Today, the person I've been sharing my most intimate feelings...

By john - 4/5/2012 19:14 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, the person I've been sharing my most intimate feelings with finally got bored and let me know I've been texting the wrong number for weeks. FML

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Love

Dangling modifier

Delayed proposal

Hello everyone!

By deadinavan - 13/10/2010 12:57 - Germany

Today, I found out the man I'm getting a ride from drives a windowless van and is "excited to see me". My friends had encouraged me to sign up for the cheap-ride program because it was less expensive than taking a train. If I never come back, look for a windowless van somewhere in Europe. FML

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By Ohdear - 16/6/2019 15:08 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I was holding the ladder while my husband was in the attic, and I let out a silent fart, thinking he wouldn't notice. A minute later, he complained of the dreadful smell and told me he was checking for a dead animal. FML

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By twicethepersonioncewas - 18/10/2016 05:19 - United States - Merion Station

Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification that my workload would be increased to more than twice what is was before. FML

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By Trey - 19/11/2011 01:58 - United States

Today, I brought my girlfriend over to her first dinner with my family. My gramps spent the entire dinner telling my girlfriend how the Illuminati are plotting to take over the world and use microchips to control everyone. So much for being taken seriously now. FML

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By anonymous - 6/6/2016 16:51 - United States - Phoenix

Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, the strange cat that has adopted me inexplicably made its way into my house and curled up next to my head while I slept. I'm horribly allergic. FML

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By ElamentalAngel - 6/5/2009 17:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my 3 year old nephew was sitting on my knee at the computer. He was annoying me as he kept on pressing all the buttons. To scare him off I did a creepy voice in his ear that makes him cry. He turned round and broke my nose. FML

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By messyvictor - 28/1/2012 16:19 - United States

Today, my mom told me to clean the house up because she wants to make good impression on the cleaning lady. FML

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By Awkward - 14/4/2016 00:29 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I was caller number nine on the radio, meaning I technically won the contest. I was too awkward, so they hung up on me. FML

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By amandapurple - 22/2/2009 19:02 - United States

Today, I finally won an ongoing battle with my family to go to a restaurant I like, rather than a restaurant I hate with a passion. Now I'm throwing up, and my back is killing me. I'm the only one who got food poisoning. FML

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By Choum - 7/11/2008 06:33 - France

Today, I realized that my ex has REALLY dumped me for a video game. And he will not change his mind. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/9/2010 02:09 - United States

Today, I was in my basement when I saw a giant cricket on the floor. I found an old plastic bottle of orange paint to drop on it and did so from about five feet up. The bottle exploded and splattered the walls and floor like a crime scene. The cricket hopped away untouched. FML

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By 3rd wheel, 2nd dick - 26/7/2018 06:00

Today, my best friend asked if I'd join him and his girlfriend for a 3-way. Since I've always had a crush on his girlfriend, I eagerly agreed. When I got there, I learned that their idea of a 3-way was them watching me jerk off while I watched them have sex. FML

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By Sonotsuave - 4/3/2019 08:00 - United States - Arlington

Today, my now ex-friend told me she had feelings for my ex and was also choosing him over our friendship, despite being fully aware of the crazy rollercoaster our relationship was and being there to hear every detail of the trauma. She classily told me at random, in a public mall. People suck. FML

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By Sally - 17/1/2017 18:00

Today, I was heading out for lunch, and a co-worker asked me if I would pick up their pizza. I said yes, because, why not? Just as I arrived, they texted to inform me that the pizza was under the name "Anita Luong Duong". FML

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By TheKingDavis - 14/2/2011 07:11 - United States

Today, after dealing with tons of drama and working a 14 hour shift, I took a shower. When I stepped out, a weak spot in the floor gave way. While falling through the floor I grabbed the toilet tank lid, which fell into the tank and broke it. Now my leg hurts and the bathroom's flooded. FML

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By beep_guacamole - 24/5/2009 21:49 - United States

Today, I went to the laundromat. I put a load in the dryer and walked away to check on my other load. When I came back, I saw a homeless man putting his dirty, wet underwear in the dryer with my clean clothes. FML

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By Zzz - 30/1/2017 16:00 - United States - Brighton

Today, I took a team meeting from home. More specifically, my bed. Because I make great decisions, I ended up falling asleep. At some point during my nap, my cat walked over my keyboard, turning on my webcam. I woke up to my video on and no one left in the meeting. Everyone saw. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2016 03:24 - United States - Franklin

