Today, I was checking my schedule online and noticed that I wasn't...

By soontobehobo - 8/9/2014 02:31 - United States - Mankato

Today, I was checking my schedule online and noticed that I wasn't scheduled for any shifts next week. Not thinking it was a big deal, I called HR to get it corrected, only to find out I was laid off and they "forgot" to tell me. FML

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Work

Everyone's an expert

Car Wars

Sister of the year

By GeeThanksMom - 25/2/2018 15:00

Today, I’m having knee surgery. I can’t drive for the next week because of the heavy duty pain killers, so my mom told me I'll have to walk to and from school. It’s only a couple of miles. FML

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By cherokeems - 20/10/2015 18:28 - United States - Harriman

Today, my 8-month-old dog decided to decorate the living room by tearing apart a rented college textbook, the reference guide that went with it, and part of a color therapy book. FML

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By LostSleep - 24/5/2016 21:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I was woken at 4 a.m. by the sounds of someone crashing down the stairs. I scrambled out, still half-asleep, to find out that nobody was in an agonized heap at the bottom. The walls are so thin in my house that I could hear the neighbour falling down HIS stairs. FML

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By naladetet - 23/11/2014 08:31 - United States - Newark

Today, I accidentally called my boss 'mom'. Now she is jokingly telling everyone that I'm the long-lost daughter she gave up for adoption, because she knew I'd be a failure. FML

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By me - 29/10/2011 04:43 - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh I had an itch..." FML

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By Anonymous - 20/7/2013 21:31 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a man stopped me on the street. He said the stretch marks on my thighs looked like cuts, and asked me if I self-harmed. Before I was able to politely respond "No", he said, "I mean, I can see why you would." FML

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By SinkyBalls - 30/8/2011 03:56 - Canada

Today, I found out my roommate thinks the sink is an appropriate place to wash his junk. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2017 17:00 - United States - Charles City

A Natural Snack!

Today, my husband argued with me for an hour, because he believed that loaded potato skins grow naturally on a tree. FML

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By supersmashpika - 18/7/2015 06:01 - United States - Hershey

Today, while walking down the street, a truck hit a puddle and splashed me with water. After I cursed and flipped him off, he put his truck in reverse and splashed me again. FML

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By - 27/3/2019 06:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, like everyday, I have to ignore the mould in the bathroom, cat shit stuck to the dining room floor, and dirty dishes in the kitchen courtesy of my never-cleaning sister, but today she bitched at me for being gross and unhygenic for double dipping the ice-cream tub, and everyone agreed. FML

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By singledumbfuck - 22/3/2020 03:30

Eternally romantic

Today, my boyfriend proposed via text, after telling me that he'd slept with his step-sister. FML

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By done - 9/8/2017 19:30 - United States - Mercer Island

Today, I started to fill out a job application online, with age being one of the first things I put in. After half an hour and 40 questions, I hit submit. I was then told that I wasn't old enough to apply. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/12/2015 03:23 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I was volunteering at a gift-wrapping booth to raise money for autism, and helping others takes my mind off the fact that my mom died at Christmas. While carefully wrapping a present, offering bows, ribbons, and a gift tag, a snobby bitch said to me, "You're not doing a very good job." FML

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By tatfreak - 8/3/2011 01:03 - United States

Today, I told a cashier I always bullshit with that I was getting a new tattoo. She shook her head and said, "Honey, don't get a tattoo. You'll look like a whore." I already have five. FML

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By disapointed girl - 28/12/2010 16:58 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a month and I had sex for the first time. We started in the shower and then moved to his bedroom. He then feel asleep when I was on top. FML

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By wow - 27/11/2019 05:00 - United States - Portland

Good shot

Today, for the first time in months, my best friend agreed to hang out with me. After waiting, three hours for him to show up, I called to see what was taking him so long. He told me he couldn't come because he needed to get a haircut. FML

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By Tempted to hide a fish under the floor - 22/9/2018 05:30 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, I marked 3 weeks since meeting my crazy new landlady. Apparently I can't use the dishwasher because "there's no soap", can't bring the trash cans into the garage to keep the bears from getting it, and have to sweep before the cleaning service comes because "it's not their job". FML

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By XLhottie - 6/6/2009 06:48 - United States

Today, I was at Target trying on swimsuits. I tried on a medium bottom and was so excited because it fit perfectly even though I've gained a few pounds. My self-esteem was at an all-time high until my mom told me I could never fit into a medium. I rechecked the tag. It was an extra large. FML

