Today, I grabbed a pair of pants from the dryer in a hurry, trying... - FML

By pantydropper - 17/4/2013 19:01 - United States

Today, I grabbed a pair of pants from the dryer in a hurry, trying to make it to the bank. When I rushed in, I felt something fall down my leg. It was a pair of my mom's granny panties that had been stuck inside my jeans. I kicked them aside, hoping no one would notice. They did. FML

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Or he's just becoming an old goober

Banished

Vultures

By frankie034 - 6/5/2009 07:40 - Australia

Today, I was ordering some clothes from Abercrombie online and I went to measure my bust to check what size I am in American. I got my measurement, checked what size it would be and the size of my bust was not even listed on the website. Great. Now even Abercrombie thinks I have small tits. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/10/2019 22:01

With friends like her, who needs money?

Today, I maxed out my credit card trying to help a friend of over 19 years to go see her family for Christmas, only to find out she changed her mind and doesn’t really want to go. I can’t return the bus tickets, and she’s mad at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2013 20:36 - United States - Montgomery Village

Today, my sister was crying to me about how her boyfriend never showed up for their date. He's done this many times before, so I suggested the fact that maybe he'd just ditched her. She said that was ridiculous, because "he's Canadian" and according to her, "they don't lie." FML

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By Math_Rocker - 2/9/2009 22:17 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class. Usually, people just sit still when asleep. Nope, not me. Not only had I been violently rocking and nodding my head, the teacher stopped class for everyone to see for 5 minutes as she made jokes. What woke me? The intense laughter followed by embarrassment. FML

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By - 2/1/2009 18:06 - France

Today, I have dark hairs growing on my chest, nipples and stomach... I'm a 19 year old girl. FML

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By blehhh - 4/4/2009 03:10 - United States

Today, I went to see my gynecologist. She was writing my symptoms up in my chart on her computer. After a little while, I noticed that she had a confused look on her face and was reading something instead. When I took a peek at the computer screen, I saw that she was Googling my symptoms. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/8/2017 13:00

Today, after house sitting for my neighbor, I realized that he has a camera pointed at my pool. FML

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By trice - 8/5/2013 17:48 - United States - Austin

Today, it's my birthday. Three people wished me happy birthday: Google, my insurance company, and the place I lease my car from. FML

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By ShameMonkey - 27/9/2016 10:15 - Australia - Glen Waverley

Today, while commuting to work on a peak hour train, I lost my balance and accidentally grabbed a bald mans head to steady myself. To make matters worse, the words "oh gosh, I'm so sorry. I thought you were a knob" came out of my mouth before I could think about what I was saying. FML

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By pamcakes - 9/7/2016 17:14

Today, my dog pooped on the floor, and the Roomba my sweet boyfriend bought me as a housewarming gift, ran over it. FML

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By midwesternpetclerk - 9/11/2011 04:06 - United States

Today, I got yelled at by my boss for being insensitive to a customer. I'd told her I never heard of the requested item even existing. She walked off shouting, screaming and throwing stuff from the shelf. She wanted to order a bird feeder with heated perches so the bird's feet won't get cold. FML

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By anonymous - 26/3/2013 18:31 - United States - Staten Island

Today, after getting a new haircut, I decided to take a few photos. I set up my iPhone in my room and began posing. It wasn't until numerous shots later that I realized my phone had posted every picture to Facebook, and they were all over everyone's newsfeed. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/3/2010 21:12 - United States

Today, after taking my girlfriend on a date, she invited me back to her place for "hot coffee and dessert". Excitedly, I said yes. When we got there, we actually had coffee and dessert. When I told her this wasn't what I'd had in mind, she kicked me out for being a pervert. FML

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By wetbutt - 6/3/2009 17:49 - United States

Today, I yelled at my little brother for leaving the toilet seat up and told him he needed to go around the house and make sure they were all down. I went to the bathroom later to find that the toilet seats and covers from every toilet had all been removed and were sitting on my bed. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/5/2013 04:28 - United States

