Love: Today, the person I've been sharing my most intimate feelings...

By john - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, the person I've been sharing my most intimate feelings with finally got bored and let me know I've been texting the wrong number for weeks. FML

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Love

Messed up

Lockdown is driving us down

Cloth ears

By Savingforplasticsurgery

Today, at work, I heard a child whisper, "Mom, why do that woman's ears look like that?" The mom replied, "Because she's not smart enough for a good job." I have large plug ears and a degree in mechanical engineering. I waitress because no engineering firm will hire me. FML

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By Random Person - United States

Today, I was eating out at a restaurant downtown with my brother in-law when I told him I couldn't eat any more. He then told me, "You better, or you're walking home." He wasn't kidding. FML

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By AdamFoundHisEve - France

Today, I had a dream about toasting with champagne. Whilst asleep, I extended my hand to toast, then brought my hand to my mouth to "drink the bubbly." I knocked over the glass of water I keep on my bedside table. My iPhone is now ruined, and in shock of my wet arm, I jerked backward headbutting my wife's face. FML

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By magicman - United States

Today, while riding my bike on the sidewalk, I came across a ladder. To avoid bad luck, I swerved around it into the street. I got hit by a car. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Marsing

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML

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By SnurklesMcGee - Canada

Today, I learned I don't have to spend Valentine's Day alone. My parents invited me along on their date. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out why my cell phone has been going missing every night for the last few months. My sister has been "borrowing" it so she can hold it against her crotch and repeatedly push the vibrate button. FML

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By srs

Today, my parents yelled at me for coming home drunk from a party last night. They said I couldn't hang out with my best friend anymore as he's a "bad influence". He was the only one sober in our group and drove me home safely. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, after having a shower, I walked back into my room butt naked. As I looked up I saw the window cleaner staring right at me. I looked. He looked. And without thinking I dropped straight to the floor to hid myself, then realized my naked butt was still staring right at him. FML

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By toadface - United States

Today, I took my puppy outside to play. At one point, she stopped chewing on her toy and ran over to give me a big kiss all over my face and mouth. A few minutes later I realized that her chew toy was actually the dried up carcass of a toad. FML

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By furbys69 - United States - Kingsport

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to get frisky when the Furby Party Rocker all the way across the room started going off on its own and completely killed the mood. I took the batteries out of the little bastard immediately, but the mood was lost. FML

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By Charli

Today, after months of my (now ex) boyfriend telling me he wished I was blonde with big boobs, I finally retaliated with "I wish you were a redhead with a big dick, but you don't see me complaining." He cried and said I should love him for who he is. FML

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3583

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By tinypenis - United States - Jamaica

Today, while sexting my girlfriend, I accidently sent a picture to her father instead of her. He sent back a link to a penis enlargement company's website. FML

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By speechless - Canada

Today, I had a toothache and applied some numbing gel to soothe the pain. Too much came out and made my whole mouth numb. A man came into my work, thought I was making fun of his lisp, and stormed out really upset. He later called to complain about me. The boss just called me to his office. FML

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By Lisa - United States

Today, my boyfriend called my cell. I picked up and said "Hi, this is Lisa and I want you to fuck me raw". It was my dad. He was at my boyfriend's parent's house and forgot his phone. FML

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10751

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By chattyloz - United Kingdom

Today, I had to unpick a wedgie in the street. I backed against a wall, lifted my skirt and sorted it. I then turned around and caught eye contact with several men in the barbers behind me. Not such a solid wall after all. FML

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13792

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By onlywantuanyway

Double standards

Today, my boyfriend again told me how he wants to have an open relationship. Of course, this means he can do what he likes with anyone, but if I so much as kiss someone else, I'm a cheating slut. FML

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By Dogless - United States

Today, over a year on from my parents telling me my dog had died, I went to the shelter to volunteer, and saw my old dog. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2020 08:19

Rock Bottom Riser

Today I realized that my boyfriend has more money on his Metro card than I have in my entire bank account. FML

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By yessir - United States

Today, my boyfriend rear ended a cop car because he was texting me. I was sitting next to him. FML

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By Dan V - United States - Troy

Today, I found out my co-worker had made plans for a night out, just as I'd cancelled all of mine to work with him on a project for the next 4 hours. FML

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By thatsfine - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, my sister announced her pregnancy at my husband's funeral. FML

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By ? - United States

Today, while I was in confession, I was saying my sins and the priest called me a "pain in the ass." FML

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By BrokeAndHungry - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I was so ashamed of being broke that instead of asking my parents for money, I snuck into their house while they were at work to steal some of their food. FML

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By babygurl69 - Canada

Today, I woke up with a hangover, but went to school anyway without showering, applying makeup, and still wearing my pajama bottoms. While taking the subway, I bumped into my ex-boyfriend who I hadn't seen a year. His new girlfriend looked at me and said, "You look... tired." FML

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By Sam - Canada

Today, I was working the drive-thru at McDonalds, and as I handed out a Diet coke to the customer, the man started growling and yelled "HULK SMASH!" He smashed the cup with two fists and drove off. I was drenched in soda. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, the cockroach infestation at my house has gotten so bad that I can now tell the difference between male and female cockroaches. FML

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By Homeless - United States

Today, my fiancé and I toured our dream home. I was so excited about it that I posted all kinds of pictures of it on Facebook. My Boss' daughter just called and said she loved my pictures so much she made an offer on the house. We were 1 week away from making an offer. FML

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52991

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was applying some acne ointment. The directions said, "Apply a thin layer, covering the entire affected area." In other words, for me: My entire face. Lovely. FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, my teacher called me into his office so he that he could pass me some information for my project. Just as he plugged in my thumbdrive, he opened the folder named "School Work". That was the folder name I used to disguise my porn. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, on the train, a man kept grabbing my crotch. When I told him to stop, I got yelled at for harassing an elderly man. FML

