The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs
Quinnald
·
20 April 2023, 12:00
I know that smell
Today, I had to call the cops at 10:30 at night because of the meth smoke from my neighbor burning my nostrils, with a heavy waft of cigarette covering it up. They never smoke cigarettes, except as a less-than-average way to cover up the drugs that I can pinpoint after being at two different shelters in Denver and Boulder. FML
I agree, your life sucks
830
You deserved it
119
Anonymous
·
20 April 2021, 00:30
· Netherlands
Take what you can get
Today, I got the most action I've had in about 3 years when my dentist pressed her boobs against the top of my head to fill my cavities. I really need to get me a girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks
830
You deserved it
173
Anonymous
·
11 August 2023, 08:00
🌶️ Spicy
Sting operation
Today, my husband cheated on me 8 hours into our marriage with one of the barmaids serving drinks at the party. He claimed he was drunk and thought she was me. Kind of hard to claim that when I clearly heard him moaning her name right before I caught them. FML
I agree, your life sucks
830
You deserved it
108
MoshiBak
·
24 June 2022, 12:00
Technically
Today, our little family business was asked to do a presentation at my daughter's school. When we got there and I saw her, I waved to her happily but she totally blanked me, plus my super strict mom smacked me on the back of the head for embarrassing her by not acting professionally while I was technically working. FML
I agree, your life sucks
830
You deserved it
184
Anonymous
·
25 November 2021, 02:00
Wipe out
Today, I was walking up the stairs with my lunch in hand. I slipped and I dropped my plate, the rice and curry down fell down the stairs, while also spilling the water in my other hand. The wallpaper and carpet stairs are now stained. FML
I agree, your life sucks
830
You deserved it
279
Anonymous
·
1 January 2021, 02:02
· Stamford, United States
Where were you?
Today, I came home from the hospital after six days. Despite having a cat sitter, they managed to shit on the bathroom floor and pee on my bed in protest for being gone too long. FML
I agree, your life sucks
830
You deserved it
135
Anonymous
·
25 February 2023, 04:00
We've all done it
Today, I was in the bathroom at the mall and the toilet paper had ran out. I had to use the socks I'd just bought. FML
I agree, your life sucks
830
You deserved it
228
Anonymous
·
17 June 2023, 03:00
🌶️ Spicy
Bad timing
Today, more than fifteen years of marriage and sex at least once a week has given my otherwise lovely husband the stamina to last a minute and a half. We've cum together less than five times. FML
I agree, your life sucks
830
You deserved it
294
Anonymous
·
25 May 2021, 22:01
· Australia
Bit of both
Today, at the age of 30, I was diagnosed with both sciatica and ADHD. I don't know whether to feel really old, or really young. FML
I agree, your life sucks
830
You deserved it
92
Anonymous
·
10 May 2022, 12:00
Clay
Today, even though I have the flu and can barely stand, I wanted to treat myself to something nice, so I baked cookies. Now guess when was the exact moment my taste buds suddenly stopped working? Yep, right when the cookies were done. FML
I agree, your life sucks
830
You deserved it
201
Anonymous
·
7 August 2022, 04:00
· Australia
Happily married
Today, I read an FML about a garter toss. It made me remember my own garter toss. None of the guys at the wedding wanted to catch it, and visibly cringed at the idea of touching it. Ten years later, it's all been downhill from there. FML
I agree, your life sucks
830
You deserved it
217
Anonymous
·
9 December 2023, 00:00
· United Kingdom
Overzealous milkers
Today, most of my immediate family do nothing but criticise me for not breastfeeding. My mom even threatened to call CPS for child abuse, no matter how many times I explain I physically don’t produce milk, and formula feeding is literally my only option. FML
I agree, your life sucks
830
You deserved it
144
Klutz
·
18 August 2022, 04:00
Fall from grace
Today, I realized that over the past few months, I seem to be getting more and more prone to bumping into things, and tripping over nothing. I'm also apparently more prone to getting injured when this happens. I've always been uncoordinated, but this is getting out of hand. I'm falling apart. FML
I agree, your life sucks
829
You deserved it
121
Kayla
·
18 April 2022, 16:00
Thanks, guys
Today, I’ve been dying my hair an auburn color for years. It looks so natural and get complimented often. Before I can even say thank you, my daughter or partner blurts out, “It's not real” or “It’s fake”. Everyone laughs and it’s a little less awkward, I guess… FML
I agree, your life sucks
829
You deserved it
242
Middle Age Divorced Dad
·
23 January 2024, 05:40
· Stittsville, Canada
High security
Today, it's been two weeks since someone walked into a bank in another province and showing only an RV receipt had 40k wired from my account. I notified them immediately, and was told to call back later. Then I was told it wasn't fraud, it was done in person. I will get the money back but unfortunately that's only the start… FML
I agree, your life sucks
829
You deserved it
184
Middle Age Divorced Dad tells us more.
