Transportation: Today, I took the bus. The old lady next to me almost fell when... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 11

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 125

23/05/2012 15:52

Today, I took the bus. The old lady next to me almost fell when the driver stopped, but I managed to catch her. Five minutes later, the same thing happened to me. The old lady tried to help me, but I lost my balance and pulled her skirt down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 135

You deserved it 2 517

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Leave us alone

Lightweight

10/11/2009 02:28

Today, I found out that I didn't get a job because I failed the psychological analysis. It told me to answer each question and tell the truth. So I did. I ask my friend, who got the job, if she told the truth. She said no. Apparently you have to lie in order to get a job. Sorry for being honest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 361

You deserved it 7 808

Alexa, play "Let's Get it On" by Marvin Gaye

By notsosexy - 18/07/2020 08:01

Spicy

Today, I attempted to have amazing birthday sex with my boyfriend in his dorm room. Everything was going great until we tried switching positions. I hit my head so hard on the bunk above his bed that I gave myself a concussion, and blacked out. Needless to say, the moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 539

You deserved it 288

Can't catch a break

By not a whore! - 30/08/2020 07:05

Today my sister was complaining about all the inaccuracies in Grey's Anatomy and how it negatively portrayed nurses. I’m a massage therapist. Almost everything portrays us as cheap whores. I’ve even been propositioned several times. When I pointed this out, she and the rest of my family laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 763

You deserved it 206

24/12/2008 11:19

Spicy

Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 037

You deserved it 8 606

02/10/2017 04:30

Today, all of my friends showed up an hour late for my 18th birthday party because they decided to go get dinner without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 280

You deserved it 260

11/01/2013 19:37

Today, I was asked out by a friend of mine. He's a doctor and works at a prestigious hospital, so thinking we would eat somewhere special, I got all dressed up. We ended up eating at his hospital's cafeteria, because he gets a small employee discount. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 648

You deserved it 7 876

06/12/2011 05:05

Today, I got the official word my wife is pregnant. Her sister, who lives with us, is also pregnant. I'm stuck in an apartment with two women due in late 2012. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 834

You deserved it 5 740

Let people believe

By Anonymous - 02/01/2021 16:58

Today, I told a friend I had become more religious lately. He immediately started mocking me for being a 'stupid creationist bigot'. When I told him how offensive that was, he acted bewildered and started condescendingly lecturing me about how 'science has proven God does not exist'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 723

14/12/2010 11:00

Spicy

Today, I got a call from a restricted number. When I answered, it was a prank call. The kids on the other end had porn on high volume and put the phone next to the speaker. Way to remind me that I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 091

You deserved it 7 759

21/07/2012 07:40

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been in love with for the past two years. Five minutes in, he passed out on top of me from a pain pill overdose and had a mini seizure. He finally woke up and groans, "Those bastards! They confiscated my clothes!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 463

You deserved it 5 394

05/08/2013 21:36

Today, my mom's dog saw a cat in our yard. I watched as he tried to jump at it, only to smack face-first into the window. He did this twice more before curling up on the floor and whimpering pitifully. When my mom came in and saw him there, and me laughing, she accused me of beating him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 636

You deserved it 7 307

Why would you do that?

By dammitt - 10/10/2009 06:10

Today, my best friend and I went to the movies. There was a hot cashier, so I thought it would be cool to talk in a British accent to try and be sexy. I walked up and started talking when he interrupted me and said in a very heavy British accent, "I know you're faking. You can stop now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 980

You deserved it 60 433

09/02/2015 22:58

Today, while correcting essays, I spilled ketchup on a student's paper. I managed to successfully turn it into a happy smiley face but when proudly looking at the result, noticed it was right next to the big "F" that I had graded it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 805

You deserved it 11 004

Ol' Blue Eyes

By britt93 - 26/09/2019 00:01

Today, I learned that if you sing along with an old Frank Sinatra song, the elderly who hear you will want to talk to you about things you have no idea about, for a very long time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 191

You deserved it 373

31/12/2011 22:36

Today, I flew to Dubai, en route to my new job in Afghanistan. Both of my bags were lost, my debit card was frozen in London, the next flight was cancelled, and I can't get a hotel room. I'm in the richest city in world with no money and no room. Happy New Year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 597

