Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up with a skull-splitting headache. I braved the...

By Xpload - 29/01/2014 18:26 - United States - Lake Orion

Today, I woke up with a skull-splitting headache. I braved the wind and freezing temperatures to get to work. Today is also the day my boss thought it would be cute to let the elementary school band play at our office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 391

You deserved it 4 207

Miscellaneous

Late term

Triage

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

By Anonymous - 28/09/2013 21:40 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, we got my dad an iPad for his birthday. I had to repeatedly reassure him that he could in fact touch the screen without being shocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 497

You deserved it 4 012

By eliinu - 02/09/2016 02:45 - United States - Middlesboro

Today, my aunt said that it looked like I lost some weight. I was pleased with this, since I've been trying to lose some. My mom, for some reason, thought it was insulting. She pulled me to aside to assure me that I most definitely don't look any skinnier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 052

You deserved it 911

By blahbags - 06/04/2009 13:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I was going on holiday. As I was checking in my bags, I said to the really cute steward, "I think I'm overweight." He told me about discounts for customers of 'larger proportions.' I was talking about my suitcase being overweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 727

You deserved it 17 742

By anon - 07/02/2017 01:00 - United Kingdom - Ely

Today, when I went over a bump, I was assaulted by a badly-fitted bicycle seat. I've been walking like John Wayne all afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 037

You deserved it 765

By Imretarded - 24/05/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, I saw my mom naked as she came out of the shower. I realized that's the first time I've ever seen a naked woman. I'm a 24 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 847

You deserved it 13 534

By anne - 17/06/2017 22:00

Today, I happily told my husband I'm pregnant. He happily informed me that very, VERY large babies run in his family, and even though he was born 3 weeks early, he still weighed 15 lbs. The smallest baby to ever be born into his family was his great grandmother, who was 12 lbs. OH GOD, THE PAIN. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 034

You deserved it 761

Time for the ER

By littl3storm - 24/04/2020 23:00

Today, my brace broke and due to Covid-19, I can't get it fixed for another month and a half. Four brackets have come off, the wire is sinking into my gum, giving me tooth and jaw pain. I can't eat and I'm spending excessive amounts of money on pain relief. The cause of all this? A cheese pasty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 744

You deserved it 232

By happytuckerhappy - 30/12/2014 00:41 - United States - Chandler

Today, I set up a profile on a dating app, stating that I'm awkward amongst other things. Within minutes, a guy messaged me. I was thrilled, until he started threatening me because he has Aspergers, and according to him, only they are "allowed" to be awkward. I had to delete my profile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 642

You deserved it 3 128

Explain that one

By Anonymous - 21/08/2020 02:03

Today, I was eating dinner with my husband and his family. My father-in-law says to my mother-in-law, "You know what’s in your mouth? Sausage!" It was so random that I laughed, as quietly as I could. My husband then loudly asked me what was so funny. Everyone went quiet and looked at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 310

You deserved it 182

By wtfseriously - 09/05/2011 17:22 - United States

Today, my mom and I had an argument about my laziness. We did this as I was eating uncooked rice because I didn't want to have to walk to the kitchen and put it into the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 440

You deserved it 78 398

By Anonymous - 14/11/2015 11:47 - United States - Taunton

Today, I started to tell my step-dad about a funny video I came across online last night. He cut me off by saying "Yeah? Well I came across your mom's face last night!" then left for work with a shit-eating grin on his face. I could've gone the rest of my life without knowing that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 279

You deserved it 2 038

By rusrs - 30/03/2012 02:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that my mother now refuses to drink anything but bottled water because she actually believes that the government is putting a chemical in tap water that lowers pregnancy rates. She is trying for her 5th child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 349

You deserved it 2 214

By pmek - 26/03/2012 09:11 - Australia - Collingwood

Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 350

You deserved it 3 254

By Anonymous - 04/07/2015 01:12 - United States

Today, while on a cruise that I paid for, I was forced to babysit my 5 bratty nieces while my sister and her deadbeat boyfriend relaxed in the kid free zone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 381

You deserved it 5 341

By PixieWrists - 13/03/2012 17:33 - United Kingdom

Today, my therapist gave me some great self-sufficiency advice. It sounded familiar. When I got home I realized she had been quoting Christina Aguilera songs. For £100 an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 754

You deserved it 4 069

By the other man - 28/08/2013 03:11 - United States - Fort Smith

Today, I learned that the girl I've been seeing for 6 months is actually married. She just dates me when her husband is pissing her off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 916

You deserved it 3 912

By Fluffy - 11/01/2012 12:51 - United States

Today, I had to run a timed mile. I'm terrible at running. During the run, I thought I was doing a good job. That is, until the teacher told me to stop because I was three laps behind everyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 848

