Today, I had to wake up at 4am because my boss set an important...

By fitzy79 - 31/1/2014 20:04 - United States

Today, I had to wake up at 4am because my boss set an important business meeting for first thing in the morning. After making sure everything was ready, I went to work. My boss ended up oversleeping and moved the meeting to tomorrow. FML

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Work

Dangling modifier

Ghosted

Hello everyone!

By Spockx - 6/8/2012 11:20 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/1/2014 18:25 - Italy - Pistoia

Today, I found out that the generous gift from my boyfriend of a new iPhone was only given so he could use the "find my phone" function to make sure I'm always where I say I am each day. I'm being stalked by my own boyfriend. FML

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By drunkboysgf - 21/10/2011 07:39 - Canada

Today, I had to get my boyfriend's mom to help me get my boyfriend in his house because he was so drunk. He broke up with me for getting him in trouble. FML

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By twinkie2 - 21/1/2011 08:35 - United States

Today, I treated myself to a cheeseburger. I left it on my coffee table while I grabbed a napkin from the kitchen. While I was gone my dog ate it. Then puked it up all over my carpet. Which I then had to clean up. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2015 16:58 - United Kingdom - Exminster

Today, after assuming I'd been scammed, I finally found the vibrator I ordered over 2 months ago. It was in my mom's bedside cabinet. FML

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By oliveoyl - 23/7/2011 04:05 - United States

Today, my husband, who is in the Navy, had a couple of his sailor friends over to hang out. The stereotype about their swearing is true. My two year old now won't stop saying "Fuck." FML

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By I Know How to Pick'em - 16/11/2015 12:25 - Canada - Beaverton

Today, as I had a chat with my boyfriend and a couple of his friends, one of them had brought up my boyfriend's son and his other child who was due any day now. The conversation would have went well, had I known that he had a son and a pregnant girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2011 22:02 - United States

Today, my dad spent a full half hour trying to convince me that Judaism is a race. FML

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By Tuture - 30/4/2016 01:08 - France - Paris

Today, a learner driver was practicing maneuvers in the parking lot at work. This happens a lot, and my colleagues and I usually have fun watching and laughing. It was all fun and games as usual, until the learner crashed into my car. FML

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By Coldsnap - 12/8/2011 17:25 - Sweden

Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2013 19:32 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, my band and I played at our first ever real gig. Our drummer turned up high out of his damn mind. After ruining our act with his godawful performance, he screamed "HELL YEAH!" then ran and dove off the stage into a nearly non-existent audience. We were told to never come back. FML

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By ktiskool - 1/8/2013 04:03 - United States - Imperial

Today, I was watching my 3-year-old sister play in the bathtub. She started screaming at her toys, saying "You're staying under the water until you DIE!" She then looked at me and cackled. I share a room with this demon child. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriend's cousin's birthday party, I was hanging around with his sister as I didn't know anyone. She was talking to some friends when one of them asked her, "So, is your brother still going out with that crazy chick?" Her answer was to introduce me. FML

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By dino0123 - 12/12/2012 17:51 - United States - Herndon

Today, my very cheap boyfriend of four years proposed. I was overwhelmed with emotion, since he bought such a huge, seemingly-diamond ring. I was later overwhelmed with emotion when my finger turned green. FML

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By Stupendous_ - 3/12/2012 07:17 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, while visiting my widowed great aunt, she took out her wedding rings and talked about the love she and my uncle had. Smiling, I told her that one day I hope to have as happy a marriage as theirs. Her response? "Knowing you, I wouldn't count on it." My mother sat there agreeing. FML

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By Sad preggo - 24/1/2017 14:00

Today, my attention-seeking sister-in-law came to my 20 week ultrasound and afterward, without my knowledge, took it upon herself to announce the gender to Facebook and call the entire family, telling them "we're having a boy" nullifying any need for the announcement I had spent 4 weeks planning. FML

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By Slayeddd - 28/10/2009 13:06 - United States

Today, I realized that I have to block my number to get my own mother to take my phone calls. FML

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By edhalen - 23/4/2009 07:47 - United States

Today, I pulled over to help a girl with her car. I thought my limited mechanic skills would help look like a hero. She only needed her coolant cap unscrewed. With top down, shirt off, I was confident as I got out of my car. 10 minutes later I left because I couldn't unscrew the f***ing thing. FML