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By Teaching26 - 15/5/2010 07:47 - United States

Today, I lectured my second-grade class to be more descriptive in their writing. I gave them an assignment to describe something in the classroom. I was grading their work later, and one student wrote, "My class is taught by a fat teacher with gray hair." FML

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By helpfulmom - 26/7/2009 18:39 - Canada

Today, my mom taught my boyfriend of 2 weeks how to put on a condom. FML

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By Jesse - 22/6/2009 16:18 - United States

Today, McDonalds charged me 21 cents for a honey mustard packet. The jerk manager made me break a $50 bill. So I grabbed all their napkins, carried them into the parking lot and tossed them all into the air in protest and drove off. Down the road, I realized I left my wallet at the counter. FML

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By thatguy - 28/10/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, I learned that girls don't like it when you pass out from carrying them to the bed. What they DO like, is telling all their friends. FML

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By Noname - 5/3/2009 02:18 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to a very nice restaurant. I thought it would be a good place to pop the question. I gave the ring to the waiter and asked him to put it on her dessert plate. When she saw it she picked it up, put it down and said "no". Then she started to eat the dessert. FML

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By dieders - 21/11/2016 06:34 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up and opened my curtains to see my gardener up a ladder in front of my window tending to the plants growing up the side of the wall. This would've been fine if his ballsack wasn't hanging out his shorts. FML

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By Oops - 18/11/2018 21:00 - United States

Today, I had diarrhea and shit myself. During my wedding. In my wedding dress. FML

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By ew - 12/4/2016 17:53 - United States

Today, I found my shower loofa near the bathroom trash. My husband has a habit of throwing things out of the shower if they are in his way, so I thought nothing of it and took at bath with it. When he came home from work, he said he had thrown it away because he used it to clean the toilet. FML

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By DCarreon - 4/10/2012 07:13 - United States - Ceres

Today, my seemingly normal girlfriend decided to erase every girl's name out of my phone. Family and all. FML

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By grossedout - 1/11/2014 00:39

Today, I was walking back to my dorm with my boyfriend. He was being really sweet as he held my hand. We were about to kiss goodnight and as he pushed some hair out of my face he said, "Can we hurry it up? I'm about to rip one." FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2016 04:13 - United States - Midland

Today, I was talking with a very attractive co-worker outside when a moth flew into my ear. I started screaming and hitting my ear because it was stuck and alive in my ear. I spent the rest of the day at the ER. I'm forever known as the moth lady. FML

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By Nissan_David - 18/1/2010 06:09 - United States

Today, I was helping my friend put up a wooden fence at his new house. I was holding the sections of fence up while he nailed them in with an air powered nail gun. The gun malfunctioned and fired twice putting the second nail through my hand and into the wood. We had to pry the nail out. FML

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By rain - 1/6/2009 02:05 - United States

Today, I called the number a guy had given me at a bar last night. I got the Soulja Boy Hotline. Now every few hours I get messages on my phone like 'Good morning! Jump on up and get yo swag on, this is Soulja Boy!' and I can't seem to get it to stop. FML

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By Poowee - 18/9/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it would not go down the pipes. After about ten panic filled minutes, I notice the cat litter box. I carefully scoop out my logs, and bury them in the cat litter. FML

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By Lola - 29/7/2019 06:00

Today, for the third time, I’ve had to clean a puddle of pee from the bathroom floor. I live alone, and I’m a girl. FML

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By amy - 20/7/2019 02:09

Today, I had a dream about sleeping, which is a dream I have frequently. I’m exhausted even when I sleep. FML

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By Angie - 24/3/2011 19:07 - South Africa

Today, my twelve year old neighbour decided to give a Hannah Montana concert in her backyard, starring herself. Unfortunately, she only knew three lines of the song "The Best of Both Worlds" and screamed them repeatedly at the top of her lungs. FML

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By sarad206 - 19/2/2014 21:09 - United States

Today, I was cleaning the bathrooms at work. An older gentlemen came in and needed to use it. He said to me "Oh no, PLEASE stay, just don't look." I don't get paid enough for this. FML

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By dani0810 - 22/1/2013 11:39 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, I caught my 4 year old son yet again trying to drink out of the toilet. FML

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By seriouslylife? - 26/9/2018 03:00

