Videos: FML's Showdown #5

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 103

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 706

You deserved it 113

FML's Showdown #5

By Louis - 19/04/2017 21:30

This week's contest is a mixture of how-to, magic tricks and singing (if you can call it that). Check it out.

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 214

Videos

Broken heart

Weird reason to leave, but OK

That's awkward

06/07/2012 10:42

Today, I was the maid of honor at my sister's wedding. I was the first one to walk down the aisle, where I managed to trip over a wire, shutting off the music and falling on my face. My family cheered and took pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 490

You deserved it 3 511

29/01/2011 08:09

Today, my cat died while walking around the kitchen. He had a heart attack when the toaster popped out two slices of bread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 394

You deserved it 4 464

13/04/2011 22:57

Today, I ran a red light in front of a cop and got pulled over. My friend thought it would be funny to throw a knife in my lap and scream "Help me officer, he has a knife!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 687

You deserved it 7 626

14/10/2018 22:00

Today, I arrived at the house we rented for my sister's engagement party. I was also told that I have to sleep in the most cramped bedroom with my uncle who sounds like a mortally wounded warthog when he snores. I paid for the rental. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 940

You deserved it 278

24/11/2014 19:21

Today, I realized that customers at my work ask me "Are you new or just stupid?" just as often as they did when I first started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 205

You deserved it 8 095

Monday Morning Blues

By Anonymous - 01/07/2019 14:00

Today, after a rough night, my husband's alarms started going off at 5 a.m. All 4 of them. Old town road, the Skyrim theme, that lady yelling, "I got shit to do today" and bagpipes. I'm awake. He's not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 906

You deserved it 134

02/07/2011 21:50

Today, while on student exchange in Germany, I was making myself a cup of coffee. When I rummaged around in the fridge, my room-mates asked me what I was looking for. I said I wanted to put "samen" in my coffee. They laughed. Ah yes, "sahne" means "cream". "Samen" means "sperm". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 671

You deserved it 12 016

One law for me…

By P057M4N - 01/10/2020 04:02

Today, my co-worker called out for the sixth time in 2 weeks with no reason, while my manager was out until noon. It was just the three of us in my department. He’s had 0 repercussions and has been doing this for months. They threatened to fire me for taking 5 minutes in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 264

You deserved it 65

18/10/2013 22:12

Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 971

You deserved it 3 487

04/10/2009 09:42

Today, after weeks of therapy for severe depression, my therapist thought it would be helpful to confess my deepest problems to my friends, to prove that it was alright to trust people. I did. They laughed. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 453

You deserved it 3 989

23/10/2013 04:43

Today, I had an anxiety attack when I learned that my favorite book series is coming to the end. I had to leave the store and sit in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 113

You deserved it 9 029

09/06/2019 12:41

Today, I tripped over a kid at work. She was sitting on the floor with her legs sticking out into the walkway. Her mom caused a scene, accusing me of doing it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 734

You deserved it 91

17/09/2015 19:48

Today, my son had a secret party. At first I was mad, then I had a complete and total Incredible Hulk meltdown when I realized that he had opened a bottle of very expensive whisky, originally bottled by my great great grandfather in Scotland, and used it as a mixer with fucking Pepsi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 882

You deserved it 2 644

12/03/2011 23:18

Today, I was fired from the trucking company I work for, due to numerous complaints about my reckless driving. I don't even do driving work there, but my ex keeps calling in to report me, and my boss wanted the calls to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 733

You deserved it 3 355

God is Dead 6: Electric Boogaloo

By Anonymous - 02/08/2021 21:01

Today, I finally mustered up the courage to tell my overly-religious parents that I'm an agnostic. They asked me why. As soon as I gave my reasons, my mom called me a "bigot" and hurled a bible at me, and it nailed me in the crotch. She then said, "That's what you get, non-believer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 112

08/11/2009 17:09

Today, I was playing ball with my student during recess. My first attempt at throwing the ball hit him in the head. My second attempt hit him in the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 131

You deserved it 8 016

Hi uncle, I'm dad

By Anonymous - 01/03/2021 00:30

Today, I found out I'm an uncle. Normally this would be great news, except I have spent the last 8 years thinking I was her father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 831

You deserved it 55

01/10/2009 01:22

Today, I realized that 6 months ago I signed up for a 3 day trial for a porn website that turns into a $30 membership after 3 days. I completely forgot the day after and never viewed it. I've spent $180 so far. And I can't remember my password. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 354

You deserved it 66 122

28/06/2009 17:42

Today, I finally cracked the password on my husband's email account. I don't know which is worse: finding out your husband is cheating on you with several people, or finding his password includes his ex-girlfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 078

You deserved it 24 340

I'm parked here!