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By abbiexo97 - 9/5/2019 14:00

Today, I had a dream that I had to abandon my shopping at the checkout due to lack of funds. Even in my dreams I don’t have any money. FML

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By hapless - 16/1/2009 07:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I was late for work and took a taxi. The driver tells me he tried to commit suicide recently. I listen to him for 20mins, sat outside my workplace with the meter off. He charges me £5.80 and my boss gives me a warning for being late. FML

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By aurelj1 - 3/8/2016 19:59 - United States - Colleyville

Today, I went out to dinner with my mom and several of her friends. My mom spent the entire night gushing about my Ivy League school and med student boyfriend. I attend a state university and am single. She threatened to cut me off if I didn't play along. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/2/2012 05:04

Today, I caught my boyfriend trying on my bra. He still has no excuse. FML

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By metalmeow - 17/6/2019 05:00

Today, after taking care not to hurt myself during my workout, I injured my shoulder extricating myself from my sports bra. FML

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By ShayanFCB - 20/10/2009 19:35 - United States

Today, my boss was angry at me because I had filed a complaint about him refusing to change our phone service to something more reliable. Later, a customer called him and said I had hung up on him. I got fired. I didn't hang up on the customer, the phone service just dropped the call. FML

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By last night king - 28/5/2019 18:09

Today, I went to work completely hung over. I was at my desk for 5 minutes before security threw me out on my ass. Apparently, I’m hung over because I got fired yesterday and got blackout drunk, completely forgetting that I had been fired. FML

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By whytho - 19/11/2019 03:00

Because of him

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I also found out I have an STD. I was clean before we dated. FML

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By BurnBabyBurn - 22/2/2017 10:00 - United States - Roberta

Today, after stopping to pick up dinner at a fast food joint, I got a nosebleed. I immediately reached into the bag to grab napkins and began stuffing them up my nose, only to find out too late that a mustard packet had burst in the bag. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/1/2014 01:08 - United States - Chicago

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a restaurant for her birthday. She had to go to the toilet while there, and when she came back, she was crying. When I asked why, she said "I'm on my period!" and sobbed loudly in front of everyone that we couldn't have birthday sex. FML

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By fuck - 9/11/2013 23:30 - United States - Hubert

Caught

Today, I got a call from my husband asking me to bail him out from jail. He was arrested after being caught having sex with a waitress in a restaurant bathroom. FML

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By mr_loveless - 11/2/2013 07:19 - United States

Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML

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By Crazy09 - 8/4/2009 17:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that she had an ultrasound tomorrow morning. With a confused look on my face, she said to me "don't worry, it's not yours." FML

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By badbestfriend - 4/8/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, I took my best friend out for a night in town, after he got dumped by his girlfriend recently. As we were walking around, we passed a group of hot women, a couple who were checking him out. Trying to be encouraging, I said "He's single!" and winked. One of the girls was his ex-girlfriend. FML

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By gymgirl - 5/5/2011 13:47 - Hong Kong

Today, I learnt that eating McDonald's, Twisties, Chocolate and popcorn, then regretting it and going to the gym is a bad idea. I discovered how far vomit, on a moving treadmill, can be thrown across a room. FML

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By fuck wannabe knowitalls - 3/6/2013 23:13 - United States

Today, I received a death threat from some nutball accusing me of being part of some big government conspiracy called "Haarp." According to this psycho, I'm responsible for causing the recent tornadoes in Oklahoma. I'm just a small-time weatherman. FML

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By MWT77 - 27/7/2019 15:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I came home from my aunt's funeral to find my basement flooded due to a sewer backup. FML

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By gross - 9/4/2015 16:00 - United States - Muskegon

Today, I got a bikini as a birthday present. I pulled the bikini bottom out of the box first, only to find a pubic hair stuck to the hygienic liner. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2013 21:05 - United States - Utica

Today, my wife appropriated our savings to finance her crazy, midlife crisis idea of designing and marketing Cheez Whiz dildos. FML

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By Camille - 14/7/2010 00:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend hacked my facebook account and set my status to say that I was in love with my boss. Seeing the post, my boss called me into his office, and told me he loved me too... FML

