All the FMLs

By .__. - 16/07/2013 20:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my husband and I came clean to his overbearing parents about our private wedding. It started with them accusing him of making rash decisions, and somehow descended into an argument amongst themselves that ended with his mom deciding to divorce his dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 908

You deserved it 4 609

By Orchard - 16/07/2013 17:25 - United States - Seminole

Today, I suddenly started having excruciating pain. My husband took me to the ER, where I waited for three hours in agony to be seen. By the time a doctor got to me, the pain had mostly gone, but it was found to be a kidney stone. I was told, "Next time, don't wait so long." Really? FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 713

You deserved it 3 043

Orchard tells us more.

Orchard 33

Wednesday 17 July 2013 0:48

Hi, this is the OP. I told them in triage with tears streaming down my face that I thought it was a kidney stone. I was in so much pain I could barely fill out the forms. There were only a couple of possibilities as to the source of pain to begin with since the pain was all down my left flank and upper left quadrant. I have medical training so I wasn't too shocked to find out it was a kidney stone. What was shocking was they thought I was faking to get a drug fix, put me on the back burner, then acted like it was somehow my fault for not being seen sooner so they could help manage the pain.

Fight Club

By ronnieG - 16/07/2013 16:06 - United States - Decatur

Today, my wife and I were having a fight, when she grabbed my car keys and threw them over into the neighbors overgrown junk yard. My car is a restored '59 Belvedere and the keys can't be replaced. I've been looking for hours and I still can't find them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 715

You deserved it 8 807

By ScenicSubterfuge - 16/07/2013 16:01 - United States - Houston

Today, my grandmother, who has Alzheimer's, cornered me in the kitchen and called the cops. My crime? Robbery, of my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 698

You deserved it 2 847

ScenicSubterfuge tells us more.

ScenicSubterfuge 39

Tuesday 16 July 2013 23:26

OP here, that thought hasn't even crossed my mind! That's scary! Haha, she's fine now, but we're already considering moving her to an old folks home -- she's in her late 70s -- so that'll be the next move!

By Aliiiice - 16/07/2013 13:18 - France - Offranville

Today, I started doing it again. I'd given up for years, but when I saw the pack I just couldn't help myself. One taste was enough to make me finish off the whole pack. Nobody knows that I've fallen off the wagon and I'm so ashamed of myself. Today, I began eating my cat's biscuits again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 696

You deserved it 35 966

Y'all need Jesus

By TNDriver - 16/07/2013 13:12 - United States - Jackson

Today, I was about to make a left turn. In the turn lane a little old lady was waiting for the light to change. On the back of her car was a bumper sticker that said, "Honk if you love Jesus!" I gave her a honk and waved. She leaned out and yelled, "The light's red, asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 143

You deserved it 15 106

By muffin - 16/07/2013 12:01 - Austria

Today, I baked strawberry muffins for my family, putting half a strawberry on each of them. Only when it was too late did I realize that they looked like extremely creepy breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 198

You deserved it 7 441

By Anonymous - 16/07/2013 04:41 - United States

Today, as I was about to enter a public restroom, a man walked out and said, "You may want to hold your nose in there. I just took the biggest dump of my life." It was the ladies' restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 213

You deserved it 3 376

By Anonymous - 16/07/2013 00:10 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my 11-year-old daughter heard the quote, "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be." She decided to test this out by letting our new puppy out of the front door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 859

You deserved it 4 897

By Jer - 15/07/2013 23:36 - United States - Louisville

Today, I knocked over a display case at a mall, shattering hundreds of dollars in goods. Embarrassed, I tried to scurry out of the nearest door without being seen. I scuttled right into the janitor's closet, the door automatically locking behind me. I waited for an hour to be let out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 081

You deserved it 48 784

By lame-o-prof - 15/07/2013 21:14 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was marking exams. I then had to explain to many of the students that (a) pigs are not aquatic animals and (b) sharks do not have lungs. These are university students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 227

You deserved it 4 085

By Anonymous - 15/07/2013 19:25 - United States - Colonial Beach

Today, I was in a restroom, reading this site, when another gentleman walked in. He washed his hands, dried them, nodded at me, then left. It wouldn't ordinarily be so weird, except I was in a one-person restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 205

You deserved it 8 953

By helpme - 15/07/2013 17:25 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, while waxing my bikini line, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me which caused me to close my legs. I am now sitting in the sink with my best friend pouring hot water "down there" trying to remove the wax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 582

You deserved it 4 665

By thatkid00117 - 15/07/2013 17:15 - United States - Avalon

Today, while lifeguarding at my local beach, I noticed someone having difficulty swimming back to shore. I ran out and swam him back to shore. Once we were on dry land, he cussed me out for "emasculating" him in front of his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 454

