Love: Today, the person I've been sharing my most intimate feelings...

By john - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, the person I've been sharing my most intimate feelings with finally got bored and let me know I've been texting the wrong number for weeks. FML

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Love

Dementia or hate? You decide

Delayed proposal

The one with the asshole friend

By Red

Today, my girlfriend found out that I secretly watch porn while she sleeps, but she seemed to be fine with it. That's until the next day, when she got on my Facebook account and publicly shared every porn page I visit. My father even commented, "Poor choice in porn, son". FML

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34611

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By shunned - United Kingdom

Today, two months after moving up to Scotland to be with my fiancé, he broke up with me because he 'didn't love me anymore and hadn't for a long time.' Shame he didn't tell me that when he was saying 'I love you, I want to marry you', having sex with me, and using my savings for a deposit on a flat. FML

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By fuckoffandfuckoffagainyoucunt - United Kingdom - Sittingbourne

Today, I was at the gym, when a pretty overweight guy started staring and eventually taunting me. Let me tell you, lines such as "Lay off the cake, fatty!" and "I can see your gut hanging out your ass, for fuck's sake!" don't exactly boost one's self-confidence. FML

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By driverboy - United States

Today, I had to pick up and drive home a couple of drunk bitches. Unfortunately, one of these drunk bitches was my mother. FML

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By anonymous - Austria

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend, who I've dated for 6 years, is getting engaged to my friend. The very same "friend" who's been encouraging me to break up with her for the past year. FML

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By Bad Dad - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I caught my 15-year-old son trying to roll catnip into a joint and smoke it. FML

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36267

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By ilovebigmacs - United States - San Francisco

Today, I spotted an elderly man trying to use the ladder at work. Knowing customers aren't supposed to use these, I went over and helped. Not only did I fall from the ladder, but I landed on the old man's foot, breaking my elbow and fracturing his toe. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Greenwood

Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML

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By toothbreaker

Today, I was wrestling with my boyfriend when I accidentally kneed him in the chin and chipped his front tooth. I broke his real tooth, as well as the fake part from when he chipped it ten years ago. FML

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1438

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By fmlfmlfml - United States

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, tears and 3 hours on the toilet have made me reevaluate my desire for new culinary experiences. FML

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By HunniBeeHuni - United States

Today, I was leaving the train station when a man came up to me and asked me if I have an unlimited metrocard to swipe him in. I did have an unlimited card so I told him sure. While taking out my metrocard from my wallet, he grabbed my wallet and ran away as fast as he could. FML

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By Hospoh8r - 24/3/2021 18:01 - New Zealand

Slot machine addicts

Today, I'm working in hospitality. I was serving a customer when another customer came up to cash in from the pokies. I told them I'd be there in a minute, and they said OK. By the time I got to them, they were complaining to my boss. Guess whose side was taken? FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML

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30380

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By WhyMe - United States

Today, I called the car repair shop to complain to the manager about their tow driver who keeps making sexual passes at me. The girl taking my call started crying and said that their driver was her husband. I'm being sexually harassed, my car is dead, and I think I just ended a marriage. FML

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52510

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By j. farmer-smith - United States - Jamestown

Today, I'm a superintendent at a school, and it snowed today after school. The snow ended up freezing on the road, so I called school off for tomorrow. I sent calls home, cancelled all school events, and then realized that it's Friday. FML

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3075

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By grossedout - United States

Today, while cleaning the house, I discovered that my husband has been making a little mountain of whatever he finds up his nose on the underside of our couch when he watches TV. FML

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30044

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By Lennie Mcfish

Today, I confessed my love to my crush over text. Later, she posted the message I'd sent her on Facebook and wrote "look at the pathetic man". The post had over 50 laugh reacts. FML

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3462

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By geedeewhy

Today, my period was officially 2 weeks late. I have a phobia about giving birth, so I had a panic attack, went to Walmart, spend $15 on four pregnancy tests and a drink, came home, and took the tests. All four came back negative. As I went to clean up and throw everything away, I got my period. FML

