The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

Heatwave

By Anonymous - 02/08/2021 06:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, it appears I’m allergic. My stomach inflates like a soccer ball and produces terrible gas, and I really don’t feel so good in general. What am I allergic to? Summertime. Every year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 93

Good night, sleep tight

By jjkk - 23/01/2021 05:02

Today, I have been trying to stop sleeping during the day, so I decided to clean my room to keep myself awake. Four hours later, I woke up on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 144

Academia ain't for everyone

By Spoopy Flame III - 18/11/2020 17:02

Today, after dropping a class for the first time ever in college in order to focus on raising my grades, I failed the test that I dropped another course to study for. By not finishing on time. After 3 days of studying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 357

Actually…

By Anonymous - 11/12/2020 05:02

Today, I’ve been single for 6 and a half years. It was fun for a while, but now it’s just sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 175

Burn baby burn

By Anonymous - 31/07/2022 06:00

Today, I was on the road, driving home. Before I'd headed out, I'd scored six amazing large house plants for free. My kids picked them up for me, and delivered them to my dining room. My husband put them out on the patio for me, in the sun, and burned them. Bye bye $100+ in free plants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 210

Feed me!

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 08:01 - Luxembourg - Luxembourg

Today, my Visa card randomly stopped working. I have no other way of getting money or paying for anything. I was going to buy next week's food tomorrow, but I guess I'll just starve instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 192

Toxic masculinity

By Anonymous - 13/01/2021 09:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, it was one of those rare occasions I wore shorts. The first thing my male cousin said was, "Why so sexy?” Misogyny is why I don’t wear shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 729

Losers weepers

By WheresMyPhone - 25/07/2023 00:02

Today, it's been 8 days since I left Indiana for Texas. It also marks the eighth day since my mother happily "saved me a ton of money" by sending my forgotten phone on its way via USPS ground instead of overnight. My phone is now marked stuck in transit and no postal worker knows where it is. You get what you pay for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 228

Misunderstood

By lildale92 - 03/06/2021 10:01 - United States - Elmhurst

Today, I was trying to explain to my mother-in-law how I hated the way my father-in-law talks to me, the tone he uses. She thought I was attacking him and got mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 272

First day

By AnotherCrazyCatLady - 20/11/2021 14:03 - Australia

Today, I joined my local fire department. While there, I struggled to open a door. Thinking it was locked, someone saw me and opened it. No it wasn't locked. I just didn't push it hard enough. Great first impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 248

Cravings

By Anonymous - 01/03/2022 10:00 - United States

Today, I went in to get a sub sandwich. I asked the guy behind the counter if he could please put extra pickles on it. He looked at my stomach, and then put a huge handful of them on. I'm not pregnant, just fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 270

Haircut, haiiiiiirccuuuuuut

By Shrek - 16/03/2021 20:01

Today, after we went and spent $30 to get our two youngest boys hair cut last weekend, they snuck my beard trimmer and had a go at doing it themselves. Guess whose heads are buzzed now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 187

Little bundles of joy

By SD. - 15/05/2021 16:06 - United States - Essex Junction

Today, I woke up to my lovely 16-month old with her diaper on. When I stood up to retrieve and toss it, I also realized she'd pooped into her hand and thrown a log onto the middle of the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 182

Tidy

By Jill - 23/01/2023 13:30

Today, my boyfriend taught my son to do his chores. Not real chores, but "Runescape chores" on my boyfriend's account. My son won't pick up his toys or put his shoes away, but he'll jump on the computer to grow plants or cut trees or some other stupid shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 230

Once more with feeling

By Anonymous - 01/12/2021 07:59

Today, the pain in my ribs was so bad I thought it’d be a good idea to stick the 24-hour heat patch on my skin to get the best out of the heat. When I removed it, it tore a bunch of my skin off. And I still have rib pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 301

Ambulances ain't cheap

By Mom - 29/03/2024 03:00 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, I went into labor, and my husband wasn't answering his phone. I called my sister to ask her to drive me to the hospital but she said she'd only do it if I paid her $1000. I had to dial 911, and almost gave birth in my bathroom in process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 129

I can't quit you

By Damngurl - 28/02/2021 03:01 - United States - Kula

Today, I scripted-planned and went to quit my job. Instead, I somehow ended up an emotional crying mess during the conversation with my manager - who recommended I get counseling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 942

I loved that little guy!

