All the FMLs

By never thought I'd say that - 22/08/2013 19:05 - Norway - Stavanger

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by pissing by some drunken loon on a segway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 753

You deserved it 2 859

Dad jokes

By Anonymous - 22/08/2013 17:56 - Philippines - Dasmarinas

Today, it's my last day before I get my colonoscopy. I've been on a strict chicken broth and jello diet in preparation. My dad thought it would be hilarious to drag me out to one of the best restaurants in town just so I could watch everyone else eat their delicious meals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 561

You deserved it 3 163

By Baustigt - 22/08/2013 14:48 - Australia - Perth

Today, someone on Facebook posted a really tiny picture that I couldn't read properly, so I responded, "What is this? A picture for ants?!" Turns out it was a commentary about rape, and now I look like an insensitive jackass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 735

You deserved it 13 845

By Kingofbosses - 22/08/2013 05:31 - United States

Today, I moved into my university dorm a week before classes start. Everyone kept giving me weird looks as they watched me move my stuff in. Finally, one of my dorm mates asked me if I knew that school had actually started last week. I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 511

You deserved it 16 565

By Anonymous - 22/08/2013 04:48 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my little brother grabbed my boobs and wouldn't let go until I pried his hands off. When I told my mom, her response was, "Get over it. He's a little kid who doesn't know any better." He's 14 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 124

You deserved it 3 813

By Embarrassed - 22/08/2013 04:40 - United States - Gloucester

Today, I was playing Charades with my boyfriend's family. When it was his turn, he pointed at me. His mother said "Bitch?" The answer was "relationship". FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 839

You deserved it 4 355

By baconbxtch - 22/08/2013 02:45 - United States - Orlando

Today, I got rejected for a job because they claimed I faked my entire resume. Their excuse? I'm too pretty to be smart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 042

You deserved it 4 742

What is going on?

By Jade - 22/08/2013 00:09 - United States - Reseda

Today, my wackjob roommate decided to sit next to me on the couch, basically make out with her pet rabbit, and baby-talk to it. Key highlights involved giggling while the bunny licked up inside her nose and then commenting on the rabbit's "pronounced nipples". Why? FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 116

You deserved it 3 986

By me - 21/08/2013 23:45 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I was in love with his best friend. He confessed that he was too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 310

You deserved it 24 164

By mykhael - 21/08/2013 18:58 - United States - Opelousas

Today, my girlfriend and I started fighting. Instead of arguing for herself, she decided to set her puppy on me. Only "Puppy" is the name of her fully-grown police-trained German Shepherd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 163

You deserved it 7 484

By Loser - 21/08/2013 15:17 - United States

Today, I got my girlfriend to play Smash Bros Brawl with me. As it was her first time, I set up handicaps to give her at least a shot at winning. She won, quite handily. A little irritated at this, I took off the handicaps and tried again. She beat me even faster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 753

You deserved it 26 319

By Beegee - 21/08/2013 04:40 - United States - Denver

Today, I got a speeding ticket. I couldn't find my insurance card, and the cop was very nice. He said not to worry about it, that I "looked like someone who had insurance." I'm not sure how to take that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 573

You deserved it 7 417

By MissCharlotte - 21/08/2013 04:06 - United States - Downers Grove

Today, I met up with my estranged father for the first time in almost 15 years. I saw him again later, while he was robbing my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 841

You deserved it 3 145

MissCharlotte_fml tells us more.

MissCharlotte_fml 26

Friday 23 August 2013 2:23

Hi everyone, I am the OP. I am so glad this got published!! Also, all of these coments are great :) To add more to the story: My sister and I went out to lunch with my dad because he was in town and wanted to see us. He seemed to have changed since he divorced my mom 15 years ago, so we let him drive us home, which is how he knew where our apartment was. Later that night, I heard noises in our apartment, so my badass sister tackled him and pepper-sprayed him as he was trying to pick up our TV. He was aressted (he actually had a knife) and we are getting a restraining order against him.

By Anonymous - 20/08/2013 21:37 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I asked out the girl who always looks and smiles at me in class. I was surprised when she rejected me until I found out she was actually always looking at the clock behind me, and smiling when class is almost over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 223

You deserved it 5 050

By aly55a_mariie - 20/08/2013 19:04 - United States - Lakewood

Today, I woke up to a very unpleasant feeling. Apparently, the tattoo I got on my arm a couple of days ago attracted hundreds of ants during its healing process. They were literally carrying away pieces of my skin. I can not get the feeling or image out of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 534

You deserved it 6 566

aly55a_mariie tells us more.

aly55a_mariie 8

Saturday 24 August 2013 22:47

LOL they definitely weren't lying when they said the internet could be brutal. First off, I have ten other tattoos and this is the first time something like this has happened. I take great care in all of my tattoos. I would like to think of myself as an incredibly clean person. Anal to a certain extent. I live with a very talented and successful tattoo artist. He too was freaked out waking up to ants in our bed. I didn't use anything scented. Just the typical A&D ointment. It was not infected nor did it get infected. It was just one of those crappy things that happen to people. I have had another tattoo since then and am happy to say there was no ant attack this time! But thanks everyone for your comments and likes! And for those that don't think you can see a tattoo in your future, please don't let this be the reason! I highly doubt this is a common occurance. Thanks again everyone and have a great day!