You deserved it 3 023

06/01/2017 11:52

Today, in a coffee shop, I purchased two doughnuts and cup of coffee, a regular order which I've bought many times before. Today the cost was $1 less and when I inquired why, I was told, "I gave you the senior's discount." Their policy is a senior discount for anyone over 55. I turned 50 last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 392

You deserved it 1 286

19/06/2019 12:23

Today, I found out my 15-year-old cat is having gas problems when she farted in my face. My mouth was open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 476

You deserved it 290

14/09/2012 14:13

Today, my boyfriend and I had breakfast with his grandmother. She told him how I'm prettier than "that Mexican" he'd brought home for dinner last week. We had dinner with her last week, and I'm that same Mexican. She then went on to how Mexicans are what's wrong with the economy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 530

You deserved it 3 107

05/08/2019 20:00

Today, I put my phone on top the car while putting my daughter in her car seat. Told myself not to forget it. Then I drove away, and it flew off the top of the car on the freeway. It got ran over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 1 451

08/05/2015 16:46

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I sneezed so hard that my head shot forward and smashed against his, sending his head backwards against the wall. He ended up with a concussion, and I still feel like someone hit me over the head with a chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 716

You deserved it 3 812

09/01/2010 13:25

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 282

You deserved it 6 136

18/08/2010 04:30

Today, I discovered that my name literally means "burden". This wouldn't be so bad if both my mother and father knew this when they named me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 078

You deserved it 3 031

08/07/2014 23:37

Spicy

Today, I had to grip the headboard of my bed for the first time in months. I wasn't having incredible sex unfortunately, just really bad gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 655

You deserved it 6 707

08/08/2009 09:42

Today, I flew my girlfriend to Paris for our one year anniversary. Little did I know that instead of going up the Eiffel Tower and over looking the most romantic city she would rather spend it in bed with a French man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 188

You deserved it 4 920

16/10/2010 05:50

Today, my 4 year old son told his preschool teacher that his daddy could pick up 10,000 cows but couldn't pick up his mommy because she was too heavy. I'm the mommy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 793

You deserved it 6 123

25/05/2011 05:28

Today, I was so lonely that I was comforted by the sound of mice running through the walls of my apartment. I left cheese and peanut butter out for them to find so that I could at least have a pet for company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 881

You deserved it 9 828

27/12/2011 22:32

Spicy

Today, I was driving home from work when I saw the woman in the car in front of me throw something out the window. Only when it landed on my windshield did I realize what it was. A bloody tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 335

You deserved it 2 631

24/10/2010 00:52

Today, a woman got out of a car to scream at me as I was walking with the kids I babysit, demanding to know where I was taking her children. Apparently the woman who pays me is also a babysitter, who I have been "covering" for on her party nights. The mother doesn't believe I didn't know this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 512

You deserved it 2 795

21/03/2012 13:25

Today, I realised that I've been working in an all-male environment for too long when my supervisor walked into the canteen visibly scratching his balls, and this seemed like a completely normal occurrence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 278

You deserved it 2 877

25/12/2010 07:11

Spicy

Today, I was taking a leak in the mall bathroom. A kid no older than thirteen strolled in and paused next to me at the urinals. He took one look and laughed, "I feel sorry for your wife, man." All I could do was stand there as he casually disappeared into one of the stalls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 596

You deserved it 4 453

04/08/2016 18:44

Today, after countless nights of no sleep and only some spontaneous naps, I was finally seeing a sleeping doctor to analyze the problem. I missed the appointment because I ended up sleeping through my alarm after not being able to sleep at all last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 318

You deserved it 1 150

15/01/2012 12:52

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend hummed the Jeopardy theme while I was trying to undo her bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 253

You deserved it 25 711

Happy Birthday

By Anonymous - 24/05/2021 08:01

Today, it's my birthday. My boss's birthday is 5 days away. Instead of wishing me happy birthday, the staff decided to surprise my boss with an early gift. We also had to take a picture of him with everyone. I work at another branch alone, and had to post the picture to social media. Happy Birthday to me, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 80

14/01/2012 13:15

Spicy

Today, the quality of my sex life reached a new low. I faked my orgasm. And so did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 127

