Love: Today, the person I've been sharing my most intimate feelings...

By john - 04/05/2012 19:14 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, the person I've been sharing my most intimate feelings with finally got bored and let me know I've been texting the wrong number for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 135

You deserved it 4 982

Love

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Stop talking!

Judgmental

By Anonymous - 07/05/2010 08:30 - United States

Today, I'm having a nice evening out on the town. After my complimentary round of drinks for my birthday, my friend walks in with a big pink gift-box. It was an inflatable... erm... 'friend.' Which then got unwrapped in front of several of my other friends. And several members of my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 797

You deserved it 4 911

By arctic1 - 27/05/2009 09:45 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 269

You deserved it 68 460

By foreveralone - 09/06/2015 15:15 - Australia - Perth

Today, someone finally told me that they couldn't live without me and that they love me more than anything. It was a student in my year 1 class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 218

You deserved it 2 210

It found you

By Anonymous - 20/04/2020 02:00

Today, a dog came up to me while I was sitting on my porch. I used my belt as a leash to go try to find its owner. After an hour of looking in the rain, I gave up and let it go. Now I'm back in my house and it won't stop pawing and barking at my door. It's 3:00 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 147

You deserved it 1 029

By Fail - 21/11/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, I thought I'd surprise my girlfriend with a bear hug. I found her in the hall with her back to me talking to friends. As I walked up behind her and was about to wrap my arms around her, she said, "so does anyone have any ideas about how I should break it off with my boyfriend?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 802

You deserved it 2 999

By Anonymous - 30/06/2014 01:25 - United States - Butler

Today, after working the night shift, I accidentally left my iPod at the office. I woke up later and went on Facebook. To my dismay, I saw some coworker had posted stuff on my wall, such as, "I really have to take a shit!" and "Yes, my tits are real!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 950

You deserved it 11 987

By Gassy - 14/12/2009 22:24 - United States

Today, I was studying for one of my finals that I had later in the week but decided to take a break and play around with my boyfriend in bed for a couple hours. We decided to 69 for the first time, and everything was going great until out of nowhere, I loudly farted in his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 228

You deserved it 10 880

Spooky Season

By Vladislav - 20/10/2021 11:00

Today, my best friend and I watched the "OK Google" horror short film. It's about a ghost that controls a Google Home device. Right after the short ended, my Google Nest Mini came off the wall and stopped reacting. Neither of us was near it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 135

By Anonymous - 27/05/2009 22:44 - United States

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 657

You deserved it 8 124

By brinn - 16/09/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, I told my husband that I wanted him to stay sober during the week. He responded by saying he wanted me to be a supermodel during the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 875

You deserved it 9 744

By Anonymous - 21/12/2009 08:29 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend was sleeping, I got naked and sat on top of him. He woke up and I asked him if he would rather stay awake or go back to sleep, in hopes that he would stay awake and want to do some naughty stuff with me. His response? To grab my butt, and then go back to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 263

You deserved it 19 784

By holycow - 22/02/2010 09:28 - United States

Today, I was awakened, in the middle of the night, by the sound of crying coming from outside. There's a mile in between houses where I live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 665

You deserved it 2 607

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 22:50 - France

Today, at the supermarket, my mother stopped in the middle of a lane and imitated a gorilla as a way of asking me from far away if I wanted any bananas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 114

You deserved it 4 357

By 14YearOld - 25/11/2011 17:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my parents have a list of everything I have ever Googled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 821

You deserved it 7 976

By Doc - 18/08/2018 13:30 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I'm facing malpractice charges for neglecting a patient and failing to treat an infection. The patient had severe maggot-infested gangrene in his foot with exposed metatarsals, but refused amputation and all treatment. The judge is moving forward with the charges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 858

You deserved it 180

By Hareega - 19/12/2009 07:39 - United States

Today, I took my first day off in 3 weeks just so I can sleep in. The office secretary woke me up at 7.12 am with a page wishing me a nice day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 492

You deserved it 3 957

By Mightaswelltutordogs - 21/12/2014 01:16 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I had to find simple words to explain to the idiot I was tutoring that "1/4" is not of a greater value than "1/3" just because the denominator is bigger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 480

You deserved it 5 542

By Anonymous - 10/03/2010 20:53 - United States

Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands after taking a massive dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 416