You deserved it 3 354

thatkid00117 tells us more.

thatkid00117 16

Tuesday 16 July 2013 0:01

Hey guys, it was a pretty rough day so I wasn't surprised at least one person encountered trouble, and he didn't speak a word whilst he was gripped tightly to the flotation device. Once on shore I asked him if he was alright and instructed him how not to get caught in another rip current. He promptly to me to "f off" and that he didn't need help. At that point his girlfriend ran up to ask if he was hurt, and everything went downhill from there. I appreciate the sympathy, but it would be a little irresponsible of me to let the man die :)

By leeceetaylor99 - 15/07/2013 16:47 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and my best friend making out. She claimed he was just tasting her lipstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 906

You deserved it 3 898

By sammy77sam - 15/07/2013 13:41 - Saint Kitts and Nevis - Basseterre

Today, I told my girlfriend about my extreme fear of flying roaches. She immediately got upset because she thought, since I'm from the Caribbean, I would be "manlier" and "eat stuff like that for breakfast". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 696

You deserved it 4 964

By ugh - 15/07/2013 11:46 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, after my parents left for the weekend, my "friends" decided to throw a party at my house, despite my protests. In order to get them to leave, I called the police. I was the only one arrested, while they got warnings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 827

You deserved it 9 154

By disataerkatie - 15/07/2013 10:30 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, the guy I was on a date with jokingly challenged me to an arm wrestle. I won. He left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 952

You deserved it 7 758

disataerkatie tells us more.

disataerkatie 6

Monday 15 July 2013 20:19

I wish I had longer arms. Possibly the best part is that he is an entire foot taller than I am...

By Sam - 15/07/2013 05:14 - United States - Elmhurst

Today, I had to turn down an invitation to one of my best friend's birthday party because I had been scheduled to work. Little did I know that my job on that day would be setting up the tents, tables, and chairs for that very birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 909

You deserved it 4 470

By Anonymous - 15/07/2013 04:23 - United States - Clarks Summit

Today, I had an allergy test. Not only was I allergic to 35 out of the 40 items, they also found out that I'm allergic to the latex gloves my doctor happened to be wearing. Now my entire back is covered in a rash that will last at least another week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 009

You deserved it 3 223

By Anonymous - 15/07/2013 03:40 - United States - Odenton

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 018

You deserved it 7 195

By thatsfine - 14/07/2013 22:52 - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, my sister announced her pregnancy at my husband's funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 783

You deserved it 3 280

By scheisse - 14/07/2013 21:25 - Germany - Herne

Today, I held a house party. For fun, I made sure all the beer was alcohol-free, so I could see which of my friends would be weak-minded enough to end up acting drunk. Three did. I was one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 329

You deserved it 67 570

By WTF - 14/07/2013 20:08 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, my girlfriend of six weeks dumped me when she learned that Macedonia, where I was born, is in Europe. Apparently, she thought that I was "Asian" and she doesn't want to date a "white guy." Yeah, I'm totally confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 536

You deserved it 3 891

By Anonymous - 14/07/2013 19:37 - Brazil - Campinas

Today, while mourning my friend's recent passing, my dad told me to shut the fuck up because "worse things are going on in the world". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 797

You deserved it 4 675

By nice one - 14/07/2013 17:51 - United States - Athens

Today, I got home from a week-long vacation with my friend's family. When I got back home, I found the garage door had been completely demolished. My uncontrollably drunk dad blamed me. I don't even drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 821

You deserved it 2 750

By coughcough - 14/07/2013 05:35 - United States

Today, after recovering from pneumonia and a severe asthma attack caused by my dad's fiancée's cat, he chose to keep the cat. I can't go to his house without having to go to the hospital later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 153

You deserved it 4 066

By Blizzards - 14/07/2013 05:29 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I went to the pool. As I started going up the steps to use the water slide, a kid no older than 10 yanked my swim trunks down to "see what's down there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 214

You deserved it 3 406

Blizzards tells us more.

Blizzards 13

Sunday 14 July 2013 22:26

OP here, he was behind me the whole time (he blamed it on his sister). Thankfully, he only pulled it down enough to expose my butt. I pulled my trunks up, but I didn't say anything and just acted as if he wasn't there.

By Upset Mommy - 14/07/2013 04:32 - United States

Today, my water broke. I called my mom, who had agreed to watch my other two kids while I went to the hospital. When I asked her to come over, she just said, "Sorry, now isn't a good time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 984

You deserved it 3 708