Work: Today, I had to wake up at 4am because my boss set an important...

By fitzy79 - United States

Today, I had to wake up at 4am because my boss set an important business meeting for first thing in the morning. After making sure everything was ready, I went to work. My boss ended up oversleeping and moved the meeting to tomorrow. FML

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Work

Walk on the wild side

Instadrama

Nice guy

By Nicks - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my mother-in-lawyer threatened to sue me unless I took my professional wedding photographs off Facebook as she did not like that they made her look fat. She is over 300 pounds. FML

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By Anon - United States - Mesquite

Today, when I asked my boss why my bonus was cut in half, he replied, "I have no idea what you really do." I'm the IT Manager. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because her mom said she would buy her a pug if she did. I got dumped for a dog, and an ugly one for that matter. FML

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By nola2005

Hoarded in

Today, as my gaze went from the cobwebs hanging from my ceiling to the opened and unopened Amazon boxes in the corners of my house, I realized I'm on my way to being a hoarder. I'm too tired and depressed to do anything about it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, somebody ordered pizza and sent it to the house across the street from them, so they could shoot at the pizza guy with an air-soft gun from the upstairs of their house. I was that delivery guy. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I just found out that my current boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend are rooming together at college. Visits are going to be extremely awkward. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my mother sat me down and told me, "I'm not going to lie, I hate living with you. Please get a job and move out." I'm 16. FML

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By patriarchal apparently - Saint Lucia

Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML

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By MyLife

Today, my best friend broke up with her partner. In retaliation, he got drunk and stole my car, then crashed it into a neighbour's house. Then after dealing with the police who didn't arrest him, he and my best friend made up and went to bed. FML

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By chelsay05 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, I had to go to work on my day off to suspend someone. Afterwards, I got a call saying I can't suspend the person in question because the supervisor who told me to suspend them was wrong. FML

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By TimeForAHairCut - United States - Eugene

Today, I was napping when my little brother cut off huge chunks of my hair. He thought it would turn me into the older brother he always wanted. He's 8. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found a camera someone left at our house. I looked at the pictures, and saw my grandma in a sexy outfit. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, saying I had a lot on my plate. She responded by throwing an empty plate at my windshield. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Pharr

Today, I finally got my driver's permit. To celebrate, my parents decided to go to a bar and make me wait in the car because I'm now the designated driver. FML

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By ConfusedGinger - United States - Downingtown

Today, my dog pooped. In my lap. While I was driving. FML

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By LennyComa

Today, I was punched in the balls by a monkey. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Altamonte Springs

Today, I finally got my fussy newborn back to sleep after the creaking of my chair woke her. I then crept two rooms over and opened a pack of chips, the crinkle of which woke her again. FML

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By noooo!!! - United States

Today, I made my brother go to the grocery store to get some frozen pizzas. Ten minutes after he left, the power cut out. Still no power. Still hungry. FML

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By rainydays79 - United States

Today, I realized that I am the only one among my group of friends who names their bowel movements. FML

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By dukemisery - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my ex-girlfriend called saying she wants to get back together because of how mature and sincere I sounded last night. I despise her and I was drunk last night. FML

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By scaredshitless - Finland

Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend I needed someone to talk to because I just found out my aunt has cancer. She told me to talk to her in an hour, Spongebob was on. FML

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By jasmith - United States - Addison

Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML

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By so bored -__- - United States

Today, my parents dragged me along to a family soccer game. I got so bored watching a bunch of grown men practically buttfucking each other between kicking balls around the field, that I fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later to an empty field and had to walk five miles back home. FML

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By anon - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend got a hotel room with a jacuzzi, drinks, and tickets to Six Flags for my birthday. He is currently passed out drunk on the other side of the bed, cursing me out in his sleep. FML

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By familyofpsychos - United States - Elkhorn

Today, I found a notebook my 12-year-old sister had been doodling in. Turns out the "doodles" were poems full of obscenities and descriptions of how she wanted to hurt herself. When I showed it to my mom, she accused me of writing the notebook myself to frame my sister. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/11/2020 08:08

Sounds like a keeper

Today, it's been a week since my boyfriend has touched me or even paid attention to me, because I refuse to buy him a car. I do everything for him and he owes me $3,000 already, but when I cried about using my savings on him, he said, "That’s not my problem.” FML

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By Fooled Wife

Today, my husband was arrested on 2 felony charges in a sting. We've been married 5.5 years, had almost enough money for a down payment on a house, were trying to get pregnant, and had a non-refundable trip to London planned. We are now broke and on the verge of divorce. FML

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By elijahrobrt - United States

Today, I went to a great concert. Against all odds, I got to meet the band. All I had for them to autograph was a flyer protesting their concert that was given to me on the way in. FML

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By apparentnerd - United States

Today, my sister is dressing up as a nerd for Halloween. She's using my clothes for the costume. FML

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By Kelsie - United States

Today, my mother thought it would be okay to take my camera and erase all of my pictures that included my graduation, party, and my sisters wedding. Her excuse? "We need more room for Katie's birthday." Katie is our pet cat. FML

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By spiderfail - United States - Erie