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By noname - Canada

Today, I was mad at my mother. Why? We went to parent-teacher interviews, and she told my math teacher that she should allow bathroom breaks because I have a "very heavy menstrual flow." My teacher suggested I eat more red meat. They got into a seven-minute argument about this. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2021 17:01 - Germany

Procrastination

Today, I planned a busy day of errands: cycle 16 km, pick up a thing I bought online, go to the gas station, pharmacy and 3 different shops. I’m totally exhausted now. Maybe tomorrow I’ll find the energy to actually do all those things. FML

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By SickOfYourShit - United States - Kennewick

Today, my boyfriend's bitch of a mother had surgery and now I'm expected to be her at-home nurse. I haven't been able to sit down for more than 5 minutes thanks to her and I've barely slept. FML

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By mel_bear_ - United Kingdom

Today, it was my wedding day. Midway through the ceremony, my visibly drunk uncle stood up and denounced the minister for "preaching yer god shite where it weren't never be welcome". FML

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By beachbumb8538 - United States

Today, I had to do a "damage report" on myself after going to the midnight premiere of Harry Potter. As I was waiting for the previews, a 20 year old man dressed as a house elf tackled and wrestled me for my seat. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2021 11:02

Too Much Information

Today, I found out that my cross-dressing father and my recently deceased mother were having a much more "open" relationship then they'd let on, when the sheriff's department finally gave me mom's phone back. FML

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By fatass - United States - Kearney

Today, I received several pairs of panties in the mail that I'd ordered online. When I opened the box, I was shocked because every pair was basically huge granny-panties. I was sure none would fit properly, but I tried them on to be sure. They fit perfectly. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2021 23:01

You just had to be special

Today, all of my friends are complaining about weight gain due to the pandemic. Instead, I have remained the exact same size, but completely unable to sleep or digest my food. FML

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By pissedandcomputerless - United States - Lawrence

Today, I failed on a school presentation because I was not prepared. Apparently, the fact that my computer crapped itself and started giving off smoke last period isn't a good reason for not having my presentation prepared. FML

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By guamfml - Guam

Today, I was cleaning my father's study room and wondering why I did not receive my acceptance/rejection letter from a college I really wanted. I found the acceptance letter, on his desk, also approving of a full scholarship. The deadline to confirm was a month ago. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I had to close my eyes in shame and pretend I didn't exist, as my mom gave a cop a good look at her wrinkled, prune-like cleavage and tried to convince him that the speed limit is optional. FML

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26579

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By sen - United States

Today, I was sleeping when my roommate walked in and asked me: "So...when are you leaving?" She had decided to throw a party in our apartment. I wasn't invited. FML

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44302

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By Anonymous - Germany

Today, I worked in a clinic as a intern. A nurse was called to dry a woman's hair. I followed her, trying to be a good intern. After the nurse was done, the 72 year old woman took off her bathrobe. While looking at me she sat down, her legs wide open. And, yes, she knew she was naked. FML

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By Noname - Canada

Today, I won $5000 dollars from a lottery ticket and tried giving the man next to me a high five. He had no hands. FML

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35108

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By prick - United States - Dover

Today, as I rung up a customer's groceries, he gave me a pitying look and said I'd have a "real job" if I'd only studied harder. FML

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By Home owner.

Today, I was touring a house I’m interested in when one of the two realtors stepped out for a minute and never came back. My purse was stolen from my car. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Roanoke

Today, I walked in on the 13 year-old boy I babysit masturbating while sniffing my jacket. FML

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28120

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By hornyloser770 - France

Today, I had just finished riding my bike when I ran into the girl I am secretly in love with. While I walked over to her I got an erection through my spandex biking shorts. FML

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By Anonymous - Kazakhstan

Today, I received a text from my girlfriend to break up with me. I was upset. One minute later another text from her said "sorry, wrong person." FML

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By not a boy toy

Today, I attended the will reading of the old lady who accidentally ran me over with her car years ago. I was affectionately mentioned and was left with something rather substantial. I had to listen through all that while getting evil leers and silently judged by family members who got squat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I caught a cab to take me to a hospital appointment. The driver turned around and told me I was in the Cash Cab. I got really excited and screamed. That is, until she laughed and said, "Just kidding. I always wanted to do that to someone." FML

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Top comments

By RobinKCS | 9

#4391846 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:07

You share your most intimate feelings over text?