You deserved it 27 798

18/05/2009 04:17

Today, while I was waitressing, I bent down to pick up a menu and accidentally farted, really loud, at my table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 429

You deserved it 10 802

Working for the weekend

By Anonymous - 14/04/2021 08:00

Today, I started my first 3-day weekend in over a month after asking for one. I also start the neverending diarrhea and vomit spiral because my stomach can’t handle a little spice. So much for a relaxing 3-day weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 124

31/12/2010 06:21

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to take our first shower together. When he came into the room, he had swimming trunks on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 197

You deserved it 5 613

28/06/2016 17:30

Today, I knew my relationship was basically over when my boyfriend invited me over, and I was more excited about seeing his dog than seeing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 669

You deserved it 1 561

28/09/2014 22:55

Today, I'm on the last day of my honeymoon in Ireland. My wife and I have an amazing hotel room and a huge bed. She's passed out drunk and if I even touch her, she needs the bucket next to our bed. So much for finishing our week on a "fun" note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 229

You deserved it 6 536

17/03/2018 08:00

Today, after my flight arrived late, I ran 60 gates to get my connecting flight. I sprinted up to the gate agent, completely out of breath, and he looked at me, shut the door, and said, “The door is shut. You’re too late.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 290

You deserved it 289

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Top comments

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 18:38

Thus, the beginning of a porno. Bow chicka wow wow.

dc4 12

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 18:39

Is that the story you're going with?

Comments

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 18:36

BEAVER SHOT!

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 18:37

Well how was the view??

imaginaryvoice 18

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 18:43

Be thankful it was only her skirt

kickuwithmyfist 1

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 18:55

it looks like an old catchers mitt!

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 19:05

Head shot. BOOM!

fuzz97 23

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 21:20

loserman, I find it ironic how you choose to describe yourself in your bio as "witty and urbane"

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 22:15

Well considering it is an old lady, HOPEFULLY, she was wearing grannie panties and he was saved from a sore sight, along with the others. And in that case, f her life for getting exposed like that in public.

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Thursday 24 May 2012 2:49

No 45, I don't see any irony in it.

MizzErikaHart 8

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Thursday 24 May 2012 17:18

Actually, I think if number 1 would've said that in the background as this fml was happening, it would have been really funny

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Friday 25 May 2012 0:13

Johnny Bench called.....

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 18:37

Freudian slip of the hand?

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 20:31

She must have reminded him of his mother then.

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 20:45

"Accidents" happen

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 21:04

Lmao @ 39... oh psychology.

blondebrunette11 4

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Thursday 24 May 2012 5:39

Oh yeah.. Good excuse.

youtubetre_fml 14

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 18:37

Hope her underwear was nice

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 19:52

Crotchless thong

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Thursday 24 May 2012 1:21

What underwear?

thatoneguy79 10

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Thursday 24 May 2012 6:53

Depends

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Thursday 24 May 2012 14:37

Oh so a string ?

melikeyturtles 3

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 18:38

Did she hit you with her purse?

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Thursday 24 May 2012 2:18

Mrs Crumplebottom?

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Thursday 24 May 2012 8:38

Oh dear that grumpy old hag from the sims..

SqueakyChipmunk 20

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 18:38

Thus, the beginning of a porno. Bow chicka wow wow.

kickuwithmyfist 1

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 19:13

Granny gone wild 3!!!...this time, it's personal...

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 20:15

Here's come the highland granny, big tits and a hairy fanny! ^ Scottish tune for you.

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Thursday 24 May 2012 4:15

35 big tits? No more like old saggy tits down to her ankles

Boston_4_Life 3

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 18:39

No karma for you

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 18:39

Well at least you tried to help!! And you were rewarded with a disgusting view of an old lady in her underwear. (unless you like that stuff....) ;)

dc4 12

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 18:39

Is that the story you're going with?

music_woman1 11

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 18:39

Aw bad luck.. I hope she had a good reaction, it wasn't your fault

ManInTheMachine 19

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Wednesday 23 May 2012 18:42

I think it's Karma's time of the month today. Aside from that, I hope you didn't pull down her Depends aswell. That would be an unfortunate endeavor for all around! That poor old lady. I'm sure that's the last thing she'd want to experience on the way home. Unless she's into that kind of thing.