Today, at my minimum wage job, we received a half-way decomposed dog found in a lake. It was my job to tear open the bag and try to identify the breed and color. It would've been easier if the body wasn't crawling with maggots. FML

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By acw2110 - 20/2/2009 23:25 - United States

Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me. Instead, I found my cell phone with a text message from him that said "you should really do something about the pimples on your ass." FML

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By rahhhnnnn - 25/4/2020 02:00

You can't win sometimes

Today, I learned that because I clean everything in my roommate's house and keep the lights low to save energy, and respect him and do things in the proper way I was raised, he and his friends and girlfriend think I’m weird and won’t speak to me. FML

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By ImScrewed - 2/8/2011 17:47 - United States

Today, my boss sat me down to discuss the sounds my co-workers have heard coming from my cubicle. Apparently my music sounds like the background tracks from shitty soft-core porn movies. I'm getting a three day suspension while they go through all my files. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/7/2020 05:01

Vicious and unprovoked

Today, while I was playing football with a friend, my sister wanted to join in. She was messing around with the ball at the start, then suddenly she kicked the ball through my legs, pulled my shorts down and kneed me in the nuts. FML

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By Pimp-Daddy - 21/7/2009 14:55 - Canada

Today, I set up a camera in my kitchen to see who was stealing my cookies. Turns out my mom had her boyfriend over. Good news, the cookies are safe. Bad news, I now have something recorded that I never wanted to see in my life. FML

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By turnedoff - 18/6/2012 01:00 - United States

Today, I kindly asked my boyfriend to shave his pubic hair to make oral sex more enjoyable for me. He declined, saying, "Think of it as flossing your teeth. I'm doing you a much needed favor." FML

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By Anonymous - 16/3/2017 02:00

Today, after sweeping up a spill, I managed to break the cupboard door. With my head. FML

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By rabbitkiller - 20/6/2015 10:42 - China - Wuhai

Today, I went to my boyfriends house to meet his parents, and now they have a dead rabbit because I sat on it. FML

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By King_of_Cha0s - 15/9/2015 18:05 - United States - San Jose

Today, my PE teacher yelled at me for not trying hard enough in class. This my second week back after being in the hospital with a collapsed lung. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2020 23:00

Forever alone, episode 7864

Today, I lied at a store when the checkout person told me the cologne I was buying was for men. I told him it was for my boyfriend. I haven't had a boyfriend in 2 years, I just wanted it to smell like one. FML

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By Whipped Cream - 24/11/2012 05:38 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I took a picture of myself wearing a whipped cream bra with cherry nipples, captioned, "I hope you enjoyed your dinner, now how about some dessert???" I meant to send it to my fiancé. I sent it by mistake to my dad. FML

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By Ugh - 15/2/2011 17:10 - United States

Today, after struggling for hours to fall asleep with my husbands rather rattling snoring, I finally managed it... only to be rudely awakened an hour later by my husband elbowing me in the face in his sleep. FML

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By fuckbucket14 - 14/4/2012 22:56 - Egypt - Hurghada

Today, I got into an argument with my dad in his hotel room. I lost my temper and stormed out onto the balcony for some fresh air, at which point he decided to lock the door behind me, trapping me there for half an hour while he watched TV. FML

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By fecurtis - 22/1/2009 14:38 - United States

Today, I thought it'd be cool and trendy to buy a Blackberry Storm. FML

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By aswamk - 19/12/2015 05:01 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, my constant constipation has become a running joke in my family; I heard my mom tell my dad that if he wants to keep his Christmas presents safe, he should ask me to eat them. FML

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By sleepyt127 - 7/5/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, after leaving a bar I fell asleep on the Q train heading home. I awoke at 5am in Coney Island, end of the line, to a cop poking me with his baton. He gave me a ticket for "Subway Vagrancy" even though I have a job and an apartment. He didn't ticket the homeless man next to me covered in piss. FML

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By Scoopie - 15/3/2017 14:00

Same as "work", "boss" is also a four-letter word

Today, my job offer from 2 weeks ago was rescinded. My "new boss" didn't like my last performance review. I'd spent 30 hours preparing a case study for the second interview. He wants me to be a "standup guy" and withdraw my application voluntarily, so HR doesn't have to get involved. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/12/2009 11:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I sent a christmas card to my husband's uncle and aunt. I'd forgotten that the uncle died last year. FML

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By angkal2002 - 22/11/2014 03:29 - Australia

Today, my five year old sister won't stop saying, "shit buckle fuckle ton." My boyfriend's excuse was that he was teaching her how to rhyme. FML

