By thebigtwinkie - 10/09/2014 07:52 - Romania - Bucharest
thebigtwinkie tells us more.
After thinking for a bit, I eventually thought he was kind of cute even though the line was absolutely awful, but he had good intentions so I faked a smile, not wanting to hurt his feelings. Oh, and I'm so happy that it's published!
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"Good intentions"? Sorry to be the feminist here, but you shouldn't had to fake a smile to be polite after a line like that. The ugly part is bad enough, but the "you're my date" part is worse. What a sense of entitlement.
No, calling someone ugly and trying to put down their self esteem, and then declaring them "your date" is actually ugly, emotionally manipulative, and entitled. There are no good intentions there. Stop making excuses for that sort of shitty behavior. Also, can't believe the one comment calling that out here got downvoted.
That's not to say that the OP had any duty to call him out. With assholes like that, you never know how they're going to react to being rejected, and safety comes first, even if it involves placating. But please, if you're ever tempted to use a line like that, don't. And if you do, and the woman smiles, it's either because she is afraid you'll have a fit if she calls you out, she's completely bewildered, or she feels sorry for you. Are any of those really scenarios you want?
#68 I don't think she 'had' to fake a smile, I think she chose to, because she wanted to, aka it satisfied her wishes to do so. The only one saying anything un-feminist is you, for jumping to the assumption that she must have had no agency in that situation (like, y'know, maybe women can think and act for themselves? without anyone else telling them off for it? What a thought!)
#92 OP: "After thinking for a bit, I eventually thought he was kind of cute ... he had good intentions so I faked a smile, not wanting to hurt his feelings." That's a lot of thought to come before an 'automatic response'. Look, personally, I wouldn't want to smile at a comment like that myself. I'd most likely be a combination of confused and offended. And I'm sure there's a lot of people who'd agree, but I'm also sure that many people would react differently. The only thing that bugged me about #68's comment is the implicit assumption that: "she must have only done it because she felt forced, like she *had to*, no way a woman would/should do it otherwise". I'm probably overreacting I admit, but can we stop trying to project unnecessary explanations onto female behaviour? Maybe she felt forced, maybe she did it of her own will (and frankly, assuming the former is always more offensive). Just like maybe she's angry for a reason, she's not just 'on her period'. Come on people, there's 3 billion of us women, we are not all robots with identical behaviour patterns you can analyse. Bugger off.
Balls have to be huge to look someone in the eye and tell them they are ugly. Or it could be his brain is a small as his peanuts. Leaning towards the latter in this situation.
I'm certain that it doesn't take courage/huge balls to use that line. You only need a personality disorder and/or some level of mental impairment. The worst part is OP found him somewhat cute instead of seeing him for the repulsive individual he is on the inside. Negging isn't a viable mating strategy (unless you aim for the super low hanging fruit that are happy with any kind of attention, but then a normal line would be just as effective if not more so!) I can't think of a situation where a guy would benefit from a girl thinking she is ugly, it's just plain ignorant.
They benefit the girl feeling grateful somehow or that no one else would like them so they are more willing to be put through abuse and stay. Abuse victims van feel as though the abusive partner is sacrificing and so loving to stay with them because their self esteem is so low and can be made to feel like they deserve what's happening. It's very sad horrifying..