By doodoobref - 31/07/2015 05:38 - United States - Lake Havasu City

Today, my parents sent me to the hospital because they thought I had diabetes. One of the symptoms is that you a pee a lot. The only reason I go to the bathroom so often is so I can masturbate. FML
I agree, your life sucks 19 918
You deserved it 30 111

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Couldn't you have just confessed instead of wasting everybody's time?

On the toilet? Get a new place to jack off.


nah, just probably a lot less, and not so much in the bathroom!

just do it whenever you're taking a dump. That's what I do

Or stay in the hospital if you can't stop because sounds like you do it a lot!

Wait. How many times a day?! Never mind, I don't even wanna know.

For them to think there's actually something wrong, it must be a LOT. You must be very quickly too, since they think you're only peeing in there.

I'll take that bet. Now you owe me money. ^_^

#44 to much of your surprise not all girls want to hear about how much your chicken gets chocked a day.

Couldn't you have just confessed instead of wasting everybody's time?

JustinJK 21

But even after insurance there's still going to be money owed. He just wasted his own time, his parents, and the hospital staff who could have been helping legitimate patients. Plus the money. Bc he was too embarrassed to confess that his Jacks off a lot

i was told i spend too much time in the bathroom luckily i was able to blame it on ifunny

Should've said FML instead of iFunny, you would've been upvoted most likely.

One does not simply admit to jacking off...

mwali02 32

lol. Should have gone to a clinic. Smh.

On the toilet? Get a new place to jack off.

Well, OP probably started to go there after his mum discovered the pile of strangely stiff socks under his bed.

Well if you have strict parents or parents like mine, you would learn that there is barely any privacy no matter where you are except the bathroom

RedPillSucks 31

even that's not enough. my mom would regularly enter the bathroom while I was using it if she needed the sink or the shower

yeah sometimes it's best not to tell. my parents went apeshit when they found out I was doing it.

64, 90, 96: I'm so sorry your parents are so irrational. I have two sons, and I couldn't care less how often they play with themselves.

106 not trying to be rude but that wording sounded a little creepy.. then again there probably isnt a good way to talk about ones children doing that.

111, they are only little now, one is still in diapers. So right now "playing with themselves" is closest to the truth when they knead their respective penises (penii?). Which they have no shame about (yet) and do it whenever they feel like it. But still. Masturbation is natural and part of life. There is no way I'm going to forbid them doing it at any point of their lifes. With the older boy, I tell him to not do it where other people can see, but he still forgets sometimes.

My family have always given privacy, even from a young age. If I have someone over they will always leave me alone, and only try to talk to me after they've left. I have a lock on my bedroom door and can have all the privacy I want. When I'm a parent I won't let my children think their only privacy is in the bathroom.

I think a lot of people have a different definition about "a good parent"...

Sounds like you need to find a new spot for your alone time

You could just take more showers! ;)

Nope. Then they'll think he has OCD. Then he'll have to go to a shrink. On second thought, might not be a bad idea for OP to see a shrink, with his constant whacking.

well, one shower in the morning and one in the evening .Judging by the fact that his or her parents thought he or she was peeing, he or she must be doing it a lot, lol, 2 showers should be sufficient for op .

You should probably be a little more sneaky then, OP.

just tell them you're texting your girlfriend in private. palmela handerson lol

roselysunset 12

Tell them you have a small bladder.

My GF has an unusually rigid bladder, according to doctors. She does need to go frequently.

Because, yeah, that information is super relevant