Today, I signed a two-year lease on a house. My next-door neighbor said she's in love with me, threatened my girlfriend, and won't stop blasting Taylor Swift. FML

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By doggylove - 13/11/2015 03:57 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I realized my boyfriend's dog is more excited to see me than he is. FML

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By Noname - 19/2/2009 06:51 - United States

Today, I decided to try this new cardio workout video I got. As I was obnoxiously bouncing around my room I heard a noise behind me. Turns out there were three boys outside my window watching. FML

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By woopwoop - 18/4/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, while standing in line at the grocery store, I noticed that myself and the woman in front of me were wearing the same shirt. As she was about to leave, I said to her "Hey! I'm wearing that shirt!" She turned to me and replied, "Not in THIS size you aren't." FML

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By Emily - 3/8/2010 23:54 - United States

Today, my best friend who I've known since high school is getting married. I'm supposed to give a toast during the reception about how great the bride and groom are. I've been sleeping with the groom for the past 7 months. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/9/2011 19:53 - United States

Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML

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By Ro - 5/10/2010 02:39 - United States

Today, my car was stolen. I got it back later without the engine, any of the wheels or my brand new radio and speakers. They even took my car mats. FML

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By fml_anon - 19/3/2016 08:33 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to spend a depressingly long time convincing my 29-year-old husband that our house isn't haunted and that the door slammed shut because it was windy outside. I repeat, "29-year-old husband" and "haunted". It's like I'm married to a child. FML

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By Phantommajik - 10/5/2011 16:08 - United States

Today, I was stuck at the airport overnight waiting for my flight for about 5 hours. I then went and looked at the departures board. It said that my flight had already departed. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/6/2009 13:32 - Singapore

Today, my 9 year old nephew found his way onto my iTunes. I now have 401 songs titled "aidfj3P" by "ffjiel". FML

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By thanks dad - 1/8/2020 02:02

In my day…

Today, we were slowly introducing my daughter to the pool to help her get over her terrible fear of water. My father-in-law scoffed, called us pussies, and tossed my daughter straight into the water. When I threw him out, he insisted he was just trying to teach her to swim "the right way." FML

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By - 30/12/2009 20:30 - France

Today, when I saw a big box that looked like a playstation, I got really excited and my parents were there and everything looked like it really was something big, so I start to open the wrapper and surprise... it was a lamp. FML

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By jeoak - 30/1/2013 17:25 - India

Today, I was moving into my new apartment. The previous owner had refused to move out until today, and when I got there, I realized I didn't have a key. I was about to call him when I found out I didn't need to; he took the door. FML

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By Jerrrr - 27/5/2009 00:22 - United States

Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/5/2009 18:29 - United States

Today, my boss in my police dept. told me to start enforcing the "no bikes on sidewalks" law which we usually ignore. I pulled up behind the first person I saw riding a bike on a sidewalk and flashed my lights. It turned out to be a boy with down syndrome who was so upset he cried and peed. FML

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By Pauline - 9/2/2016 21:35 - United States

Today, I visited my son at his university accommodations and noticed he's clearly never cleaned it since he moved in two years ago. I tried cleaning it myself, but gave up entirely when I found what looked like mushrooms growing out of an old takeout container. FML

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By musicaddict - 10/3/2009 20:42 - United States

Today, the cute boy in my biology class I had been crushing on invited me over to study for a huge test. Once I got to his house, I really had to use the bathroom. I ended ending up taking a huge dump and clogging up his toilet. He had to come plunge it for me. FML

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By Noname - 26/2/2009 15:30 - United States

Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML

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By 1234567898765432 - 27/3/2009 16:47 - Canada

Today, I was going to a stoplight party. Green shirt=single, yellow=hard to get and red=taken. I show up wearing a red shirt and I see my boyfriend in a green shirt. Thinking it was a mistake, I ask him jokingly why he isn't wearing red. He looks at me weird and says, "Oh, you didn't get my text?" FML