You deserved it 61 362

The Little Sperm That Could

By Anonymous - 24/08/2017 16:00

Today, I found out I'm three weeks pregnant with a guy I've been dating for a month. I'm on the pill and we even used a condom. This baby must be some kind of superhuman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 704

You deserved it 885

By piss off - 08/04/2016 22:05 - United States - Vancouver

Today, a customer at the fast-food joint I work at gave me a pitying look and asked "How's that liberal arts degree treating ya?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 760

You deserved it 3 170

Nice bird

By Sick - 01/01/2020 01:00 - Netherlands - Ede

Today, a bird shit on my jacket whilst smoking, I cleaned it and went back outside, and got shit on again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 725

You deserved it 960

I'll give you something to mope about

By Anonymous - 22/10/2021 11:00

Today, I got fired from my low-paying, depression-inducing job. At least now I have a "real reason" to be depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 94

By Anonymous - 17/06/2009 12:27 - France

Today, I gave a beautiful book of baby names to a friend of mine who's been trying to get pregnant for a while. She just burst into tears when she saw it. Just before meeting me, she'd found out she was sterile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 205

You deserved it 7 240

By p!$$3D0FF - 15/01/2009 02:02 - Australia

Today, I bought a pair of new speakers for my comp. I forgot I had installed various volume enhancing programs and also maxed out all sound settings. I connected the new speakers and played some music. The sound destroyed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 908

You deserved it 31 501

Right in the nuts

By Anonymous - 01/06/2021 06:01

Today, I thought it would be fun and nice to pick my little brother up, but no, he accidentally kicked me in the balls. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 201

By SuperJesus - 01/02/2009 10:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 295

You deserved it 8 040

By BabyBeardy - 10/12/2009 23:05 - Australia

Today, I stepped out of a bar in order to make a phone call. While I was outside, the bouncers arrived and ropes were put up. They wouldn't let me back in, claiming I was too young and they hadn't seen me come out. I was celebrating my 26th birthday, the legal drinking age is 18. I also have a beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 117

You deserved it 3 180

Slasher

By Anonymous - 24/09/2020 08:01 - United States - Elk Grove

Today, I made some burritos when a photo frame fell and smashed over my pan. I'm pretty broke so I thought I got all the glass out of the meat and ate some. I reheated the meat for dinner too and well, I found the glass that time... FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 800

By pwndbykidz - 09/08/2009 23:54 - Canada

Today, I found out the hot girl I'd been flirting with on Facebook is actually 3 10-year-olds who created a fake profile to see how many desperate losers would try to hook up with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 740

You deserved it 68 171

By Spanky - 23/01/2009 11:36 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with a friend and her grandma. Her grandma was using toothpicks and dropping them on the ground next to our popcorn bucket. I took a big handful of popcorn, and was fortunate enough to get a piece of her toothpick lodged in my throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 671

You deserved it 2 491

By nomorexbox - 26/04/2011 19:20 - United States

Today, I actually heard my 14 year old son muse to himself, "If I can drive drunk in Grand Theft Auto, how hard could it be in real life?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 964

You deserved it 13 429

By thesixth - 02/03/2016 18:53 - Kenya

Today, being jobless and all, I tried calling my dad for a job after my many years of pride. He invited me to an interview to compete against 10 people, probably more qualified than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 979

You deserved it 7 176

By Anonymous - 10/04/2015 18:04 - United States - Milton

Today, a guy tried to carjack me. Good news: I drive a stick shift, and the idiot apparently couldn't, so I still have my car. Bad news: he was so angry, he beat the shit out of me. I had to get stitches, and now I look like I went on a date with Chris Brown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 499

You deserved it 2 636

By silkworm - 24/06/2009 06:44 - United States

Today, I got an invitation in the mail for my dad's third wedding. My first name was misspelled on the envelope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 889

You deserved it 2 741

By meeeoow - 22/01/2011 10:05 - Australia

Today, my drunken father decided to walk my quiet street naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 602

You deserved it 2 765

By Anonymous - 11/08/2018 22:00

Today, I found out that being the "bull" of a cuckold relationship is not as good as it looks to be. She is pregnant and now the couple, despite earning triple figures, is suing me for child support. I'm in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 889

You deserved it 3 896

By seriously? - 22/12/2012 22:19 - United States - Spring

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, he got upset and accused me of making up words to make him feel stupid. All because I used the word "vapid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 465

