By Louis - France - Saint-jean-de-braye

FML's Showdown #5

This week's contest is a mixture of how-to, magic tricks and singing (if you can call it that). Check it out.

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Proactive

BO Central

TMI

By Anonymous - United States - Buffalo

Bisexual!

Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's phone titled "People's I've had sex with". There are also dates next to the notes which represented the day he had sex with them. Not only that it was NOT me who is the last person on the list, but I also realized that the last person on the list was my best friend. And he's a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2635

You deserved it

245

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2020 08:08

For the life of him indeed

Today, my significant other decided it’s safe to travel to Brazil for Christmas break, even though they are heavily impacted by Covid. He doesn't understand for the life of him why we should skip this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

955

You deserved it

133

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By Mark - Malta - Naxxar

Today, I was feeling terrible so I called in sick to work. My boss refused to believe me and told me he'd fire me if I didn't come in. I dragged myself to work, only to spend most of the day glued to the toilet. Now he says I won't be paid for the day because I barely did any work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36737

You deserved it

2705

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By Champs - Australia

Today, I downloaded the 'Dark was the Night' compilation made for charity. I have no soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6129

You deserved it

26330

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By caught out - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44590

You deserved it

7376

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out that, while not exactly probable, it is definitely possible to squirt yourself in the eye with breast milk. It burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3122

You deserved it

503

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By ouch - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38266

You deserved it

3781

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By Invisible - Canada

Today, I realized that the only time I've ever been noticed by my classmates is when I brought cake for the potluck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25544

You deserved it

3273

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By Sally - United States

Today, my parents were ecstatic about sending me to an amazingly fun camp. I didn't know until I got there that it was a fat camp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41861

You deserved it

13265

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By Exhausted - Iran Islamic Republic of

Today, I was called an 'inconsiderate scum bucket' by my neighbour because I allowed my loud alarm to go on too long before silencing it. The only reason that I sleep through my alarm is because I have to wear earplugs as they have their TV on maximum volume until 4am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33790

You deserved it

2628

Favorite

By Anonymous - Norway

Today, I was at my local McDonald's having a leak when an extremely intoxicated man stumbled in, pulled down his pants, and started to pee on my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33346

You deserved it

3339

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By hushnow - United States

Today, I had no choice but to shake the hand of a customer, who just moments before, had the aforementioned hand down the front of his pants, scratching his snowglobes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33764

You deserved it

3722

Favorite

By depressednupset - United States

Today, my mother told me to 'quit having a pity party'. I was just diagnosed with depression. I've lost my boyfriend, my job, my academic standing, and I just got rejected from every graduate school I applied for. And my mother thinks I'm a cry baby. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42438

You deserved it

8205

Favorite

By Millar - Australia - Carlton North

Today, I witnessed a postal worker with an important parcel stopping before knocking on my door, shrugging, getting back in his van, and driving away. I couldn't get the door open quickly enough before he left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2803

You deserved it

163

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By Unknown - France

Today, I have blue lips because of a guy whose face I don't even remember didn't know the difference between kissing and sucking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34166

You deserved it

26126

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By meee - United States

Today, I noticed there was a red truck following me. I walked as fast as I could. I then ran. It followed. I slipped on some ice and fell. I was unable to get up. It stopped beside me and the driver got out. I then said hello to my husband's new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16458

You deserved it

23443

Favorite

By Unappreciated Grandchild - United States - Bel Air

Today, I looked over to see my grandfather looking thoughtfully at me. Feeling flattered because he rarely shows affection, I waved at him. He then said, "I was looking out the window" and continued to stare past my head out of the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20788

You deserved it

2114

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, I won the lottery. My ex-girlfriend has the ticket. I just broke up with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54704

You deserved it

28328

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up, showered, and began brushing my teeth. When I started to brush my tongue I gagged, like usual, and threw up a little. What's unusual? I threw up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58160

You deserved it

4565

Favorite

By picaru - United States

Today, is the first day of my honeymoon. It has been 6 years since I took a "real" vacation. We have 3 kids and a small house, and now we have 9 days alone in random hotels to do what couples do on their honeymoon without kids... Day one, I got my period 7 days early. FML

I agree, your life sucks

84257

You deserved it

5281

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By lamesauce - Canada

Today, I went on a coffee date with a guy I'm interested in. He picked up his phone mid-date to finalize dinner plans with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42725

You deserved it

3038

Favorite

By Reliena - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were in the shower, we began to get a bit frisky. That was until I lifted my arms and he immediately made one of his "Chewbacca Calls." He was referring to my armpits that I had forgotten to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17493

