By TwistedCherub1 - 01/02/2014 22:42 - United States

Today, while in the prison I work at, I came down with severe digestion issues. Master control probably laughed as they watched me wait at the security gates in a cold sweat, squeezing my ass-cheeks together like an inmate smuggling contraband. FML
I agree, your life sucks 43 275
You deserved it 4 384

TwistedCherub1 tells us more.

To answer a few questions: 1. I did make it to the bathroom. 2. Cameras are everywhere in a prison, see from all angles, and have incredible resolution. 3. From my post I have to go through a door which requires pushing a button, identifying myself to master control and waiting for them to release the lock. Then two crash gates where the operator can see me through the glass, then two more doors like the first. That's if I'm in the D-space and not the day room doing rounds, which would involve two more doors. No two doors in any corridor can be open at the same time, so I have to wait for each to close before the next can open.

Top comments


Maybe OP can become the author of a book about his digestion issues.

and that's why it was approved by the moderators!

I actually feel bad for his coworkers. Op is showing the inmates the proper way to smuggle shit in the ass...

Good thing he's not a rapper. "It's only in the morning and I wake up the tower cuz I love it when my homies drop the soap in the shower". ....wait what??

She definitely has a good way of describing things. I can picture her trying not to squirm at the gates.

**** I just realized it's by a woman.... :(...all I can think of is FYL for having that job

AnOriginalName 19

#47, I think most people know how to smuggle shit in their ass.

I've had quite a bit of RedStripe...I go home in 5 days! ZOmg

I feel ya OP Corrections can be a pain somedays;) and I'm sure your gallery had a good laugh!

Well ambient, when you wake up tomorrow I'm sure you'll feel like an idiot for posting those, but on the bright side congrats on going home soon.

Ambient, your first comment got thumbed up while the next 4 got quite the opposite. You should've quit while you were ahead there.

Karma is taking its toll. I feel sick

#50 touch what? You're not the one #40 responded to. Now GTFO before I make you walk down the street with 3 shoes. 2 on your feet and 1 in your ass. Sucker.

#53 Whoa man! calm down! it's just a comment no need to get violent!

So #53 gets upvoted but #61 gets downvoted? What? This community has some issues..

evan_7899 28

And 53, I believe 50 said can't touch this after #40 said stop... As in, "stop, can't touch this".

The FML communities lack of a sense of humor is becoming more and more serious as 2014 rolls along.

I can tell that a lot of thought went into this comment.

Soooo, how many drugs did you smuggle out?

Any old convict can smuggle drugs in,but to smuggle then out, you need a dietarily distressed gaurd.

larrena2377 26

At least you were able to contain it!

16, for some reason I think the FML would've went a different direction if he or she hadn't been able to contain it.

#18 Or she just didn't want the world knowing the whole story? Assuming makes an ass out of you and me:D

63, that's why I said "I think." Also, if they want to share with the world (anonymously) about their digestion issues, one would think they would have no problem saying whether or not they contained it.

stupidguy1313 6
thejewishfuhrer 17

And now I understand why your username is what it is.

Wonderful writing! At least you gave them a laugh.

Hey, it could have been worse OP. At least you didn't shit yourself.

That's a bit of a sh.... erm What a cra........ uhm Oh poop. I know, i know. I'm leaving. *runs for the exit*