Love: Today, I asked a cute guy for his number but instead he gave...

By sorejecteditmakesmewannacry - 29/08/2013 10:44 - France - Poissy

Today, I asked a cute guy for his number but instead he gave it to my gay friend. When my friend later called him, it turned out that he'd given him his number just to get rid of me and wasn't expecting him to call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 101

You deserved it 3 791

Love

Another great day to be alive

Compromises

Judge not lest ye be judged

By thelunarwolf - 02/03/2011 03:41

Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 785

You deserved it 8 854

By swaiteATC - 28/07/2009 04:11 - United States

Today, I was sitting in the break room at work eating lunch when I started to choke. My face turned red and tears began welling up in my eyes. Two of my coworkers were there. They began to argue over who would have to give me the heimlich maneuver rather than helping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 218

You deserved it 2 639

By Cody - 19/07/2010 13:59 - United States

Today, my kids surprised me when I got home. One of them played the Rocky theme song on the stereo, and the other came up to me and said, "Daddy, let's go. We need you to drop about 15 pounds before you appear in front of all of our friends at our play." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 706

You deserved it 8 027

By crushed - 29/09/2011 14:32 - Australia

Today, the job search agency that I use asked me to stop sending in my resume, as no one had hired me in three years, and that the situation was unlikely to change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 368

You deserved it 3 789

By Doors Hate Me - 02/03/2013 14:09 - United States

Today, as I was about to open a door at school, a student opened it and hit me. As I recovered and was about to open it again, someone else opened the door, hitting me again. Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 949

You deserved it 3 862

By iwantmoney - 22/07/2011 00:20 - United States

Today, after babysitting, the parents actually tried to pay me in Trident Layers Gum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 187

You deserved it 5 108

By Sick'o'bitches - 04/09/2018 03:30

Today, I spent my entire day off making a brisket. It had been cooking for 8 hours when, just before dinner, I went for a quick jog. In that time my girlfriend came home and ruined it by trying to make it the way she wanted. I'm a chef and she's an office worker. We couldn't eat it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 541

You deserved it 353

By Anonymous - 11/06/2014 22:46 - United States - Russell Springs

Today, I was babysitting a little girl. I let her play with a box of old Star Wars toys to keep her occupied while I quickly went to use the bathroom, and when I returned she was making the 15 or so figures have a massive orgy, sex sounds included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 458

You deserved it 5 719

Sounds lovely

By akvan - 30/10/2020 06:01 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my coworker, who keeps calling me Mexican even though she knows I'm not, is telling everyone that I act like a bitch to our boss, even though she's the one who is always contradicting and fighting with her, and I always try to keep everything professional. No other jobs are calling me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 58

By Bekah - 04/07/2011 13:24 - United States

Today, I finished reading a book about the treatment of mental patients and decided to use some of the strategies on my dad. We've never gotten along better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 560

You deserved it 4 425

By teeth - 10/08/2011 17:00 - United States

Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 358

You deserved it 2 818

By confused_cashier - 12/06/2016 01:34 - United States - Herndon

Today, while working as a cashier at a fast food restaurant, a customer asked me how many chicken nuggets were in our 6 count chicken nuggets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 230

You deserved it 1 433

By VDM - 03/06/2013 21:16 - France - Poissy

Today, my 6-year-old son was so angry at me for not buying him overpriced candy at the airport, that he told a security guard I had a machine gun in my suitcase. The interrogation was not pleasant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 528

You deserved it 8 209

By Anonymous - 21/02/2012 19:24 - Germany

Today, my sculpture, which is very important for my art grade, fell from my desk and broke to pieces. My art teacher suggested I soak the parts in water to make it easier to stick them back together. They dissolved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 458

You deserved it 3 561

By notpregnant - 21/12/2009 18:12 - United States

Today, I updated my Facebook status to "It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood." My cousin, seeing the status, failed to pick up on the sarcastic humor. She called all my family members and tell them that I was pregnant. Including my husband in Iraq. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 825

You deserved it 13 966

By ricksterile - 29/10/2011 00:44 - United States

Today, we were playing dodgeball at school. I tried to duck and jump around so the idiots on the other team couldn't nail me with the ball. Mid-jump, it tore through the air and smashed straight into my ballsack, sending me curling into a fetal position on the floor. I feel like I got sterilized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 006

You deserved it 10 795

By harro101 - 05/03/2010 05:24 - Australia

Today, the guy I liked for years asked me out. I instantly said yes. As I was walking away, I forgot I was at the top of the stairs and fell down 20 steps. He stood at the top and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 403

