All the FMLs

By Awahso - 16/10/2013 21:42 - United States - Buford

Today, I had to buy a new boxcutter for work after our old one broke. It came in a box, the type which policy requires a boxcutter to open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 243

You deserved it 3 618

By . - 16/10/2013 21:05 - United States

Today, I convinced my father that "Juanito", our relative who needed money for immediate surgery in Mexico was a stranger attempting to scam him. I was $1400 too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 391

You deserved it 4 068

By SaveMeTeddy - 16/10/2013 18:48 - Canada - Burnaby

Today, it hit me that I'm incredibly pathetic, when at the age of 21, I tucked my stuffed animals into bed with me, facing in different directions so they could keep watch for monsters while I slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 123

You deserved it 16 262

What the **** does this mean, dude?

By Anonymous - 16/10/2013 17:37 - United States - Romulus

Today, I found out my handwriting is so bad that people think I write in Arabic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 404

You deserved it 10 424

By TiredMum - 16/10/2013 13:33 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my five-year-old daughters realized that if one of them rang the doorbell, it would keep me distracted long enough for the other one to steal cookies from the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 141

You deserved it 7 109

By Elcam - 16/10/2013 08:22 - Belgium

Today, I replaced a usually fun collegue's picture of his kids with a picture of my face against glass, so it looked I was inside the screen. Everyone laughed, but he reported me because I tried to "erase his children" and "if anything happens to them" it's now my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 852

You deserved it 5 643

Leave me alone

By LFE - 16/10/2013 04:40 - United States - Liberty Hill

Today, after applying at over 30 businesses over the past 6 months, I have had not one single call. I later find out that I was using my old phone number on the applications, and my secondary phone was my mom's. She thought they were telemarketers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 629

You deserved it 45 458

By erockinthesuburb - 16/10/2013 00:38 - United States - Noblesville

Today, I was maced. Not by a person, but rather by one of those automatic air fresheners in the bathroom. It was conveniently placed at eye level, you know, for freshness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 243

You deserved it 3 302

Joker brain

By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 21:48 - United States - Round Lake

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for knowing more about Batman than he does. He's only seen some of the movies, and as a kid my dad owned a comic book store. He still doesn't see why I should know more, because I'm a girl, and "girls aren't supposed to know about superheroes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 721

You deserved it 4 144

By secretsmakefriends - 15/10/2013 21:43 - United States - Vashon

Today, my grandmother called me in a fit of panic because her new neighbors are black. So is my fiancé, whom she is supposed to meet tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 871

You deserved it 5 189

Creepy

By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 20:52 - United Kingdom - Stretham

Today, my parents dropped by my new house, and my mother offered to tidy up for me while I was out. After they left, I noticed that her "tidying up" included throwing out all the pictures of my girlfriend and replacing them with pictures of herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 648

You deserved it 4 852

By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 20:16 - United States - Chicago

Today, my fiancé's best friend, who will be our best man at our wedding, decided to confess his feelings for me and tell me how he's always dreamed of us eloping together. The wedding is going to be awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 937

You deserved it 3 341

By calobrisi - 15/10/2013 19:34 - United States - East Northport

Today, I got stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper. I had to reach into my small trash can and use soiled toilet paper to clean myself. When I went to flush the toilet, I noticed three unused rolls of toilet paper sitting on the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 838

You deserved it 52 362

calobrisi tells us more.

calobrisi 8

Wednesday 16 October 2013 5:19

OP Here! So I think everyone has kind of made this worse then it really was so let me explain. I am a girl, and I was in my own house. I was in a rush and didn't realize there was toilet paper right behind me on the toilet until afterwards. I couldn't get up or use something else because there was nothing else, and my father was home with me but we are not on speaking terms.The paper I used would certainly not give me any STD's because I had used it beforehand. Of course I realize what a dumbass I am, and honestly most of the comments made me laugh. But yeah it wasn't like I was "taking a shit" or anything. I probably should have "looked before I leaked." Thanks guys lol

By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 17:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after months of exercise and diets and finally reaching my ideal weight, I told my morbidly obese cousin about my success, hoping to motivate him to do the same. He replied, "Why would it matter, you're still ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 400

You deserved it 5 803

By collegegrad - 15/10/2013 15:51 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I read an article about the top 10 worst jobs this year. This list includes my degree and three of my main skills and interests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 752

You deserved it 5 610

By Eggs6131 - 15/10/2013 13:09 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I found out that my brother is adamant that if he records silence, then listens to said silence at full volume, it'll improve the headphones' noise-blocking abilities. I live with a complete idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 367

You deserved it 3 329

Eggs6131 tells us more.