Nope, not me

By mycar - 20/08/2013 17:40 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was showing a new girl around at school. As we were walking through the parking lot she noticed a green jeep and commented, "I heard the person who drives that is a total creep. Is he?" I said I didn't know who it was. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 997

You deserved it 6 316

By LizzyJones - 20/08/2013 17:38 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my husband bought me a present for our three year anniversary. It was a pack of 20 cigarettes. I don't smoke. He does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 207

You deserved it 8 991

By Anonymous - 20/08/2013 17:18 - United States

Today, my ass decided that it was the perfect day to exhibit the diarrhea side-effect of medicine I'm taking. I definitely made a lasting impression on my interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 252

You deserved it 2 983

By CrappyDay - 20/08/2013 17:14 - United States

Today, while working at a daycare, I had to change a kid's diaper. This may seem normal for a daycare worker, but not when it's a 7-year-old kid who is still not potty-trained and shat their pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 140

You deserved it 3 257

By nobieb - 20/08/2013 16:28 - Canada - Welland

Today, I found out that while having a GPS tracker in your car is helpful for tracking down car thieves, it's also helpful to your psycho ex, who can use it to track you down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 169

You deserved it 3 621

By no that does not help - 20/08/2013 13:41 - United States - Austin

Today, I went to see a therapist for help with my severe fear of spiders. The therapist held a big spider in a box inches away from my face. I ran to the back of the room and asked him why. He responded with, "Aren't therapists supposed to help you face your fears?" I'm paying $150 an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 593

You deserved it 7 787

By TheRoad42 - 20/08/2013 12:54 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, when I got back to my dorm, I found a trail of ants trying to shove a dead roach into a power outlet. The front desk insists that there is no pest problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 755

You deserved it 2 736

By Anonymous - 20/08/2013 08:38 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, on the train, I was sitting next to a homeless man. As we left the train he shook my hand and was seemingly on his way. That was until he caught me greeting my boyfriend, to which he decided to tell the romantic story of how he murdered a man for "getting too close to his woman." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 908

You deserved it 3 145

Read and learn

By Anonymous - 20/08/2013 08:06 - United States - Gig Harbor

Today, I had to endure my girlfriend crying and screaming at me. The reason? I'm not able to please her like the fictional character Christian Grey in 50 Shades of Grey. When she left me, she took all her stuff and left me with copies of the three books. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 465

You deserved it 4 430

By anonymous - 20/08/2013 07:08 - United States

Today, I got a steering wheel cover to stop my obsessive steering wheel picking. After putting it on, I realized it was crooked, causing me to have OCD fits every time I drive. I can still pick at the steering wheel around the cover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 919

You deserved it 9 966

By nice guys finish last - 20/08/2013 04:01 - United States - Smyrna

Today, a kid in class dropped his paper on the floor. I held on to my desk with one hand and reached for the paper with my other hand. I lost balance and tilted both my chair and desk over, nailing the floor as everything on my desk hit the ground with me. He picked the paper up himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 384

You deserved it 5 681

By bluerhhajfk - 19/08/2013 23:29 - United States - Providence

Today, I walked in on my brother smoking weed. He immediately tried to hide it by dropping it down his pants, still lit. Screaming in pain, he pulled down his pants. The ashes burned his knob. I had to take him to the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 745

You deserved it 3 577

bluerhhajfk tells us more.

bluerhhajfk 17

Tuesday 20 August 2013 19:47

Apparently his friend gave him some to try. He's only 14 so I don't think he knew any better. He told me he was experimenting, and I think that's an okay thing to do so long as he learned his lesson. He is just a young stupid teenager. Moral of the story: Don't do drugs, kids. Or you'll burn your penises.

By sirradel - 19/08/2013 23:15 - United States

Today, my spouse asked me if I could transfer some of the passion I have for buffalo wings into our relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 021

You deserved it 37 590

sirradel tells us more.

sirradel 14

Thursday 22 August 2013 0:42

OP here guys! Just for your information, I'm a woman and my spouse is a man.

By AtomicDiamond87 - 19/08/2013 19:55 - United States - Toppenish

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. I told my boyfriend and my close family, who were all ecstatic. Then he told his mother. Her reaction? "It better come out looking like him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 398

You deserved it 3 853

AtomicDiamond87 tells us more.

AtomicDiamond87 15

Tuesday 20 August 2013 15:26

OP here. Well She didn't say it as a joke. She's always been a let down. But thank you all for the good comments. No I don't cheat. I love my boyfriend. Been together almost two years. Didn't plan for a baby because the doctors told him he wasn't able. He's so happy. And i'm always tired. Ad for the woman who also have mother in law problems keep your heads up :)