You deserved it 6 174

By PollingLow - 10/05/2012 15:45 - United States - Decatur

Today, I ran for editor-in-chief of a magazine. I spent hours working on my speech, and offered a bunch of new ideas to increase readership. My opponent just said that she, "loved the organization". I lost by a 4-1 margin. My opponent later announced her plans for next year. They were all of my ideas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 635

You deserved it 2 353

By "schober60" - 15/09/2017 07:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I frantically finished a paper that I needed to complete before midnight about the competencies of my pharmacy school. When it came time to submit, I accidentally selected the file below my paper, which was my personal log of beer reviews and personal favorites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 159

You deserved it 3 072

By charliemann_ - 12/09/2011 14:28 - United States

Today, a woman came into the gas station where I work, yelling because her credit card wouldn't read at the pump. I politely told her that I could set the pump up for a set amount, and she could swipe the card at the register. Her response: "You need Jesus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 615

You deserved it 2 749

By Anonymous - 01/01/2011 13:30 - United States

Today, my fiancé suggested we bring his elderly mother with us on our honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 767

You deserved it 3 471

By sastgamer - 21/05/2016 17:46 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I asked about 30 students and 3 of my teachers to sign my yearbook. So far, only my math teacher agreed to write in it. He wrote, "You need to try harder next year." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 337

You deserved it 1 761

By Anonymous - 11/09/2010 04:47 - United States

Today, I woke up very excited because I was going on my first date with this guy I really liked. I dressed very nicely and went to where we were supposed to meet. I waited for about 2 hours. I called him to ask him where he was. He got angry because he was still sleeping and I woke him up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 427

You deserved it 3 766

By SowhatshouldIdo - 16/05/2017 05:00 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, I handed in my resignation letter after over 3 and a half years working at the company. My manager is angry with me, since we returned from an overseas business trip yesterday and why didn't I inform her before the trip. She now wants me to pay all costs of trip before leaving the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 930

You deserved it 1 197

By northernlass - 20/09/2010 04:47 - United States

Today, I was singing and playing keyboards with my band on stage at a club. A drunken chick from the crowd tried to climb up onto the stage in her heels, fell, and grabbed the back of my mic stand to catch herself. And busted me in the mouth with my own microphone. Then she requested a song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 852

You deserved it 2 663

By photogirl - 30/08/2010 18:42 - United States

Today, my external hard drive broke. My husband tried to fix it, and the computer told him he needed to format it. Apparently he didn't know what formatting does, so he did it. I'm a wedding photographer and had a full summer of unfinished wedding photography on there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 111

You deserved it 7 406

By Annonymous - 18/11/2013 18:37 - United States - Fallbrook

Today, my water got cut off. The previous homeowners owed the water company over $300, and the company doesn't believe that I'm not them. The supervisor told me this will keep happening until I pay up. I need a shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 299

You deserved it 2 894

By sunil - 13/06/2014 22:53 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my 8-year-old son microwaved his pet hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 550

You deserved it 9 897

By Canceled Wedding - 25/05/2017 22:00

Today, I found out that because we made a mistake and applied for the wrong visa first, my fiancé probably can't fly into America to attend his own wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 554

You deserved it 1 241

By Anonymous - 14/03/2016 23:41 - United States - Houston

Today, I'm recovering from a brain injury that occurred a few months ago. The newest challenge I'm facing is thinking the floor is moving any time there is a change in colour or texture. My house has patterned tile floors and carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 752

You deserved it 1 225

By embarrassed - 20/12/2010 14:51 - United States

Today, I slipped at work while putting out a "wet floor" sign to make sure the customers didn't slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 965

You deserved it 6 527

Heavy

By Anonymous - 21/09/2019 04:04 - United States

Today, a 100-foot maple tree fell on my house. I was inside. I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 679

You deserved it 86

Pretend

By Anonymous - 01/09/2013 16:34 - United States - Washington

Today, my girlfriend tried to get me to wear curly wig, so I could pretend to be Harry Styles in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 618

You deserved it 6 931

Squatters' rights

By Anonymous - 10/01/2021 08:01

Today, I had the best date I've had in my life, until after we ate and split an expensive dinner out, we came back to my place and she then told me she was homeless, and wasn't looking to date but for a couch to crash on. She won't leave. Happy fucking New Year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 265

By Anonymous - 08/11/2017 13:00 - United States

Today, during the birth of my first child, my epidural didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 112