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By Idk - 29/5/2014 06:46 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I saw a pair of eyes looking at me from my closet. Realizing it must be my cat, I called her. She immediately came out from under my bed. I can't find anything in my closet. FML

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By mydadsgonnakillme - 8/2/2013 07:13 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir, it is an honor to be your daughter's sexual partner." FML

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By sad sack. - 18/1/2009 00:40 - United States

Today, I got an email notification from Yahoo! Personals: "Hi, we've found 0 new matches for you". FML

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By Rella - 15/12/2018 03:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the 69 position with me on top and as we changed positions, and I turned to face him, I saw toilet paper on his face that he didn't seem to notice and that I casually had to wipe off his face. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2012 15:55 - United States - Amsterdam

Today, I ran into my infant daughter's room because I thought I heard her crying, and found she was still sound asleep in her crib. The screams were coming from the mouse our cat was using to paint her bedroom walls. FML

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By nepotwatism @ its finest - 23/9/2015 15:05 - Sweden - Halmstad

Today, my boss told me I have to start work 4 hours early tomorrow, because that my coworker, who happens to be his son, will not be coming in because he's "too tired". I work 10 hours a day, 6 days a week without complaining. His son works two 4-hour shifts a week. FML

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By me - 20/4/2015 01:46 - Canada

Today, my exchange student asked me for a ride to a party at a friend's house that I didn't know about. When I said, "Oh, just let me change", she replied, "I just need the ride, you're not invited." FML

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Top comments

By perdix | 29

#5453789 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 23:41

It didn't help when one guy yelled, "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLL!"

By perdix | 29

#5453800 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 23:45

#5, that might not be a woman. You might get a surprise on your wedding night ;)

COMMENTS

By summerguy97 | 16

#5453783 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 23:39

I hope they didn't think it was a gun.......

Reply

perdix | 29

#5453800 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 23:45

#5, that might not be a woman. You might get a surprise on your wedding night ;)

Reply

s0m3guy2010 | 21

#5453803 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 23:46

5- I want to shoot guns that are shaped like panties.

Reply

Sekkaichi | 12

#5453867 - Thursday 18 April 2013 0:28

@11 You probably want to borrow Panty's panties.

Reply

GothickNihilist | 15

#5454023 - Thursday 18 April 2013 3:27

@34 Don't worry, I got the Panty and Stocking reference.

Reply

kemic | 7

#5454090 - Thursday 18 April 2013 4:55

It's really too bad that more people didn't get the Panty and Stocking reference.

For those too lazy to look it up, Panty and Stocking is a cartoon series, where the main characters have clothing parts that turn into weapons. Panty turns underwear into pistols.

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#5454785 - Thursday 18 April 2013 19:18

The solution to the gun control debate?

Reply

NameInvalid | 9

#5455972 - Friday 19 April 2013 15:35

Panty guns would be awesome.

By im_joking | 11

#5453787 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 23:40

And the granny strikes again!

Reply

Success4444 | 12

#5454021 - Thursday 18 April 2013 3:26

I am wondering why they were "sticky" and in your pants. You aren't having any Oedipal fantasies, now, are you?

Reply

NagainaFier | 16

#5454057 - Thursday 18 April 2013 4:26

Static from the drier? I find random clothes in other clothes every now and then.

That, or OP's mom was wearing those pants at some point.

Reply

pmadNess | 14

#5454140 - Thursday 18 April 2013 5:50

Eew! That would mean they were dirty.

By perdix | 29

#5453789 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 23:41

It didn't help when one guy yelled, "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLL!"

Reply

GuessWhatKids | 13

#5453922 - Thursday 18 April 2013 1:31

Gool? Gol? Goll? Am I missing something?