You deserved it 6 220

By Anonymous - 18/06/2016 16:16 - United States - Bell

Today, my son was crying because he wanted his daddy, and he asked when he can see him. I had no idea what to say, given his dad left us in the middle of the night last year, now lives in another country, and told me he never wants to see us again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 999

You deserved it 1 644

By TheHezzer - 21/02/2012 19:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered the hard way that all the scare stories I'd heard about rats getting into pipes and finding their way into your toilet are, in fact, true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 582

You deserved it 2 332

Bae goals

By ninithel - 02/09/2021 16:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that when my partner says, "Let's cuddle up, watch something and spend the night together," he means ,"I'm gonna wank and fall asleep at 8.30 with my phone playing videos." FML

I agree, your life sucks 994

You deserved it 156

The price of love

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 20:00

Today, same-sex marriage is finally legal in my country. However, it's taken so long since I got engaged that our perfect wedding venue has gone out of business, and everywhere else is at least three times the price. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 336

Told you so

By Anonymous - 19/06/2021 22:00

Today, my wife is leaving me for the guy she told me not to worry about, who is also her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 91

By Ew?Really? - 04/08/2014 05:42 - United States - Montrose

Today, my husband was disgusted by me expressing breast milk while we were in the shower together. This is the same man who thinks it's funny to pee on my legs because, "It'll wash off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 004

You deserved it 4 970

By yoyyo - 07/11/2016 06:29 - United States - Manhattan

Today, I accidentally sliced open my crush's hand at work while we were messing around on break. A month ago, I broke his brother's finger playing dodgeball. No wonder I'm still single; he must think I'm out to get his family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 048

You deserved it 1 304

By hobosarea-holes - 14/08/2010 23:10 - United States

Today, I picked up a penny off the street for good luck on my job interview. A few seconds later, a hobo beat me up, took my wallet, and ran off. The whole ordeal made me late for the interview. So much for good luck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 176

You deserved it 3 743

By wimp - 15/08/2009 17:06 - United States

Today, while I was in the doctors they told me that me and my son needed a shot, I went first to show my son that it wouldnt hurt and shots were not something to be afraid of. When they gave me my shot I started crying. My four year old son handles pain better than his 29 year old mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 471

You deserved it 40 810

By fucktelstra - 17/03/2016 11:42 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I missed a phone interview for a job at Telstra because Telstra's phone network was down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 498

You deserved it 1 391

By fxck - 20/07/2012 22:45 - South Africa - Durban

Today, while walking home, I passed some guy loudly whining that foreign imports are destroying our economy, and that we should all be deported. When I pointed out that the mobile phone in his hand was clearly a Samsung, he turned bright red and punched me in the gut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 134

You deserved it 4 936

By anonymous - 22/03/2012 04:46 - United States - Chelsea

Today, my boyfriend went down on me with whiskey in his mouth. It felt like my genitals were on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 766

You deserved it 6 909

By deservedly - 09/06/2014 16:28 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I clogged the only toilet at work. Thinking I could escape and blame someone else, I opened the door, only to see a line of people waiting outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 771

You deserved it 17 395

By dan - 19/11/2011 04:54 - Reserved

Today, we had a sprint race in gym class which I wasn't looking forward to because I'm a little chubby. The race started and I shot off as fast as I could, somehow in the lead. Everyone was cheering. When I was nearing the finish line I turned around, only to see the race hadn't started yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 167

You deserved it 8 991

By kalisa anteater - 09/06/2013 20:49 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I had to explain to my mother that a lace mini-dress with an obscene amount of cleavage was not appropriate to wear while meeting my boyfriend's parents. She called me an "annoying prude" and said that with my attitude, I don't deserve to have a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 231

You deserved it 4 911

By Anonymous - 06/08/2012 19:50 - United States

Today, I called in to my girlfriend's favorite radio station to propose. After spending what seemed like an eternity telling her how much I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her, she took a deep breath, said, "How about no?" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 146

You deserved it 4 422

By Wmsys32pr9 - 30/03/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, a 7-year-old girl came up to me and told me to go fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard the conversation; she came up to me and told me to go fuck myself as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273 258

You deserved it 30 740

By ccc - 15/05/2009 16:35 - United States

Today, a cab driver had to sign me out of the emergency room because I didn't know who else to call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 027

You deserved it 4 407

By Jon - 02/04/2011 16:44 - United States

Today, my ex fiancée, who left me six months ago, asked if I'd mind if she used the wedding dress I bought her for our wedding. She's just gotten engaged again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 144

You deserved it 3 448

By anonymous - 27/01/2012 15:26 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law asked if she could move in with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 567

You deserved it 2 973

By en3rg1zer21 - 06/08/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, I was peeing, and I sneezed. I looked down to see that my gum had flown out of my mouth and gotten caught in my pubes. On the upside I got a new look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 380