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By itsgotime - 20/3/2009 06:11 - United States

Today, I was running to my car, slipped, and slammed my head on the car door. I started driving to the hospital because it was bleeding profusely and I was dizzy, I called my mom to tell her what had happened. She said I was grounded for "goofing off" and that she was "sick of my shit". FML

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By someonevexed - 1/2/2009 19:01 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend called me by his mother's name for the 100th time. I'm a guy. FML

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Top comments

By Rizzen | 27

#5845135 - Saturday 1 February 2014 0:43

your boss is a really irresponsible. I am sorry you got screwed

By xXKGBxBRIXx | 6

#5845142 - Saturday 1 February 2014 0:44

I had to wake up at 4 in the morning to turn off my TV today if that helps

COMMENTS

By Rizzen | 27

#5845135 - Saturday 1 February 2014 0:43

your boss is a really irresponsible. I am sorry you got screwed

LinkandSaria | 10

#5845185 - Saturday 1 February 2014 1:01

I hate it when "shit happens."

Morqan_Freeman | 14

#5845301 - Saturday 1 February 2014 4:07

Not so important after all now was it? Stupid boss you got there OP. Not only did he say it was important, he was the one to oversleep. *Brings disapproving eyed cat to stare at your boss*

Kamon97 | 23

#5845319 - Saturday 1 February 2014 4:24

Welcome to the world of business >.

buttcramp | 21

#5845362 - Saturday 1 February 2014 5:22

I agree, #1. Hopefully, when your boss is deciding on who gets promotions/bonuses, the fact that YOU were prepared will be remembered!

Razell | 13

#5846129 - Sunday 2 February 2014 2:39

@ #48: mmm... not likely!

nurchok | 15

#5856316 - Thursday 13 February 2014 0:03

Agree with #71, in addition, the boss will get the promotion because no one at work will complain about what happened to the higher management...

By sevazilla | 21

#5845136 - Saturday 1 February 2014 0:43

Lol get out of the job

Pesticides | 19

#5845164 - Saturday 1 February 2014 0:54

Yeah, if you quit your job after any mishap you're going to have a bad life.

oreyoes | 15

#5845429 - Saturday 1 February 2014 6:05

You've obviously never had a job then seeing your picture and reaction.

SillyGirl4602 | 23

#5845544 - Saturday 1 February 2014 10:00

Op's boss seems very irresponsible. But it would be irresponsible of op to quit his job unless he had another one lined up.

By larrena2377 | 26

#5845138 - Saturday 1 February 2014 0:44

Well at least you already have everything together!

colton_colton | 49

#5845298 - Saturday 1 February 2014 3:56

OP deserves a bonus or something for actually being ready!

larrena2377 | 26

#5845310 - Saturday 1 February 2014 4:19

Especially since it was so early! I'm worthless at 4am

By Bloodcalibur | 13

#5845141 - Saturday 1 February 2014 0:44

Bosses feel as though everything they do can't ever affect the workers

By xXKGBxBRIXx | 6

#5845142 - Saturday 1 February 2014 0:44

I had to wake up at 4 in the morning to turn off my TV today if that helps

By Bloink | 25

#5845153 - Saturday 1 February 2014 0:48

I know the feels...

WhatsOpTic | 11

#5845350 - Saturday 1 February 2014 5:08

Just don't

By kyuubi1 | 14

#5845155 - Saturday 1 February 2014 0:50

I think you need a better boss.

By weveallbeenthere | 30

#5845159 - Saturday 1 February 2014 0:51

ahh. its good to be the king.

Enslaved | 36

#5845484 - Saturday 1 February 2014 7:34

^Love this quote.(:
Fun fact-- even though this movie was called "History of the World: Part 1" they never made a Part 2. They only showed a trailer at the end of the original.

By YourBatteryIsLow | 8

#5845160 - Saturday 1 February 2014 0:52

That is the kind of person who shouldn't be anyones boss...

By GuyNoOneKnows | 13

#5845163 - Saturday 1 February 2014 0:54

That just sucks especially considering you probably had to do again the next morning...

yerawizardlizzy | 27

#5846130 - Sunday 2 February 2014 2:39

Obviously