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By Crying

It's toast

Today, I no longer have a toaster. My younger sister put it in the bath because apparently it looked dirty. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lemont

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

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By steveinnewsoh - United States

Today, I went to get a scratch off lottery ticket, and the dude in front of me got the same one I was going to get. He won 500 dollars. I got 2 bucks. FML

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24913

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By ShockBait - United States

Today, it was my next-door neighbor's birthday. Over the past year, his pitbull has attacked my stepdad several times and put some stiches on me. Lucky for us, the dog was finally put down. For his birthday my neighbor got a new, bigger, pitbull. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/9/2020 17:02

Too much of a good thing

Today, after my girlfriend warned me she has the condition hypersexuality and like a fool I thought I’d landed on my feet, or on my back as it were, do you have any idea how bad sex is when you have it between 5 and 10 times a day for over a year? It’s basically a chore at this point. FML

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1415

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By UniqueKay

Today, on our way home, my cousin, step dad and I noticed a man trying to kidnap a young girl. As good citizens, we called the police so they could catch the man. Nine police cars showed up at my house because dispatch told them we were the kidnappers. FML

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By TheSacredTeddyBear - United States - Independence

Today, I finally gave away all of the stuffed animals that I've been hoarding for years. Proud, I told my family. They congratulated me by buying me stuffed animals. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Needles

Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's mom. She was driving us to a theme park that was about 2 hours away. She asked for the address to put into the GPS, so I gave it to her. It turned out to be a farm, an hour away from the park. So much for good first impressions. FML

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By inlovewithstupid - United States

Today, my boyfriend bitched me out for being too controlling. Apparently, not only am I being unreasonable by not wanting him visiting strip clubs with his friends, I'm also just "looking for excuses to get mad" at him. FML

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Top comments

By RobinKCS | 9

#4391846 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:07

You share your most intimate feelings over text?

By bebefer | 8

#4391926 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:16

I'd rather tell a stranger my problems. They know nothing of me, or any of my friends so they can't blab to anyone.

COMMENTS

By RobinKCS | 9

#4391846 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:07

You share your most intimate feelings over text?

Michael_92 | 20

#4392359 - Saturday 5 May 2012 2:42

What better way to confess you love someone than through texting.

purplemonkeys23 | 1

#4392447 - Saturday 5 May 2012 3:30

And OP continued to text "stranger" after never getting a response? Sounds like YDI my friend

krmc822 | 6

#4392518 - Saturday 5 May 2012 3:56

Yeah cuz everyone does that

Ninjasaurus18 | 9

#4393815 - Saturday 5 May 2012 14:52

It's easier talking to someone over text. It's less awkward.

RobinKCS | 9

#4415508 - Thursday 10 May 2012 5:06

But wouldn't it be a bit odd to talk to them in real life and them not knowing anything?

By DeadxManxWalking | 27

#4391847 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:07

What's the point of having a complete stranger pour their feelings out to you when you don't care?

jackassiddy | 8

#4391990 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:29

In a day and age where Justin Bebeir, Twilight and Jersey Shore are successful is it really surprising that someone was entertained by this?

kprando25 | 8

#4395340 - Saturday 5 May 2012 22:09

*Bieber

By NoYDI | 4

#4391864 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:08

Maybe you should tell them in person?

violetsweety | 26

#4392505 - Saturday 5 May 2012 3:50

No, no, he's texting a stranger, honey.

gantzlord | 5

#4392539 - Saturday 5 May 2012 4:10

Them = the person the OP intended to text

KiddNYC1O | 20

#4392599 - Saturday 5 May 2012 4:50

Way to condescend wrongfully, 43.

By elisegreen | 4

#4391868 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:09

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

llamafish | 25

#4391975 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:27

Isn't going to therapy pretty much the same as pouring your feelings out to a stranger?

shannonreneee | 11

#4392208 - Saturday 5 May 2012 1:22

4, it's easier to talk to strangers, they are a third party, no little about you or the people in your life and can offer you a different perspective.

RedPillSucks | 31

#4392413 - Saturday 5 May 2012 3:10

Your therapist is paid enough to not tell you he's bored with your ratings

luvscomplic8ed | 6

#4393191 - Saturday 5 May 2012 7:28

That's what they're for anyways :p

Living_Fetus13 | 0

#4396262 - Sunday 6 May 2012 4:41

Get schooling before you wrongly spell a word, douche

By btstig | 11

#4391895 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:12

Haha. Wow that is awesome. Forever alone.

SliceOfCake | 9

#4392257 - Saturday 5 May 2012 1:47

Seeing yet another overused meme on FML.
Mother of God.

22cute | 17

#4392450 - Saturday 5 May 2012 3:31

This is so funny!
I hope I get heartfelt texts from a stranger now. Adorable.

muFilter | 19

#4393194 - Saturday 5 May 2012 7:29

Hey, you're not an x-ray tech by any chance, are you, 32?

By DeviousAngel | 13

#4391905 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:14

Well OP, maybe you should make sure to tell people your intimate feelings in person. This won't happen in that situation. :)

By bebefer | 8

#4391926 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:16

I'd rather tell a stranger my problems. They know nothing of me, or any of my friends so they can't blab to anyone.

By JeanVaJean | 6

#4391932 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:18

I don't understand why anyone would keep texting someone -for weeks- even without getting a single reply :-|

DeviousAngel | 13

#4391968 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:25

OP was getting replies... The stranger OP had been texting was playing along.

By EverBrighter | 0

#4391953 - Saturday 5 May 2012 0:21

There's a website, where a guy texts random numbers and convinces them that he is someone they know. I found it once and I don't remember what it is..