Anonymous
·
6 February 2022, 15:59
· Verona, United States
Can it
Today, I had to hear yet another round of complaints about relatives or things from decades past from my broken record of a mother, who doesn't respect my need to quietly work from home. I'm about ready to smash my own head against the wall to get some peace and quiet, but I have to get this report done. FML
I agree, your life sucks
829
You deserved it
136
Mom
·
29 March 2024, 09:00
· Maryland Heights, United States
Ambulances ain't cheap
Today, I went into labor, and my husband wasn't answering his phone. I called my sister to ask her to drive me to the hospital but she said she'd only do it if I paid her $1000. I had to dial 911, and almost gave birth in my bathroom in process. FML
I agree, your life sucks
829
You deserved it
130
Sonja
·
22 May 2022, 14:00
· Den Haag, Netherlands
Lonely, so lonely
Today, I would’ve been allowed to return to work after recovering from an accident two months prior. Yesterday, I had to start self-isolating after having gotten infected with Covid at one of my mandatory store trips. FML
I agree, your life sucks
829
You deserved it
106
hannah
·
30 September 2023, 04:00
Pranks should be outlawed
Today, someone held me down and rubbed ChapStick all over my lips. I have a condition which requires medicinal balm, otherwise my lips crack and bleed, and ChapStick makes it worse. I’m still waiting on the balm to arrive. FML
I agree, your life sucks
829
You deserved it
109
Anonymous
·
25 June 2022, 12:00
Crushed
Today, I found out that my crush and best friend dumped her boyfriend, and she has been sexting two of our male friends who are married, with kids, and has started hooking up with a meth head. Guess I'm losing a lot of friends in the future… FML
I agree, your life sucks
829
You deserved it
169
Jay
·
3 March 2022, 06:00
Gas shortages
Today, while leaving a job interview, I ran out of gas on the highway and had to literally shake my vehicle to get off to the side of the road. My car is still sitting in that same spot. I had to walk two hours home and I now have chafing. FML
I agree, your life sucks
829
You deserved it
386
Anonymous
·
3 January 2024, 06:00
· United Kingdom
People just suck
Today, I was so happy to finally get my disabled parking badge but I was not prepared for the abuse from members of the public because I don’t "look disabled." Just this morning a woman refused to believe I have a prosthetic foot, and tried to make me pull up my pant leg to show her. FML
I agree, your life sucks
829
You deserved it
129
Anonymous
·
17 November 2022, 02:00
Timeshare
Today, my ex, who I still live with, invited he’s best friend (a drama starter) and his new love interest over for dinner while I was at work. Now I’m outside, waiting for them both to leave. FML
I agree, your life sucks
829
You deserved it
347
Muddyidiot
·
6 January 2021, 05:01
Good deeds
Today, after I was done testing a group of people for Covid, the universe decided that no, the deed was not good enough. On the way to the bus stop, I slipped and had to ride home covered in mud. FML
I agree, your life sucks
829
You deserved it
144
Anonymous
·
11 June 2022, 16:00
· Germany
Knackered
Today, I'm fit, but so exhausted from work that I hardly managed to even climb the stairs. Yet, as soon as I sit on the couch for longer than half an hour, my butt starts hurting. So I guess it’s either reading a book lying on my stomach, which makes my back hurt, or hanging upside down from the ceiling like a bat. FML
I agree, your life sucks
829
You deserved it
152
Anonymous
·
25 February 2023, 12:00
· Old Perlican, Canada
Medicare for all, now
Today, I was cut off from my government-funded drug program that used to pay half of my medication costs. They said I don't pay enough of a percentage of my wages on medication. I'd be on a higher dosage if I could afford it. I'm still poor and I'm definitely still bipolar. FML
I agree, your life sucks
829
You deserved it
112
Anonymous
·
25 March 2019, 18:00
· Rio Rancho, United States
Insecure
Today, I was trying to be sexy and sent my new boyfriend a nude. Before we started dating, I had hooked up with three of his friends which he was super insecure about. Somehow I accidentally sent it to a group chat which included five different people besides us. All of those friends were in it. FML
I agree, your life sucks
829
You deserved it
4 254
Louis
·
19 April 2017, 21:30
· Saint-jean-de-braye, France
FML's Showdown #5
This week's contest is a mixture of how-to, magic tricks and singing (if you can call it that). Check it out.
I agree, your life sucks
829
You deserved it
220
Anonymous
·
2 August 2021, 06:01
· Ebersbach, Germany
Heatwave
Today, it appears I’m allergic. My stomach inflates like a soccer ball and produces terrible gas, and I really don’t feel so good in general. What am I allergic to? Summertime. Every year. FML
I agree, your life sucks
829
You deserved it
93
Nasty
·
12 October 2023, 22:00
· United States
Grief hits us all differently
Today, I just realized the last time I showered was while my grandma was still alive. My grandma died four months ago. Depression really does a number on you without you noticing. FML
I agree, your life sucks
828
You deserved it
331
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