You deserved it

29116

Favorite

By mayhemily - Canada - Aurora

Today, I passed out in my kitchen and was woken up by my dog. Not because she was worried about me, but because my body was blocking her food dish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22401

You deserved it

2955

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By MamaMia

Today, I realized it isn’t my 5-month-old son who has the issue sleeping without me, it is I who cannot sleep without him. This is his first night in his crib and I can’t fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2562

You deserved it

607

Favorite

By cowgurl91 - France

Today, I found out that my boyfriend was going to propose to me about three months ago. I was completely surprised and asked why he didn't. At that time, I had told him to stop looking at me like that and go buy me some damn tacos. I was 2 months pregnant then. Now he wants to wait a couple of years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13211

You deserved it

42241

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, I was walking through town with my hood up and noticed people giving me funny looks. It wasn't until I got home that I realised the umbrella I was holding over my head had been closed the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41183

You deserved it

16780

Favorite

By ihatemyjob - Canada

Today, at work, an elderly lady came up to the cash register with a flyer in her hand, and asked if we had a certain item. I told her we did not have any left, and we would be getting more next week and if she wanted, I could give her a rain check. She hit me in the face with her purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32071

You deserved it

2765

Favorite

By embarassed - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30407

You deserved it

6786

Favorite

By GracieGirl

When feral kids attack

Today, while waiting for my name to be called at the doctor's office, a little boy threw a Dixie cup full of water at me, making it look like I wet my pants. His mom just laughed and dragged him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1529

You deserved it

100

Favorite

By sandysmith - United States

Today, my boyfriend was at my house to hang out. When he was leaving I thought it would be cute to run and jump on him to say goodbye. He fell and hit his head. He is now in the hospital with a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16572

You deserved it

33934

Favorite

By savanna(: - United States

Today, a police officer gave me a ticket for smoking. He told me that my parents would have to be contacted to come pick me up. My drunk dad came to the rescue, and almost hit the police car. Way to go dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28028

You deserved it

17809

Favorite

By BlazefireSaber - United States - Norfolk

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with a broken finger, all because I beat my little brother in a Wii game. He ran over and twisted my finger, saying, "Now how are you going to beat me, cunt?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

32390

You deserved it

2966

Favorite

By Neglected - United States - Wimberley

Today, I told my husband it would be great to spend an evening with a bottle of wine and a pile of blankets on the balcony of our cabin during the cruise. He decided it would be great to ditch me and go out gambling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50013

You deserved it

6219

Favorite

By love_letter - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a over a year broke up with me. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't written him a long letter about how much I love him, and that I'm so glad we're together and so glad that he promised he would always be there. He'll be getting it in a few days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33681

You deserved it

3795

Favorite

By icandothecancan - United States - Duncan

Today, while in the yard, my 18-month-old son decided to take off running into the road, where a car was driving. I rushed after him, only for one of my dress straps to suddenly break without warning. It must have looked like I was trying to flag down the driver with my flailing tit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46520

You deserved it

6108

Favorite

By I Hate My Brother - United Kingdom - Colchester

Brotherly love

Today, I'm in hospital because of my brother. He followed me and my boyfriend around a fair yesterday dressed as a gorilla, and whenever we showed some sort of affection towards one another, he rugby tackled me. The final tackle caused me to break my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1844

You deserved it

172

Favorite

By Justus Buhler

Today, my girlfriend told me that she had to go to New Hampshire for a few days for her grandma's funeral. Later I found out she spent over $1,000 dollars (on our joint account) to take a vacation with the man she was cheating on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9326

You deserved it

696

Favorite

By [email protected] - Canada

Today, I forgot my work clothes at home so my boss gave me a jacket with a name patch that said "Mike". Still wearing my work clothes I ran into my ex-girlfriend on my way home. We were together for five years until she dumped me for a guy name Mike. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45095

You deserved it

4339

Favorite

By areyoukiddingme - United States - Marion

Today, my roommate blocked my phone number and won't speak to me. All because I mistakenly used her hand soap, thinking it was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23958

You deserved it

2161

Favorite

By StupidApple

Today, I found out that whenever I send my son to his room, he goes on his iPod and buys the most expensive apps he can find. So far I've been charged $600. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24794

You deserved it

53130

Favorite

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Top comments

By NikkiNemo | 13

#7442359 - Friday 21 April 2017 15:54

dylan

By Kelly Ann Mccutchen_184581494 | 6

#7442398 - Friday 21 April 2017 17:49

dylan

COMMENTS

By NikkiNemo | 13

#7442359 - Friday 21 April 2017 15:54

dylan

By Kelly Ann Mccutchen_184581494 | 6

#7442398 - Friday 21 April 2017 17:49

dylan