Eggs6131 14

Wednesday 20 November 2013 13:39

For all the people who don't get it, my brother recorded about a minute's worth of silence on his little MP3 player, so he could listen to said recording at full volume. He thought if he listened to this recording of nothingness on a loop at full volume, it would make his earphones act like earplugs, cancelling out any noise made. #8, still laughing at that "I'm sorry? I can't hear you for all this silence blasting in my ears". #22, he's fifteen :

By notready - 15/10/2013 06:49 - Australia

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend at a dinner with our two families. Not only did she flatly reject me, my dad said, "Good call. He's not ready." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 990

You deserved it 6 811

By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 06:37 - United States

Today, I found out that my phone fits perfectly through the slot between the elevator and the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 754

You deserved it 4 871

By zzfreakshow - 15/10/2013 00:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I fell asleep while at the beach with friends. Someone thought it would be funny to put chunks of bread on and around my junk. Seagulls have sharp beaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 855

You deserved it 5 049

By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 00:14 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my friend texted me from a bar, saying they had just called my name in a raffle to win a trip to Aspen, CO. You had to be at the bar to claim the prize. I had left the bar half-an-hour earlier, not knowing they were even having a raffle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 700

You deserved it 4 446

By soccer_bball - 14/10/2013 19:32 - United States - Frisco

Today, I was at the dentist. I ended up having some work done and left with a numb mouth. I have school pictures in less than 2 hours and I can neither smile nor stop drooling everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 916

You deserved it 7 066

By Anonymous - 14/10/2013 18:19 - United States - El Paso

Today, I decided to start a new and healthy diet. When I came home from my run this morning, my family decided to show their support by buying takeaway food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 541

You deserved it 4 776

By lovehurts - 14/10/2013 16:02 - United States - Wayne

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I like. We climbed a tree to watch the sunset, and as the sun went down, I kissed him. He fell out of the tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 799

You deserved it 6 146

MAKE IT STOP

By STOPTHENOISE - 14/10/2013 13:10 - United States - Jefferson

Today, someone in my 8-floor appartment building got an airhorn. They seem to enjoy using it. I can't work out where they are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 693

You deserved it 3 128

By Karansuni - 14/10/2013 10:38 - Germany

Today, my boss told me that my attitude to work is awesome and that he'd follow my example of coming in half-an-hour early every day from now on. I relish those 30 minutes as the only time I can get work done without him constantly interrupting me. So much for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 135

You deserved it 3 395

By mustabeendrugs - 14/10/2013 01:14 - United States - Tucson

Today, a customer called me "chink eyes", "dog eater", "bloody Chinese communist" and "ching chong." I'm black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 305

You deserved it 3 726

By Anonymous - 14/10/2013 00:33 - United States - North Little Rock

Today, I got dumped because a guy sat next to me at a party and I didn't get up to change seats. Apparently, it means I subconsciously like the guy who sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 382

You deserved it 4 248

Prehistoric

By and she blames me -_- - 13/10/2013 21:50 - Canada - Calgary

Today, some ass-bandit broke into my house by smashing a window, just so he could steal the ancient VHS cassette player that my wife wouldn't let me throw away. Thanks, scumbag, but the front door was unlocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 314

You deserved it 4 368

By HSampsON - 13/10/2013 21:20 - Niger - Niamey

Today, in revenge for me pulling the old salt-in-the-soda prank on him, my dad showed up at my college dressed in a tight blouse and miniskirt, demanding that I come home early with him. I think I'm going to be lynched next time I go to class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 101

You deserved it 13 804

By Anonymous - 13/10/2013 16:20 - United States - Bessemer

Today, after holing myself up in my room for the day, I eventually turned my phone back on and told my girlfriend that my grandma passed away today. She replied, "Ask me if I fucking care," then accused me of not caring about our relationship because I went offline all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 840

You deserved it 4 910

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The Top

The Top

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend saying, "I shall be the prince, and you shall be the princess," to his hamster. Once he saw me, he quickly turned to the hamster and said, "I have to go. The dragon is here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 66

Today, I caught my husband slapping my sister’s butt. When I confronted them, he defended himself saying he was just testing the “quality of the material of her new leggings.” Apparently, they’re “looking great.” He still doesn’t see what he did wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 667

You deserved it 123

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 575

You deserved it 11 828

Today, I listened to Taylor Swift’s new album. I’m a life long Swiftie. I also had a baby last year. Her name is Aimee. One of the lyrics in Taylor’s new song is “F**ck you, Aimee.” Now I can’t listen to this album with my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178

You deserved it 536

Today, I tried to be seductive to get intimate with my boyfriend. He commented on how sexy I looked, and how badly he wanted me, then asked me to move because I was blocking the TV, and the World Cup match he was watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 285

You deserved it 17 580

Today, I received the sweetest love letter from my boyfriend after having a bad day. After gushing about it and reading it to my friends, they said it reminded them of a letter that they'd seen online. He got it from a fill-in-the-blank love letter generator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 506

You deserved it 5 502