You deserved it 453

By Baby Bethy - 25/12/2016 04:00 - United States

Today, I went to bed at noon after having driven 11 hours from Washington to Maine. I missed my flight due to a delayed plane, and was told there were no open flights the next 2 days. I'd been driving my $200 rental car for 1.5 hrs when the airport told me, over the phone, that there was in fact a flight available. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 676

You deserved it 563

By cdn_steed - 23/04/2011 13:11 - United States

Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 911

You deserved it 4 643

By legitweirdo - 08/01/2013 04:16 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight, the guy sitting next to me picked an eyelash he found on my face, stared at it for a few seconds, and stuck it in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 782

You deserved it 2 683

By kimbo - 25/10/2010 08:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up and had a flick through my camera photos. To my disgust my mother had taken pictures of herself, drunk out of her mind, naked with goggles on in our hot tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 376

You deserved it 2 858

By Noname - 01/02/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, my little sister and I were reading a book together and out of nowhere, she said "I love you". My heart melted and I told her that I love her too. Then she told me that she was talking to her stuffed animal, not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 211

You deserved it 3 181

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Top comments

Conn3ct 9

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Thursday 29 August 2013 16:08

So call me maybe?

Tigerblossom 19

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Thursday 29 August 2013 16:08

That's just so wrong. He could have just said no. There was no reason for him to be such an ass to you and your friend.

Conn3ct 9

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Thursday 29 August 2013 16:08

So call me maybe?

BntyHntrSeattle 30

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Thursday 29 August 2013 16:39

I seriously laughed so hard at the end of that video.

Ryan8878 21

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Thursday 29 August 2013 17:04

@22 May I suggest Steve Kardynal's parody of it? Guaranteed to laugh so hard you'll cry.

Pwn17 25

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Thursday 29 August 2013 17:32

22- No, trust me you aren't. I want to punch something every time that song comes on.

TheCanucklehead 22

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Thursday 29 August 2013 19:09

First song I've heard of that got popular because of a baseball team

Sfaizi24 17

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Friday 30 August 2013 3:44

It was popular much b4 the Harvard parody was.

Bradley_Dillon 39

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Wednesday 9 October 2013 19:33

Lol, nice. That song sucks, though.

Tigerblossom 19

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Thursday 29 August 2013 16:08

That's just so wrong. He could have just said no. There was no reason for him to be such an ass to you and your friend.

PuggieKid 22

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Thursday 29 August 2013 16:23

Well, now you know what kind of guy he is.

TheCaramelKing 11

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Thursday 29 August 2013 17:44

I don't think the gay friend would mind if he was being an ass...

PJLJ 6

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Friday 30 August 2013 4:57

Omg 31 priceless!

Bradley_Dillon 39

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Wednesday 9 October 2013 19:34

lol, he was probably excited.

golden_warrior 23

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Thursday 29 August 2013 16:09

What a douche. He should have just politely declined.

CallMeMcFeelii 13

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Thursday 29 August 2013 16:32

I will be the first to say, sometimes that doesn't help. I'm never a dick when I decline handing out my number, and some girls go fucking crazy. Especially if they're with their friends. "Don't you think I'm pretty? Oh, you'll take her number not mine?" Even being as genuinely nice as possible, some people can't handle rejection.

golden_warrior 23

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Thursday 29 August 2013 16:52

I agree with you and that's why i always tend to go with, "sorry, I have crush on someone and if I give you my number then I'm misleading you which is not fair to you." It has worked so far and this way both parties tend to save face.

Sweet_Meli 11

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Thursday 29 August 2013 20:31

I agree , some people just don't give up. I know some girls that when getting turned down, automatically think the guy is gay. People are so self-absorbed.

Bradley_Dillon 39

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Wednesday 9 October 2013 19:36

15, you are a genious.

LittleBastard 20

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Thursday 29 August 2013 16:10

Your gay friend must've liked that. At first atleast.

dudeofawe 15

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Friday 30 August 2013 5:29

Little bastard.

LittleBastard 20

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Saturday 31 August 2013 1:56

Yeah.. Shitty attempt at sarcasm?

isallwaysme 27

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Thursday 29 August 2013 16:11

a pretty face is nothing with a black heart.

caohm 18

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Thursday 29 August 2013 16:43

I like this sounds right in jigsaws voice. like something he may say to a pretty girl who doesn't appreciate life or relations and is about to play a game she will never forget.......if she survives