Reply

perdix | 29

#5453990 - Thursday 18 April 2013 2:47

#44, "gol" is "goal" in Spanish. Andres Cantor and others scream the long "GOOOOOL!" in Spanish-language soccer broadcasts. Now that I explained it, are you laughing your ass off?

Reply

isallwaysme | 27

#5453997 - Thursday 18 April 2013 2:52

Yes in fact I am pedrix, another good one!

Reply

Bubbelz | 24

#5454062 - Thursday 18 April 2013 4:32

Good job getting along with that that typo over there.

Did you you notice that I said "that" twice?

Reply

pmadNess | 14

#5454143 - Thursday 18 April 2013 5:51

Read before you reply. It's been explained and is not a typo.

By HowieDoIt | 21

#5453795 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 23:43

You can also bank on the fact that you're dignity slid down, too.

Reply

bethers_ | 22

#5453938 - Thursday 18 April 2013 1:50

Your*

By lincolnick4 | 19

#5453796 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 23:44

As shaggy said "It wasn't me"

Reply

lilhellian | 26

#5453799 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 23:45

Ruh roh shaggy!

Reply

lndala | 15

#5453895 - Thursday 18 April 2013 0:57

Scooby, wrong Shaggy

Reply

HiIAmKevin | 8

#5453901 - Thursday 18 April 2013 1:01

That's funny because I found your fingerprints as wells as handprints all over the evidence.

Reply

bott_fml | 4

#5453986 - Thursday 18 April 2013 2:39

Fingerprints and handprints? I'm sure the only wrong place Shaggy's hands where on were other women. That's one determined girlfriend to prove it was him!

Reply

iammeorami | 25

#5454173 - Thursday 18 April 2013 6:16

Scoowby scoowby dooooo!

By MeganLovesPandas | 5

#5453797 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 23:44

At least it wasn't the other way around...

Reply

HowieDoIt | 21

#5453798 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 23:45

Jeans falling out of underwear? You'd have to be one fat dude to fit a pair of pants in those

Reply

rg350dx | 29

#5453807 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 23:48

Or maybe a possessed pair of granny panties flying up a jean pant leg.

Reply

Welshite | 39

#5453810 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 23:49

Don't knock it until you try it. I wear my underwear over my jeans and pretend to be a superhero. The love stricken sighs I receive make it totally worth it.

Reply

rg350dx | 29

#5453813 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 23:51

"Pretend..." Sure Clark...

Reply

Welshite | 39

#5453856 - Thursday 18 April 2013 0:18

Shh. We must maintain anonymity.

Reply

9lashes | 15

#5453943 - Thursday 18 April 2013 1:53

Am i the only one waiting for #7 to jump in amd explain what she meant?

Reply

pipinya | 8

#5453999 - Thursday 18 April 2013 2:54

49 - still waiting, and very curious

By tacojauns | 45

#5453804 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 23:46

It's embarrassing but nothing to bad to worry about I hope you just laughed it off

By kaedynsmom0325 | 13

#5453806 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 23:47

Happens to the best of us! My boyfriend had my thong fall out of his pants at work..!

Reply

etoilenuit | 15

#5453985 - Thursday 18 April 2013 2:39

This happened to me with my dads underwear when I was in front of my first grade class. Talk about scarred for life.

By theycallmekitty | 13

#5453808 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 23:48

I hope you brought the panties back for your mom. I would be upset if one of mine went missing...

By Wizardo | 33

#5453809 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 23:48

Dude you should've played it off and said you were banging one of the guys that noticed mums' that would've been badass :D

Reply

theycallmekitty | 13

#5453822 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 23:55

She's a chick....but I guess it could still work.

Reply

Wizardo | 33

#5453826 - Wednesday 17 April 2013 23:58

My bad, my bad, I thought it was a guy that got pantsed. Butt still, she could've gassed over it and made it less frilly. (and I'm using the mobile app so I can't exit my message, they should fix that problem)