for a minute or so, face assault and battery charges. Makes sense.

Xx_Dakota_xX | 1

#2965666 - Sunday 24 July 2011 18:27

well if he's creeping on u by looking at u naked u aren't going to let him see u naked and try to cover up

leetee1996 | 0

#2966410 - Sunday 24 July 2011 20:29

ur so stupid. he's a cop. I would just get out and get dressed. he's probably seen a naked person before. who cares.

ILUVMSC | 5

#2966679 - Sunday 24 July 2011 21:14

but what if he was just posing as a cop?

Juggalette_623 | 9

#2966855 - Sunday 24 July 2011 21:55

I'd go with the whole splash him and run thing. Once they get out of the water naked, they could be arrested for indecent exposure. And yes, a cop on a bike can arrest people.

JokerJohn7 | 0

#2967387 - Sunday 24 July 2011 23:49

oh, obviously a good plan, because a little water is gonna blind him

Xx_Dakota_xX | 1

#2968932 - Monday 25 July 2011 2:48

or well I guess u might be able to sue for pretty much sexual harassment and I do agree with assaulting a cop

a_nutritionist | 10

#2969959 - Monday 25 July 2011 7:07

yes 184 just keep digging that hole.

itssnotfunny | 24

#6266470 - Saturday 18 April 2015 23:25

why would they sue when they're the ones breaking the law?

By mckinneymacy | 2

#2964942 - Sunday 24 July 2011 15:58

what a creep!

Death_From_Above | 0

#2965512 - Sunday 24 July 2011 17:57

have to agree with ya!

milkyway1101 | 0

#2969549 - Monday 25 July 2011 5:54

lol yea

By Laterial | 3

#2964953 - Sunday 24 July 2011 15:59

That awkward moment when you're caught skinny dipping by the creepy, perv security guard...

By JPSimsta | 2

#2964959 - Sunday 24 July 2011 16:00

You don't go skinny dipping in a public place without some risk of being caught. heck if I saw a bunch of girls swimming naked id go for a peek myself!

loveluver7 | 0

#2964989 - Sunday 24 July 2011 16:05

exactally…

Iwashere12345 | 0

#2965250 - Sunday 24 July 2011 16:59

exactly not exactally

*franker nazi strikes again! muahahaha!*

Iwashere12345 | 0

#2965272 - Sunday 24 July 2011 17:01

*grammar not franker. not really sure how that happened

maybeeiwill | 11

#2965341 - Sunday 24 July 2011 17:18

Is punctuation not part of grammar? Capitalize a few letters next time!!

helloadria | 0

#2965427 - Sunday 24 July 2011 17:39

Capitalization is a part of grammar, however punctuation is separate, although I do understand where you were coming from. Proper english language seems to have been lost on society.