You deserved it 7 565

By fmltom - 16/12/2015 02:21 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my coworker, who has a tendency to overshare, decided to tell me she has chlamydia. I threw my hands in the air and said, "Stop. I don't wanna know." A customer heard this exchange and we were both written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 680

You deserved it 1 651

By Al Staten - 06/12/2016 22:03

Today, my new boss asked me to handle a very difficult client, warning me that, "He's kind of a dick." My accidental response? "That's fine, I'm great at handling dicks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 373

You deserved it 2 509

By post-loss - 06/06/2017 18:00

Today, in my excitement to make some new cards for the postcard exchange I take part in, I apparently spilled my bottle of glue directly into the bag that contains my entire postcard collection. I didn't notice until several hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 597

You deserved it 572

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Top comments

RobinKCS 9

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:07

You share your most intimate feelings over text?

bebefer 8

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:16

I'd rather tell a stranger my problems. They know nothing of me, or any of my friends so they can't blab to anyone.

RobinKCS 9

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:07

You share your most intimate feelings over text?

Michael_92 20

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Saturday 5 May 2012 2:42

What better way to confess you love someone than through texting.

purplemonkeys23 1

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Saturday 5 May 2012 3:30

And OP continued to text "stranger" after never getting a response? Sounds like YDI my friend

L_M_AND_R_L 8

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Thursday 19 January 2017 18:28

Maybe he played along with it???

krmc822 6

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Saturday 5 May 2012 3:56

Yeah cuz everyone does that

Ninjasaurus18 9

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Saturday 5 May 2012 14:52

It's easier talking to someone over text. It's less awkward.

RobinKCS 9

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Thursday 10 May 2012 5:06

But wouldn't it be a bit odd to talk to them in real life and them not knowing anything?

DeadxManxWalking 27

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:07

What's the point of having a complete stranger pour their feelings out to you when you don't care?

jackassiddy 8

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:29

In a day and age where Justin Bebeir, Twilight and Jersey Shore are successful is it really surprising that someone was entertained by this?

kprando25 8

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Saturday 5 May 2012 22:09

*Bieber

NoYDI 4

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:08

Maybe you should tell them in person?

violetsweety 26

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Saturday 5 May 2012 3:50

No, no, he's texting a stranger, honey.

gantzlord 5

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Saturday 5 May 2012 4:10

Them = the person the OP intended to text

KiddNYC1O 20

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Saturday 5 May 2012 4:50

Way to condescend wrongfully, 43.

elisegreen 4

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

llamafish 25

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:27

Isn't going to therapy pretty much the same as pouring your feelings out to a stranger?

shannonreneee 11

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Saturday 5 May 2012 1:22

4, it's easier to talk to strangers, they are a third party, no little about you or the people in your life and can offer you a different perspective.

RedPillSucks 31

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Saturday 5 May 2012 3:10

Your therapist is paid enough to not tell you he's bored with your ratings

luvscomplic8ed 6

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Saturday 5 May 2012 7:28

That's what they're for anyways :p

Living_Fetus13 0

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Sunday 6 May 2012 4:41

Get schooling before you wrongly spell a word, douche

btstig 11

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:12

Haha. Wow that is awesome. Forever alone.

SliceOfCake 9

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Saturday 5 May 2012 1:47

Seeing yet another overused meme on FML. Mother of God.

22cute 17

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Saturday 5 May 2012 3:31

This is so funny! I hope I get heartfelt texts from a stranger now. Adorable.

muFilter 19

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Saturday 5 May 2012 7:29

Hey, you're not an x-ray tech by any chance, are you, 32?

DeviousAngel 13

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:14

Well OP, maybe you should make sure to tell people your intimate feelings in person. This won't happen in that situation. :)

bebefer 8

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:16

I'd rather tell a stranger my problems. They know nothing of me, or any of my friends so they can't blab to anyone.

JeanVaJean 6

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:18

I don't understand why anyone would keep texting someone -for weeks- even without getting a single reply :-|

DeviousAngel 13

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:25

OP was getting replies... The stranger OP had been texting was playing along.

EverBrighter 0

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Saturday 5 May 2012 0:21

There's a website, where a guy texts random numbers and convinces them that he is someone they know. I found it once and I don't remember what it is..