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By Ciabatta - 20/11/2008 11:10 - France

Today, it's my one year anniversary with my husband. I put on a sexy outfit, red dress and slinky underwear, and waited for him to get home. He walked in the door and asked me with a quizzical look if I was going out tonight. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2014 02:45 - Sri Lanka

Today, my parents used my going away party as a cover up for my sister's surprise party. I didn't know until they brought out the cake. FML

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By ICantBelieveThis - 6/3/2010 14:31 - United States

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend in her room. That means: Jonas Brothers posters on the wall, Jonas Brothers pillows, sheets, comforter and stuffed dog. After we did it, she apologized to her posters for having to see that, since they're pure. FML

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Top comments

By RobinKCS | 9

#4391846 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:07

You share your most intimate feelings over text?

By bebefer | 8

#4391926 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:16

I'd rather tell a stranger my problems. They know nothing of me, or any of my friends so they can't blab to anyone.

COMMENTS

By RobinKCS | 9

#4391846 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:07

You share your most intimate feelings over text?

Michael_92 | 20

#4392359 - Saturday 5 May 2012 2:42

What better way to confess you love someone than through texting.

purplemonkeys23 | 1

#4392447 - Saturday 5 May 2012 3:30

And OP continued to text "stranger" after never getting a response? Sounds like YDI my friend

krmc822 | 6

#4392518 - Saturday 5 May 2012 3:56

Yeah cuz everyone does that

Ninjasaurus18 | 9

#4393815 - Saturday 5 May 2012 14:52

It's easier talking to someone over text. It's less awkward.

RobinKCS | 9

#4415508 - Thursday 10 May 2012 5:06

But wouldn't it be a bit odd to talk to them in real life and them not knowing anything?

By DeadxManxWalking | 27

#4391847 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:07

What's the point of having a complete stranger pour their feelings out to you when you don't care?

jackassiddy | 8

#4391990 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:29

In a day and age where Justin Bebeir, Twilight and Jersey Shore are successful is it really surprising that someone was entertained by this?

kprando25 | 8

#4395340 - Saturday 5 May 2012 22:09

*Bieber

By NoYDI | 4

#4391864 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:08

Maybe you should tell them in person?

violetsweety | 26

#4392505 - Saturday 5 May 2012 3:50

No, no, he's texting a stranger, honey.

gantzlord | 5

#4392539 - Saturday 5 May 2012 4:10

Them = the person the OP intended to text

KiddNYC1O | 20

#4392599 - Saturday 5 May 2012 4:50

Way to condescend wrongfully, 43.

By elisegreen | 4

#4391868 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:09

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

llamafish | 25

#4391975 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:27

Isn't going to therapy pretty much the same as pouring your feelings out to a stranger?

shannonreneee | 11

#4392208 - Saturday 5 May 2012 1:22

4, it's easier to talk to strangers, they are a third party, no little about you or the people in your life and can offer you a different perspective.

RedPillSucks | 31

#4392413 - Saturday 5 May 2012 3:10

Your therapist is paid enough to not tell you he's bored with your ratings

luvscomplic8ed | 6

#4393191 - Saturday 5 May 2012 7:28

That's what they're for anyways :p

Living_Fetus13 | 0

#4396262 - Sunday 6 May 2012 4:41

Get schooling before you wrongly spell a word, douche

By btstig | 11

#4391895 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:12

Haha. Wow that is awesome. Forever alone.

SliceOfCake | 9

#4392257 - Saturday 5 May 2012 1:47

Seeing yet another overused meme on FML.
Mother of God.

22cute | 17

#4392450 - Saturday 5 May 2012 3:31

This is so funny!
I hope I get heartfelt texts from a stranger now. Adorable.

muFilter | 19

#4393194 - Saturday 5 May 2012 7:29

Hey, you're not an x-ray tech by any chance, are you, 32?

By DeviousAngel | 13

#4391905 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:14

Well OP, maybe you should make sure to tell people your intimate feelings in person. This won't happen in that situation. :)

By bebefer | 8

#4391926 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:16

I'd rather tell a stranger my problems. They know nothing of me, or any of my friends so they can't blab to anyone.

By JeanVaJean | 6

#4391932 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:18

I don't understand why anyone would keep texting someone -for weeks- even without getting a single reply :-|

DeviousAngel | 13

#4391968 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:25

OP was getting replies... The stranger OP had been texting was playing along.

By EverBrighter | 0

#4391953 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:21

There's a website, where a guy texts random numbers and convinces them that he is someone they know. I found it once and I don't remember what it is..