By bebefer | 8

#4391926 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:16

I'd rather tell a stranger my problems. They know nothing of me, or any of my friends so they can't blab to anyone.

COMMENTS

By RobinKCS | 9

#4391846 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:07

You share your most intimate feelings over text?

Michael_92 | 20

#4392359 - Saturday 5 May 2012 2:42

What better way to confess you love someone than through texting.

purplemonkeys23 | 1

#4392447 - Saturday 5 May 2012 3:30

And OP continued to text "stranger" after never getting a response? Sounds like YDI my friend

krmc822 | 6

#4392518 - Saturday 5 May 2012 3:56

Yeah cuz everyone does that

Ninjasaurus18 | 9

#4393815 - Saturday 5 May 2012 14:52

It's easier talking to someone over text. It's less awkward.

RobinKCS | 9

#4415508 - Thursday 10 May 2012 5:06

But wouldn't it be a bit odd to talk to them in real life and them not knowing anything?

By DeadxManxWalking | 27

#4391847 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:07

What's the point of having a complete stranger pour their feelings out to you when you don't care?

jackassiddy | 8

#4391990 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:29

In a day and age where Justin Bebeir, Twilight and Jersey Shore are successful is it really surprising that someone was entertained by this?

kprando25 | 8

#4395340 - Saturday 5 May 2012 22:09

*Bieber

By NoYDI | 4

#4391864 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:08

Maybe you should tell them in person?

violetsweety | 26

#4392505 - Saturday 5 May 2012 3:50

No, no, he's texting a stranger, honey.

gantzlord | 5

#4392539 - Saturday 5 May 2012 4:10

Them = the person the OP intended to text

KiddNYC1O | 20

#4392599 - Saturday 5 May 2012 4:50

Way to condescend wrongfully, 43.

By elisegreen | 4

#4391868 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

llamafish | 25

#4391975 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:27

Isn't going to therapy pretty much the same as pouring your feelings out to a stranger?

shannonreneee | 11

#4392208 - Saturday 5 May 2012 1:22

4, it's easier to talk to strangers, they are a third party, no little about you or the people in your life and can offer you a different perspective.

RedPillSucks | 31

#4392413 - Saturday 5 May 2012 3:10

Your therapist is paid enough to not tell you he's bored with your ratings

luvscomplic8ed | 6

#4393191 - Saturday 5 May 2012 7:28

That's what they're for anyways :p

Living_Fetus13 | 0

#4396262 - Sunday 6 May 2012 4:41

Get schooling before you wrongly spell a word, douche

By btstig | 11

#4391895 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:12

Haha. Wow that is awesome. Forever alone.

SliceOfCake | 9

#4392257 - Saturday 5 May 2012 1:47

Seeing yet another overused meme on FML.
Mother of God.

22cute | 17

#4392450 - Saturday 5 May 2012 3:31

This is so funny!
I hope I get heartfelt texts from a stranger now. Adorable.

muFilter | 19

#4393194 - Saturday 5 May 2012 7:29

Hey, you're not an x-ray tech by any chance, are you, 32?

By DeviousAngel | 13

#4391905 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:14

Well OP, maybe you should make sure to tell people your intimate feelings in person. This won't happen in that situation. :)

By bebefer | 8

#4391926 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:16

I'd rather tell a stranger my problems. They know nothing of me, or any of my friends so they can't blab to anyone.

By JeanVaJean | 6

#4391932 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:18

I don't understand why anyone would keep texting someone -for weeks- even without getting a single reply :-|

DeviousAngel | 13

#4391968 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:25

OP was getting replies... The stranger OP had been texting was playing along.

By EverBrighter | 0

#4391953 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:21

There's a website, where a guy texts random numbers and convinces them that he is someone they know. I found it once and I don't remember what it is..