Today, I was shopping at a store that hires disabled people as baggers. This is totally awesome and I love the practice, but this autistic bagger yelled out the name of every product he bagged, including "TAMPONS!" and "CONDOMS!" One of my middle school students was in the next checkout line videoing it. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/6/2011 23:45 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend tried to climb up to my third story window in the early hours of the morning. Just before he got to the top, he slipped and fell to the ground. My dad had to drive him to the hospital at 3am. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2019 00:00

Today, I slipped and gashed my head bad enough that my head had to be shaved to be sewn up. Right after it had finished growing back from chemotherapy. FML

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Top comments

By Bloink | 25

#6060024 - Monday 8 September 2014 15:15

my mom is like that, she yells at me for not doing something, but she forgets to tell me to do it in the first place

By DerrickJames | 33

#6060021 - Monday 8 September 2014 15:09

Hollister co. does a similar thing :/ You get slowly iced out.

COMMENTS

By DerrickJames | 33

#6060021 - Monday 8 September 2014 15:09

Hollister co. does a similar thing :/ You get slowly iced out.

Jreslier | 15

#6060136 - Monday 8 September 2014 18:11

Wow that's interesting, you should write a book about that!

LiliLatte | 15

#6060416 - Tuesday 9 September 2014 1:12

#29 personally, I wouldn't want to read about Hollister's way of laying off their employees

By Bloink | 25

#6060024 - Monday 8 September 2014 15:15

my mom is like that, she yells at me for not doing something, but she forgets to tell me to do it in the first place

MichellinMan | 20

#6060036 - Monday 8 September 2014 15:32

AND I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE

killuhand | 12

#6060051 - Monday 8 September 2014 15:53

call HR

EverestMelting | 23

#6060074 - Monday 8 September 2014 16:21

I enjoyed your comment #18. Have an upvote.

HJKM_fml | 19

#6060214 - Monday 8 September 2014 19:57

@18 OP already talked to HR. They were the ones who forgot to tell OP they were laid off in the first place.

jamiro11 | 19

#6060299 - Monday 8 September 2014 22:10

finally! i am no longer alone!

By Kranthi | 13

#6060025 - Monday 8 September 2014 15:16

You'll soon get a better job probably.
Don't worry.

jerryj | 27

#6060090 - Monday 8 September 2014 16:53

You make it sound like OP can passively wait and better job offers will suddenly appear, overflowing from her pockets.

By Dlzq | 22

#6060027 - Monday 8 September 2014 15:18

Fucking cunts.

CrAzYELF4 | 26

#6060050 - Monday 8 September 2014 15:53

That really isn't necessary to say. It isn't helping anything.

Dlzq | 22

#6060283 - Monday 8 September 2014 21:39

Comments are supposed to help? Help what?

By woainishamu | 21

#6060028 - Monday 8 September 2014 15:18

HR = How Ridiculous

thefmlman2011 | 32

#6060046 - Monday 8 September 2014 15:48

What you did there, I see it

LunarServant | 10

#6062127 - Thursday 11 September 2014 12:35

Damnit. You beat me to it.

By kAPISH | 29

#6060029 - Monday 8 September 2014 15:18

This is where you should've replied "I was just calling letting you know i quit"

Senseless_487 | 29

#6060244 - Monday 8 September 2014 20:37

Nah, getting laid off is better. Now OP can file for unemployment!

kAPISH | 29

#6060421 - Tuesday 9 September 2014 1:18

Since she was already laid of it wouldn't do any matter if she said she was quitting though

By Baucis | 10

#6060032 - Monday 8 September 2014 15:19

This place obviously has their shit together, very professional.

By ahole69 | 2

#6060034 - Monday 8 September 2014 15:25

You could always suck cock on the corner that is the oldest profession by the way I always tip if she swallows

MichellinMan | 20

#6060043 - Monday 8 September 2014 15:43

Dude...?

jerryj | 27

#6060093 - Monday 8 September 2014 16:54

Check his username and suddenly it's not so surprising that he would post such drivel.

rachangie | 19

#6060148 - Monday 8 September 2014 18:42

And girls you pay are probably the only ones that would go near it.

23lf | 16

#6060183 - Monday 8 September 2014 19:34

Hell, the girls he pays don't even want to

ThatWeirdoChick | 2

#7916460 - Thursday 25 June 2020 21:16

you live up to your username, huh?

By Ltsdragons | 19

#6060035 - Monday 8 September 2014 15:27

Dang OP, I'm sorry, but on the bright side, you might find a job soon that you'll like more than your job that forgot to tell you they laid you off

By shinxanta | 21

#6060045 - Monday 8 September 2014 15:45

Aren't they required to call you or something? Like legal-wise?