Today, as I was getting ready to go to the midnight premiere of the new Spiderman movie, I was actually bitten by a spider. He gets super powers and a hot girl, I swell up like a balloon and get to spend the night in the hospital. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Belmont

Today, I walked outside to see my boyfriend standing on my porch, looking confused. He explained to me that he had attached a prom proposal note to his pet rabbit, and let it inside my house to find me. We went looking for said rabbit, and found my dog halfway through eating it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I noticed how big my brother's package is. If it hadn't been for the fact that my family has taken up walking around naked half the day, I never would have had to. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/2/2021 23:01

One each

Today, my girlfriend was in the back seat of a car with one of my friends when she got sick and puked all over one of his dress shoes. My friend then asked me to replace his shoes, since she is technically unemployed and couldn't pay him back. We eventually agreed that I would pay for one shoe. FML

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By bunnyluver4545 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML

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By Username - France

Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML

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By SophieGray - United States

Today, I went over to a guy's house for dinner. He ended up getting really drunk and started crying, telling me that I reminded him of his dead ferret. Distraught, he tearfully showed me her ashes. FML

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By Awkward - United States

Today, while training a new employee, I had to run after a naked guy chasing a hooker at the hotel I work at. I made him go back to his room, while she offered me a good time for 300 bucks. The trainee left and hasn't come back yet. FML

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By Dfacta - United States

Today, I found out the reason I've been itchy for the last two weeks is because I'm now allergic to chlorine. I'm also a swimming instructor. FML

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Top comments

By Rizzen | 27

#5845135 - Saturday 1 February 2014 0:43

your boss is a really irresponsible. I am sorry you got screwed

By xXKGBxBRIXx | 6

#5845142 - Saturday 1 February 2014 0:44

I had to wake up at 4 in the morning to turn off my TV today if that helps

COMMENTS

By Rizzen | 27

#5845135 - Saturday 1 February 2014 0:43

your boss is a really irresponsible. I am sorry you got screwed

LinkandSaria | 10

#5845185 - Saturday 1 February 2014 1:01

I hate it when "shit happens."

Morqan_Freeman | 14

#5845301 - Saturday 1 February 2014 4:07

Not so important after all now was it? Stupid boss you got there OP. Not only did he say it was important, he was the one to oversleep. *Brings disapproving eyed cat to stare at your boss*

Kamon97 | 23

#5845319 - Saturday 1 February 2014 4:24

Welcome to the world of business >.

buttcramp | 21

#5845362 - Saturday 1 February 2014 5:22

I agree, #1. Hopefully, when your boss is deciding on who gets promotions/bonuses, the fact that YOU were prepared will be remembered!

Razell | 13

#5846129 - Sunday 2 February 2014 2:39

@ #48: mmm... not likely!

nurchok | 15

#5856316 - Thursday 13 February 2014 0:03

Agree with #71, in addition, the boss will get the promotion because no one at work will complain about what happened to the higher management...

By sevazilla | 21

#5845136 - Saturday 1 February 2014 0:43

Lol get out of the job

Pesticides | 19

#5845164 - Saturday 1 February 2014 0:54

Yeah, if you quit your job after any mishap you're going to have a bad life.

oreyoes | 15

#5845429 - Saturday 1 February 2014 6:05

You've obviously never had a job then seeing your picture and reaction.

SillyGirl4602 | 23

#5845544 - Saturday 1 February 2014 10:00

Op's boss seems very irresponsible. But it would be irresponsible of op to quit his job unless he had another one lined up.

By larrena2377 | 26

#5845138 - Saturday 1 February 2014 0:44

Well at least you already have everything together!

colton_colton | 49

#5845298 - Saturday 1 February 2014 3:56

OP deserves a bonus or something for actually being ready!

larrena2377 | 26

#5845310 - Saturday 1 February 2014 4:19

Especially since it was so early! I'm worthless at 4am

By Bloodcalibur | 13

#5845141 - Saturday 1 February 2014 0:44

Bosses feel as though everything they do can't ever affect the workers

By xXKGBxBRIXx | 6

#5845142 - Saturday 1 February 2014 0:44

I had to wake up at 4 in the morning to turn off my TV today if that helps

By Bloink | 25

#5845153 - Saturday 1 February 2014 0:48

I know the feels...

WhatsOpTic | 11

#5845350 - Saturday 1 February 2014 5:08

Just don't

By kyuubi1 | 14

#5845155 - Saturday 1 February 2014 0:50

I think you need a better boss.

By weveallbeenthere | 30

#5845159 - Saturday 1 February 2014 0:51

ahh. its good to be the king.

Enslaved | 36

#5845484 - Saturday 1 February 2014 7:34

^Love this quote.(:
Fun fact-- even though this movie was called "History of the World: Part 1" they never made a Part 2. They only showed a trailer at the end of the original.

By YourBatteryIsLow | 8

#5845160 - Saturday 1 February 2014 0:52

That is the kind of person who shouldn't be anyones boss...

By GuyNoOneKnows | 13

#5845163 - Saturday 1 February 2014 0:54

That just sucks especially considering you probably had to do again the next morning...

yerawizardlizzy | 27

#5846130 - Sunday 2 February 2014 2:39

Obviously