By Anonymous - 13/10/2021 17:00

Today, they've been building a house next door. I went to wash and wax my car, and I was back home for only 10 minutes before a Bobcat digger backed into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 45

05/09/2010 19:20

Today, I bleached my hair for the new school year. Instead of blonde, it came out orange, making my hair resemble a bloated pumpkin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 605

You deserved it 32 423

05/07/2009 06:30

Today, I met my biological mother for the first time. I also found out from her husband that she has her nipples and nether regions pierced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 936

You deserved it 3 776

04/09/2010 03:43

Today, I got my wisdom teeth taken out. The two male doctors told me they'd give me anesthesia, but when they did, I could still hear them. I heard them talking about my breasts and how flat they were for a 17 year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 144

You deserved it 3 446

Menace II Society

By can’t buy her love - 22/03/2021 18:01

Today, my teenage stepdaughter wrecked her third car texting and driving. I’ve pleaded with my husband to stop buying her new ones and to revoke her driving privileges. He’s so desperate for her to love him that he’ll give her literally anything. I’m scared she’s going to get someone killed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 432

You deserved it 132

03/05/2019 03:00

Today, at a cheap restaurant, my dad asked me if I wanted a straw. I declined, saying I wanted to do my bit for the environment and not waste plastic when I'm fine without. He grabbed three and dropped them on the sticky table, "just in case." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 607

You deserved it 482

17/03/2010 07:05

Today, my boyfriend of more than two years told me in front of all of our friends that he'd trade me for some Playstation 3 games. I laughed it off because I thought he was kidding. He made it clear that he was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 600

You deserved it 5 112

06/10/2012 07:12

Today, I have such bad diarrhea that every time I sneeze I poop. I've discovered it's very hard to run to the bathroom every time I feel the urge to sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 184

You deserved it 1 768

20/09/2011 07:45

Today, I realized my tampon goes deeper than my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 305

You deserved it 6 801

Awkward

By Anonymous - 07/12/2020 14:02

Today, I was ghosted by my next door neighbor, who I've been seeing/hooking up with for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 266

12/02/2014 17:57

Today, I ran out of toilet paper. I yelled from the bathroom for my parents to bring me some toilet paper. My dad slipped one tiny piece of toilet paper under the door and boomed, "THE FINAL TEST." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 348

You deserved it 5 664

04/11/2017 04:00

Today, I got called into the principal's office of my son's school. Why? He'd called his teacher a "fudge packer". No more weekends with his uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 224

You deserved it 340

10/07/2016 23:04

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me over something that happened 5 years ago. We've only been together for 2 years as of this July. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 653

You deserved it 1 032

Phoney sex

By Anonymous - 09/03/2020 08:00

Today, after having some great, intimate phone sex with my boyfriend, he immediately said, "Well, gotta go," and hung up. Thanks for making me feel like some sort of phone-hooker, dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 944

You deserved it 499

11/09/2014 03:57

Today, at work, a midget came in to buy beer. Not only was he almost as tall as me, he got offended when I had to card him and explain that the manager told me to card everyone, and that it wasn't because he was short. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 326

You deserved it 3 257

03/09/2011 02:47

Today, my school is having their homecoming, and it seems everyone but me has someone to go with. My best friend has her boyfriend, my brother has a date, and I have my hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 318

You deserved it 6 855

11/12/2010 07:41

Today, while standing in line at a local Mexican fast food place, I was feeling generous and let a little kid behind me go in front. Turns out he had a list, and was ordering food for his whole family. I had to wait 30 minutes to get my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 975

You deserved it 13 500

29/12/2013 22:58

Today, my boyfriend told me that we need to talk. I think he dumped me, but I'm not sure, because he muttered it in Russian and quickly left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 390

You deserved it 3 641

Easy

By FootinMouth - 18/07/2013 21:48

Today, my girlfriend said she wanted to get a little crazy and try some role-play. "Act like you don't want it," she said. Without thinking, I replied, "Well, that should be easy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 428

You deserved it 54 506

Bourbon voyage

By SirSteamLocomotive - 24/08/2021 22:00

Today, I'd been saving for months to go on a whiskey tour of Kentucky. Eight distilleries. My wife signed up for an online university. The tuition is covered. But, do you know what isn't covered? The books. The laptop. Getting internet for the house. Goodbye whiskey; hello university. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 856

23/04/2012 22:41

Today, I went grocery shopping. As I was leaning in to pick up some produce, someone viciously slapped me on the butt. I whirled around and nobody was anywhere in sight. Now I'm starting to worry that I'm losing my mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 173

You deserved it 2 878

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

NikkiNemo 13

Send a private message

Friday 21 April 2017 15:54

dylan

Kelly Ann Mccutchen_184581494 6

Send a private message

Friday 21 April 2017 17:49

dylan

Comments

NikkiNemo 13

Send a private message

Friday 21 April 2017 15:54

dylan

Kelly Ann Mccutchen_184581494 6

Send a private message

Friday 21 April 2017 17:49

dylan