You deserved it 9 508

By Cherub - 03/05/2009 22:16 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my wedding day. It was meant to be perfect. The bouquet, along with a high pollen count, set my hay fever off. I walked down the aisle in front of 200 people with streaming eyes and a runny nose; I then had a sneezing fit during my vows and blew a large snot bubble. Real attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 985

You deserved it 7 792

By tillyg15 - 02/05/2012 11:18 - United Kingdom - Droitwich

Today, I had to ring up our local competitors to get prices for paint. I pretended I'd just bought a house and was doing it up, and I actually got excited about doing up a make-believe house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 266

You deserved it 4 838

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Top comments

JMichael 25

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Wednesday 29 January 2014 23:38

Just can't win can you OP??

slayertack 19

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Wednesday 29 January 2014 23:38

Oh I remember being in band in elementary.. It wasn't pretty. Sorry OP.

JMichael 25

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Wednesday 29 January 2014 23:38

Just can't win can you OP??

colton_colton 49

Wednesday 29 January 2014 23:47

Vodca could help OP get over his headache temporarily!

xChaos 29

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Thursday 30 January 2014 0:25

And will create one even worse, a couple hours later...

colton_colton 49

Thursday 30 January 2014 0:29

Which is why i said temporarily help you!

WhitneyShehan 10

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Thursday 30 January 2014 1:03

Take some ibuprofen, and cowgirl up.

nightowl713 25

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Thursday 30 January 2014 5:37

#25- while it may help temporarily to drink vodka, I foresee it causing worse problems than a headache on a cold day with loud instruments playing in the back ground. He works at an elementary school and I feel as if being drunk or smelling of liquor around small children at school is frowned upon in today's society.

incoherentrmblr 21

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Thursday 30 January 2014 6:01

Now you know how Simon Gruber feels...

LeFrogDog 27

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Wednesday 29 January 2014 23:38

hey in least its not everyday

iLike2Teabag 27

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Thursday 30 January 2014 0:16

Hey "in least" a few of those words were right.

slayertack 19

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Wednesday 29 January 2014 23:38

Oh I remember being in band in elementary.. It wasn't pretty. Sorry OP.

colton_colton 49

Wednesday 29 January 2014 23:51

I remember being made fun of in the band!

Lilxpie 18

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Thursday 30 January 2014 13:30

Depends what school you're at and experience. My school is focused more towards music so our bands/orchestra's (I'm in one of them. ) Are good in my opinion. I've played an instrument for about 2 years and most people in most of the bands at my school have played longer. ( I'm in a high school mixed with a primary school, makes sense if you are from Australia) ( I'm in high school)

how_about_no_ 19

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Wednesday 29 January 2014 23:39

You've got to be kid-ding me. Hope you feel better OP, and that your day wasn't too bad!

TXFernwoods 26

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Wednesday 29 January 2014 23:39

Did he just let the band in? Or was it like scheduled? If it was scheduled you really can't complain. It just sucks. Sorry OP. ;~;

Catahoulaqueen_fml 17

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Thursday 30 January 2014 0:31

Even if it was scheduled, OP didn't have to know about it.

buttcramp 21

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Thursday 30 January 2014 3:44

true. Plus, OP shouldn't have gotten so shitty on a weeknight.

thrAsHeRr9081 16

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Thursday 30 January 2014 16:48

35- Have you never just woken up with a random ass headache?

kurodansei 16

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Wednesday 29 January 2014 23:39

Well your Boss's heart is in the right place, unfortunately your head is not.

oj101 33

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Wednesday 29 January 2014 23:39

I hope there wasn't someone playing the recorder - these things are the musical instruments of satan.

1947Chevy 17

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Thursday 30 January 2014 0:22

Musical instruments of satan? I always figured they were the instruments of something far more evil

Zelphoric 25

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Thursday 30 January 2014 0:49

Mayonnaise?

wellthen7154 12

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Thursday 30 January 2014 1:16

Gosh darn it mayonnaise is STILL not an instrument!! I'd assume that the instrument of the devil is the E-flat (soprano) clarinet.

j_cat187 19

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Thursday 30 January 2014 7:53

Was thinking more on the lines of a gold fiddle.

skittle_QUEEN_YO 15

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Thursday 30 January 2014 10:57

Haha try the trombone then we will talk about devils instrument

parism143 28

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Thursday 30 January 2014 23:27

#45 What's wrong with trombone? I played for a few years, the sound is lovely, you know.

CallMeWindSock 24

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Wednesday 29 January 2014 23:42

A day that bad has to mean something awesome is about to happen to you, OP. Keep your head up, and enjoy the music! ;)

kyuubi1 14

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Wednesday 29 January 2014 23:43

I actually don't know how to help you on that one. maybe run to the bathroom while they play.

zaise_chsa 19

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Wednesday 29 January 2014 23:44

Looks like you might be a little high strung today. Did you do anything that might get you in treble? Be sure to take note of anything rash you might do