By Anonymous - 22/04/2022 02:00

Today, I thought my coworker had confided to me that a close friend had died too soon, but it turns out she'd just ruined an expensive pan. We talked for 10 minutes and she cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 113

Adding insult to almost injury

By Anonymous - 30/07/2023 10:00

Today, the director of my university decided to cancel all my attendance until now, as I was unable to attend the inauguration program in my university. I was unable to attend the program because the area I had to travel to was flooded and one of the trains I was supposed to travel on caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 114

Does not spark joy

By Anonymous - 01/12/2022 04:00 - Germany

Today, my neighbor respects that I keep a clean house, with no street shoes allowed inside. I bet that’s why he came in wearing felt slippers. Unfortunately, they were same ones he'd walked across the wet, dirty yard in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 127

Bulk buying

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 20:00 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I picked up my online grocery order. The clerk asked about the party, because he assumed I was having one because of all the ice cream I'd ordered. I'm bulimic and everything was for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 422

Not likely in 2020

By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 20:02 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I’m stuck not being able to sleep, because the thought of someone actually caring about me occurred. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 201

Breaking news

By I am really sorry! - 17/03/2024 21:00 - Philippines - Makati City

Today, on my second day at work. A fellow trainee broke a cardinal rule: no phones in class. When it went off after receiving a text message, our trainer snatched it, handed it to me, and ordered me to read it aloud in front of everyone, "OR ELSE!" Despite my protests, I had to. It read: "Call home ASAP, mom is dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 105

Barbarian rolls a 1 for Charisma

By fishyrael - 26/01/2021 23:01

Today, my best friend of a decade ended our friendship, all because I wouldn't kick someone from our Dungeons and Dragons table that he disliked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 143

Booze don't cure the blues

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 07:58 - United States - Edison

Today, it was my birthday, and even the person who seemed excited about me finally turning 21 and can legally drink forgot. Guess who got drunk alone tonight? This guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 180

GOT FML

By so not funny! - 28/06/2022 05:00 - United States

Today, my husband and I, as well as our two oldest kids, have dark hair. Our youngest came out with very blonde hair, like my older brother's. My husband insists on calling the baby our little “golden-haired Lannister”, no matter how many times I’ve asked him to stop. He thinks it’s hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 193

Looking for a job?

By Anonymous - 21/06/2021 19:31 - India - Bangalore

Today, the guy we'd offered to hire, who had a 2-month notice period, emailed to say he couldn't come after all, because his employer offered to retain him. In this two-month timeframe, we didn't interview anybody else and now we're in deep shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 518

Sigma grind mindset

By Anonymous - 03/11/2022 02:00

Today, my boss, mentor, and gaming buddy, has officially quit. Turns out even he doesn't get paid enough to deal with this bullshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 101

More haste, less speed

By Mom. - 07/03/2022 22:00

Today, I was rushing to get my 4 month-old daughter out of the car because I had diarrhea and need to get to a toilet ASAP. In the process of leaning in the backseat to grab her car seat, I smacked my head on the door hard and almost knocked myself out. Now I have a giant knot on my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 119

Seize the day

By Anonymous - 16/01/2021 21:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I asked my boyfriend what would happen if I didn’t get into the same school as him. He replied, "Then we’ll just break up." We broke up. I still don’t know what school I’m going to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 160

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The Top

Today, my family and friends decided to throw a surprise party for my 16th birthday. I was so surprised that the shortness of breath triggered a serious asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 884

You deserved it 3 860

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex in his car. He got out of the car and moved to the passenger seat with me. As he shut the door, it slammed against my fingers, breaking one of them. He then asked if we could still have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 532

You deserved it 7 261

Today, after 20 loving years together, my husband had a “change of heart” and decided to leave me for his 26 year-old employee. He’s 64. I can’t get him fired because he’s the owner of the company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 183

Today, my friend told me how he had to block another girl that he knew because she was trying too hard to get in his pants again, and it was starting to annoy him. I wish I could sympathize but I haven’t physically touched a girl in two years, and every girl I’ve tried to talk to has ghosted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 173

Today, while my best friend's dad was dying, I raced to get her brother who I had never met. I had no idea how to make him feel better so I gave him a plastic glow-in-the-dark duck. I gave a grown man a trinket to try to make him feel better about his father dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 161

Today, I got married and my mom refused to be there because my dad, whose guts she hates, was there even though I promised repeatedly that I would keep them apart. I couldn't do the mother-son dance. She keeps insisting that it was a "lapse in judgment." Yeah, like we're really going to be able to have a do-over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 76